TTC after miscarriage - lucky thread number 3

[Brenna24]

Still hopeing for 3x3 BFPs for this month. Hopefully thread 3 will do that.

Hope everyone is ok. Lucky and Jo how are you getting on?

Thank you Brenda. I really do wish you well. Hope April is your month.

Thanks for asking Cheeky. No changes just cramps. I did a digital and it was 2-3 but should be 3+ today or tomorrow. Next bloods tomorrow so should get some results soon.

It is a very good point. Stressing about things will only make you miserable and posssibly ill and make things less likely to happen. Plus you won't enjoy life while on the journey to get there. Easier said than done sometimes though.

I was just about to post and I read your post Mrs. That is true. However I still feel like I'm having a bad day. My cousin is getting married this weekend coming and it's going to be 3 weeks since my uncle passed away quite suddenly. I remember thinking a few months ago I'll be 6 months pregnant and won't fit into my original outfit and I had bought another outfit for the occasion. I was so looking forward to seeing extended family and showing off my bump even. I haven't seen some of them since just before my wedding 5 years ago. They all heard I was ill with a pancreatic tumour etc and I was looking forward to seeing them when I was looking well and with exciting news. All that is over now. No baby, no exciting news and no uncle. It'll just be a formality now. To top it all, 2 of my cousins (both sisters) who are pregnant (one due in June and the other later in the year) will be there and it'll just hit home again. They are quite the fussy kind and will be all over each other. It's just going to get up my nose. I'm really happy for them and I usually get along with them so well but my own circumstances are making me feel like this. I sound selfish but I'm really not.

I hear you cheeky. My mil thought it nesassary to remind me that her niece and husband had a hard time conceiving their daughter due to her having an issue with her vaginal muscles and that they deserve everyone to be really happy for them. All I'd said was 'isn't the baby beautiful?' And asked if her nieces was healing well. I'd declined an invite to her baby shower a few weeks ago because I didn't feel up to it (plus, I don't know her all that we'll and my sils weren't going either) but I'm still very happy for her and didn't need to be told I needed to be happy for her. I don't think I is unreasonable of me to find all of the new babies arriving hard, but I'm doing a bloody good job of hiding it and smiling and saying all of the right things. I cry when I'm alone - not even my husband sees. I'm really struggling after this month's chemical. AF is well and truly on her way and my positivity has gone (hello mood swings!). I hope you manage to get through the wedding ok. Is it a big affair? X

Cheeky thanks for asking - I'm getting back into the swing of TTC again, been out for a run, read a good book and ready to face the world again tomorrow after a quiet weekend. I'm lucky not to have had any major social plans this weekend though as I wouldn't have been up to it. I can empathise with going to a family occasion in a different state from you had planned, hope you will get the moment of sharing happy news in a similar way to how you imagined it though. I'm hoping it'll be all the more special when it works out for me.

Mrs Unsure that sounds like a helpful thought to carry. I think for me, I need to accept I have a mind that likes to plan, organise and achieve and that I will keep having thoughts like that, but helpful to balance that with embracing the moment and living life too.

Loki sounds like your MIL was insensitive. I find other people IRL having babies hard too, and it's inevitable that'll happen and most of the time I can be happy for them too (but it still hurts). I often find myself thinking people are insensitive, but then if I don't really share what I'm thinking and feeling with them they may not be able to be - maybe your MIL doesn't really get it? Are you close?

I think now is the time to put your feelings first. I can't cope with pregnant people, hearing about pregnancy (with the exception of this thread) or babies at the moment. I've had a few close family challenge me about it and I just tell them the truth, I can't hear it just now. In the same way you wouldn't make someone who just had a physical illness go out and say climb a hill. I mentally can't cope with pregnancies/ babies at the moment. I will sort my head out in my own time but not on someone else's say so. For the first time in my life I'm being very assertive about it.

mrs I like that quote.

My ovia app is lieing saying that it's my fertile window but I'm not as no signs and getting negative opk. Not sure how it's worked this out! I'm meant to be smeping my DH but can't be bothered, I'm exhausted. Got my Jammies on, eating Easter egg and ogling guy martin

Thanks for the support ladies. Loki - I don't get why it's difficult for people to be a little sensitive. It's made me
more aware of my own actions aswell and I hope I've never offended /upset anyone.

The wedding is a big one. Really can't be arsed. Just have to get through it. I'm really dreading the next few months until the due date. I think I'll feel better in a way once it's passed. My cousin due in June and my best friend first week of July and other close friend last week of July. I was July 19th. It just hurts so much. Sounds silly because it's just a date. I think I've been coping reasonably well but I've had my uncles death as a distraction. I think it's going to start to hit me again now. Just coming out of the fertile window and my emotions feel all over the place.

Can anyone recommend any supplements eg primrose oil etc for be fluctuating hormones?

Lucky what book did you read? Anything lighthearted? I have wed- Friday off work and need to do something for myself.

Paco- this mobile app is so weird your message just came
Up now. After I replied initially. You sound so brave. I think my inner confidence has been shaken as well. I don't feel brave enough but I wish I could tell people where to stick it- not just in this particular area of my life but in other areas too

My mil has never lost a baby. She doesn't get it at all. To her, it is very sad but it's over now so move past it. My mum has been similar to be honest. Again, she hasn't been through it. My mum was an amazing support when it was all happening, but it's obvious that she thinks miscarriages happen and next time it will be fine. To be honest, 6 months ago I was the same. Id never have believed it could be this way. I know my mil doesn't mean to be insensitive, but she thinks I'm being dramatic. I don't say anything at all to them about how I'm feeling. However, I did well up when my sil announced that she had booked her wedding for my baby's due date. I hid it as best I could but mil noticed (no one else did) but she never asked if I was OK. Just pulled cats bum face. My life is never going to be the same even if I get pregnant again. I pretend I'm fine and then I sit with my teddy bear that contains my scan photos and positive tests and I sob into it. I think I need to start being a bit more selfish.

That totally resonates Loki. Your sil could've chosen a different date. What a coincidence. My mil was actually more understanding about the mc than she was about the cancer diagnosis - part of me can't help wondering if it's because it involves her grandchild. She was much better behaved than I expected. My own mum has suffered from 4 miscarriages so totally gets it. I still find it hard to talk to her though. It's such a weird experience - people just either don't acknowledge it, or they do but they forget very quickly afterwards. As if by magic you are meant to be over it once your through the physical side.

The physical side is the easier bit in some ways. It's the mental side that kicks you in the chops at some point everyday. I'm trying to look after myself the best I can. It's the first time in my life ive ever put myself and my feelings first. But just doing whatever it is I need to do to get myself through this.

I've just told my dh that he needs to back off a bit. He keeps saying things like 'you are not the only person to have miscarried' and telling me I have to be positive. He wouldn't say that to someone who had been bereaved in the usual way. I feel better for saying it and he actually apologised. Thanks, Paco - your post gave me the kick I needed to say what I feel

Well done loki. Me and my DH had a similar chat last week. I had been crying. He was frustrated as all he wants is to fix things for me and unfortunately he was saying things like that too. He confessed that he didn't know what to say to me to make feel better. I just had to tell him straight that all I want and need for him to do is be there for me. I don't need him to fix me, he can't only I can do what I need to do to feel better.

Ugh Cheeky and Loki I sympathise with both of you. It is really hard.

Well done Loki. My DH doesn't really get it, but is at least supportive about the fact that I feel differently about it to him. My Mum has no idea as she hasn't had one and just thinks I should move on and doesn't want to speak about it.

I hope that the other ladies are sensitive to you at the wedding Cheeky. There were two people pregnant and due jsut before me, my SIL and a friend. Both of them have now had their babies and despite neither having miscarried both have been so nice to me, checking I am ok and saying that it must be so hard for me but that I am doing really well. It makes a HUGE difference just having it acknowledged that it is hard and that I am trying. It makes it easier for me too. I really hope they do the same for you. If not they are clearly not empathetic people and I am proud of you for keeing your chin up and carrying on.

My SIL is due same time I was. She hasn't acknowledged my mc or spoken to me at all since it happened. I'd have an easier time accepting things if she had. And I'm the one who gets grief because she might not know what to say to me, eh ok then!

Paco - that is absolutely terrible. I don't know how people can be so heartless honestly. My sil didn't acknowledge my miscarriage either and given that I was in hospital for sepsis when it happened I was absolutely disgusted. I was in Hosp for a week. She had a child after 19 years of marriage and always claimed she didn't want children but then went for it at the age of 40. I don't really believe her, I think she did have issues conceiving. To top it all, when DH said to her you haven't even mentioned it she said she wasn't going to apologise for it and had a big go at him for a whole load of other stuff. How pathetic. I'm in my 20's and she is in her 40's. I've lost all respect for her.

I think my ils want to sweep it under the carpet too. If I hear 'everything happens for a reason' again I might punch someone. The thing is, I don't talk much about it because of how they all react. But I want to. I don't want it to be a secret that is ignored. Talking helps me process. But if I say one tiny thing they all go on the defensive. Like me commenting about the cousins baby being beautiful. She is beautiful - I wasn't going to say anything about myself at all but I get told to remember what they have been through and be happy. I'm 32 years old ffs. My dh has complained about the fact that I'm on here so much and suggested that it isn't helping me to move on. In reality, this forum is the only thing keeping me sane because you all understand. I started spotting last night and I'm trying to work up the courage to get up and face the fact that af has started. That will confirm my chemical.

Hi all, sorry so many of you are having a hard time at the min but I totally get where you're all coming from with not being understood by family members. My il's haven't said anything to me, they know what happened and to be honest I'm avoiding them because I don't want to talk to them about it either. I've seen them once since it happened and that was on dd's bday this month.
One of my friends contacted me a few days ago after she heard what happened and we've been talking a lot. She had an mc in 2014 but has gone on to have a gorgeous little boy and he really is the sweetest little baby ever. My other pregnant friends came to see me too on Sunday, I told you all she had an mc in November. She's gone absolutely crackers, honestly I'm not kidding. She said after her mc she went into a massive depression and this week is the first time she's actually left her flat and come to her mums and to mine.

We aren't the only ones to have had an mc or more than one but that isn't any comfort to us, we are still alone when we go through it and after too. This forum and all you lovely ladies here show how strong we all are and that there is some support for us. It's easier to come on here and vent than to vent at family as they really don't understand.

So Im 12dpo now and no sign of af yet. Cramps were quite bad yesterday, it was all in my left side and around to my back but they've gone off this morning. It felt like af was going to come then but didn't! My temps are still up today as well and have risen rather than dropped, been feeling mega hot and still exhausted.

to everybody. It really is difficult.

This month I'm not having a 2WW, I'm having a 2Wmeltdown at the fear of being pregnant again and having something go wrong again. If this isn't my month I think I need a month off so there is no chance whatsoever of getting pregnant and therefore a month where I don't fret and feel anxious.

Spotting again from 4 days before AF is due & some cramps and backache yesterday. The worst PMT for the last few days, DP's very existence is capable of sending me in to a rage at the moment and being out cycling in the wind yesterday made me cry in anger at the weather. I am a mess! Never used to suffer from PMT this badly before MC. I'd just like my body back and some semblance of normality instead of being a hormonal hulk

I'm sorry that so many are having a rough time

My bloods from Thursday and back and high levels so just need to wait until tomorrow for today's results. How do you keep busy for 24hrs?!

Hi All,
Not been on here for a while, hope all doing well.
It is very hard listening to everyone talking about pregnancies and babies - I'm surrounded by it. I had an mc in August and totally expected I'd be pregnant now...passed the due month in March which felt a little tough. I'm 37 so feeling the time pressure too.
I did struggle this weekend, we were visiting my DH family up north, he's not mega close to his brother but we went out with him and his younger (25) gf...she got drunk and told me how she had an abortion in July last year and how she'd found March tough as its when it would have been due...I just had to shut my ears and not think about my situation (she doesn't know about my mc)
I know my DH dad would love grandchildren - made me sad to think how he could have 2 now but hasn't got any.

Good luck amy and all
lots of love

x