Fabulous forty + ttc and having success!

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Old thread just about finished. Here is a new one... Fx for lots of well earned BFPs for those ttc over forty. We also welcome stories from those who have successfully had their babies over forty and we love hearing back from our graduates.

Hello all. Apologies for the serial absenteeism. Had a tough few weeks. I recovered quickly from the D&C (or SMM, or whatever it's called these days) and I'm now awaiting tests for recurrent miscarriage as I've now had 3 since Feb. Its 4 weeks today & still waiting for my first AF since the miscarriage. Hoping it arrives soon so we can get back to it. It's been tough to stay focused though. Last week the police returned my little boy's clothes & bedding that they took away for forensics the night he died. I can't bring myself to look at them at the moment. Bad times. Anyway, that's my rubbish. Sorry to whinge.

Kkmuppet I'm really hoping for some good news for you. I'm all too aware of the impact of grief on a relationship. It's too easy to fall apart. DH & I are very tight, but in the months after our son died, we grieved so differently. Even though we knew that we would, it still came as a shock to feel the anger and resentment that we did towards each other. It's 8 months since our loss, and things are better again now. I have to say, though, he never said anything as cruel as your OH. When my son died I wanted to die too, and I had this notion in my head that I should, to free up my DH to find someone younger and start over. When I told him, he gave me such a telling off for thinking him so shallow and self-serving. He made it very clear that he wants me, and our boys' little sibling. I'm truly appalled by your OHs behaviour. Seriously, he either needs grief counselling or a wake-up call. I'm so so sorry you've had to tolerate this, on top of your own grief and anxiety over ttc.

Bloopbleep Agnus castis buggered my cycle up completely. I NEVER spot, but on that I was spotting from about 8dpo. Of course I got all excited & thought 'yay - implantation!!!' but no. Just buggered

Bondy41 congrats on the amazing weight loss! That's fantastic! I'm sure you'll have no problem with the last few stones, especially with such a massive incentive. My BMI is about 36 at the moment so I'm on a campaign too. Although I'm also 41 (42 next month) my local health authority won't fund our IVF. Their cut-off is 40 because apparently they're broke. We lost our only child last year, but they won't take even that into consideration. So we're planning a few more natural cycles before borrowing money from family for IVF towards the end of the year. The clinic we've selected want a BMI under 35, so I think that's do-able, but I want to get as healthy as possible to maximise our chances. Wishing you all the best. I will be following your story with my fingers crossed

Oh Amanda, that is so hard. I can't even imagine what you've been going through. Sorry as well that your trust has such a low cut off age for the IVF. Sending good thoughts and baby dust your way.

amanda I feel I should be giving you a great big internet stranger hug. I'm so sorry for your losses :(

Thanks for telling me about the Agnus Castus I'm going to flip without this month.

I wondered if anyone could tell me about estrogen deficiency. Yet again my period is virtually non existent. I previously had very heavy and excruciatingly painful bleeds but past twice its been like spotting for two or three days. I'm wondering if I'm not building up a lining. I've got loads of eggs still in there (AMH is 17.2) and my FSH is normal at 8.1 so I've been told it's not perimenopause yet. What can I do to improve my estrogen. I'm terrified of brittle bones as I have osteopenia from long term steroid use. Could this be why nothing sticks?

Bloop loads of eggs sounds like great news! I don't know about low estrogen, but after my miscarriage my doctor told me to take low dose (aka 'baby' aspirin) every day to help improve blood flow to the lining. They had me take it all the way through the successful pregnancy, actually. I do notice that my periods are much heavier in the months where I take it.

Hi all,

I'm new to this thread and have just read the last couple of pages. Sorry to those of you who have been through tough times lately. Hope we all get good news soon.

I'm 40 and ttc#3. I had a MMC in April so am now on a major mission to get pg!

Just having a panic this morning about my BBT during AF.

My base temp this cycle is 36.75 which seems high.

During AF it is around 36.7-36.75 and then drops to around 36.5-36.6 for 4 days and then it starts creeping up again (I ovulate around cd 11-12). During the luteal phase, it is anything from 36.8-37.1.

Could I ask what your BBTs are and what is your temp in the follicular phase? Do you get high temps during AF which drop after AF?

My chart is below.

Thanks in advance and good luck to you all x

Thank you Pies and Bloopbleep. Hugs are always appreciated, even the virtual variety

Bloop, maybe see what happens when you stop the Agnus Castus. I just seemed to spot for ages on it, instead of having an obvious period. I always thought that progesterone played a bigger part in building up womb lining? Or is that just keeping it intact during the luteal phase? My GP was happy to test my oestrogen and progesterone levels pre- and post- ovulation. Might be worth asking about?

Pies, regarding baby aspirin, I think I might try it. I've read conflicting stuff about whether to take it before a bfp as I've read that it can affect implantation, but if it helps to build up the lining then surely it helps...? Confused

Allium, hi, I only charted once to confirm that I was ovulating. I found it to be too intrusive to carry on. But when I did it, my chart looked just like yours. My bbt was always higher during AF, then dropped until ov, then back up during the luteal phase. For what it's worth, I became pregnant that month, although it ended in miscarriage. All the best to you.

Kk you've been in my thoughts. Keeping everything crossed for you and hoping that things have improved at home xxx

Thanks Amanda.

It is heartbreaking to go through a MC and it sounds like you've had tragedy before that as well.

You deserve some good luck and I'm sure some is coming your way.

x

Thank you Allium. I've had an ectopic, then my boy who died of strep A sepsis at 13 months, then 3 miscarriages (5w, 4w & 9w). Ttc again is tough but it gives me a focus and hope for the future. It seems that a lot of us 40+ers understand the heartache of pregnancy loss. I suppose it's all part of it, unfortunately. Trying again has definitely helped me to survive the loss of my son, so whatever the outcome, I'm glad it's still an option for us. Wishing you all the best.

Allium here's my chart. Its the month I had my 4w miscarriage. It was a bit more bonkers than yours during AF but otherwise similar. It went triphasic for a while and then dropped off a cliff a few days before I started to bleed.

So sorry to hear about your son. You poor thing having to go through that.

I'm glad you have something positive to focus on and I'm sure you'll get your rainbow baby soon.

Thanks for sending your chart. Your temps are much lower than mine (I always thought I was a cold person!) but the pattern looks similar.

Good luck x

Yes, I was concerned about my low temps. Odd really, as I'm always hot & bothered! But from what I read, the 'normal' range is pretty broad. I think it's more the pattern that's important.

I think better to be cold than hot and as you say, the pattern is more important x

Oh I didn't know about asprin pies I shall go have a read and see if that will help.

allium my bbt is really low between 35.5 (pre ov) up to 36.5 (post ov- if I'm lucky) I am hypothyroid but it's under control so I don't know why I'm so cold. I always feel the cold.

Oops sorry amanda didn't see your reply. I've had progesterone tested and was told its above 20 so I'm ovulating - no more detail than that. But GP won't test estrogen (had to pay privately for everything else so far) - I'm going to see a gynae this week so going to ask if they will do tests

I'm very confused about the baby aspirin. The midwife at the EPU said that its prescribed after a bfp at the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic, not before. I asked why, but she didn't know. I've read advice about it actually improving the chance of successful implantation if taken all the time, or after ovulation. Some other things I've read suggest that it can increase miscarriage rates if taken before implantation, totally contradicting other studies. Has anyone been given anything from a more reliable source than Dr Google?

Hi everyone, sorry I've not been very chatty. Well I spoke to my specialist who said its deffo ivf, it'll just depend on my amh test as to whether I'll need donor eggs or not 😬😬 so basically I need to lose another 4st before I can start treatment, had a bit of a melt down. He suggest self funding it but I don't have a spare £7k to spare so it'll have to be nhs. Think I'll feel better when I've had the blood test results back.

Thanks Ababs for your comments, really appreciated it 😊

Thanks Amanda, you've given me hope, bloody nhs is pain in arse, hate the way where you live dictates how many rounds of ivf you can have.

I was in the pill for over 20 years and I can't help but wonder if that has affected my ability to conceive or not?

Plus the fertility clinic had never gotten the right date for my progesterone blood test so my result have been 4, 4 and 17 (I think), but when I do the clear blue digital ovulation lots I'm always ovulating so don't know what to think.

My thoughts are with all of you who have had mc's xx

Welcome, Allium. I'm so sorry about your MMC. This isn't for the faint of heart, is it? My temp is even lower, which I have attributed to hypothyroidism, but who knows. The pattern did look similar, though.

Re: the aspirin. I was advised to take it by my gp, not a specialist, when I went in to talk about my miscarriage. I was worried about the hypothyroidism, which is Hashimoto's, and is an autoimmune condition. So it was in that context that it was recommended for me. But I do notice a significant difference in how heavy my period is when I take it, so I think it is affecting how thick my lining is. Then when I was pregnant, the specialist advised me to take it all the way through pregnancy.

Bondy four stones is obviously a big job in front of you, but if I remember correctly, you are halfway there! You know you can do it, because you already have once. I have also read stories of people losing weight for ivf who have spontaneous pregnancies while they are in the process. Losing the weight can change the hormonal balance and spur fertility, apparently. Also, plenty of people on the ttc boards have reported being told they need ivf and then have spontaneous pregnancies. You never know what will happen.

kk I hope things are getting better at home.

Have a great week, everyone.

I should add, Bondy that I'm in awe of the weightloss you have already achieved and am in need of it myself.

Thanks Pies 😀

I've always been overweight and this has given me a massive kick up the bum to do something about it plus I've got something to aim for too which helps.

I'm hoping the weight loss will trigger a natural pregnancy too, it'll depend on my amh result of course so fingers crossed for that x

I have lost 3 stone already so I now have to lose the extra 4 stone for ivf x

Bondy I don't know about the pill, although my understanding was that it doesn't have an impact on long term fertility. I even read somewhere that it can improve egg reserve later in life if you've been on one that suppresses ovulation.

Yes, IVF seems to be a postcode lottery. Obviously when we lost our son, my parents lost their grandson. They are absolutely desperate to have another grandchild, so they are more than willing to help out with the cost. If not we would have remortgaged or something. We are literally living to see our boy's little sibling.

I think the OPK kits measure your LH surge so maybe you're having that ok but your post-ov progesterone is on the low side...? Or maybe they're messing the tests up! Your figures seem very low for someone who must be ovulating, but if they're not timing it right that could explain it. Very frustrating for you

Your weight loss is totally achieveable. Maybe break it down into kilos and then focusing on one kilo at a time. Or stick something to the fridge so you're constantly reminded of the amazing reason you're doing it! I've got my son's scan photo on mine, to remind me that I can be a mummy again one day if I work at it. Xx

Oh Amanda that made me so sad. I hope hope hope good things are coming your way soon. Apologies if I've got you mixed up, but haven't you had three recent bfps? If so, as an completely unqualified opinion armchair doctor, it doesn't seem like implantation is your issue, and maybe aspirin would be worth a brief try? Ah, the dangers of Doctor Google...

I think maybe you're right Pies. I might give it a go. Yes, I had one preg in Feb which went great guns for a week and then suddenly miscarried. I had one in March which never quite got going - I was still squinting at a Frer 2 days before AF was due at a piddly little line, which briefly got darker and then disappeared. That was the chart I posted for Allium. Then I made it to 9 weeks with lovely tests and 3+ on a CB digi, only to find at a scan that it was a missed miscarriage. I had SMM over 4 weeks ago now, & just waiting for AF to kick back in so we can try again. I'm also waiting for tests with the recurrent miscarriage clinic now, which will hopefully be in the next few weeks. So each of my recent miscarriages have been quite different, which makes me think it's more an embryo quality thing. That's why we've thought about IVF, so we get the best eggs and swimmers to meet up under the watchful eye of a doctor. My body seems crap at filtering out the duffers, hence 3 pregnancies in 4 months with only 1 Fallopian tube! Hyper fertility sounds like a good thing until you have it, and then you realise that you're no further forward than people who can't catch.

Amanda you sound like JassS who posted positive news here a few weeks ago of a good progressing pregnancy. Hopefully you'll catch that good egg soon.

Apologies everyone, I'll catch up properly later.

Not sure when I last posted but I am on cd3 now, last months LP was a couple of days longer again (was 3 longer last cycle) but with clear bfn so this is obviously just erratic cycles or cycle changing. At least my period is heavier this month so I'm not so worried about the lining, last month's was much lighter.

I hope you are all enjoying the sun, it's scorching here.