Fabulous forty + ttc and having success!

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Old thread just about finished. Here is a new one... Fx for lots of well earned BFPs for those ttc over forty. We also welcome stories from those who have successfully had their babies over forty and we love hearing back from our graduates.

Well FET didn't work :-( dh has now calmed down and been told he has to get counselling or else. I have enough sorrow without added crap from him! He is actually very nice most of the time by the way. He apologised and explained that he's at breaking point right now due to fet not working but also his best friend's micro premie has just made all his emotions about our dead daughter raw again - he's so worried they are going to have to face the same thing as we did as well as seeing a little baby struggling. At least he's opening up a bit. Such a tough journey dealing with this grief. And thank you all for your support!
I am struggling to keep up with this thread and who said what but amanda I have been there with an ectopic and multiple losses and I did find aspirin certainly didn't hurt as took it with both my pregnancies that lasted past first trimester. Took it all the time with my multi vit. I was told by my consultant that it definitely came into the 'no harm but might help' category. So there's one view from a real doctor :-)
We are now looking at donor eggs though as I'm so fed up of loss and struggle and just want this ttc journey to be resolved one way or another. We seem to have done nothing for the last 6 years except be pregnant, be trying to be pregnant or be losing a pregnancy or a baby. It's ridiculous. And I know many of you are in a similar boat!
I can't remember who was asking about charting but I have charted a LOT. I honestly don't think the actual temp matters much at all. It's just about the pattern and having a nice obvious increase that is sustained for ideally a couple weeks.

Kk I'm so sorry you've had more bad news. I can't believe you've had 6 years of this For us it's only been 2 1/2, with an oasis of wonderful in the middle while we had our little boy. We only ever wanted one child so we thought we were done, with our lives ahead of us. We had no idea what was around the corner. Like you, we have also discussed donor eggs. We would love to look into the eyes of our boy's 100% biological sibling, and we will try, but if all else fails then donor eggs are the next step. 50% is better than 0, and I'm just lost without my boy so I'll do anything. I'm so glad your DH is thinking about other options with you. While I don't think there's any excuse for his behaviour, it's good that it might push the issue of grief counselling. Hope you've got plenty of support. You must be feeling so deflated. So so sorry

Thanks for the info about the aspirin. That's the most reliable advice so far! I think I'll give it a go! Xx

Hi all, I have just come across this lovely bubbly thread and hate to add my despair to it. But mine is a story of despair I'm afraid and I would soooo welcome help and advice. I posted this on 01st July as unfamiliar with the site and 3 kind users have replied with their advice so far...I'm re-posting it here - in case any of you is minded to share their story with me - if you have been through a similar experience. Thank you in advance!

"Hello, I'm 43. Had a miscarriage last year and did my first IVF cycle last month. After a lot of reading and chatting to friends, decided to do the genetic screening IVF with CARE to avoid yet another m/c. I produced 39 eggs - which I was told, was very high. 12 were frozen for genetic testing and I was told two weeks later that they all had abnormality related to my age & not hereditary. And that That instead of 46 chromosomes – they had produced 47 or 48 and the one with the 46 chromosomes had 3 of the same genome. The embryologist suggested it would be a good idea to get an egg donation. I feel shattered and broken. I know I left it too late - but I was not in a good place to have a child earlier. I want my own child - however selfish it may sound. Has anyone had a similar experience and if so - please share and help. I feel desperate, lost and not sure what to do. Thank you."

Hi MSW,

I wouldn't take to heart too much what one specialist has advised.

I would really go for it for the next few months doing everything you can to improve egg quality - supplements, acupunture, exercise, diet.

I am all about the TCM at the moment. I have had acupuncture in the past but if you see a Chinese doctor, they can prescribe herbs at the same time. I saw one today for the first time and was really impressed. It needn't cost the earth.

Take a look at this case study:

www.jcm.co.uk/the-egg-factor-using-chinese-herbal-medicine-to-improve-fertility-in-a-45year-old-woman.html

It could be worth a shot.

Kkmuppet I'm so sorry that the FET didn't work. Heartbreaking .

Glad though that your dh has come to his senses and apologised, such a tough time for you both. Lots of luck to your friend's baby and I hope she pulls through ok. Donor eggs are always worth serious consideration, not right for us though I don't think.

Welcome MSW2016, I'm sorry for your loss and your disappointing embryology results. Unfortunately I rather feel that they sum up rather starkly why so many of us don't conceive month after month or suffer a loss when we do get a bfp.

The clinic are suggesting donor eggs because they want the best possible outcome for you I guess, and DEs do carry a better chance of a live birth (also better for their results). As pp said there's some evidence that supplements etc. can help, there's a good book called It starts with the egg that covers the usual suspects. Many of us oldies on the thread have read it - in fact I have just convinced myself to review it again. There's still a chance you can conceive and have a healthy baby, others do, so try not to give up hope just yet. Maybe set yourself a deadline though and review your options then (donor eggs for example). Best of luck to you.

Hi Allium40. Thank you for your encouraging words and the useful link. I am going to try acupuncture and have just invested in a book titled: It Starts with the Egg. It seems to have really good reviews. My consultant told me that there was nothing I could do with the quality of my eggs because of my age - but just reading on the internet and here on Mumsnet forum - I can't understand why his advice is so binary. I shall report back on the book once it arrives. Thank you again.

Hi ababsurdum. Thank you for replying and your kind suggestions. I bought that book in the afternoon - after hours of restless browsing on the internet. It's certainly had some very good reviews and seems to contain proper advice. I agree with having a deadline and we have decided to try again - but also have a plan B. Think the plan B is crucial for sanity purposes. Thank you!

Hi msw2016 that must be so disappointing - to get so many eggs is amazing at your age but the quality is, I think, a fact of our age. One thing you may want to consider, that my reproductive reflexologist suggested to me, is that you have your husband's sperm more thoroughly screened via something like the sperm comet test. She said everyone always assumes it's the woman's fault at this age but sometimes it's more than that. Also I DO believe there are things that can help egg quality and I also believe that even if most of your eggs are 'bad' there may still be some good ones to come. I say this because I have had multiple miscarriages but then managed two babies with no genetic issues at age 42 and 43 after supplementing with things like dhea and coq10. Good luck!

Hi msw. I understand your reticence about donor eggs. We lost our only child last year and we've had 3 miscarriages since trying for his little brother or sister. For us, catching naturally or IVF with our own eggs/sperm is our first choice, because we are so desperate to have HIS sibling. Not that we can bring him back, but we just want his flesh and blood, if that makes sense. I was totally against donor eggs to begin with, but after 3 miscarriages I've had to give it more thought. We spoke to DHs best mate who has twins from donor eggs, and for them, it's never been an issue. The girls are 100% THEIR children. They look like them, and couldn't be distinguished from fully biological children. I know from the wonderful 13 months I had with my boy, he was a little bit 'me', a little bit DH, but totally his own person. I also think that nurture, not just biology, is what will imprint 'you' onto your child. My son was a clever, talkative, energetic, book loving, animal loving little star, and I'm sure much of that was down to the things we'd done together. I'm feeling much more receptive to the idea of egg donation, as long as I get to hold a baby in my arms again. Being a mother is about so much more than producing a good egg. It's the best job in the world, and I want it back! I wish you the very best, however you choose to continue your ttc journey x

amanda and msv you may have done this already but if not look at Create. They specialise in Ivf for older women and focus on getting smaller number of eggs of better quality by just encouraging the natural selection process. I had a consultation there and was impressed. Cost about 14k for a three cycle package where they freeze all for one et at the end. I have decided against it in the end as I can't handle going through all that with relatively low chance of success compared to donor egg success rates but if you want to use your own eggs it's worth looking into

I would definitely try donor eggs if I didn't have any children and faced the prospect of never having my own/any at all. I think being able to carry the child, giving birth to it etc. would forge a major bond and most people seem to never look back as Amanda has said.

For me, already having one biological child means that I'd worry about treating them differently, even subconsciously. I'm not sure I could take the leap of faith that everything would be OK. Still, I will discuss with dh again over the next few months as I'm probably only likely to 'try' for another 7/8 months - until I'm 45.

Worth bearing in mind that as far as I know, children produced from donor eggs would have the right at 18 to track the donor down. I would find that quite hard I think. Still, never say never. I don't know how I'm going to feel in 6 months.

That's why I'm looking overseas where they don't have this right and its SO much cheaper - 5-7000 euro!

Really? Where are you looking?

I've checked out clinics in Barcelona ad Czech Republic. Cyprus also supposed to be good. Think I might go Czech as its at the cheaper end with equally good results (around 70% success) and there's a nice uk couple who got their two kids there and have set up an agency to help with things this end.

Much love to everyone- hope the nice weather has lifted moods or at least improved the vitamin D reserves!

Someone higher up mentioned dhea - I've read about it but the blog I read was full of warnings. I can't really find anything all round and useful it's either praises or warnings.

Does anyone have any info on dhea in idiot speak for me? Would I grow a beard and a willy or can it actually help?

Oh and KKMuppet a previous forum I was on all spoke about a place in Athens (serum?) that was highly recommended.

Bloopbleep it starts with the egg has a section on dhea. It's controversial because it's a hormone. I took it for a short while earlier this year but it made me feel a bit odd plus my hair started falling out so I binned it. Others on this thread are taking it with no problems though I'm not sure it seems to have helped anyone other than cloudjumper conceive. I could be wrong.

Thanks ababsurdum I have a problem with thinning hair due to medications so really don't fancy chancing losing more. There's no fun in being a fat middle aged bald woman trying to get laid ;)

Indeed Bloopbleep . I was nervous about taking it as I've suffered with thinning hair too though think mine is just one of these hereditary-too-much-testosterone things. Not that I've seen a doctor about it. When it first started my GP was very scornful so I've never bothered going back. It's not as bad as many people I see but between post-partum loss still growing in, loss after last years mc, the dhea and a recent debacle with Grow Gorgeous intensive shampoo it's not looking great! I think it's settled down again now I'm back on my trusty Khiels so hoping I'll get some regrowth soon. Really need to get it trimmed though.

Cooler here today thank goodness. Nice and breezy.

We sound like such a sexy bunch! Between the stress of last year and each of the miscarriages, my hair thinned terribly, and then in the last pregnancy started to grow again like crazy. So I have 2 layers - straggly long stuff and then a downy layer of new stuff about an inch long. Think Orville.....

Haha Amanda I've got the downy stuff right now too at the edges. I think that was post mc hair loss regrowth. It sticks out like I have wings!

Sadly leg hair never quite got the message that it wasn't meant to grow in and it's regularly like a jungle trek down there

Yup Bloopbleep!!! The leg hair gets tamed for the 'baby making' weeks, and occasionally in the summer. Otherwise, I rock the wookie look. Glad I'm not the only one with a crazy hormone hair halo!

Aarrrgghhh! Sorry this is long sobs

Just got back from seeing gynae. Turns out the progesterone test I was told was fine (with the message over 20 means you've ovulated but with no accompanying result given) actually indicated I hadn't ovulated. It was only 3.9 - It was the gp's receptionist who conveyed the results and normally when results aren't fine I get a letter from the GP. This didn't happen either.

I'm so angry right now. There was me sitting telling the gynae since my lap everything has been less painful and my periods were ridiculously lighter. Well that's probably because I've not been ovulating and haven't had a proper period in months.

Because I had a mc at the start of Jan, we're still considered a fertile couple and the gynae won't prescribe any Clomid until I've been unsuccessful for a whole year... He's made a return appointment for when the year is up, so he's obviously not expecting much.,

I know I didn't ovulate last cycle because I had identical symptoms and an even lighter "period" and I know I didn't ovulate in March or April because temps and opks didn't reflect it. I hate having to wait until the end of the year for the inevitable oh you're not ovulating. Well duh!

If I see someone privately (that we can't really afford right now) can they recommend to my GP to prescribe Clomid on NHS(eg what will happen come january 17 anyway) or would I have to pay privately for the medicine too?

And I wondered why this start of cycle I still had cramps and was weepy and nauseous and my boobs still hurt. My fsh is within normal and my AMH is apparently "too high" at 17 something but scans didn't see pcos, unless they too weren't conducted properly :(

I feel like it's never going to happen and I'm
Just getting older and less likely to fall pregnant. I don't want to wait until I'm 42 to realise it's never going to happen and I don't want to be getting much older and still Ttc.

Sorry for offloading. I have no one in real life to talk to about this kind of thing and my oh seems heartbroken after that gynae visit.

Dear kkmuppet, Thank you for your reply! Apologies for the delay - went through a melt down. Re my husband's sperm - the consultant said because we did ICSI - there was no point in testing his sperm. Did you do ICSI? I received no care/monitoring post egg collection so I am somewhat sceptical of what the consultant says etc. Looking at other forums - I can see how they have to make sure you don't develop hyperstimulation etc. post egg collection for anyone who produces more than 20 eggs and they just left me to it. It's lucky I didn't have major problems. So thanks for your suggestion. Want to have a session with ARGC and see what they say. How long did you take "dhea and coq10" for and what brands did you invest in? Thank you again!

Dear AmandaJL41, Thank you for sharing your story with me and apologies for the delay. I had a minor melt-down. I am very very sorry for your loss and I hope time heals...I understand what you are expressing in terms of nature and nurture and of course one can say that it's better to give life to at least half of a coupledom and nurture the other half as it were...this was my first cycle but becasue we went for the most sophistcated to avoid m/c - I have sort of reached the end of the queue pretty quickly. I have decided to give it another try and despite the doom and gloom report by my consultant - I have decided to try a bit of Mayan abdominal massage, detox diet from this book titled: It starts with the egg - and try some accupuncture and see what happens. Time is against us - but chances with a donor egg at 45 are 50/50 - so might as well just hope hope hope! All the very best of luck to you! My heart goes out to you...