Strapping on our lady balls and going menkul because we HATE THIS SHIT!! The Berries: a lovely bunch of 30 something Ladybros TTC #1

[happylass]

The small print:

The Berries have strict entrance criteria: TTC #1 for 12 months+, over 30, NO instadiffers, must have a special pimping pot and absolutely no mention of baby dust/dancing. Not that we're fussy!

Current Ladybros:

Minx 35 - TTC 2.5 years. Stage 4 endometriosis, both tubes blocked, 1 buried ovary, IVF #1 started Aug '15 at Mustache Towers, if all goes well results due mid-Sept.

Smidge 39, TTC since Jan '13. Unexplained. Some high NK cell immune treatment. IVF#1 Short protocol Jul'14 BFN; IVF#2 Nov'14 and IVF#3 Feb'15 both Long protocol BFNs; Natural FET Jun'15 - Another BFN. Trying to work out what to do next.

Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 2 failed ICSI cycles, 1 failed FET and 1 abandoned cycle due to poor response. Hoping to start antagonist cycle mid September. HATE THIS SHIT!!

Beaky 35, ttc 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1 long protocol ivf cancelled, 1 short protocol IVF BFN, very low amh etc etc. In 2ww for 2nd sp IVF.

Tigerdog, 35, ttc since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF #1 chemical pregnancy. Currently redoing tests in preparation for IVF #2.

barkingtreefrog 36, ttc since Dec 2011. clomid bfp summer 2013 then mc @7 weeks, iui bfp summer 2014 then mc @6 weeks. Factor V leiden thrombophilia diagnosed at the repeat mc clinic. IUI bfn Jan 2015, IVF bfn April/May 2015. FET bfn August 2015, remaining frozen embryo perished. Pursuing private tests and then long protocol ivf in Oct/Nov.

Lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 2011, unexplained, two IVF cycles in 2014, both bfns, waiting for lap&dye and results of numerous bloods, aiming for one last IVF cycle.

Kuma - 40. TTC 2.9 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and March 15, cancelled cycle June 15. Last try September 15

Lucieloos, 36, TTC 18 months, low AMH & sperm motility. ICSI#1, April 2015, Czech, 2xblasts transferred, BFN. Icsi#2, cancelled before EC. Icsi#3, 2 mature and fertilised, both to blast and frozen. Icsi#4 in October, embryo banking.

Rain, 34, ttc since March 2012. unexplained. Mystery bfp oct 13, MMC Nov 13. IVF#1 Aug 2015

Sesame, 40, ttc with no dp, on this road for 2 years, multiple failed IVFs, 3 ETs, 1 bfp then mc, poor responder with v low AMH, but still looking for the golden egg.

nolly, 33, TTC 3 years, 1 confirmed MC, 2 more suspected. still in limbo

Spare, 34, TTC 3 years, IVF#1 short protocol + ICSI August 14 BFP but pregnancy loss at 20+ weeks, 3 failed FET, IVF #2 short protocol + PICSI August 15

Funkymonk 33. Ttc since October 2012. Mc June 2013, Mmc dec 2013, mc June 2014. Factor v Leiden thrombophilia. Abandoned IVF Jan 2015 due to thin lining. Abandoned FET Aug 2015 due to thin lining. 4 embies on ice. Cycling again November time I think.

Clem, currently on 3rd Clomid Cycle

Pip - quite simply the Best In Show.

Lucie I think that's probably to do with all the bloating/hormone fluctuations from all the different drugs #berryproblems

Yes I think so too I'm not happy about it though. Feel fat and frumpy! I've decided to see if I can lose some weight before Xmas. It's not a good time to start but can't face going through another cycle and getting heavier again!

Sesame good luck for your scan tomorrow. Everything crossed.

Tiger glad you're feeling a bit better good luck for the interviews.

Lucie good luck to you too, my baseline scans have always been exactly as Sesame says. They've identified cysts a couple of times. Fx your bloods are still fine.

Manatee fx for a fufc! It is frustrating when you have to wait. Morocco sounds lovely.

Happy when is your next appointment?

Barking how are you?

lucie Yes me, I've gained weight with treatment and I'm not happy about it. I lost quite a bit of weight before I started ttc, it took 2 years and was only a couple of pounds a month. This was closely linked to my cycles, with those 2 pounds falling off just after my period. My regular cycles were then keeping things in check until I started ivf. My theory is it's the disruption to cyclical hormones that affect weight, with impacts on insulin and metabolism. And the back to back cycles are certainly not helping me. Weirdly I still get random colleagues come up to me to congratulate me on being thinner than I was. Which feels a bit strange when I've just gone up a dress size.

beaky thanks. When do you start stims? Did your fc say whether you could change the length of time you are on the pill?

I've just realised I've now caught up on the thread and might not have anything left to read in the fc waiting room tomorrow.... #moreberryproblems

I've been listening in but not really had the energy to post. However, today I am on holiday so not rushing to work or to bed after reading . I had two days saved for appointments that I didn't want to return to work after, but obviously when we lost it I didn't need them but needed to use them before Xmas or I'd lose them!

tiger what you said about wanting the world to acknowledge what I'd been through - that's it exactly. Everyone just floats on through life as normal like I'm behind some kind of screen and they can't see what's happening to me.
Glad you're feeling better, sounds like you need to stay away from the coffee!! When are your interviews? Always good to keep life interesting.

sesame I'm not marking the loss as for me I have so many triggers that send me spiralling down I don't need something else that will remind me of my loss on a rare day when I'm not actually thinking about it. I will add a third candle to my wave of light next year though . I struggled so much around the due date of Mc1 that for the 2nd and 3rd I went out of my way to avoid knowing what it was. Obviously I know the months, but not the date, so there's less chance of me going loopy again .

Grin so sorry it didn't work

smidge IOTO. Your little frostie could be that one

happy I wish I could continue the holiday booking like I used to. With only 17 days holiday to play with (bank holidays are fixed, and the office closes between Xmas and new year) and 5 days of those already booked to help with DofE at DH's school when they do their gold expedition, it means I've essentially got two weeks to consider. For the whole year. Ouch.
So this is what leads me to book a middle distance triathlon as my #fuckthisshit move! I totally agree with you and Sesame on the going through the motions. I see the ivf next Feb/March as an inconvenience that will disrupt my training schedule. I've already looked up the adoption agency for the county we're moving to. I don't think they do any information events though, there was nothing mentioning them on the website, but perhaps it's something they only tell you about if you fill in the enquiry form.

beaky I've got a telephone counselling session tomorrow. As the counsellor at my clinic was away when I really needed it. I saw the one who had come up from the Nottingham clinic to cover, and rather than go and see someone new she said I could have a telephone appointment with her instead. How about you? Are you going back?

On the alcohol. I made a big deal of wanting DH to stay off it for three months pre ivf and he eventually agreed. Now of course we're doing it again in three months, so we're off it again, with the compromise of a couple of drinks a week. I'm now regretting this, but don't want to be a hypocrite when I made such a fuss about it and came up with all the articles etc to support it. And we did get pg after he'd been off the booze for three months... . Can't wait until we're on the adoption road and not relying on my body anymore!!!

manatee we were in Morroco in October, loved it (apart from marrakesh which we ticked off in an afternoon).

Lucie I was told the steroids would make me pile on weight but it didn't happen. I lost a stone in a week during the miscarriage though, who knew blood was that heavy? gallows humour Dh kept telling me I needed to eat more. I was eating shit loads of crap comfort food on top of my usual meals but stress always makes me lose weight, not much I can do about it until the stress is under control.

Anyway, pretty tired after that mammoth update, I shall pull the blanket of boredom over me and snuggle down in the corner. Wake me up when I can start ivf in Feb....

beaky and sesame - what's a fufc?

And good luck for scan today sesame.

Grin Sorry to hear about your bfn

barking - thinking of you on your chaise longue of limbo. My due date would have been in about 4 weeks. I won't be marking it though.

Booking a #fuckthisshit triathlon sounds like an excellent idea - I wish I had the grit for triathlon! I'm an extremely slow and unimpressive runner (more a trundler than a runner tbh) but the thought of all that water makes my sinuses ache.

No hormone treatment related excuses here, but I'm as fat as a Christmas goose at the moment. Between the brief pregnancy, then the MC, feeling awful afterwards for ages and spending every spare moment decorating the house I've done no exercise for ages and have had to Couch to 5K again from scratch. DH has given me a running machine for Christmas this year, which has already arrived and been set up in the barn with the bats and about a billion spiders. (I hung a bauble on it in honour of it being my Christmas present really.) So I'm devoid of excuses for training through the cold and dark months.

Manatee you have a barn?! fufc is a fuck you fertility clinic, where you get of before you have to have ivf.

Sesame any news? I am the same with weight and exercise. I start stimming just before new year. Af showed up on the evening I was supposed to start the pill so it wasn't a problem in the end. I wasn't sure if it was scratch bleeding as it was early for af (3 days) and clotty gross but that does happen sometimes. It's still ongoing now though which is so unusual for me

Barking big hug do you know when you'll move yet? I am back to the counsellor next week.

It's not posh at all, believe me, basically a glorified woodshed with an upstairs bit. I share it with a small colony of bats and a very large colony of spiders

Thanks for explaining fufc - I'm fingers and toes crossed for that too now

barking I get what you mean about the reminders. My due date is next week, but I wrote it in my diary as I at least wanted to remember that I was pg, even if no one else cares. I don’t know how I would feel after 3 mc though . I hadn’t heard of wave of light before, thank you. My sonographer actually told me she had an early mc last year. I asked her about her baby scans it really annoys me that the girls at the satellite clinic wear baby scanning uniforms and she said she had a lady in who said she had zero symptoms – I told her I thought that’s really weird when I had a shit load of symptoms for such a brief pregnancy, and she said she had them too. What did you do with your day off? And when do you move house by the way?

manatee thanks. Well I felt fat as a goose when I zipped up my dress this morning. Where are you on Couch to 5k? I completed it 2 years ago now, and have been running on and off ever since. I even managed to complete my first ever 10k in October, but since then my motivation has bombed. The weather and the constant dark are not helping and I only just managed 3.5k round my local park on Sunday.

beaky glad to hear that af showed up on schedule, it’s nice to be able to plan . Will you be doing lots of nice festive things to do to distract you? Are you on hols for xmas and ny?

The scan showed a small follie on each side, so it’s still early days for me. I’m due back in on Friday.

Sesame I can run a 5k, can manage an hour at a steady pace, but generally I'm doing about 25-30mi s in the treadmill and a bit on the rowing whatsit most days when I'm home.

FX for everything progressing as it should after your scan.

Feeling a bit blue here, got a call from the Bedfordshire HVs wanting to schedule an antenatal visit. I was in a meeting - only took the call because I thought it was a supplier - so couldn't very well say in front of colleagues 'er no I had a miscarriage SEVEN FUCKING MONTHS AGO why has the system not been updated????'. Fucking fuckers

That made no sense. It was five months ago, not seven. But still. Fuckers.

I couldn't spell it out in case I fell to bits mid-meeting so I just said in this very clipped way 'what? No, that won't be necessary' and then hung up. Poor woman must've been a bit but still FUCKERS

Oh Manatee that's awful. What the hell would make them call up after 5 months?? I would definitely ring back to complain, if only to stop it happening to others. Beyond insensitive. Hope you're ok

Popping in to say hallo and hi to our newbies. manatee that is awful! horrendous care. I hope they were apologetic?

I feel a bit out the loop. I've been checking in every now and then but this has been a busy thread! Just wanted to let you all know that I'm thinking of you.

tiger, barking, beaky ,Sesame and happy your comments about struggling with when to put all this to one side and trying to keep peckers up have been resonating with me lately. I've just taken the call to arrange delivery of my drugs to start stabbing on the 29th - a very unwelcome reminder of my failure to get and stay pregnant, which I'd managed to put to one side over the last couple of months. Oh well. What will be will be.

off on holibobs today (mr nol says might be our last hol a deux. I can remember thinking that 3 years ago. Wouldn't even bother going through that thought process now). But looking forward to a proper catch up with everythign over christmas.

Hallo to all you other berries

Hi everyone , how have you been?
I've been a tad busy with uni and moving house so I haven't really been on here much. So we are going to start another round sometime in February or March. All I can say is thank goodness the senate didn't decide to screw over medicare.
I really hate having to pay for something that should be free!!
Anyway, what have I missed?
Manatee I would write a very angry letter. Go postal.
Well back to packing and moving house and writing three essays for uni. Someone tell me why I decided to do summer school???

Grin how on earth are you writing uni essays AND moving house????

nolly Bon voyage! Somewhere nice I hope...?

I phoned the services manager today and told them what happened. She was incredibly apologetic, said they'd had some issues with communication across county borders with some PCTs (I live right on the edge of 3 counties) and that might be why the MC hadn't been communicated. She asked if I wanted a call back and I asked them to write (I was in tears again by that point and didn't fancy weeping at any more strangers). They will write to me once they've looked into the situation. Feel pretty wobbly now but glad I called back.

I keep thinking I'm OK about the MC now it's a few months back but I'm just not. The fact that my due date would've been next month has dug it up a bit and this has just tipped me over the edge.

Oh Manatee how awful. I'm not surprised you're not ok.

Sesame fx for two lovely follies there! That's a good start at least.

Nolly enjoy your lovely holiday, where are you off? It's such a shit thing to go through for such a long time. I think I start stabbing around the same time!

Tiger how are you? Any news?

Happy when are you back to the clinic?

Af is still here. It's been the longest one of my life! It was early as well sesame, I think because of the scratch but I never have this much of an, ahem heavy flow grim ever. Weird.

manatee oh that sounds really terrible, what a mess, hope you get a proper letter of apology.

nolly hiya! Glad to hear you are no longer in limbo and coming out to join in all the berry ivf fun . What protocol will you be on? Hope you have a lovely holiday, are you going anywhere nice? I really hope it's the last one you do as a 2!

grin glad to hear you are keeping yourself busy. I hope that is helping you to cope with the failed cycle. Good to hear your funding is protected and you go for another cycle in the new year. I hope that 2016 is your year.

beaky thanks. I've had an early af after a scratch before not after the unscratch I had this time though. Sorry af is being a bitch but hopefully a good clear out will give you a nice clean womble for the next cycle.

beaky/sesame Not sure on moving date yet. Our buyer's rental lease is up on the 20th January. I want to move beginning of Feb as if AF turns up next week and then again in 30 days I'll start stabbing for down regging the following day 21 which will be 2nd Feb if AF behaves (unlikely) or later. I don't want to be on stims and egg collection etc while moving house, I want to be in by then. However, vendors would prefer to move in March and I don't know when their vendors want to move (they're moving into rented).
All surveys on all houses will be done by next Monday, so we can start talking completion dates after that.

Manatee you hear about that so often. I got a phone call from the hospital asking why I hadn't turned up for my scan. Er, because I'm not pg anymore?! And when we turned up at the fertility clinic after the first mc the consultant said 'so the clomid didn't work then?' Er, no, it did work, but we had a mc and AF has vanished so we're back here as the gp wouldn't do anything about AF being AWOL for 3 months and referred us back to you. Good to see communication channels working well....

beaky I had a counselling session over the phone today, thought I was okay and didn't need it but was crying as soon as I started talking about how well I was doing...

nolly what's your timescale?

Hello y'all!

Almost at the end of this thread...let's fill it up and get a new one for the festive season and NY!

mantee as others have said that is appalling. Hope you're ok, but I would also say that you're allowed to grieve and not be ok, it's a big thing to go through, despite societies tendency to minimize it. big hugs from me .

nolly! Hello lovely, enjoy your holibobs and then fingers crossed for you starting stabbing. I hope Mr Nol is right.

barking hope all your dates line up nicely. I'm also doing a juggling act between wedding, ivf and, hopefully, a new job!

grin glad to hear you've got a plan and are keeping busy to get you through this. Hope you're ok.

beaky how are you? hope af isn't giving you too much hassle. Sounds a bit grim, I have the odd v heavy one and they freak me out a bit! Not too long until you start stimming. Hope you've got lots of lovely festivities to keep you busy until then.

sesame I could do with some motivation too. I tried couch to 5k but let's face it, I'm stuck on the couch! I have hurt my foot and so have not run for a while. Good luck for your scan today!

I have to watch what I eat as I can pile on the pounds very easily. I use MFP whenever I put a couple of pounds on and I can usually budge it by being strict. I'd like to drop 5lb for my wedding but as I'm likely to be cycling immediately before, it's unlikely I did lose weight on my last cycle - mix of anxiety and trying to eat healthily, but put it back on straight away after.

Well, one interview down and one job offer recieved! One more next weds and then decision time. Just need my FC to confirm for definite that I can start ivf in Feb so I can get my cycle in before changing jobs. If we get a good response then we'll freeze and put them back post wedding. I have decided that I wouldn't wait another 6-8 months for a second NHS cycle so might as well use the FET option and then go private. Will be better off with new job so private cycle should be affordable.

Me again. Some good news - my cycle has been brought forward to Jan, so once I've had my protocol appt, and looking at af due date, I should be done about a month before the wedding....much less stressful and tight.

...now just have to decide if I take the risk of not being eligible for maternity pay by accepting a new job!

Excellent news Tiger!!! Does that mean you'll do the full xycle

Excellent news tiger!!! Does that mean you'll do the full cycle, or will you still freeze until after the wedding?

I think I'll do the full cycle barking although we will keep our options open and see closer to the time. I also need to talk to Mr T about it. Am so relieved - they had a cancellation yesterday and slotted me in!

Woohoo Tiger it's about time you got some good news from your clinic! Very pleased and also congrats on the new job offer, is it same employer or new one? Im very very pleased about the earlier cycle date!

Sesame any news from your scan?

Barking I'm not surprised you weren't ok during your session. are you coping ok at work?

Grin I'm also trying to move and do assignments, it's rubbish! So stressful too. Fx for your next round.

How's everyone else? Clem? Ant did we loose Ungoogs?

My Af is now tailing off. Sorry for the tmi but this is the 8th day. It must be because of the scratch. I hate taking the pill too it makes me really sickly. Anyway it'll be finished in two weeks!