Strapping on our lady balls and going menkul because we HATE THIS SHIT!! The Berries: a lovely bunch of 30 something Ladybros TTC #1

[happylass]

The small print:

The Berries have strict entrance criteria: TTC #1 for 12 months+, over 30, NO instadiffers, must have a special pimping pot and absolutely no mention of baby dust/dancing. Not that we're fussy!

Current Ladybros:

Minx 35 - TTC 2.5 years. Stage 4 endometriosis, both tubes blocked, 1 buried ovary, IVF #1 started Aug '15 at Mustache Towers, if all goes well results due mid-Sept.

Smidge 39, TTC since Jan '13. Unexplained. Some high NK cell immune treatment. IVF#1 Short protocol Jul'14 BFN; IVF#2 Nov'14 and IVF#3 Feb'15 both Long protocol BFNs; Natural FET Jun'15 - Another BFN. Trying to work out what to do next.

Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 2 failed ICSI cycles, 1 failed FET and 1 abandoned cycle due to poor response. Hoping to start antagonist cycle mid September. HATE THIS SHIT!!

Beaky 35, ttc 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1 long protocol ivf cancelled, 1 short protocol IVF BFN, very low amh etc etc. In 2ww for 2nd sp IVF.

Tigerdog, 35, ttc since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF #1 chemical pregnancy. Currently redoing tests in preparation for IVF #2.

barkingtreefrog 36, ttc since Dec 2011. clomid bfp summer 2013 then mc @7 weeks, iui bfp summer 2014 then mc @6 weeks. Factor V leiden thrombophilia diagnosed at the repeat mc clinic. IUI bfn Jan 2015, IVF bfn April/May 2015. FET bfn August 2015, remaining frozen embryo perished. Pursuing private tests and then long protocol ivf in Oct/Nov.

Lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 2011, unexplained, two IVF cycles in 2014, both bfns, waiting for lap&dye and results of numerous bloods, aiming for one last IVF cycle.

Kuma - 40. TTC 2.9 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and March 15, cancelled cycle June 15. Last try September 15

Lucieloos, 36, TTC 18 months, low AMH & sperm motility. ICSI#1, April 2015, Czech, 2xblasts transferred, BFN. Icsi#2, cancelled before EC. Icsi#3, 2 mature and fertilised, both to blast and frozen. Icsi#4 in October, embryo banking.

Rain, 34, ttc since March 2012. unexplained. Mystery bfp oct 13, MMC Nov 13. IVF#1 Aug 2015

Sesame, 40, ttc with no dp, on this road for 2 years, multiple failed IVFs, 3 ETs, 1 bfp then mc, poor responder with v low AMH, but still looking for the golden egg.

nolly, 33, TTC 3 years, 1 confirmed MC, 2 more suspected. still in limbo

Spare, 34, TTC 3 years, IVF#1 short protocol + ICSI August 14 BFP but pregnancy loss at 20+ weeks, 3 failed FET, IVF #2 short protocol + PICSI August 15

Funkymonk 33. Ttc since October 2012. Mc June 2013, Mmc dec 2013, mc June 2014. Factor v Leiden thrombophilia. Abandoned IVF Jan 2015 due to thin lining. Abandoned FET Aug 2015 due to thin lining. 4 embies on ice. Cycling again November time I think.

Clem, currently on 3rd Clomid Cycle

Pip - quite simply the Best In Show.

grin fingers crossed it’s implantation, which is another possibility. How many dpt are you now? And when’s otd?

smidge well done on the embie count, so glad to hear that you’ve still got all 5 in the game.

tiger sorry you are going through all this shit. That feeling of anxiety is a real bugger to shift, but hopefully it will start to ease soon. Are you back up to stay with dp and t-dog this weekend? Congrats on becoming an aunty, and sorry the news is bitter sweet. Was it a wee boy or a girl?

ant I’ve only heard of clinics removing tubes before IVF if they’re already known to be blocked with a hydrosalpinx – as this can impact on success. If it’s likely to be a working tube, I don’t understand why they would recommend that. I would have thought even if you do eventually go for IVF, it would still be nice to hang on to that small chance of a natural conception.

barking I also felt like that after mc. You are grieving for the baby you lost, and meanwhile the rest of the world is oblivious. Will you mark the loss in some way? My friend got some nice plants for the garden for her loss. I just stuck my piss sticks in a box and wrote the due date in my diary.

lucie glad you had a good nhs appointment. Looks like you have lots of options now and here’s hoping that 2016 will be your year.

beaky glad the counselling went well and you’ve booked in for another. If you feel a bit better after one, I say take as many sessions as you’re entitled to to help you get your head round everything. You’ll know when you are ready to stop.

Not much happening with me the now. I’m waiting for af to arrive, and should start stabbing on Saturday. And I’ve a few non ttc distractions, like work and trying to sort some errors with my utility bills – it seems strange putting energy into sorting out other problems in my life.

Well not it is smears of blood and I still have mild cramps.
It's over I think.
I'm 12 days post transfer.
Could I have caused this by switching from the progesterone pessaries to crinone or by digging around last night?
I didn't really feel anything after previous cycles as there was nothing to work with but this time I just want to cry.

Oh grin I'm sorry you're feeling so upset. But you definitely didn't cause it by rummaging around yesterday. You can't get in through the cervix so fiddling about in the vaginal canal (I have no idea of that's the right word) isn't going to impact anything. Not a jot. And if you do any Dr googling you'll soon discover that having a rummage is positively recommended by anyone on crinone.
There's no issue with switching either - they both do the same thing. If it doesn't work please don't beat yourself up about it being something you did when in all likelihood it is just the embryo.

At 12 days you could take a frer test, surely? It might help you stop torturing yourself.

I just had our Day 5 call. Apparently none of them are good enough to test today. AliG wants to leave them til Day 6 as two are still morulas (one expanding, other not yet) and one is an early blast. (The other two no good). I'm not holding out much hope now. The 3 she's looking at are all grade 2.

My feeling is that an early morula on day 5 after an early EC and 8 cells at day 3 means it has slowed down growth quite a bit. Even the other two are making me nervous. MrSmidge and I discussed last night whether we go for testing or not and kind of decided if there were 2 that we wouldn't bother, as we could just put them both back in a FET at once. But if we had any more than 2 we would get them all tested, in the hope we'd get at least one that was normal.

I'm now thinking we may just get 1, which will have taken an extra day than normal to get to the right stage. AliG will convince us to test it anyway and it'll be abnormal and I won't even get a transfer. That's not how I saw this process ending.

On the upside MrSmidge is about to have a dream come true as he's getting to play cricket at the SCG this afternoon in some sort of work friendly match. However, being the boring obsessive TTC infertile person that I am, I'm finding plenty cause for concern... It'll be the first time he's played cricket since being a teen I think. I worry he'll get out first ball and be more grumpy about that than our infertile state, which will then make me grumpy at him, and cause tears and upset and grumpiness x 1000 (on both sides). I don't want to see the negative in everything or ignore life's simple pleasures, but I'm in that phase of the process I think.

How much room do we have left on the mat of mopiness, under the duvet of despair or on the seat of self pity?

Smidge I rang the clinic this morning and was told by the receptionist that they were very busy and no one could talk to me I was somewhat put out by that. I did miss a call from a nurse at 3:50pm though. Pity they close at 4pm. Bastards.
I did do frer test ($17!! so fancy) and it said I wasn't pregnant.
I think I was grasping at straws about me dislodging the embryo. I know nothing can get up there but I think I was looking for reasons other then my body decided the embryo was an evil parasite and it had to leave. I rather it just got rid of the fat.
Ill still get my blood test on Monday though/

As for you well any form of cricket requires mopiness.

grin sorry your fc weren’t very helpful. What smidge said re the bleeding, there’s no way that anything you did could have caused it. I also had crinone with my first cycle and regularly had to clear things out. Are you still spotting is it holding at bay? How are you feeling just now?

smidge any more news about your embryos? What did you decide about testing? How does it work – do they wait for the embryo to hatch, take away a few cells to test, then put in the freezer till you get your results? How did Mr Smidge get on?

sesame the embryologist just called. I was right, only 1 made it. Because there's only one, MrSmidge and I decided not to bother having it tested. You're right on the process. They need it to be a hatching blastocyst, with a decent number of placenta cells poking out. They take a few off, then freeze while doing the testing.

We ummed and ahhed but figured that with only one (a) it won't change the outcome (b) it would add another step filled with anxiety (c) if it came back OK we'd then be even more hopeful, yet it still might not actually work so we'd have further to crash. We tried to ignore the difference in cost as it would be cheaper if the result was abnormal and more expensive if the result was good. So we opted to get it frozen and will put it back in another cycle.

Antonia I'm not aware of why removing a tube would help IVF. That sounds v odd to me - I'd definitely ask a few more questions to understand what the doc was saying there. I'm afraid I'm no help with how to help your OH. Mine isn't as affected by this as me. I think though that we have to go through these things to get a thicker skin about infertility. It's no good living our lives forever getting upset or being bitter when we see others with families etc. my theory is eventually we'll be so used to seeing it it won't hurt. It was working for me until this latest cycle.... So I'm not sure my theory has been proven to work yet

Grin I'm so sorry it was negative, and that your FC were less than helpful. Waiting for the confirmation blood test is horrible, I was always lucky enough to get them to bring it forward once I knew i was out.

Morning Ladybros.
Grin I'm so sorry your cycle didn't work my lovely. It really is the shittiest of the shit. I totally agree with the others in that nothing you did could have caused this not to work. Sending a huge Berry hug.
Smidge I'm also sorry that things didn't work out for you to get testing on your embryos. Everything crossed that the testing isn't needed and this is the lucky one for you .
Thinking of those of you that are struggling at the moment. It is completely understandable but still a huge pile of poop when you are going through it.
Manatee apologies for not welcoming you sooner (I'm the haggard old Berry rocking in the corner who's been here since the dawn of time ). Make yourself at home but I hope your stay here is short and sweet.
Lucie I'm glad to hear your NHS appt went well. Who did you see? We've only ever seen the female consultant. Also delighted to hear their policy on waiting times has changed after we waited 18 months . Though hopefully that'll mean no waiting for a second cycle
Nothing really happening chez Happy. Still firmly in limbo but hopefully will have some idea of what lies ahead by Xmas. Sooo sick of this crappy weather, I'm totally a summer girl. Oh - in true 'fuck you BFN' style I've booked flights for next summer. Still have to sort the details but 18 days pootling around Italy, Greece and Croatia. Every cloud and all that
Have a great weekend all.

Grin so sorry lovely. I'm gutted for you. Failed ivfs are just crushing.

Smidge I'm sorry I hear about your embies, keeping my fingers crossed that this one is the one though. When will you do your fet?

Sesame best of luck for stabbing again! I hope the result is better this time. Will you be tww over Christmas? What are you stimming with this time?

Happy your hol next year sounds amazing! Fx you get another NHS round ASAP.

lucie great news you get to start when you want. What will your protocol be?

Tiger how are you lovely? Are you managing ok with being an aunt again? Hope work is going ok too.

Ant I know someone who had both tubes removed to improve the chances of ivf working as they had inhibited follicle growth on the first two due to being blocked and yuk

Barking thinking of you, how's work been? Have you booked in for anymore counselling?

I'm back on the pill in advance of the final NHS cycle. Trying to be reasonably healthy and not drink too much given the time of year I love Christmas though!

beaky my clinic is closed over Christmas, so I have to wait until I have a Day 1 after they reopen on the 4th Jan - I suspect that almost takes me to Feb. We are then flying to England (hurrah) in the middle of March, so it doesn't give much leeway!

happy your trip sounds FAB. It's my 40th in May and we are hoping to go to Italy, but I'm also keen to take MrSmidge to Croatia (I went twice as a child when it was still called Yugoslavia and loved it) too.

Posted slight too soon - happy I'll be very interested to hear details of your plans. Is like to somehow do some boating off Croatia to see the beautiful coast, and am completely at a loss re Italy - at some point when I was younger I decided to save it for my honeymoon, and have never yet been there (what with only getting married when I was 37 and living in Australia at the time). Bit worried it won't live up to the hype now! I'm thinking Tuscany / countryside type places rather than cities. I'm wanting luxury for my 40th too (hey, with no more IVF to fund, there has to be an upside ) but MrSmidge says Italy is a lot more 'rustic' than France and I might get a bit disappointed. I'm normally very good at organising holidays but I think I've scared myself with having waited so long!

Smidge we haven't sorted out the details of our trip yet other that flying to Venice then on to Preveza in Greece 9 days later. I think the Greek leg will be a beach hol or staying in one place and complete R & R. Plan to stay on the island of Lefkada. Not quite sure yet how we are going to factor in Croatia. Was planning on getting the ferry but think it might take a bit too long. A 7 day cruise of some sort may be an option as it will allow us to get around as quickly as possible. I did half my degree in Italian and spent a couple of months in Tuscany - beautiful part of the world. Agroturismo may be an option if you want rural - I love the idea of staying on a vineyard. Are you thinking of travelling around or stopping in one place? I agree that Italy is more rustic than France but I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Happy, your holiday sounds amazing and something to look forward to. On our appt letter for the NHS it said the consultant we would be seeing was Dr Art but I'm not sure if that was him or not as he scribbled something Ibrahim on a bit of paper I had to give to the receptionist. He was quite a large chap with dark hair.

Beaky, I'm not sure what my protocol will be on the NHS. They will go through all that when I go back in Jan. All I know so far is I will be on menopur only. I suspect it may be an antagonist cycle. I have done 2 of these with menopur only. First one was my first ever IVF which went well and collected 7 eggs and second one was 5 months later and only collected 3 eggs. Not sure why the difference. Hope the NHS one will go slightly better. Good luck for your next round.

Grin, so sorry your treatment didn't work. Hope you are holding up ok

grin did you go for your blood test today? How are you feeling?

smidge, well done on making a decision on the testing. One frozen blast sounds good, and so does optimising all the conditions to put it back in. Did they grade it before freezing?

happy fingers crossed you can move quickly to your second cycle, after your appointment. Well done on getting your flights booked for your summer hols. That sounds like a lovely break to look forward to.

beaky, thanks, if I get as far as transfer this time, then yes, I will be tww over xmas. That suits me really, as I’ll be off for a fortnight and should have plenty of distraction. It’s anatagonist this time, stimming with menopur. Glad you’re up and running now for your NHS cycle. When will you start stimming?

lucie, really hoping the NHS round does the trick, when are you back in the fc?

Not much happening with me. I started stabbing over the weekend, first scan is in a couple of days. I think it’s turned into a bit of a routine now. I’m not feeling the slightest bit optimistic, I just want to get through to the other side and get my result. I’ve also been trying to decide at what point I will quit, but I still have a lot more thinking to do about this.

Grin sorry it was bfn this just sucks. Have you had the blood test?

happy that sounds like an amazing trip. I loved Tuscany and Umbria when we went last year - it was pretty rustic smidge but places like Florence and Sienna have plenty of glamour! I loved the towns like Orvieto too. I'm on the Chaise Longue of limbo too happy and also musing about holiday/honeymoon plans....to book or not to book. I wish I could just start my cycle now!

smidge I'm sorry only one made it but fingers crossed that tough cookie is the one. Don't beat yourself up about feeling negative - it's impossible to be relentlessly positive whilst dealing with this shit. Hope Mr Smidge enjoys his cricket match! Are you flying to England for a more permanent move this time? Do you think you'll definitely have to wait till Jan for your FET?

sesame did af rock up? Are you underway again? My brother had a boy, he's very cute. Looking forward to visiting at Christmas. This might sound slightly bonkers but I think caffeine now makes me anxious. I never have it now, and when I do I really feel the effects. So after a healthy week, and a lovely weekend at home I feel much better!

beaky I'm feeling much better thanks. A weekend at home with Mr T has done me the world of good. Does it feel good to be underway again? Everything crossed for you. How is your house coming along? I find not drinking hard - I have to go all or nothing...I don't think I drink much, then I tot it up and it seems a lot. I had a mulled wine, and two glasses of red on Fri, a spiced cider on Sat, one glass of red last night. Hmmmm. I think I persuaded myself that the hot drinks didn't count as the booze had been burned off!

lucie glad you're finally managing to get your NHS cycle underway!

Mr T and I were talking ivf plans this weekend. I think I may just go for my cycle in Feb and elect to freeze if I respond well. I'm keen to also consider embryo banking, and/or a round or two in Czech...I just want this phase of my life to end

I've also got two job interviews lined up. Just to keep things interesting.

Cross post sesame. I think that's a really tough decision. I hope that this cycle works for you, and you never have to make it.

Lucie all our letters have been signed by Dr C Art too but we've yet to see him (her?). I think I saw the guy you're talking about walk through reception once. All our appts have been with Dr D'Angelo who did our EC/ET. Maybe we'll end up cycling there at the same time!!
Sesame good luck with this cycle. I know how difficult it is to stay positive. If I'm granted another NHS go I'll totally feel like I'm just going through the motions. Having said that you must remember that there is still a chance. You hear weird and wonderful TTC stories all the time I just don't ever believe they'll happen to me
Tiger it's impossible to cut down on alcohol over Christmas. I'm exactly the same with the hot boozy drinks. We've been to a few Christmas markets lately and I've been knocking them back like there's no tomorrow! I'm with you on wanting this hellish nightmare to be over. The fact that we've only got a maximum of 9 more months of TTC is completely keeping me going. DH and I are going to an information evening at an adoption agency on Wednesday. We are nowhere near that stage yet but I think it's good to be informed on the options.
Beaky hoping you haven't been affected by the flooding that's been going on in your part of the world.
Ladies another reason I need to stop TTC is that every time I get a BFN I book a holiday to get me through it. I'll be bankrupt if we carry on any longer! As well as next summer's jolly we also have Kraków and Portugal and a couple of UK mini breaks to look forward to. Well my motto is you have to do whatever it takes to get you through. Not sure Mr Happy completely agreed with this strategy though

Loving the sound of everyone's holidays, if not the ttc struggles behind many of them. We're looking at winter sun options at the moment for maybe end February - DH is doing a super-intensive fitness regime thing at the moment that ends around then so he wants to show off his 'beach body' . We're thinking maybe Morocco again, as it's quite nice that time of year and not too long a flight. I'm a rubbish traveller where jetlag is involved, which makes places like the Bahamas a bit pointless for a single week as I'll be bleary for much of it.

I keep rreminding myself not to wish my life away (as my mum would say), that DH and I have quite a nice life as these things go, and there's lots to enjoy with it being just us. It's not always easy though.

FX for everyone IVF-ing this month. We're still au naturel here - I had some investigations for Gladys the fibroid and because I'd managed to conceive in about 6 months ttc before the MC they told us to go forth and shag, with a follow up booked for next May if nothing happens before then. Don't really know whether to hope or not but in any case I'm glad to be in the system. It's at Addenbrooks in Cambridge, who are (I think) supposed to be quite good with fertility type stuff.

Happy, that would be lovely cycling there at the same time!

Tiger, I think that's a great idea about the embryo banking. At least you can get something done in Feb then and it's a lot more straightforward to transfer them back than go through the whole egg collection process. If you need an advice on Czech clinics I would be happy to help. Good luck with the job interviews.

Sesame, I'm having my bloods done at the NHS clinics next week which I am very nervous about. I last had my bloods 15 months ago and I know they will have got worse by now but was hoping to just stick my head in the sand! I will be beginning my Czech round just after Xmas and then back at NHS clinic on 26th Jan for our treatment plan and meds so a busy couple of months! Good luck with your stabbing and hope your scan does well and your have lots of lovely follies.

Lucie I had my bloods re-done for the NHS just after my cancelled cycle as its been 2 years since my last ones . No-one ever told me the results and I didn't ask as I figured if it was bad news it would put me in to a negative frame of mind for my next cycle. We can only work with what we've got after all! I might ask about them at my next appointment though now that I know my response hasn't changed since my first IVF last year.
Manatee I hate that I've spent my TTC years wishing my life away to the next OV date/IVF cycle/appointment. I constantly try to remind myself that DH and I have a lovely life and there are millions far worse off, but I don't think we'd be human if this nightmare didn't get us down some of the time.

Ohh ok that's great thanks happy! I'm like you and I just think knowing my amh has plummeted or my FSH is really high is just going to stress me out and put me in the wrong frame of mind for my next couple of cycles. Af decided to surprise me and has shown up super early today so I've had to rearrange and off for bloods and scan on Thursday this week now instead. What will they look for at the scan? I've never had a baseline before.

I've only ever had baseline just as I start a cycle - did they say why they are scanning you at this point? I think at baseline they just look to check everything is in order with your ovaries and womble ie no cysts or polyps. They must also do an antral follicle count but none's ever mentioned this to me - NHS or private. They then use the baseline to gauge follow growth at each subsequent scan. Hope all goes well.

tiger thank you, I don’t think I would be able to give up on my dream altogether, but think I will have to come to the point where I would be willing to let go of ttc with my own eggs. The current cycle alone might still not be enough to do that though. Congratulations on the nephew, it will be nice to spend time with them. I’m not that close with my pg SIL, which does makes me a bit sad (nothing serious, I just live quite far away), but I’m planning to go see them in the hols. Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit healthier and better and making some good plans. Good luck with the interviews!

happy thanks, yes that’s how I feel right now. Going through the motions, stabbing at the right times, trying not to get too emotionally attached, and fitting the treatment around my life. Your holiday plans all sound so lovely, I’m glad that your plans are coming together.

manatee Morocco sounds good for a bit of winter sun. Good luck with the shagging ttc ‘au natural’, I think having the follow up in the diary means when you get diffed, you will technically get a fufc at the same time!

lucie thank you. Try to remember the reason for the tests is so that they can tailor your treatment protocol. Generally I think a baseline scan at the beginning of a cycle is meant to check that your lining is shed and that you don’t have an oestrogenized follicle or any cysts, and the antral follicle count is meant to give them an idea of how you might respond that cycle although my fc don’t believe in that last bit and don’t bother with baselines anyway. My guess is they will measure your afc and check that everything looks healthy, e.g. no fibroids etc. January sounds like it will be a very busy month. Will you try to let go and enjoy the holiday season or do you do anything to prepare yourself for treatment? Good luck for Thursday!

barking how are you getting on?

Not much happening with me, still on stims, started cetrotide. First scan is tomorrow, but I’ve not thought very much about it yet to be honest.

Thanks sesame, I will probably just enjoy Christmas although saying that I am on a diet and exercise regime at the moment. Has anyone found that IVF piles on the pounds. I'm a little at how much I've put on!

Lucie Gonal F is what you need - it absolutely killed my appetite (but also made me wake up at 4am everyday which wasn't so good!).

I've had Gonal as well as menopur and bravelle. I don't think I'm eating any more but after each treatment I seem to pile on extra pounds!