Over 40s TTC & success stories.

[Grizzer]

Starting a new thread for support & advice ladies. Not quite ready to graduate yet!

Sorry, that should have been Twinkly, not Chewy.

Chewy is there a plan afoot for the ICSI?

Ababs - sorry X posts. Now I have to Google 'selfish mother' sweatshirt. Sounds like I could do with one.

Hope you're enjoying a little early-days-PO break, before finding out this month was your month.

I've no idea what DP and I are doing this month, we need to form a plan and soon. Unless his antibodies reduce significantly there's little point in TTC naturally .

On the assumption there's even an outside chance these antibodies may be inter-connected with his allergy symptoms (in a vague sense that his immune system seems to be in over-drive), just lately the focus of my TTC effort has been to nag DP to clean up his diet as much as poss, fill out a diet/symptoms diary record for the hospital - although he's irritatingly rubbish at it resistant to it. I know I want another child, but a large man-child wasn't really what I had in mind.

Hello. My first time on a board. I thought I would join in as it's nice to get support from others going through the same thing. I think I started my period today (spotting) and just wishfully thinking it is implantation. Every month it gets harder to take the disappointment. Any tips on how to focus on something else at all at the end of the TWW (again)? (apart from a large glass of wine!)

Welcome Rugby, sorry you think AF is on her way. How long have you been trying? No tips I'm afraid as I never manage it myself.

Hi Rugby! Sorry, I'm afraid few of us here are particularly talented at focusing on something else at the end of the tww!

Even when we know we haven't been particularly good on the dtd front...

To answer your question, ababs, because both of us are so stupidly busy at the moment, dtd hasn't been easy. We had a very enthusiastic and determined start around cd 6/7 (!) and continued initially in that spirit, but then DH was away during a crucial couple of days, and being so busy is wiping us out so things petered out a bit early... Not very promising.

However... I'm still going to be assessing symptoms and hoping that we managed to catch an egg...
(TBH, if DH was away for the entire month I'd probably secretly start hoping for some sort of immaculate conception! )

Hi Twinkly and Ababs. Thanks. I am 40, been ttc for 6 months (first time) and it's so disheartening esp when friends are trying for their second now. AF arrived today. Like you, Twinkly, it was an unlikely month as OH was away for work on the three key days (argh! Anyone else's' OH not get it!!!?) but I had held out a small but of hope. Just nice to know there are others out there... I feel silly telling some people about it as I am sure they judge me for being too old. ☹

Rugby I conceived my ds at 41 having started ttc when I turned 40. It took us more than a year and I remember how soul destroying it was when AF arrived every month.
As it's been 6 months have you been to the GP to discuss tests etc? It might be worth doing it sooner rather than later if only to rule things out. Fingers crossed you get your bfp soon.

Hi everyone

I am a thread member of old and still lurk every now and again. So sorry to hear of your loss sofia. I have had a MMC at 10 weeks and a blighted ovum (fatty I also really hate the expression but not as much as missed abortion ) at 8 weeks and understand how devastating they are. My MMC especially as I had had a scan and seen the heartbeat too - I was beyond thrilled. I opted for the ERPC which was very straight forward - I don't think I could have coped with waiting. My blighted ovum I miscarried naturally between scans and although it was tough it was OK. I can see the benefits of both to be honest. Were it to happen again - I think I would go for the ERPC. I know it sounds a bit trite but the pain does get better in a while - you will never forget (I still look at my scan photos sometimes) but that's ok I think.

Sorry to to all those having such a tough time . TTC is such hard work!

My DP and I had IVF with donor eggs in 2014 (due the crap state of mine - AMH 1.3) and conceived twins. We lost one at 9 weeks but went on to give birth to a healthy 9lb 4 boy last year (on mother's day ) - he is an amazing happy little boy.

We had two 5 day blasts left in the freezer and decided to have one last roll of the dice as we are now both 46 and i simply couldn't get my head round the fact that my potential children were languishing in a freezer.

Well unbelievably it seems to have worked as we got a BFP. It is early days as I am only 4+6 but thrilled to have got over this hurdle at least. We have a scan booked for 7+6 so I have to hold my nerve until then (assuming it makes it that far). Whatever happens we will never regret trying again.

I know that ours isn't the conventional success story for the over 40's but there are some options if they work for you. I am wishing all of you ladies the very best of luck getting and keeping your well deserved BFP's.

I shall continue to lurk to see how you get on.

Congratulations greenlizzard, that's fantastic news! I wish you a happy, healthy and uneventful pregnancy - could be twins again? You will see soon enough I guess. Your ds is gorgeous, lovely photo . He will make a wonderful big brother.

6dpo here, nothing to report.

many congratulations to you greenlizard what an adorable we one you have. much love an dluck for the next ones safe journey into the world xxx

well ladies...im afraid....im OUT!! a/f came with a vengeance this morning, again, despite me doing everything i could to ensure a baby happened

oh well.....

Fatty I'm so sorry, it can be so cruel. Big hugs to you xxx

AF here, big discussion with OH at the weekend, I've got it all so wrong. Transpires he thought I was on the pill - I don't know where he got that from as I've been fairly open about what I want and never said that - he's not keen to have kids as at 50+ feels too old - I feel such a fool and a very lonely fool at that. 43, no kids, no prospect. I feel so stupid, and sad.

oh wotsits my poor lovely

is it something hes adamant about or something he could possibly change his mind on with more discussion? You must feel devastated that he was thinking the complete opposite.

DOnt feel stupid hunny, its not your fault at all.

tell him kids will keep him feeling young!

I dont know what to say except that Im so sorry and offer you gentle soothing hugs sweetie xxxx

Fatty - so sorry about AF. Big hugs from me too. It's not easy.

Wotsits - oh that sounds really difficult. You are not stupid - seems like you have been communicating about really important and difficult things which is actually very brave.

I had my last blood test today - looking for testosterone and PCOS. Now the next job is to persuade OH that he must do his tests...

Oh wotsits I'm so sorry. Do you feel that he's simply had a change of heart given that you've been quite clear what you want? What an awful situation for you

I know it's not ideal but there are ways to try and do this by yourself if you feel you want to so don't write yourself off just yet necessarily. There was a single lady on the 40+ pregnancy thread who recently gave birth having used donor sperm for IVF I think.

And thanks so much Ababs- it is heartening to hear about your DS. It really gave me hope! Thanks so much. Can I just ask if you went to see the doctor or anything for conceiving your DS? If so, did you find NHS helpful? So far I've had mainly helpful doctors and no judgment which I have been surprised about. I tried acupuncture for a bit but it got too expensive. Did you do anything like that?

Well here Iam a day later. D&C done. Bawled all the way into anaesthetic and was bawling as I came out of anaesthetic. Just when you think there could not possibly be any tears left,you cry your eyes out in front of complete strangers. The actual D&C was not painful,but the reaction to the general anaesthetic was appalling....vomiting and dizziness for 4 hrs. Hardly any bleeding today ( almost wish there was ,at least it would seem fitting!). To all the stories of MMC from you lovely ladies,as much as I wish no one would ever have to go through this,they are strangely comforting. Knowing so many people out there understand is helpful.
And now....... It's a waiting game isn't it!.? Wait and see when AF returns. Wait wait wait. And in the meantime life strangely goes on. Reading,lunches,finding socks and shoes....etc etc

#greenlizard# is it easy ( not sure what other word to use) to come to terms with not using your own eggs ...ie,Bub not having your genetics?Iam contemplating going down that road,but Dp is adamant that Bub is genetically half him,half me. At first I agreed with him,but as time goes on I feel less and less that it matters....

Whoops realise I should have done stars not hash! greenlizard

Sofia I'm very sorry but at least it is done and you can plan for trying again. You will never forget and, as you say, it will change you but I am sure it will get easier with a bit of time and, hopefully, a bfp and healthy baby. I am sure they are used to the crying. I broke down several times when my medical management failed as I just wanted it over, it had already been a week since we had found out.

Rugby my story is a little strange, one of those 'we'll never know' situations.

When we first started ttc I went to see a GP hoping for some reassurance and/or tests. I had read some NHS quiz thing that said if you are over 40 and ttc see a GP plus probably lots of American stuff which says similar (very different there of course). Well GP was bloody awful. She basically said I was wasting her time, the only way to see if I was fertile was to try and get pregnant and that she didn't have access to those tests anyway. To go back in six months or so. I left in floods of tears and it made me think because of my age the NHS would do nothing (ie no paid IVF) and at least that it wouldn't move quickly which I saw as paramount. Reading people's stories here I know that's not necessarily the case.

After a couple of months we booked to see a private consultant to see if he could recommend some basic tests for us. He recommended amh and a semen analysis which came back fine. He recommended trying for 6-12 months but having a cut off point and then because of my age moving straight to IVF.

So that's what we did. We tried for a year with no results and then had a private round of IVF. It went very well but it didn't work however the very next cycle I fell pregnant naturally. So for us it's impossible to know if it was just our month or if the IVF had an impact. I'm not sure what that impact would/could be as I was definitely ovulating. When we started ttc number 2 last year I fell pregnant immediately. I was stunned but obviously very pleased to be bypassing all the ttc nonsense however, sadly, that resulted in a mmc at 10 weeks despite having a positive scan at 7 weeks. We are now on cycle 3 of trying again after the mc.

I didn't try acupuncture though I was looking into it when the IVF failed and I was looking ahead to the second round. I took supplements, listened to fertility affirmations, fertility hypnosis, fertility yoga (I probably only did this a few times) and my weight was fine (I'm 10 pounds heavier now ).

(Grrrr, lost my long post and had to try and remember general gist of it... )

Sofia so sorry you are going through this. . It's going to be a tough few days, and it will take longer for the hormones to clear from your system. If it helps, you are supposed to be extra fertile after a d&c... I got pregnant very quickly after I had one a few years ago.

green it's lovely to hear from you and to see ds growing up. Delighted to hear your news.

wotsits I was cross on your behalf when I read your post. It sounded like it belonged on AIBU!

Please stop blaming yourself or thinking you are foolish. Of course you are not! If you were open and OH knew you wanted children / to ttc, then it was up to him to say something sooner. Sometimes I think men live on a different planet and have very selective attention.

Does your OH have children already? Is he likely to change his mind after he processes some more?

As ababs said, if this is something you feel strongly about, then there are other options.

Sorry you are out Fatty!!

Sympathies on the man-child issues Chewy! It may come to spoon feeding him (quite literally!) the food types that don't irritate? Anyhow, surely no harm in ttc just in case?

Our thread is about to finish! I've created a new one (I think???). I can't figure out how to post a link from my phone... It's called 'Fabulous forty + ttc and having success!' Can anyone help me/ us with a link??

Link to new thread hopefully!