Over 40s TTC & success stories.

[Grizzer]

Starting a new thread for support & advice ladies. Not quite ready to graduate yet!

Kkmuppet - for Ruby Rose.

Truly awful to read that the sad loss of your baby girl was due to medical negligence. I don't know what to say, no one should have to lose a perfectly healthy baby and at term too, or near enough.

DP and I read the Sunday Times' feature on stillbirths earlier this month. Shocking to learn that UK is something like 28th worst in Europe, with countries like Poland, Croatia and Estonia all having lower rates of stillbirths than Britain. I've just found the article again through the Sands charity website (although the - link - to the article itself might not work without a Times' subscription).

Anyway, you reminded me to sign the petition "Safer Births Campaign to reduce the number of stillbirths in Britain" - link -

I'll do it in the (unspoken) memory of little Ruby Rose. And also for my older brother who I never met, but who I always felt I would've adored. He should now be nearly 48 (wow), as he was perfectly healthy before he was stillborn at 38 weeks. That was negligence too, even by the standards/knowledge of the late 1960's. My DM can't really talk about it (maybe 3 times ever with me) so noone else in our little family does either. But nor do we forget him. As you say, no doubt you'll always miss your DD too. x

Thank you for sharing the link Chewy. Signed too for Ruby Rose and your brother

Hi ladies,
I hope that you have all had a good weekend. Sorry to hear that Rosie and Fatty have not been feeling too well. Hope that you feel better soon.
Ababs keep up the good work - you can have a rest soon - I admire your perseverance!!
Kkmuppet - big hugs to you for what you have been through.
As for me - af arrived with a vengeance on Saturday. This feels like the worst part of the IVF failure as it definitely marks the end, but also you realise that you are literally p***g about £5k down the toilet!!
Still, on a positive, it means that I am on CD2 now, so once the witch leaves town, we can get back on the wagon. I don't know why I think that's a good thing - it hasn't happened for us in 3 years, so don't see why it should now, but I suppose you never know, and I am encouraged by the stories of people who have fallen pg naturally after IVF.
Anyway, after about 8 weeks of not drinking, I have been on the wine this weekend, but have felt pretty yuck. So, that is stopping after tonight (better just finish the bottle from last night!) and I'm looking forward to feeling good again.
Best of luck to all those going into the 2ww. Is anyone anywhere near the end of it??

Hi all. Joining this thread. I am 39, 40 in July, and we have been TTC for 3 months. No luck so far and worried we have left it too late! We both have 2 DCs each from our previous marriages but none together.

hi candy and welcome :)
Theres proof in this thread that its never too late :)

keep posting and join our journey towards motherhood!

Loads of support and good advice/tips in here xxx

Joey I'm sorry, that's tough. Even though you know it's coming it's still hard when it happens. I started bleeding heavily only about a week after my embryo transfer so I hadn't tested at that point. It was horrible but obviously a happy ending for me, I hope you are lucky too.

Candy welcome, I'm sure it's not too late yet. Three months is not long though it feels like it. Whereabouts are you in your cycle?

I think I am 3 dpo now as I probably ovulated on Friday though I don't know for sure. We dtd Thursday and Saturday so will have to hope that's enough.

oh joey, that must add salt to an already difficult wound...im sorry about the arrival of a/f

what really grinds me at this age, is that all the way through my late teens, and the bits in between my earlier babies...you PRAY for a/f to come, and religiously take your pill, on time, without missing one, lest you fall pregnant when youre not ready..........then when youre finally in a position to say....yep...i want another one, and pray for a/f not to come each month, or stop your pill, and nothing happens...not a single jot apart from the unwanted arrival of a/f every month....

sometimes i feel like my body is punishing me for stopping it procreating when it wanted to......

here everyone...have some and i feel the need tonight! (((hugs))) to all.

I hear ya Fatty! How's it going with you? Any pg symptoms? How many dpo are you now?

hi abab im 13dpo (cd24 of a 25 day cycle) had a banging head for 3 days now (I usually get one round O day and a day or two before A/f as my signal shes rocking up any time soon!) but they only usually last for about 48 hours.

my boobs are still sore and tingly (but they have been since my MMC in may, which is a bizarre thing as i only ever had it for 3 days a month just before a/f came prior to that.)

other than that...nothing else, no back ache (whereas by now i would be crippled with it, again that would be Flo announcing her visit) no cramps, no nausea....nada!

and i STILL havent felt the urge to test....most unlike me!!

the only thing i can say ive had is a feeling of being....'wired' is the only way i can describe it....at home, i drink caffeine free diet coke or pepsi, but if ive been on a night out and drinking bar coke or pepsi, its not caffeine free, so after about 4 pints of it (either as a long drink or as a mixer for vodka) im very jittery, my mind is galloping and i cant sleep due to the caffeine overdose, and thats how i feel in spells at the minute.....

how are you my lovely?

anyone else got any news? or in their TWW
.

is everyone feeling better, and getting over their various winter bugs and stuff?

anyone any test results or anything?

Fatty well done holding out on testing, you must be in some zen-like state . Sounds like you have a mixed bag of symptoms there, I guess you'll know for sure in a couple of days. I really hope this is your month.

I'm 4dpo I think, too early for anything. I will try not to test early this month and wait until after AF is due in another 9/10 days. Current bugs are on their way out, hopefully not to be replaced with new ones...

I'm so glad you guys have signed that petition. The UK has a SHOCKING record for stillbirths and I hear about so many tragic and preventable deaths now I'm a member of some forums.
chewy I am so sad to hear about your brother and how much it has affected your family, my heart goes out to your mother. I know that back then most people did not get the chance to spend time and make memories with their stillborn baby which makes it even harder to deal with.
fatty you are my hero for still not testing. It's all I can do to wait til 8dpo before I'm peeing on sticks like a crazy woman.
I'm currently 5dpo and having cramps which I do seem to get about a week before af so I'm already counting myself out - will be testing by Friday anyway though knowing me!
Hi candy - it's early days yet! I had my first daughter at 42...
joey I really hope you get your surprise natural bfp soon

Hi guys,feeling incredibly alone and too sad for words. Have been lurking ,reading this thread for a while now...after what seemed like forever caring about conceiving,and giving it our best shot ( me 44 Dp 42,new partner of 2 years) we completely forgot all about it and just got busy with our very messy life and moved forward. But Lo and behold AF was late and did a test and was blown away to see a BFP. The range of emotions was beyond ridiculous,suffice to say we were both ecstatic. Names started rolling immediately. I loved how my Dp was so sweet and caring. I loved how big my boobs were. I loved it all. I have 2 boys 8&9 and the idea of seeing them with a little one was so nice. We have all been through so much turmoil lately with divorces,custody,new schools,new town etc that this news was a ray of sunshine beaming through our hearts. Because of a previous ectopic I was sent literally the next day to have an ultrasound and was surprised to see a fluttering heartbeat and told I was actually 6+5... We could hardly contain our happiness. A couple of days later reality kind of sank in when we had a call back from the dr saying another ultrasound was necessary,as the gestational sack seemed to be growing on previous c section scar(!?)... So this time Dp and I wandered down to the ultrasound none the wiser... I was beyond shocked when the ultrasound guy placed his hand on my arm gently and said " I'm sorry but there's no heartbeat"... Then the silence in the room was deafening as he went to get a second opinion. She too agreed. No foetal pole seen. Iam sorry for such a long post,but I have no one to talk to. I was naive I think to believe that at 44 things might run smoothly. Iam booked in tomorrow morning for aD&C. I still can't get my head around how fast things can change. Up. Down. Very nervous about the D&C....questions racing through my head if I did something wrong.

Sofia I am so so sorry. It is awful to get one's hopes and dreams crushed like that. Try as we like, it is impossible not to become emotionally involved when you get that BFP, to start planning.
Nothing I can say will make this better, but I'm wishing you lots of strength in this difficult time. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve. It will all feel very raw for a while, sad and hopeless. Don't push yourself (or your DP), this is a very real loss, and grieving in whatever form is normal (and necessary). Hugs

sofia don't ever blame yourself or think that there was anything you could have done to prevent this from happening. This is just a horrible thing that has happened to you not because of you.
I am so sorry you are having to go through this - especially after seeing a heartbeat which is usually a really good sign.
Please try not to worry too much about the d&c. I'm sure they will be very gentle with you and I know with mine a couple years ago it was very quick and not too painful afterwards. I did bleed a fair bit though so have some pads ready.
Good luck and hope all goes well

Thankyou guys...Now have people telling me not to have a D&C and to go the natural way ( let it happen at home) as if we try again it may cause scaring and prevent conceiving....so wimpy I'm terrified of letting it happen naturally

Ok sofia I'm going to weigh in here with my opinion as I've had five miscarriages. Four natural and one d&c.
I think the advantage of a d&c is that it is more controlled. You know when it is happening and there are medical people there. Disadvantage is risks of damage and all other usual risk of operation (infection, reaction to anaesthetic).
With a natural there can be a long wait of several weeks for it to happen (or you can take tables to speed it up). It can be very painful and you can bleed a lot and have large clots. It can take ages or can be very sudden and scary. There is the risk of haemorrhage and also incomplete miscarriage meaning you would need a d&c anyway.
For me, natural was best as I preferred to let my body deal with it rather than have an operation. But this is a completely individual choice

Hi all,

I've been keeping up to speed with the thread but have been too busy to log on and post for the last week or so. Welcome to newbies! to Kkmuppet (heartbreaking!) and joey... Found both your stories v moving. Fx for BFPs soon.

I am actually rushing again this morning but just had to post when I saw Sofia's post. I am so sorry you are going through this right now - it's horrible and many of us here have been through MC/ MMC so we can really empathise. There are some very helpful miscarriage threads - please do go take a look. You will find them supportive and also very informative about what to expect in relation to different options.

For me (had two MMC and a Mc), d&c was by far the best option for the physical aspects. Emotionally, it's going to take a lot more time. But we are here for you!

[waves to everyone else]

Sorry x posted with Kkmuppet!!

V, v sorry to hear you've had so much loss... Absolutely not disagreeing with you re d&c; our different views show that everyone is different and each woman needs to work out which option suits them best. Do take a look at the miscarriage threads Sofia, I think they will help!

Hello ladies x been a bit adrift with illness and feeling anxious and down. Hellooooo and welcome to all the newbies 😊! There has been so much activity on here recently.
To the new ladies who have experienced sad losses so very sorry for your sadness . I can only echo what others have said and you will have seen already, this is an incredibly supportive thread.x

Hi to Sofia. So sorry to hear about what you are going through. I kind of know exactly how you are feeling at the moment. Even though I never got an actual bfp, I'm feeling the failure of my IVF as hard as I did a mc that I had before my ds. It's utterly soul destroying and you feel so empty and lost. The only thing I can say that's helping me is just taking it one day at a time, and not thinking too much about what could've/should've been.

On a practical note, I had a mc about 4 years ago. I was given the option, like you, of D&C or natural. I went for the D&C because I just wanted to get it done and move on. I was told that the natural process could take weeks (although everyone is different). I was also told (not by the nurses) that sometimes a D&C can make you more fertile, as you have a good old clear out. In my case it proved true, and I got pg with my ds just 3 months later. It could of course been pure coincidence, but that was just my experience which I thought I would share.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

To everyone responding to me - a heartfelt THANKYOU. Iam yet to make friends where I live and my partners deep deep sadness is making me sadder ( if that's even possible!)
On the eve of the D&C,the tears are flowing freely. But just hearing from you all really does help.
This is my first miscarriage and it is so completely defeating. I would not wish this helpless feeling on anyone.
I know I will be ok. But I don't think I will ever be the same. And even though this is all so awful...thoughts run to trying again. God the human spirit is incredible ( or crazy!)

Sofia I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's awful and many of us have experienced the same thing as others have shared. I opted for medical management (drugs) after my mmc last year, it is not something that I would do again. I would opt for letting things pass naturally or a d&c, I'm not certain which right now. I wish you lots of strength to get through the next few weeks, do keep posting here if it helps

sofia I am also so very sorry for your loss....seeing a heartbeat makes it all the more real, then to find there is none is devastating...this happened to me with my 2nd child, in 1996. I went for my 14 week dating scan to find that the baby had no heartbeat, and had passed the week before.....but no matter how far along the pregnancy, your baby is your baby.

It will be very raw for a while, but it does get easier...you wont ever forget this little one.....i also had an MMC in may this year, with a blighted ovum (how i hate that HORRID term :( ) and opted for a d & c, so i knew that it was all sorted, and i could then plan for retrying, as i knew roughly when to expect an ovulation and period. I chose this way because im 44 and aware that time isnt favouring me at the minute, so i need to make the most of the fertile times i have left.

Whatever way you choose to go, look after yourself and take it easy xxx

beegee (((hugs))) for you. hope you find your mojo soon and start feeling better.

well ladies, im due tomorrow (day 25 as averaged out by fertility friend app) but i remembered that last months was a 27 dayer (first one that long since october 2014)...anyhoo...i caved today, because ive been feeling so positive...and....BFN on an internet cheapie! (usually i would have been testing with 2 different brands of internet cheapie, daily from 7dpo LOL)

so.....im holding out till saturday before i test again, as that will take into account the possibility of another longer cycle.

my temp was still up tho after its dip below the coverline the other day....so we shall see....why is nothing ever like the textbooks say huh???

I know Fatty, why does everything have to be so cryptic? You would think that from a protection point of view it would be in our best interest to know as soon as we are pregnant and that evolution would have sorted that out but no! I have everything crossed for you this month my friend.

Beegee good to hear from you. I'm sorry you're feeling anxious and down. Ttc can be really tough can't it? You're not alone though, we are here if you want to vent.

Chewy sorry you've been so busy, it must help take your mind off ttc though. Are you and your dp getting back in the saddle this month?

5 dpo here, still too early. Boring, boring, boring. Yawn... I have cheered myself up and bought one of the selfish mother sweatshirts that I've been hankering after for a while. Quite a lot of money for something that will essentially be for lazing around the house . I have been lurking on the 'no spend 2016' thread as I had wanted to cut down drastically this year but so far I am failing though I am spending less (I think). I have at least started keeping a detailed list of all spending, I find it quite satisfying being able to analyse it all sad.

Sofia - so sorry here too, to read about your loss. Particularly hard once you had already seen a little heartbeat on your early scan.

I had a MMC at 10 weeks (in 2014) also having seen a heartbeat on an earlier scan. It felt like a cruel trick as although I'd been reasonably prepared for the first scan to be awful, once I'd seen the heartbeat, I had dared to hope that it might turn out OK. So perhaps I can imagine a little of how terrible you must feel - as can many other ladies on this thread.

FWIW I don't think you were "naive" to hope for a good outcome aged 44. You'd hardly be breaking any world records having a baby in your mid-forties. And it's not like miscarriages are the preserve of women over 40 either, obviously they happen to lots of younger women too - just one of those terrible things. Please don't blame yourself. It won't be due to anything that you did (or didn't do).

Is your D&C Thursday? I can understand you wanting to have some control over the process, particularly if you've got two young boys at home. I opted for medical management - tablets, then stayed in hospital for the day (in a side room, they don't leave you on a ward) while I passed the 'products'. Physically it was not too bad, emotionally it was pretty grim, but having some enforced time to myself (to wallow in it a bit) was bizarrely therapeutic. Obviously it's the last thing you wanted, but I hope it goes as well as possible for you in the circumstances.

Joey - still thinking of you after your recent IVF. There are still several positives to take from how it went, although I guess they're cold comfort at the moment. I'm crossing fingers for you for an Ababs style post-IVF BFP.

Beegee - Sorry you've been feeling down, hope you're on your way up again soon.

Fatty - naughty you for testing so early! I had imagined that you had achieved an enviable state of zen-like calm from the fertility meditation clip that you posted.

Incidentally I thought it was lovely, albeit a bit beyond me at the moment as I'm still cross with the diagnosis of anti-sperm antibodies + that TTC naturally was a total lost cause (oh, did I mention that?!!!). I'll get over it. No choice really.

Waves to everyone else. x