Over 40s TTC & success stories.

[Grizzer]

Starting a new thread for support & advice ladies. Not quite ready to graduate yet!

Thanks Ababs - yes DP's better than yesterday, but hasn't been able to work today. In the end A&E were happy to discharge him last night (about 10pm) once they were satisfied he wasn't actually going to stop breathing! I guess I should be relieved today, but afraid I've still caught myself worrying about his sperm!

And you just have to hope that regardless of what was said to DP about the lack of beds, they would've found one for anyone with a really acute medical condition - like what if it was a heart attack, appendicitis, someone elderly and really ill etc? This was a large teaching hospital, not some little satellite thing, so it's (yet something else) that makes you wonder if the NHS is stretched to breaking point.

You'd hope so wouldn't you Chewy, it seems crazy at a large teaching hospital. Glad he's a bit better, it must have been a horrible evening.

I'm on cd9, I've had some ewcm today. We definitely need to dtd today though I am tired. I also need to remember to POAS first thing in the morning, I find it easy to forget.

Laughing when I read your last couple of posts ababs because we also had a dtd fail due to exhaustion AND I've just sleepily gone to the loo and forgotten to poas.

And I was so proud of myself for the achieving the noteworthy task of remembering to order an ovulation kit this month... . I have now got to drum home the message to my (albeit very tired) self that it sitting on a shelf in the en suite - no matter how obviously - is in itself not sufficient to let me know when/ if I am ovulating.

I also bought some cheapie sticks, which I haven't tried before. However, they require dipping in rather than peeing on (is that usual? It's an awful palaver...) and I keep forgetting to have something ready.

Ttc requires a lot of time and stamina (and a brain that at least partially works after office hours) and not just for the physical dtd act, doesn't it? And all these vitamins and supplants aren't quite boosting me to the sprightly, vivacious pre-pregnant (followed quickly by pregnant) version of me that I imagined...

On a positive note, I think I'm better at fighting off winter illnesses...

Chewy you guys have really had it rough. I really admire the way you seem to just push through it. Fx your luck takes a turn upwards.

Twinkly at least you're fighting off winter illnesses, we're not even managing that. We still all have colds and poor ds came down with another stinker yesterday despite not being fully over the last one. We had a dreadful night and early morning with him, still I feel OK considering. We did at least dtd last night and I remembered to POAS though I had also been to the loo about 1:30 before I finally got back to bed.

I do remember seeing a little monitor that you wore which measured your temperature to determine when you were ovulating, that seems very low maintenance right now . This is it.

chewy I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time, that is terrible for your poor husband. I hope he is still on the up. Tough for you too to have thoughts about his general health running through your head and then worrying about sperm quality too. I hope you have a rest bite soon. Thanks too for advice about getting checked out. I've been waiting on appointment from NHS and received it today - booked for early March. The pain is only at certain times 0 usually about 4 days before I get af though this time was dat after ov which is unusual. I'm worried about endo too, though periods not too painful - so will see what hospital has to say. twinkly and ababsurdum sending you lots of electronic virtual energy to help you muster the energy for dtd despite the colds.

Hi ladies. I have been looking for people like you! I am 44 and ttc a sibling for my 2.5 yr old dd since losing her sister at 35 weeks last April. I'm starting to get disheartened as I haven't even had a faint bfp in 8 months of trying but got pregnant so easily before (although have had a few miscarriages).
I am taking every supplement under the sun and having reflexology. Spending a fortune peeing on sticks and getting nowhere :-(
Just looking for some support from women in a similar boat.
Oh and I am about to O this month as got smiley and a vvv dark positive on cheapie opk today so joining the 2ww soon I hope!

Wotsits it's great you've got your appointment through. Is that just for you or for dp too? It makes sense for him to get a semen analysis too if he hasn't already. I think private tests are about £100 if you want to do it quickly. Don't assume straight out that any issues (if there are any) are yours.

Kkmuppet I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a baby at 35 weeks. You are very brave to be trying again . It's frustrating isn't it when you manage to conceive relatively easily, miscarry, and then nothing happens. I really hope this is your month, it sounds like you are doing everything you can to make it happen. I am 44 soon and ttc number 2 also. I have a 2 yo ds.

I'm very glad we don't have to dtd tonight, I'm knackered! I'm hoping we have a better nights sleep tonight.

Welcome kkmuppet I'm so sorry for your loss hunny xxx

chewy what a dreadfully stressy time you and o/h are having...one really does hope that a bed would have been found for him, should (god forbid) he had been any worse.

I thought I was the only one in regards as not feeling any positive physical boosts with all the supplements I take. ...I'm still as tired as ever, if not tireder I'm still getting mouth ulcers, still got no energy..I expected to be able to at least run a marathon...erm...run up the stairs, without stopping for a sit down lol.. ...
I'm still breaking out in zits at ovulation and menstruation time....no glowing here....

I should be.a veritable super hero of stamina, strength, energy, shining glowiness....slim lean sylph like body to look good in skin tight lycra....no...I look like mr stay put

Fatty imagine what we would be like if we weren't taking them!

Wotsits - glad to hear about your appointment, hopefully you'll find a cause, or rule out any problems, so win-win either way.

Thanks for your kind wishes re my DP - and your kind thoughts too Fatty.

I feel totally uncharitable that whilst DP's immune system seems to have gone into hyper-active mental mode, my main concern is (after his carrying on breathing of course!!!) that he seems to have developed anti-bodies to his own effing sperm. My tiny brain must have been visibly spontaneously combusting upon hearing the positive MAR test (mixed antiglobulin reaction) news from the IVF doctor, so she obviously short-cut the why it causes failure to fertilise lecture with, "so the sperm and egg just can't tango". Marvellous. More steroids, try to find what's causing this allergy, ICSI maybe. But f*ck we are fast running out of time (if not already).

Fatty - I hear you with the "breaking out in zits at ovulation and menstruation time"! WTF is that all about! Shouldn't we have left all that behind as teenagers?

I've got to ask - did you notice the same zits in the cycles when you fell pregnant? I've yet to determine whether my last shred of self-belief has vanished (it was pretty low in any event) but I could still frankly do without the zits (and one-sided headache, and ahem - TMI alert - somewhat loose bowels) bloomin' not pregnant, the witch is on her way, early warning system!

Kkmuppet - good to meet you, I have a 2.5 year old DD too. I'm so sorry for the loss of your second DD . I had a miscarriage at just over 10 weeks in 2014 and it very nearly did for me. He (it was a boy) should've been born last March. Still, I cannot imagine the agony of losing a practically full term baby.

But now that you are TTC again, I wish you all the very best and hope that your stay here will be fruitful and brief! x

Hi everyone. I have been lurking here for a while and reading your stories. I'd like to join you, as I definitely need some support at the moment. This is my story so far.....
I'm 45 and I have a ds who will be 4 in April. He was conceived naturally and pretty easily when I was 41. When he was about 1, we started ttc a second child, naively thinking that it would be as simple as the first. Well, 3 years on and that clearly hasn't happened. I've not even had a sniff of a pregnancy - no early losses, no false alarms, af always bang on time. Last summer (2015) dh and I agreed that we would give IVF a go, as we wanted to be able to say that we had tried all options. It was to be a one and only attempt, and then we would draw a line under it. The process actually went much better that I had expected - we got 3 eggs, all fertilised and all went on to be top grade embryos. I had all 3 put back in and spent 2 weeks panicking about having triplets!! I needn't have worried, as nothing happened and I didn't get pregnant. However, as it had gone better than either of us had expected (I never even thought we would get any eggs out) we decided to give it one last shot. This time we got 2 fertilised eggs and they both went back in. Sadly yesterday was my test date and it was a very strong bfn.
So, that's what brings me here. I had thought that if this second IVF attempt failed, then I would definitely draw a line under ttc and accept the fact that we are destined to be a one child family (for which I am very grateful by the way). However, after many tears yesterday (and still today) and a bottle of wine last night, I find myself still thinking that there is a chance that we may get our little miracle naturally. There will be no more IVF attempts - too financially and emotionally draining - but I can always hope for a natural miracle.
So, the plan for now is to continue taking various supplements, I'm not going to do any opks or temping, or even plan sex for the 'right' time. I'm just going to try and enjoy a spontaneous, but regular sex life with DH and see what happens.
So that's me. Sorry if this post is a bit long and self-indulgent, but is's a bit of therapy for me after our latest disappointment. By joining in here I feel like I am doing something positive - I know that this won't get me pregnant but I hope to have some fun and interesting chats with people who are in the same boat!!
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, and best of luck to everyone on this journey of trying to get pg after the age of 40!!

Joeywife you must be so disheartened. I guess one positive is that you have responded to Ivf meds and produced good eggs so you clearly have some left!
we had three failed Ivf attempts then got pregnant naturally - I think you are right in trying to be relaxed about it however hard that may be. Good luck!

Hi Joey - Yes do please join in! Hopefully you'll find plenty of mutual support here. TTC is so isolating - it's so difficult to discuss in RL isn't it, yet we need an outlet somewhere, or else risk going stir crazy!

I'm so sorry to hear that you've had a BFN from your second IVF, you must be gutted - particularly when it had looked like it was working well. And like you say, the investment of finances/emotions/time is so much greater than in an 'ordinary' cycle. It's so unfair .

I'm older than you and have found it too hard to give up TTC (I've tried). I had expected that having reached a certain age, or Christmas, or any number of shifting random deadlines, I would somehow be able to accept that I wasn't having another child, just like turning off a tap. But it hasn't worked like that.

So given that I have to function day-to-day (i.e. not crumble into a heap of depression) I've found that having a plan (and a constantly shifting contingency plan ...) however unrealistic anyone else may think that plan is (and if they do, frankly they can f*ck off, its my life) is actually the most comfortable way forwards.

So ... good for you for keeping trying - FX for that 'natural miracle' as you put it.

On supplements - a good old supplement list is always popular on here, so do feel free to share. Are you taking DHEA and/or Co-enzymeQ10 / Ubiquinol? You'll find a few fans on here. Also have you read the book It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant and Prevent Miscarriage - same goes for that.

I've also seen endless accounts of women falling pregnant in the cycle or two after IVF, as though the fertility drugs give you some kind of bounce. (It may even have happened to Ababs on here, I'm not sure.) So even if you are sworn off OPKs on the whole, in your position, I might be tempted for a box of posh smiley face ones for this month and next, just in case!

And if your 'spontaneous and regular sex life' can extend to DTD every other day from day 8 through, say, day 18 - you might be in for a lucky break. Lets hope so.

I'm sorry that your IVF hasn't been successful joeywife, it must feel awful. Chewy is right, I conceived my ds the cycle after my IVF failed so there's always hope, especially when you've conceived naturally in the past. I assume there's been no great change to you and your dh since your dd? Such as what's happened with Chewy's dp for instance? Fingers crossed you get a natural bfp soon. We will do our best to be fun and interesting no pressure

I'm on cd11, remembered to POAS again this morning and I've had more ewcm today. Need to dtd tonight. After a better, but not great, night with ds I am not exactly enthusiastic...

Hi ladies. Thanks so much for your warm welcome - feeling a bit better already!!
I've had a chance to read back a bit on this thread so will hopefully get up to speed with your situations. kkmuppet - I was so sad to read of your loss at 38 weeks. That must have been absolutely devastating and I really hope that you get some happy news soon.
chewy - yes you're absolutely right about trying to give up ttc. I have put various deadlines on it - when I turned 45, if the ivf failed, when ds turns 4 etc, but I now think that if we are 2 pretty healthy people with a decent-ish sex life then why should we stop. I would like to become a bit less of a slave to the calendar though and not always have half an eye on key dates.
ababs - that's lovely to hear that you conceived after failed ivf. Maybe we should put in a little extra effort for the next few months!! No, there is no great change in either of us since we had ds - only that my eggs are nearly 4 years older, but the ivf has at least shown that I still have some eggs, and they are happy to be fertilised by dh's sperm, so that gives me some hope. Good luck with your efforts tonight - it's so tough isn't it when you already have a little one and you feel knackered. That was the nice thing about the IVF - no pressure to have sex!!!!
Oh, and yes I have read 'It starts with the egg' - a very interesting read. As a result, I take the following supplements: vitamins b, d and e and co-enzyme q10. I did take Dhea for a while but a ran out and never bothered to get any more. I think I also have some macca root in the cupboard but I think that was shortening my cycles so I stopped that. Anything else that is recommended? Thanks all.

Well we dtd last night, I was umming and ahing about whether to bother but had ewcm so we did. Then I get a bloody positive OPK this morning (cd12, same as last month) so now I have to dtd for the next three nights too - arghhh!

I now think that if we are 2 pretty healthy people with a decent-ish sex life then why should we stop

I like this joeywife

Welcome khmuppet, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter so late on, I can't imagine how that must feel. Heart breaking.
Welcome to you too joeywife, sorry about the failed IVFs, but admiration to you for staying so positive. I hope being on this thread brings some luck to you soon.
Gosh, this ttc process is so emotionally draining isn't it - they don't warn you about any of the possible heart break when you're learning about it at school - you're really just told not to have sex for fear of getting pregnant.
ababsurdum well done on dtd and good luck for next three days, it's exhausting isn't it.

Not much news for me. Am in the tww and can feel the signs of af already, as I always do, right on schedule. Had an internal scan yesterday and good news I suppose was they could see I had ovd. Just makes me feel a bit more like it's never going to work - what more can I don than have sex (a lot of it0 on the right days and ovulate. getting pregnant is supposed to be what happens as a result. So feeling a bit blue today.
chewy I hope things are getting better for your husband and thumbs up to you for your f**k you attitude to any doubters.

Ababs I hear you about dtd. I have a stinking cold and this month I was heard to utter 'oh just jump on and get on with it' - not exactly heights of passion!! Thank goodness temp shows I o'd yesterday so can have a break.
Thanks to all of you for your kind words too. Having a stillborn is just devastating and we will be grieving and missing Ruby Rose for the rest of our lives - she was perfect and only died due to medical negligence which makes it even worse. But I have to accept what has happened and move on. And I get immense joy from our other daughter.
Our latest deadline is my 45th birthday which is coming up in July so hoping something happens before then so we don't have to renegotiate :-)

And how do you get the names to go bold?!

Kkmuppet that is heartbreaking, I'm so so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful name you gave her, she will always be part of your family

To bold you simply put a * either side of the word or passage that you want to bold.

Re. Dtd tonight, I'm not sure we will. Despite what Clearblue say I took another test this afternoon and am tracking the lines. They are getting darker but are not as dark as the control line yet. I'm going to keep taking them and see what the lines do. We did it yesterday and will do again tomorrow so we should be covered. Unless I suddenly get lots of ewcm (not much today) or ovulation pain that's my current plan. I wonder what the threshold of the digital opk's is and where it kicks in on the curve of the LH surge they show on the graph? It stands to reason that we must all have slightly different levels/tolerances.

Hello and welcome to Kkmuppet and joeywife and everyone else too! I've just joined a week or so ago ( although haven't posted much as have had a really shitty virus the last few days). Kkmuppet, i am so sorry for your loss i really am.

I have as i said above been really poorly and today is the 1st day i have been able to dtd and I'm on CD17 already, have been using posh smileys, a cb digital monitor and internet cheapies every day and just getting high's and flashing smiley faces but no sign of O.

Experience should tell me that my surge is only detected in the afternoons and sure enough after a bit of 'fun' this morning my IC went dark this afternoon, i backed it up with the smiley face one but it was still flashing so i did another test with fresh wee 20 mins later and it was solid. ( bloody fickle cb digi ov test )

That monitor never gives me a peak in the mornings so when i re-set it i will set it for the afternoon i think. Am glad i can stop testing for O day now as it is getting later in my cycle - i will assume i am going to O on day 19, no ecwm as yet though.

I had forgotten how obsessive this can make you, i swore after the last time 4 years ago and the 27 months of constant poas'ing before i became pg with DS i would chill out this time ... not really working out that way!

DH looks like he is going down with this awful virus now too so perhaps this morning was our only shot this month so to speak, i was hoping to cover the bases with dtd tomorrow morning and Monday morning ( too bloody knackered to do it in the evening!) but i am not sure how its going to work out really.

I really hope you are all ok and having a nice weekend, for those of you in the tww good luck, hopefully i will be joining you shortly.

hi to joeywife Im sorry about your failed IVF's, but a positive mental attitude is half the battle to keep your sanity.

ive been listening to and repeating positive affirmations from you tube, and also listening to fertility hypnosis for about 3 weeks now, every night before bed...its certainly helped me not obsess, as im now 10 dpo and not once have i had the urge to POAS...and usually id have done about 10 internet cheapies and a FRER by now....but i was making myself a basket case with the constant BFN's, so its really helped to stay positve this time!

Hi rosey sorry about the virus thing....this up and down weather doesnt help stuff either...with emps up and down and things constant;ly damp and drizzly, airbourne stuff isnt being killed off and so it just recycles. Hope its a very quick one, and hope hubby doesnt succumb, and you can both get on with the job in...erm....hand so to speak

wotsit I hope your gp visit is a good one, and that the pain is due to something trivial and not endo. Its good that you are having it looked at tho, as us girls need to keep a check on our bits and bobs on a regular basis...i have a family history of gynae conditions in the family, so im a bit of a stickler for getting anything 'wimmeny' checked out asap.

abas i think if i didnt take my sups, i'd be a double bagger (in case one fell off) with my zits....i know i prayed to the fairy of youth for younger looking skin....but i didnt want teenage acne FFS!

well...as i said im 10dpo cd21 of a 25 day cycle, ive had a BIG dip today in my temping....gone back below the coverline, so i was convinced (despite my positive affirmations, i AM pregnant, I AM fertility blessed, I AM full of life etc) A/F would come today, as when i drop below coverline at the end of my cycle, thats a sure sign shes coming later that day!

I woke up feeling hungover (despite not drinking in weeks...months even) head booming a la usual pre a/f symptom, and generally feeling mildly crampy and constipated (sorry TMI), so we shall see what the next 4 days bring, but im not gonna give up hope or my nightly positivity stuff, as its really helped me not be so hung up and stressed out.

much love to all you ladies, and to the lurkers, come on in, lace up your posting boots and take the plunge xxxx

Rosie sorry you've been poorly. Despite that it's great you managed to dtd at the right time. I hope you and your dh are well again soon.

Fatty great that the hypnosis and affirmations have helped you hang onto your sanity this time. I remember feeling slightly hungover before I found out I was pg with ds, hopefully it's a good sign that witch AF will stay away for the next 9 months at least!

Well I tested (opk's) a couple of times yesterday and again this morning. Lines were getting darker yesterday and still showing a smiley face but this morning the line was lighter again and no smiley. I also got ovulation type pains yesterday, cd12. A bit early for me though with the spotting maybe I was too late to call cd1. I tend to wait until I see proper red blood, I'm not used to the days of spotting I've had post mc. So it's possible I ovulated yesterday afternoon though who the hell knows. I didn't see any ewcm yesterday though I've had a bit today. In any event we didn't manage to dtd last night as ds was awake for two hours - lovely! We will hopefully dtd tonight and again tomorrow just in case.