Over 40s TTC & success stories.

[Grizzer]

Starting a new thread for support & advice ladies. Not quite ready to graduate yet!

80% drinking / 20% DTD ababs?

That's the spirit city!

Also at your 'nether regions' fun...

Yes city, something like that

No news here. Still bleeding a bit but still not phoned the epu. Sigh. A quick Google came up with other people having the same issue so I'm assuming wonky periods are normal after a mc.

I haven't finished my Christmas shopping either, was hoping to have it all done by the end of today was never going to happen.

Ababs - After you mentioned your DH had suggested it, I was wondering if you'd phoned EPU - I do think its a good idea TBH.

When I had medical management of MMC, EPU definitely told me to phone back if the bleeding didn't settle after a certain amount of time. I'm now trying to remember how long it was that they said and (not v helpful, I know) I'm afraid I just can't (it was all a bit of a blur).
You're probably right that the bleeding is just within the range of 'normal' post-MC wonky periods, but I'd get it checked just on the off chance (I'm sorry if this sounds nasty) its a teeny tiny bit of tissue left over (which if it was, they should be able to treat easily enough).

I wish Jass was around, she knows all about this sort of stuff.

(BTW, it sounds nothing like perimenopause, as you mentioned earlier. I'm no doctor, but I've never heard of peri presenting like that.)

I'm sorry this is a recent issue for you too Twinkly. Hope your good days are outnumbering the bad ones.

Well this is turning into a looooooooong 2ww (drums fingers). But not a particularly hopeful one (sigh). I feel like doing this - well that's 80/20 isn't it? - but I won't.

Thanks Chewy, you're probably right, I will call them at 8:30 and see what they say. I thought of the perimenapause as I remember my sister telling me a while back that she was bleeding for a lot of the month. She's 6 years older than me.

Sorry you're not feeling hopeful. When is AF due? I really was expecting my period when I fell pregnant in August so you never know!

Ababs - Hope the EPU can offer some reassurance, or else some prompt treatment if there's a reason to do so. I'm sorry that I didn't phrase my last post very well, but I was stumped for a nice way to say that perhaps there could be a speck of retained lining/placenta which (as far as I understand it) can be a reason for continued bleeding. Or just the 'WTF' cycle, as you point out. Anyway, hope you get the answers you need.

Today started badly for me. After nursery drop off I had a blubbering meltdown at the latest arrival of newborn sibling - I suppose an occupational hazard of having a 2.4 year old. Obviously I can't lock DD up at home and avoid taking her to nursery or to her various pre-school activity classes, but it feels like I'm confronted on a daily basis by massive bumps and/or cute chubby babies. I guess 99% of the time I keep it together - sometimes through gritted teeth, I have to say - but today I felt like a total failure as a parent. Perhaps I was worn down by the fact that yesterday, half-way through a Tumbletots class, DD decided she didn't fancy participating any more, but preferred instead to sit with one such baby-sibling and hand him his toys ... F*ck .

Sorry for the boo hoo, poor me, pity party. I'll man up soon, no doubt. It just wasn't particularly helped by DP (when I mentioned this in passing on the phone just now - we'd had to speak about something else) telling me I was 'being weird'. Yes I know. But still, if he could only be a little bit sympathetic about this TTC lark, just occasionally, that would be nice. F*cking hell, its not like I can talk to anyone else in RL about it ... [grumpy emoticon]

Fingers crossed for everyone trying x

Oh Chewy don't feel like a failure as a parent for not yet having given your dd a sibling (I don't think she has one yet?). You are trying and there is so much in life we can't control. and for you. Your dp needs to be a lot more supportive.

I know what you mean about bumps everywhere. Three of my nct group are pregnant again and two ladies in my ds' swimming class. I'm trying to just be happy for them and not think too much about it. We also do tumbletots on a Monday. Several bumps but no little babies so definitely not in the same place!

I phoned the epu this morning and they weren't that helpful. I saw a gp this afternoon and she said she's not concerned. She said if I still had retained products now it would be obvious as it would smell awful and there would be other signs (temp etc.). She said it's probably hormones adjusting but to go back if I'm concerned. Ironically it has settled down a lot today so hopefully it's tailing off now anyway.

Ababs, I am truly (again) astonsohed how little concern doctors ingeneral in western Europe have for such post-mc spotting/bleeding. Yes, it is not life threatening if not smelly (no infection), yes, it does nothing more than postpones your chance of becoming pg quickly again, but holy cow - they just do not care. At all. In such situations I make sure I go home to eastern Europe where there is no such negative bias against "womens' problems", if they are not life threatening. Yes, it may well be that you are Ok and just having the wtf cycle. Yes, it may be nothing. 99% sure it is so. But - not 100%! It may be placental polype which has developed and needs untrasound to verify! it may also be a bit of a retained tissue, even if you have had a bfn as the tissue has turned inactive. It is not especially dangerous, but can result in months of intermittent bleeding and no chance to conceive, for heaven sake... i am so sad when it happens again that I see docs do not care.... it has happened to me in Luxembourg several times - spotting is normal, it means nothing, etc. From doc, who is normally quite caring and has a US machine in the office, so could check at once. And they do not, because it is so rare that ppl have this. But it is not that ppl never have this, they should check! I have had it three times, yet when it happened second and third time Lux doc still said it is not sure it is a recurrent problem and did not check. my doc in Tallinn, for second and third time when it happened, booked operation theatre before She even saw me, being sure it is a recurrent peoblem and no woman bleeds mid-cycle just because it is "normal".
I like and appreciate the living standards of western Europe, but something has gone missing here, the real caring or sth.

Sorry for venting, and I hope ababs that it is sth which rights itself and does so quickly. If it does not, go private, I think in GB you at least have that option - is it better, no idea of course. I have read a lot on the feminist discussion of women getting lesser health care because they are women and it is still true - for example, women with heart attack die more often because of delayed care in Luxembourg than men. Ladies,fight for your lady parts even if the system is against you!

So I am still lurking. Even if i realise it would now take a miracle to get a new pregnancy. I managed to talk about the due date of our last loss with my DH, after sulking in the corner for three weeks and almost breakong our marriage over it, but now - ça va, as they say in this corner. Appreciating every morning that my 6yo is still small enough to be cudddled a bit before he gets sent off to school:-)

Good luck for some pre-christmas sticky bfps!

Hi all. Just reporting a pre-Christmas bfp. Was quite a shock as we were taking a break after last mc till after Christmas. Still v early so no counting chickens. Lets hope for a littke flurry of bfps now!

Oh my goodness congratulations Slinki! How far are you? Have you any more details?

That was some pretty magical good luck jassS to work so fast! Good to hear from you. I hope you get your miracle.

ababs I hope it is just a wonky cycle - there's a good chance it is. If it continues maybe throw your proverbial toys out of the pram at the EPU and make them scan you to be sure. You don't want to be ttc for months to no avail because of retained products.

I'm only 4+4 so its very early. We really had given up for this year since a mc in Sept. I went paintballing on Monday and was so out of breath and thought, hmmm, I wonder. Big lovely surprise. I've not been following the thread for a bit as I just wanted to stop thinking about babies and pregnancy, give ourselves some time off. (I'll have a proper read through to catch up) I have heard to said that plenty of folk conceive after giving up. Could this be why?..?
Well I'm wide awake after going to bed at 8.30 last night and have a splitting headache so I'm taking that as a good sign!
Brought vitamins yesterday as I'd stopped taking them.
Lashing of baby dust for you all and hope all your Christmas dreams come true. Xxxx

Slinki congratulations!!! . Yes it's early days but I'm so happy for you. Wishing you a happy and healthy nine months.

Thanks for your kind thoughts everyone, and your outrage on my behalf JassS. I think I'll see if I can get a private scan just to be sure. Will they be able to see if it's only a small piece?

Congratulations slinki! What lovely news, here's to a boring, uneventful pregnancy

Thanks Ababs - and bless you for your 'not yet pregnant' phrasing. A bit like Jass said about herself, I do feel like it would take a miracle to get me pregnant now. (So shall we put an order in for two miracles then Jass, one each?)

FX Ababs that the bleeding is continuing to settle down and disappears soon. What your GP said sounds very logical, I have to say, but I'm glad that Jass has given you the benefit of her own experience. If you're still worried in a few days and you do decide on a private U/S scan, I would've thought that yes, a good sonographer should be able to spot anything of concern. (I think they can usually tell quite a bit about the thickness/quality of uterine lining, whether its homogenous or patchy etc).

SlinkiMalinky - what wonderful news, many congratulations!
Surely that's everyone's absolute favourite type of BFP news: the 'total-surprise-as-I-wasn't-even-trying-as-I'd-given-up' type of story! Wishing you all the best for a happy & healthy pregnancy.

And thanks for your kind wishes for a little flurry of BFP's for everyone else. Hear, hear. In fact, a snowstorm would be nice ...

Cloudjumper - great to see you again - you must be due pretty soon?

Congrats, Slinky!

Yes Giraffe, order for two miracles sent in!

Ababs, yes, they defo can see - the unevennness of the lining or some growth of a polype at the mc site, so it may be placental polype. If this spotting stays on, pls check it out indeed!

chewy Yes, I am still lurking here and cheering you all on quietly! I'm good, thank you, 35+6 today! Finishing work this week, and the elcs is booked in for 22 December. It still seems surreal that I am actually going to have another baby sometimes...

Cloud - crikey, not even 3 weeks left! Did you find out girl or boy? What a fabulous Xmas you'll have!

Yikes. Nuffield health charge £354 for a pelvic ultrasound scan plus I need a gp referral. I've emailed a consultant who did a colposcopy for me several years ago to see if it's something he could do but suspect it will not be cheaper than that. Still, they currently have availability next week so at least it would be soon.

Hello everyone, I'm still lurking too but thought I'd post when I saw the way the epu reacted Ababs. Without wishing to scare monger, I had 'a significant amount of retained product' for a month before I got a dvt. No smell, just breathlessness which I put down to having just had a baby. I would push it if the bleeding persists.
Congratulations Slinki. Lovely Christmas news. Now you have to start thinking up the no drinking excuse during all the celebrations!
Sorry you had a bad day Chewy. It is horrible when our little ones seem to long for a sibling & we know we're doing all we can but it's just not working, as Ababs rightly says, YET!
Lovely to hear you're still lurking Jazz. Glad you talked to dh. We went to a natal hypnotherapy course on Sunday & I had to talk about my pregnancy history. Out of the blue I was crying & crying (it was only dh, me & the lady who runs the course - not a room full of pregnant youngsters!) I think dh was quite surprised that it still upsets me. They sometimes aren't on the same wavelength at all.
Waves to everyone else. Dashing off to do bedtime stories

yep, Abab, it sounds terrible amount of money for a maybe -it- is nothing type of situation. Can you really not get your usual OB to check? Do you people even have usual OBs over there?

No jassS we don't have personal OB's here - if only!

The consultant that I emailed recommended somebody else to me. I looked him up and it was the same consultant who did my pre-Harmony scan. So I called them and have booked an appointment for the 16th which was their earliest though they have a slot on the 8th they are waiting to see if someone else wants. Hopefully they won't. They will charge £140 which is the cost of their early pg scan which is much more reasonable. I don't need a referral and as it's actually based at our NHS trust if I need treatment they can refer me easily.

I'm still bleeding. It's lighter than before but still there.

Grizzer is it a hypnobirthing course you're doing? One of the women in my nct class did it and ended up training in it afterwards. It was probably good for you to get all those emotions out and good for your dh to know what you've been holding in.

Good for you. Here in Lux it would cost about the same! At least they will be able to tell what is wrong, if anything, and they obviously took you seriously, which is very important!

Chewy I'm so sorry you're finding things tough. I think a lot of us here can really relate. My youngest spent two years begging for a baby sibling and kept asking me if there were any more babies in my tummy. We were ttc the whole time so it became more heartbreaking than cute after a couple of months. He hasn't asked in a while - probably just as well as I'd be a blubbering mess after the mc.

Any more luck with getting the bleeding looked at ababs?

So lovely to see the pregnant ladies still come back and update us! Fx we can do the same for others soon! Can't believe how far on you both are already! Best of luck with the elcs cloud. Remember to come back to post pics! I'm not surprised about the emotions Grizzer. That sort of thing comes back to hit us at all sorts of moments. Hypnotherapy sounds like one of the best, safest places for it to do so. I hope it helped.

Hello lovelies!!! I am still lurking here and keeping everything crossed for everyone.. I am struggling to write though as ds2 is very fond of the tablet!!.... anyways I am 15 weeks here so trying to get through my fears.. you are always in my mind....

Twinkly - thanks - yes DD's baby mania can be quite relentless, so I'm hoping it’s a bit of a phase. She was looking at a framed photo of me and her at about 16 weeks today. Nothing new, it’s been on our mantlepiece ever since it was taken.

DD: "Aaah, Mummy's lovely"
Me: "And who's that?" (pointing to DD)

DD: "A brother"
Me: "No darling, that's you when you were a little baby"
DD: "No it’s a brother"
Me: (Thinking, to be fair, photo DD is wearing a turquoise Fair Isle cardigan and not some frilly frock. But also that she almost, might've had an 8 month old brother by now, if I hadn't had the MMC - which was a boy - settled on ...) "Would you like a brother?"
DD: "Yes. Can we do some drawing now?"
Me: (Resolved to check at ToysRUs for remote control, battery-operated brothers, gulp )

Ababs - about where to have your scan – very enterprising of you to have found such a great (yet cheaper) recommendation from your previous consultant. At least you now know you will probably get some reassuring news, but if not, then at least some prompt and correct treatment.

Grizzer - Lovely to see you again and great to hear that you're already at the birth planning stage. I was a bit of a late convert to hypnobirthing but think it can be amazingly powerful stuff. I hope it'll help (in the long run) to have had a good cry about past loss. I know what you mean about DH's not being on the same wavelength, would be different if they got pregnant, obvs.

AF is due and I can feel that it’s just around the corner for me – today/tomorrow probably. Even though I just knew I wasn’t pregnant, I still couldn’t resist an early test (Superdrug Early 10 mIU/L). Yet another super-white,mocking, fu*king negative. Cue mental flashback through all the same old, same old like ‘why didn’t I do IVF when DD was 6 months old, yada yada.

We will try (naturally) this cycle FWIW although I already foresee a disaster - and/or some rows/sulking - given that my ‘fertile’ window (yes, ironic use of apostrophes there) falls precisely on the Christmas party, aka bladdered DP, season.

Yes I am pretty close to giving up and not even angry or pissed off, just terribly sad. Oh well, as it’s not really park weather, I’ll go and haul myself around indoor soft play this morning and try not to count other people’s children. (Sorry for the grumpy post - will try to be more cheery next time.)

Hope everyone else is having better luck x