Over 40s TTC & success stories.

[Grizzer]

Starting a new thread for support & advice ladies. Not quite ready to graduate yet!

Hi all - I've been hiding under a rock whilst counting up my imaginary pregnancy symptoms . Then after about 5 negative tests this week, AF finally made an appearance today. Quite a relief as once I’d realised I wasn’t pregnant, I'd started to worry about another cause for the no show, like the one beginning with ‘M’. But turns out it was only a mammoth (for me) 31 day cycle. On the other hand, if I ovulated on CD 17 (as per the scan) and if a luteal phase is supposed to be 14 days, I guess it’s only the cycle length I should've expected.

I genuinely don't know what to do now. Last month was supposed to be my last time trying naturally, before giving IVF a go (with own eggs FWIW). And if that didn’t work, I suppose I’d have to try to learn to be happier with the status quo.

Except I’ve now done a complete U turn on DHEA – I haven’t taken it recently (not since really early this year) but think I should do. Something Cloud said about taking DHEA for 3 months before conceiving her current pregnancy has set me thinking again.

When I first went to the IVF place, they didn’t exactly push DHEA, but their general advice to anyone is that if a patient decides to take it, it needs at least 2 months to work. So if I started today, that would take me into December. As the clinic closes over Xmas, it would mean I couldn’t actually start until January. There’s no question there’d be something deeply psychologically significant about delaying IVF to the New Year – but what about the ‘medical’ significance? Can I afford to wait yet another 3 months at my age? Probably not. Can I afford to go ahead without at least trying to maximise what are teeny tiny chances at my age? Probably not. Maybe I’ll get a steer at my next appointment.

Overall, I’m just so sick of messing up – I’m finding it unbearably hard at the moment. Feel like getting v drunk and starting smoking again. Or as the accupuncture lady conveniently said I need to put weight on ( when I'm pretty sure I don't) maybe I'll stop the half-hearted low carb and eat a ton of chocolate.

Well lots has happened since I was last here. Many thanks to Cloud, Jass, Twinkly and Flotillaz for such kind and detailed tips on your DTD schedules! Also marvellous to read that Cloud’s and Flotillaz’ pregnancies are progressing so beautifully.

Jass - I was sort of sad to read earlier that you were almost maybe thinking of giving up TTC (even though you’re so blessed with your 4 lovely DCs and now GDC, of course). But then again you’re still on the folic acid and it wouldn’t surprise me if you’re the next BFP either!

Notsoold - heartbeat from abdo scan at 7 weeks? Wow! Must be a good strong one, congratulations . (What an idiotic comment from the nurse BTW – ignore her.)

Artioo - Congrats on the BFP! I’d love to see your swab nurse’s face (she who ‘gleefully reported’ a negative test at 8dpo) when she finds out you’re pregnant. Ha ha, she who laughs last, laughs longest, as they say.

Fatty - Hang on, your DH booked you a night away in a hotel????? Fantastic! (There must be a memo somewhere my DP hasn’t read ...) A good omen for “egg drop day”, surely? FX its your month.

Abasurdum - so very sorry to read your sad news . Your DH sounds like a diamond, bless him. I think you’re spot on when you said: "I'm getting more determined that we will try again straight away. If I was 33 and this had happened I wouldn't think twice so nor should I now even though, yes, the risk is higher". Good for you. Just as an example, my DSIS and two SILs have had 8 MCs, but also have 8 DCs between them (one of the SILs had 2 of her 3 DCs in her forties). The last event for each of DSIS and SILs was having their youngest DC and not having one of their MCs, if that makes sense.

Artioo I think your Cbeebies advice was for abab and not for me! Not that I'm opposed to it, mind, even heading for four weeks on!

But at your stage abab, I have to agree it's the best thing. Once it does happen, you are also going to feel exhausted and emotional. My DH took over most things for a few days, including the dc, while I rested. But I did have afternoons curled up in bed while my youngest cuddled beside me watching CBBC and Pop (do they repeat the same episodes of Totally Spies over and over???!! Or are they all the same?!). And it was just what I needed.

Fatty what supplements are you and your DH taking? (not that I'm obsessed... ).

Hang in there Chewy. Have a chat at the clinic, and see what they say. I can see why it would feel like it makes sense to put everything you've got into it while you are waiting to start. Just remember that at the end of the day, the first of January is an arbitrary, invented date. What do you feel like doing? Waiting three more months? Four? Trying IVF sooner? It's really about what you feel ready for.

Thanks for thinking of me everyone. We don't have a TV in our bedroom which most of the time I'm glad about but at times like this would be useful. Still, ds is only 21mo and doesn't sit still for very long at all so wouldn't cuddle up in bed with me anyway. When he watches TV he alternately stands still and runs up and down the living room

I'm glad it's the weekend. I haven't slept well so dh has had ds so I could have an extra couple of hours which helps. I've been bleeding lightly since Thurs evening with period pain type cramping on and off but nothing more yet. I was quite down yesterday morning but feeling more positive today, I expect it's going to be a bit of an emotional roller coaster over the next week or so.

Chewy I think you should go for an appointment and see how important they think it is vs the extra time waiting. I can't remember if you've had IVF before but you may have a few weeks of down regulation with a progesterone blocker before you start stims so maybe need to factor that in?

The due date of my last mc is coming up this Tuesday and while I cannot even remember any other due dates of my other mcs, this one has kept me teary for the whole weekend. It has been my only one with açtual baby with actual heartbeat, not any sad fetal pole or empty egg, I have a picture of this baby still in my drawer and have finally decided to name him - have decided it was a he. But just in case, the name is rather unisex and it is french, even if I would not name a live baby with a french name knowing I want to return one day to my native country where these names would sound out of place. ... I am going to do a ritual "last cycle trying " next mo and then ntnp or maybe even slight avoidance of dtd around ov. We will see....

Jass - I was so sad to read your post - sending for your little angel boy x

I really hope your "last" cycle of trying, or else moving onto NTNP (would you consider sticking with folic acid at least?), will bring you what you want. You seemed to be getting ever closer to success with the immunes issue. (Sorry, I hope you know what I mean, its late and I can't find the right words ...)

I'm so sorry JassS, it's so cruel. I hope you get some closure once the date has passed. It's lovely that you've named him, makes it all more real I think.

I'm still mid mc here, it's grim. Had the first tablet yesterday and have since had lots of agonising pain (that co-codamol isn't really touching) but so far haven't passed very much. Due in hospital all day tomorrow.

Is anyone on the tww?
Artioo did you test yesterday?

Ababasurdum, I hope it will finally pass quickly. It is the worst part of any mc, the waiting for it to be over and the cruel fate of looking for the neg hpt impatiently....

Thanks jassS, I never knew it could take so long. I wish I'd gone for the surgical option. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, based on yesterday it's going to be horrible.

jass Sending hugs xxx I hope you can find peace and move on...

abab They should be able to give you adequate pain relief in hospital, don't be afraid to ask! For my 3rd mc, I opted for medical management, and the 'preparation pill' was enough to get it done. Had a rather painful and uncomfortable night and then passed the 'products' in the morning at home, before going into hospital who confirmed it and sent me straight home again. Fingers crossed it will all go smoothly for you!

chewy It's all such a headf**k - you're damned if you do, damned if you don't!
Has the IVF clinic recommended DHEA to prepare for harvesting/transfer? I honestly don't think that 3 months make a big difference in the grand scheme of things, even at our age. If you think it would make you feel better, I'd do it - get a bit distance, get your head in a better place etc. Utlimately, you should feel comfortable with whatever decision you make. But I know all too well that panicked feeling that time is running out!

Hope today is as comfortable as it can be, abab, and thinking of you too today jass.

chewy, I hope the clinic can give you some solid advice. It's impossible to second guess everything ourselves, so hopefully they can offer some reassurance either way.

Well, I tested again on Sunday and got a positive within seconds, which is amazing. It doesn't really feel real yet - I don't feel pregnant, so I'm swerving between being happy, being convinced it's a mistake because I have no symptoms and worrying obsessively about random things like listeriosis (thanks, Google) and the throat sweets I had yesterday without checking the packet. All silly worries, of course.

I sailed through my first pregnancy barely thinking about it, it all seemed so easy. But two MC later, and since DS2 died, it seems such an awfully long road ahead. I need to find some strategies for banishing the worries!

Artioo, I hope here and over on pg over 40 thread we can support you through this pregnancy. heaven knows how hard it might feel to go through, but you willsuccessfully do it, I hope....

Artioo congratulations, that's wonderful news!! I can understand your fear, maybe cbt could help? All you can do is take things one day at a time and try and remember that this is a different pregnancy. Sorry, I'm not much help.

Well I have been in hospital all day but the mc is not complete. They gave me two doses of drugs and the doctor gave me two internals to see what she could get out which was some bits but not all (sorry if tmi, I'm sort of immune to it at this point!).

They have discharged me and hopefully I'll pass the rest at home. If not then I'll need the surgical option which I should have bloody done in the first place. I'm really fed up, I wanted it to be over today so I could start moving on but it's not to be. The info says that only 5% of treatment fails to work, the nurse says it's much higher than that. There were three of us there today and it only worked for one.

On the plus side today was not nearly so painful as Sunday; just an annoying, boring waste of a day!

I know the feeling. I have opted to medical manage once and never again - it never works, even first surgical usually fails and needs a further clear-up, because I have a habit of growing placentas into muscular wall rather than only into the lining. But my local doc is always looking surprised when I refuse to medically manage. What is a few weeks of trial and error, when you are in a low plaçe anyway for them?

Sorry you've experienced this too jassS. I think I'll give it a couple of days and then phone the epu and see what they say about surgery. I chose the mm because I didn't want to have to just wait 3 weeks to see if it sorts itself out but that's what they've now told me to do . They also don't scan you to make sure all is gone, if you get a negative pregnancy test in 3 weeks then supposedly you're fine. Cutting edge medicine...

God I'm fed up. Plus because I've had these stupid drugs today they say you should wait a couple of months once you get the all clear before trying again.

So sorry you're going through all of this Ababs. Thinking of you.
Congratulations Artioo. Such lovely news. I wish there was a worry free pregnancy pill but I think it's a worrying time no matter what the history & in your case I'm afraid you won't stop worrying until the child is 40!! When I got pg this time round, I just said to myself 'I'm having a baby' rather than 'I'm pregnant.' It made me feel a bit more positive that there would be a baby at the end. 28 weeks now!
Waves to everyone. Hope all is ok. I'll catch up properly when it's not 6am & I don't have work. 2 weeks off from Friday & one of them will be in Spain! Can't wait.

I phoned the EPU and they won't offer the surgery. Apparently if it is in the neck of the cervix it is progressing and I just have to wait and hope that it passes and that I don't get infected in the mean time - oh and take a pregnancy test in three weeks! I don't know what to think, I'm so disappointed in the NHS. Reading other people's experiences it seems that it just depends on where you are as to what treatment that specific hospital offers.

So I just have to wait now and it could happen any time, anywhere

ababs.... I am so sorry for you in this situation! It seems you are right. It is all down to chance regarding nhs. Hugs from me.

I'm probably just being a drama queen and it will pass naturally on its own in the next few days. Fingers crossed anyway.

In the meantime I am going to take the opportunity to try and lose half a stone and prep a bit more for when we can try again. Since the medication meant I've had to force ds to stop breast feeding (another reason I'm cross and upset about it - I wanted to wean him but I didn't want to just stop him cold) I've started taking coq10 again and I'll think about what other things I might take. Probably royal jelly and maca. We probably won't be able to start again until the end of the year so it gives me a couple of months at least.

How is everyone doing?

Congratulations on getting to 28 weeks Grizzer, I bet you can't wait to get to Spain!

Oh, and bottle, I think you were asking about fertility after a mc? The nurse yesterday said that you're incredibly fertile so fingers crossed for you.

How are you doing abab?

I agree how you are supported depends on the hospital. I'm in London and have been surprised at the difference in my experience between two hospitals a couple of miles from each other.

More needs to be done to standardise and regulate treatment of women going through what you are going through. It's such a traumatic life event, yet so common, that it's ridiculous so many hospitals get it so far wrong and end up exacerbating the whole distress.

Are you further along now? How are you feeling?

Delighted for you Artioo. How are you feeling?

Hi Twinkly, you were up early!

I'm ok, thankfully I seemed to have passed it last night. It wasn't what I expected, no pain and no gushing blood, but it was definitely tissue. I'm still bleeding a bit but hopefully the worst is over now. Overall I haven't bled as heavily as I would on a period though it's been for longer.

I finally feel like I can move on now. I'm looking forward to Christmas and to trying again at the end of the year though I will be 44 in February. Yikes!!

Hi everyone who remembers me and hello to those new to the 40 thread. Firstly, really sorry abab that you are having to go through a miscarriage anyway but even more so for the shocking time you are having of it. I hope that you have passed the worst and you can start to move on . Congratulations to those who are pregnant may you all have worry free, stress free, plain sailing pregnancies

Bit about me - I am 46 and after TTC for 18 months with one MMC and a blighted ovum under my belt, my DP and I went down the egg donation route. I got pregnant with twins last year but lost one at 10 weeks. My son was born in March this year and is the cats pyjamas!

So we have two embryos in the freezer and we have decided to try a frozen cycle in new year. In the meantime I am trying to get back in shape and ready. We are trying the natural route too so back to SWI .

I have stopped breast feeding now and wondered what supplements and other things are people doing to up their chances?

abab Glad to hear that you have passed the 'products' now and are looking to the future. I always found it helped me through the mcs when I tried to focus on something.

artioo Congratulations, what lovely news!

green You're back! Great to hear from you, sounds as if all is good. Yay for giving it another go! I used to be JBrd, back in the olden days

I took the usual antenatal vitamins, plus omega, as well as CoQ10/ubiquinol. Did Royal Jelly for a while, but gave it up, since it was getting all so expensive, and in the 'It starts with the egg' book, it said that it has never been shown to have an effect on ttc... I also took DHEA for 3 months before falling pg with this one; no idea if it had anything to do with that.

As for me, I am now 30 weeks. All is going well, unbelievably. Still struggling to believe that I will be meeting this baby in about 2 months-ish... It seems surreal. It's almost certain that this is going to be my last pregnancy, so I am trying to enjoy it as much as I can and make the most of it.

Oh congratulations cloud jumper! Not long to go now!! Good luck. How are you feeling?

We would love to be able to have another and give our little boy a sibling around his age as his half brother/sister our both teenagers - so we will give it our best shot! I can't believe he is 7 months old already - sitting up and chatting away.

When I joined my local ante natal class there was a lady there who had her first baby at 42 (IVF) and her second at 47 (all natural surprise baby). So it can and does happen. I suspect my eggs are just too knackered for the natural approach but we are going to give it a go and then, have a IVF cycle next year if we don't get anywhere.

Hello I'm new to mumnet so hope you don't mind me joining in. I'm 42 year old and have been ttc for 6 months now. I have 3 children but they're from a previous relationship and range from 11-21 year old.

Af is due the next day or two - not feeling optimistic! Hoping to hear some success stories as fear I'm just too old!!!