Over 40s TTC & success stories.

[Grizzer]

Starting a new thread for support & advice ladies. Not quite ready to graduate yet!

Hi... Feeling pretty miserable and scared. Just found some blood when I wiped. Had cramps today but thought it was a bit of constipation, which has been a problem. I'm just nine weeks...

EPU not open until morning. There's nothing anyone can do anyhow... It's going to be a long night.

More blood this morning. I think the pains are becoming more recognisable. I'm off now to the hospital, feeling sick with worry, but I think this is only going one way.

So sorry Twinkly, the waiting is horrible. Everything crossed for you.

oh twinkly i shall keep everything crossed for you. much love xx

So sorry Twinkly, I hope that everything is ok.

Thanks so much for your kind messages.

I'm afraid it wasn't good news. The scan showed a 5-6 weeks pregnancy, too soon to see a heartbeat (or determine there was none). They couldn't offer me anything other than another scan appointment next week, 'just in case' it was a viable pregnancy and I was wrong about dates. We were 100% sure about dates, and they actually did believe us on that, but it's the policy. I understood why they were in that position.

But it means that, although the heavier bleeding started as I was leaving the EPU (forgive the TMI!!), they couldn't offer medical management and so now I am in a lot of pain and discomfort, on top of the grief and disappointment of the loss.

The next couple of weeks are going to be rotten - we've been here, unfortunately, before, just like a lot of you others on this thread, and know what's coming.

One thing that struck me as I was waiting was the number of stressed women who came in to reception after being referred from A&E or through self- referral because they were bleeding. I don't know all of the outcomes, but I expect for some, they were good. We were shown in to what we called 'the crying room' (they called it 'the quiet room') after our scan to speak to someone about what was likely to happen now (as if we didn't know!) and to 'have some time to assimilate'. If all those ladies had similar news, then the queue for crying would have been very long! Although for me it was bad, bleeding in early pregnancy must be very common indeed.

Having said that, a nurse comforted me just before my scan with the words 'there are lots of reason for bleeding and pain in early pregnancy' and I felt a bit cross about my hopes being raised minutes before a scan that would tell anyhow. By that point we (DH and I) were almost totally resigned to the sad fact it was a miscarriage.

I'm in a lot of pain this morning, which in a twisted way is distracting me from facing the fact there is no baby and from thinking about what next.

Sorry for the lack of cheer. Nobody knew I was pregnant and I've now only told my mother what happened. So I guess I'm just sounding off.

I'm so sorry for the bad news Twinkly. Will be thinking of you today, it's a horrible time.

Spotting here this morning for me, so looks like AF is on it's way.

Thanks Artioo, that's really kind.

im so sorry twinkly. this happened to me back in may, so i share your sadness. the staff in the EPU's have a horrendous job, and one of the nurses I spoke to after my MMC said that some days she barely wants to lift here eyes from the screen to tell yet another mum to be, that her baby has died.

The waiting just to check is one of the worst waits imaginable (thanks to new protocol)...big loves and huge support from me to you xxx

A flying visit, but so sorry to read your news Twinkly. I had a MMC late last year and understand (as do so many of ladies on here) just how totally sh*t it is. Hope you get through the physical part soon and without too much more pain. Big hugs.

Hello - I can't remember if I introduced myself here when I fort joined! Yet another failed cycle. Just doing it the old fashioned shagging way with some temping out of curiosity. I already have a daughter who is 6 - she just told me she got called weirdo at school because she calls the dogs her brother and sister. I did not know this and am totally heartbroken than I'm not able to give her this much desired sibling. We're not eligible or rich enough for fertility treatment. Getting really despondent. I've just turned 40 and been TTC for (I think) 9 months now. I know that's not long but I don't want to be much older & pregnant. If we have nothing by Christmas I'll have to give up and learn to love with it :(

So sorry to read your news Twinkly. I hope the physical pain is over quickly for you.
I felt the same Hansolo. My dd is 5 & was always asking for a brother or sister. I started to accept it wasn't going to happen & put a last couple of months deadline on it. 24 weeks now!! I think it was the classic line of relaxing a bit & not obsessing so much.
Sorry af is on the way Artioo.

Twinkly..... hugs to you. There are no words to say but I am thinking of you and hope you have support in RL.

Hansolo.... grizzer said something very wise . I never managed to relax and breathe throughout the ttc period but you will get there!

Grizzer already 24 weeks??? Wow time flies!

Hi everyone else. I had problems login in and was feeling so down about the ttc thing. I am sure I bored my dh to death over it .
So I stopped everything. Everything but folic acid on its own. Stopped checking cm, ovulation kits, the works.....
My dh is very busy and sex became the most boring thing. I also did a lot of crying and praying because to mention to others (as is acceptable in my family) felt out of question. As a family we are going through a hard patch with db's divorce and my dd being very poorly with her condition.
I saw the gp and the results of the 21day test was really good according to her and she sent me to see a gyn (but warned that because we have 3dcs the nhs would not do much at all....I knew that).
The gyn picked but on my heaving bleeding since my last mmc and asked to return after my period to have a scan to check out everything was fine health wise.
She was blatant about my chances being nil at 44. She said that 40 means no good eggs and I said that true I had a miscarriage at 41 and another at 43 but I had a healthy baby at 42.....
Anyway that was the last straw for me.....
And that I had a faint positive on the 17th and stronger since. It makes 4+5 and I am bricking it!!!!
I know my chances are dire at 44 but I would like another one...(wouldn't we all)...
So stress level are high as I have not many symptoms....
Hello to everyone!!!

Great news notsoold! Best of luck - let's show those doctors what we can do!
Thanks for the kind words.

So glad all is going well for you Grizzer. I was lurking on the other thread for a while (funny that I never felt quite right about posting there!) and it is good to see things going well for so many 40+ ladies.

Thanks everyone for all the supporting comments. I know many of you have been through this before, so we all know how awful it is.

If I was certain that the final outcome is going to be a healthy baby, I would grimly but determinedly push myself through this again. But I feel bombarded with all of these impossible statistics. I had a miscarriage just after I turned 34, and I thought my world was ending. But a year later, and I was about to give birth to a healthy baby and felt it was worth it. But I was so young then! This is ten years later... It seems impossible to hope for the same outcome (although I had exactly the same outcome at 39/40!).

I'm sorry - I'm not in a happy place! I will get my energy (I've absolutely none today!) and my optimism back and keep fighting for my last baby!

45 is the new 37, or something like that....

Great news notsoold. 'No good eggs' at 40 seems a weird thing for a gyn to say - lots of women have healthy babies after 40, so how can that be the case?

Hang in there Twinkly, I hope things seem brighter soon.

AF here today for me, so I'm feeling down. Only had a 21 day cycle this month, which is worrying me. I've got a GP appointment next week to ask about options for tests etc.

Artioo have you tried Agnus Castus to lengthen your cycle? My cycle had shortened from 28 days to 25/26 days in the past year, but taking Agnus Castus for the first two weeks of the cycle seemed to lengthen it back to 28 days.

I haven't, no - will investigate, thanks Twinkly.

Hope you're doing OK Twinkly.

AF just finished here, so we're embarking on a new month of trying. Got a GP appointment tomorrow too to ask about tests etc.

Thanks for asking Artioo. I'm holding in there. I'm over the worst, certainly physically, although feeling quite fragile. The hospital can't discharge me yet as I'm still testing positive, but it looks like my uterus is clear and I just have to wait for the hormones to clear.

Good luck with ttc this month! Let us know what your GP says about tests - I'd be interested to know. My GP practice seems reluctant to test me for anything fertility related.

How is everyone else doing?

Well, my GP appointment was better than I was expecting, he agreed without hesitation to start the ball rolling on the tests that lead up to fertility clinic referral, so I'm booked in for day 21 blood tests, a prolactin test and a chlamydia screening, which is apparently necessary before they refer, and he's requested an appointment for an ultrasound. I'm not sure if the ultrasound is routine or because I mentioned I have fibroids. DP just has to 'jizz in a cup', in the GP's words. :)

He said that 60% of couples conceive while they're waiting for referral. It was nice to feel that he took it all seriously.

wonderful news artioo, glad youre finally getting somewhere.

Hope youre home now, and resting twink

That sounds like a really positive GP visit Artioo, great news! I have to say, I've not had that - even when I was still in my early forties.

Thanks FattyFish, I'm holding in there (most of the time!), just a bit fragile. I'm at home, just not discharged as an outpatient yet.

I've started looking at supplements again and, once I get enough energy back, I want to start exercising properly.

I also want to eat better, which is tricky at the moment as I still feel a bit nauseous sometimes and only feel like eating cake!!! For a couple of days I argued, well I deserve cake! But this morning, once again I've woken up craving lemon drizzle cake , and it's probably time to be a bit firmer with myself!

Hi all, this lovely thread has gone very quiet, how is everyone doing?

I was just thinking the same thing, Twinkly!

I got a proper positive on my OPK on Saturday for the first time in 4 months, which was such a relief as I was starting to think I wasn't peaking at all and maybe not ovulating or something. I could have kissed the test stick.*

So, 2ww starts tomorrow for me, but whatever happens this month at least I feel a bit less panicky about the opk thing.

Hope you're doing OK and getting some energy back.

*May have actually kissed the test stick.