Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Ps, thanks for the links re when to stop taking it.

I'm with you Jessie - I find the whole opk thing very stressful - fertility specialist at Lister said not to bother and just dtd every other day days 10-20 - that's what I've been trying and do find it less stressful - though a bit exhausting. Am a bit down that it's just not working though, especially as school friend has just had her first at nearly 43 and another one due in Jan at 43. I'm a few months off 43 and it just feels so out of reach. FX for you.

Thanks for positive stories Lilli it's good to hear.

Daisy - big congratulations, very exciting.

HS26 - your words of wisdom were very well received. Your 'whether i think it will or won't happen has no baring on whether it will actually happen' - has really helped me stay focused.

Interesting conversation today, girls.

I too get all stressed out about the timing - I think we all do. I just did an opk test (on day 12) and it was almost totally white. Usually by now I'm getting a line that's half-way towards positive. I really am wondering if the supplements are delaying me ...

I prefer the 'don't think about it too much, just go for every 2 days approach', but it makes it a bit more difficult when the goalpost moves a bit each month ;-)

I was chatting to a really good friend of mine recently (about a year younger than me but trying 3 years with a few very very early mc's, bless her) & she told me that the doctor recently told them to stop trying and to just enjoy each other again. Interestingly, the first month they tried that she did get a second line on a test, but only for a few days ... still, that approach obviously 'worked' for them.

Our 'problem' though is that our 'natural schedule' would probably only be about once or twice a week ....hahaha. I know, tmi ... ;-)

Wotsitsmaltesers, really happy my 'words of wisdom' (haha!) helped you. I think I know exactly how you are feeling, honey. It's so so hard, but there is every chance we'll get there in the end, however we manage it!

I had to write back and offer my empathy to Anni and others who have lost a pregnancy. Anni, you wrote that you had 4x miscarriages in the past three years. I cannot imagine. Cannot. I hope not to put my foot in my mouth, but the stress of trying to conceive then losing a pregnancy once, let alone multiple times. Unimaginable. My heart goes out to you.

I also want to say that being told by society (or in my case, md), that you are nearing the end of your fertility at 35.... this is extremely anxiety producing. To then try to conceive, tricky business that it is, and seeing your period show up.... can I just say that that wait, the monthly roller coaster of hope and then tears... this was the hardest thing I had to face. And I was lucky, somehow. I know this and I know I risk sounding insensitive. Those cycles of hoping and waiting and then trying again... this is difficult, difficult emotional work and I want those trying to know that I empathize with them and have my fingers crossed for you.

I do believe.

Sad news to report, after a bleed on Friday I took another blood test. My hcg has dropped to 19. It's all over for this time.
Thanks for all the earlier good wishes

Oh Daisy ... I don't really have the words. I'm so sorry, honey :-(

Oh Daisy so sorry. Look after yourself. .

So sorry to hear Daisy, hope you have someone to give you a big hug and sending you a virtual one too x

I'm so so sorry Daisy. hope you are OK. Sending you ((((hugs)))) x

I'm so so sorry Daisy. hope you are OK. Sending you ((((hugs)))) x

Chewy you have absolutely no need to apologise for having a whinge and I always find your posts empathetic and sensitive to others. I have had so much comfort from your posts and you have been such a support to me and so many others on these threads - those ttc #1,2,3,4,5 and I think 6 in some cases. I learned early on from others that no matter whether you have had a child already or not the pain is still the same, we are all yearning.

Lilli you didn't put your foot in your mouth at all. Your words of positivity and faith are very good for me and just what I need. Yes, it has been hard and it is only now that I am strong again that I can start to allow myself to reflect on it all. I learned to build sandbags around my heart. I am in a good place now, feeling strong and happy! I find comfort in the fact that nature is raw and indifferent to my feelings. It's not personal.

daisy In your sadness, I hope you can find comfort from somewhere, whether it be faith or nature or otherwise xxx

Thanks for all your kind thoughts. I was a mess yesterday, but more accepting now I finally have an answer today.
I will move
On and try again.
And Annie, the comfort is coming from a big glass of wine!!
Seriously though, I know (big picture) that miscarriage or chemical pregnancy is usually due to chromosome issues so I try to look at it as mother natures decision. Still hurts though, especially being single with no hugs available .

Daisy - I'm so sorry. What a dreadful shock when everything had been looking good this time. Big glass of wine is well deserved.

Annie - Thanks for your kind words, its really sweet of you to say so.

Daisy I am so sorry for your loss, keep strong and take care. It all looked so good for you, how very cruel.

The world is feeling so mucked up. Here are we desperately wanting to bring life into the world, to nurture and care - and in Paris loads of people have been mindlessly killed.

Sorry if that's a bit too philosophical.

Thanks for the 'no pills for IVF' good news Jessie, luckily I managed to find a place online that sell liquid vitamins and folic acid. Great for tablet-phobics like me!

Can't remember if I read any more news on your house purchase, do you think you will be in for Christmas? Would be nice to spend it in your new home

Nothing new to report here. I'm in the 2WW but not expecting anything this month as I was away from DH on holiday during peak ovulation window. I've been doing a bit of reasearch this week on IVF clinics abroad as I seriously don't know if we will be able to come up with the money to have it done (if needed) in the UK. We just had a new kitchen this summer and the whole house painted outside so not in a position to 'find' £5k+ anytime soon.

Hope you are feeling a little better Daisy, have been thinking of you.

Hi Sparrow thanks for remembering about our house .

All is progressing OK except that the vendors want to complete simultaneously on their sale and purchase and there have apparently been some minor glitches with their mortgage as they are self-employed. Planned date is still 18 December but may slip. Would be nice to be in for Christmas but we're not all that bothered as we'll be off to DH's family for the duration anyway. Most exciting thing was going round last weekend to measure up - it was still as lovely as ever and we've been making scale drawings on graph paper and generally having fun planning since then.

Now, a bit of news for me - I am on CD 29, with cycles that have been varying between 28 and 32 days for the last few months, but of course all a bit disrupted by IUI and IVF. I am about 11dpo. Got impatient and just did an FRER test and I think I can see a very faint second line. However it's the kind you can only see from some angles. I know all about evaporation lines, and the eyes playing tricks, but the FRER I used last month (obviously negative) was snowy white without a hint of anything no matter how hard I looked, so I'm now wondering....

Fortunately the FRERs were 2 for the price of 1 in Boots so I have another three in my bag....reckon I'll try not to drink too much liquid this afternoon and do another one before I leave the office, then try again tomorrow morning with FMU. Feeling a bit shaky and trying not to get my hopes up too much (we all know I've been here before), but I suppose it's a change from a resounding negative.

Will keep you posted.

Omgomgomgomg jessie. Did you do another one? Fx

I did, and it was the same. The "line" really is borderline imperceptible. They are so similar am thinking more likely to be that that batch of tests had the same evaporation line. Just need to wait till the morning .

Fx'd you have a pink line in the morning.

Ditto

Very broken night's sleep. FRER this morning exactly the same as the two yesterday so am taking that as a negative. Of course am holding out hope till AF actually arrives, but not much. Have a dinner tonight, might do the final FRER before we leave to help decide whether or not to drink. Or might not bother and just drink a small amount regardless.

Hmmm ...

Sounds like there's a glimmer of hope there, Jessie.

Wouldn't the line be faint anyway on only 11dpo? ;-)

Totally agree with HS26 - it sounds like wonderful news Jessie!

I thought you could get false negatives, but not false positives - i.e. if you can see a second line, however faint, it's a positive . Perhaps you might get a 'bad batch' prone to evap lines with internet cheapie tests, but I wouldn't have thought so with FRERs. My negative FRER's (and there's been plenty of them) have always been white as the driven snow at any rate.

I wondered if you'd seen the online calculator that First Response have? It gives you an indication of the reliability of testing on various days: FRER test day calculator. If you're day 30 today and you would've been heading for a 32 day cycle, you're still pretty early at this stage.

As regards going out for dinner this evening, I actually wouldn't have a drink if doing so could have the potential to make you worry, in hindsight, when AF doesn't show/you get a storming positive.

Exciting times!

Interesting calculator chewy. It tells me that yesterday, today and tomorrow are light pink i.e. I can test but won't necessarily get a positive if pregnant. The "best days to test" are from Monday. God time is dragging!

As for tonight, this may sound mad but I am not all that bothered about having a couple of small glasses of wine even if I am pregnant because I have read it won't do any harm until the baby shares a blood steam with the mother. I'd feel much worse having to behave as if I am pregnant and then turning out not to be. Others would notice - at very least would have to tell our hosts as they'll be pouring the drinks. Can't say I'm driving as they only live 5 mins walk away and "on antibiotics" is basically the same as saying "look at me, I'm up the duff!". much easier to have a small glass and sip through the evening.

Try a digital? ;-)

Good luck!!!