Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

wow toastedcheese looks like we have very similar circumstances indeed, we only really started trying in properly in October too. Nice to meet you. Sorry about the miscarriage, but I suppose it at least gives you some reassurance that you can conceive. Did you seek any medical advice about what might have caused it?

My 2ww is really dragging, am only 3 dpo! Have sort of aching boobs today - it's a feeling that I have had before but don't get in every menstrual cycle - logic tells me it's far too early to have any symptoms but I'm sort of letting myself feel a bit hopeful. I have a big meeting on the 18th but it's also the day AF is due. Will prob test that morning.

Fx for good news for Christmas.

Thanks Jessie, I've just read back and realised we both got married in June too! The Dr's just said 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in MC no matter what age you are and just to try again. I don't think they investigate until you've had 3 MC's. I really hope we all have some good news at xmas! My AF due day after you, on 19th I think. Last time I was really surprised with the BFP as my symptoms were so similar to PMT. I have a close friend who's 43 and got pregnant this year on the first month trying, she was v surprised also at the BFP as had all the same symptoms as PMT. She has just given birth to a baby boy!

Hello toasted. I had early miscarriage in September on first month of ttc number 2. I'm 42 in a couple of weeks!., I have one dc but she was a surprise so really its my first time actually ttc xxx

Hi Crispy, sorry to hear you had a miscarriage too. I'm soon to be 42 too, have about 2 cycles before then.
There seem to be a few of us in the 2ww! I have 13 days to wait... Christmas planning the best distraction though xx

toasted interesting that you say that the docs said 1 in 4 ends in MC "no matter what age you are" so I'm guessing that they didn't make any negative comments about your age at all?

Encouraging story about your friend.

DH keeps asking me what I want for Christmas, pretty much can only think of a BFP...What's everyone getting for and from their DHs/DPs for Christmas? I thought of getting DH a fitbit but he might see it as an insult.

The midwife at early pregnancy told me they think every woman trying will have at least one miscarriage. Most don't know as period may just be a few days late. The tests are so accurate now they pick up at ten days after ovulation pregnancy that will never be viable. She said it's a exact science and if they anything is even a bit off the body usually rejects. No comments about age even though I mentioned it.

My friend loves the fitbit. I'm not gettIng dp anything big but all the 'small' bits are adding up!

No, nothing was mentioned about my age thankfully!
Ah Xmas, DH and I are being very practical this year and just buying winter type clothes for each other. I would consider a BFP the best present too. Not feeling particularly materialistic this year. I think I can test in 8 days to see whats happening….however my cycles have been a bit strange since MC. First one shorter (and no ovulation) then next one was a longer than usual wait until ovulation. Hmm. Anyone have any strange symptoms yet??

i am not in my forties but was reading your post and would like to give you all some positivity , I work in a nursery and the number of first time mum's in there forties having babies is getting more and more, they have gone on to ave healthy happy children , so it very much can be done, good luck !!!

Aw, thanks Rainy!

Thank you Rainy, thats very encouraging to hear!

Had a Christmas lunch with friends yesterday, attended by three toddlers, one 7 week old and one woman who is 6 months pg. The pg woman and the newborn were both second children for the couples involved and they were all younger than me. 6 month pg woman's husband made some comment about "this one took us a bit by surprise". Felt like a right old crone by comparison (and to be honest the dinner chat was pretty dull since they were all fussing round their kids most of the time. Bah humbug).

Am 8 dpo today, did an IC this morning and very unsurprisingly was a BFN. If going by my usual 28-30 day cycle, AF is due in the next couple of days. However I ovulated really late this month (day 19 or 20) so will be interested to see if I have a normal lp and a longer cycle. Although it was far too early to test today I am pretty sure that nothing is doing this month. Still, Jan will only be cycle 3, that's entirely normal I know. I've also got DH to agree we'll go for private tests if nothing happens after cycle 4. No time to waste.

Gosh, your lunch sounded lively with all those toddlers! I'm 7dpo but have short cycles so can test this wknd. I'm sooo tired and have the nose of a bloodhound but the symptoms are not the same as last time so not sure what to think!

Hello again, girls. Just wanted to chime in that I'm in the 2ww too at the moment and very much had the same experience ... highly suspect very early miscarriage first month trying in Sept but nothing since (just more painful periods since then ... and pain starting a day or so before which never used to happen ... weird) I have to admit that I've been feeling a bit more stressed with each unsuccessful month that passes. My mum and 2 sisters all conceived immediately (but when much younger), so a big part of me was hoping I'd defy the odds age-wise and the same would happen with me. In an ideal world I'd like to be super relaxed about it all and just wait patiently until it happens, but really struggling with that. It's on my mind a lot. Oh dear, having a mini-whinge here! Better stop and say something positive!
I would be thrilled for even just one of us to get a bfp this Christmas! And then the rest of us not too long afterwards :-)
All the best, girls!!

Oh, and trying not to symptom-spot, too!!! My younger sister is pregnant at the moment though and has hardly had ANY symptoms at all, all the way through ... so things can definitely swing that way ... :-)

Hi there HS26 nice to hear from you. So that's three of us in the 2ww at the moment...go girls, hopefully one of us can do it!

All quiet my end. I've stopped temping for this month - it was good to confirm ovulation but the drop that signals AF is on the way is just too disenheartening - at least this way I can hold out hope till AF actually appears!

I absolutely agree with hoping to defy the odds age-wise. I didn't push DH too hard before we got married but we did discuss a few times. Even when I was saying to him that we had to focus on whether we'd want children because I was getting on a bit I was secretly thinking that I'd probably be OK because I had no grey hairs, not many wrinkles, regular periods and most people guess my age at about 35. My current fool-myself thinking is that I started menstruating quite late (14) so maybe that gives me longer at the other end? Total nonsense of course. I've got a very grown up and responsible job but I bloody well don't feel 41 and hope my ovaries have got that message!

Take heart that you at least conceived straight away HS26 so you know that DH's sperm are okay and the mechanics are all working. I'd so love to know if we'd even made it to sperm meets egg so far!

Thanks for the encouragement, Jessie. I do (sort of) take heart that I conceived straight away (not 100% sure that's what happened but as sure as I can be) but it still doesn't stop me fretting, of course ... lol! Just my (very anxious at times) personality, unfortunately. Wish I could be more happy-go-lucky but anyway ...

I had a giggle at your comment about starting periods late. I was 15 so even better ... haha! I look young too (or so people tell me!) so yes, hopefully our bodies are a bit younger in the baby-making department, too!

I don't do the temping thing (or even opk's most of the time) as I'm pretty sure I know when I ovulate each month. I feel like making it too scientific will not only stress me out more but also for me it's unnecessary as hubby and I just try to do the deed every couple of days or so around that time - I know that anything more regimented than that just wouldn't work for us.

One bit of encouragement .. I was reading a random 40+ thread a few days back and I couldn't believe how many positive stories there were. Some mothers had had more than one pregnancy since 40 and others were even 45+. The journey for many of these people was a bit bumpy but so so many got there in the end. Very heartening indeed! :-)

Hello ladies...
Again a similar situation...met my husband 3 years ago, we were married last year, we're both 41. Been ttc #1 for 20 months and in the last year have had 3 miscarriages, the last one 6 cycles ago at 10 weeks. We've had some of the happiest and saddest times over this time. Yet like you all....not defeated just yet! In 2ww at the moment, testing on Saturday! Crapping myself. Had my first mc a year ago tomorrow I have to say a lot of my friends have had a difficult time but they are all there now...apart from me!
Anyway...got to be positive, I waited long enough to meet my lovely husband, I guess i'm just being made to wait to meet my lovely baby

Hi Bernad. Welcome to the thread! Fx for you on Saturday and let's hope that banding together on this thread brings us all luck. What a tough time you've had, really feel for you. Have the docs identified what might be causing the miscarriages?

Good news about your friends though. I guess that a lot of the time we just don't know how difficult it's been for others so when we have our own issues we think that the majority are just breezing through. Since I told some friends of mine that we were TTC I have found out a lot of things that I never expected - people who had mc when quite young, others taking years to conceive, and MN is in some ways scary but also reassuring because, as you say, there are a lot of positive outcomes after the difficulties.

Know what you mean about waiting a long time for your DH - I was seriously fed up waiting by the time mine came along but it was definitely worth the wait. I'd rather have him now and difficulty TTC than a baby 5 years ago with any of the millions of drongos that I dated in my extended single spell.

A very old and close friend just sent us some wine as a Christmas present - I had to remind her that I was really hoping that I wouldn't be able to drink it! However I think that we'll probably be cracking it open at New Year, I can feel the telltale signs of AF approaching.

Hi HS26 and Bernad

Really hope its good news for you on Saturday Bernad.

Are we all testing this weekend? I can properly test on Sat - just tested today and a negative. Not sure if I have pregnancy symptoms, feel like things are going more in the AF direction at the moment.

Toasted snap, in every respect! After my BFN this morning have been googling likelihood of a BFP at 10dpo and am reliably informed it's slim, so still hope. Only tested cos I have a stash of internet cheapies, and cos someone on anotjer thread got a BFP at 8 dpo.

Jessie, that was probably the same thread I googled yesterday when I got sick of waiting! Think I have period type pain though...

Hi again, girls!

Jessie and toastedcheesesandwich (love your screen name by the way!) - I think you are really brave to test during the 2ww! I got totally put off in Sept when I had the suspected chemical. My period was late by 5 days (which never happens), I tested and got bfn. It just made me really confused and stressed, so I think I'd rather just wait until hopefully one month (soon!) I miss af ... I think it might take me a few days to get the courage to test even after that! (I know, total wimp)

This doesn't mean that I won't be excited to hear your results when you test, though ;-) I definitely think we all have to approach this in the way we feel most comfortable. Somehow smooths the path.

Af due for me early-ish next week (hopefully not at Christmas ... blah!) Even though I'm trying not to symptom-spot this month, very ridiculously I woke up this morning feeling disappointed because my boobies weren't as sore as yesterday (always get that after ovulation but then they stop hurting a few days before af). Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking ... ;-) A stinking cold has come on today anyway - no point symptom-spotting when you're feeling crappy anyway.

Let us know what happens when you test at the weekend! Fingers crossed! :-)

Hello just wanted to share my positive story here for all you lovely ladies TTC...I'm 43 & currently snuggled up on the sofa with my beautiful 9 week old little pudding who is happily snoozing & snuffling away. She was a complete surprise & has made my year! We'd not been actively TTC like many I only met the 'right' person til 3 years ago & here we are now. I had a pretty easy pregnancy & our daughter arrived by c-section on 15 October. I couldn't have been looked after better by all the medical professionals that looked after me throughout the journey. There is no doubt that she is a total Daddy's girl & I don't care at all what other people think of us 'older mums' - good luck to you all & Happy Christmas too x

ShootingStar that is indeed a lovely positive story, congratulations and thanks for telling us. Maybe we'll all be in your position this time next year...

I'm not technically "out" yet this month but I had a big temp drop this morning and have cramps. Didn't even bother wasting a test to confirm the inevitable.

Bring on the Christmas booze, and then my next fertile window is at Hogmanay (same I guess for many others on the thread) so maybe there will be a little bit of extra "new beginning" luck in the air for us at that time.

What a great story, shootingstar71! Those are the kinds of happy endings I love to hear!

Jessie, sorry to hear this month is probably a no-go (you never know, though!) I think I might be out, too, but not for sure. So yes, onto the New Year! I'm pretty sure we'll get there in the end ... although part of me just can't imagine holding that positive test.

Anyway, have a wonderful Christmas, everyone ... enjoy the mulled wine etc if you're out this month ... and good luck!