Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

We do try, Citybumpkin! (with the positivity, I mean) I warn you, though, it does get tough if (and I say 'if' because you might not have this experience ... hopefully you won't) month after month after month goes by with nothing.

I've been trying for over a year now and have not even had a sniff of a bfp in all that time.

BUT, as Jessie said, it has been wonderful to be part of this supportive community. I find that even my DH doesn't totally 'get' it, so I need some girly friends who truly understood i.e. you gorgeous ladies!

I know I'm risking a cliche here, but I was watching a documentary last night about conjoined twins in America. They're at university at the moment and living an almost totally normal, happy life. Just really struck me how fortunate I am just to be me and to be 'normal' (?) and healthy. And if they can be happy without an ideal life, then I can be too if I never get the chance to have a child. Sorry - told you I was going to dish out a cliche ... lol! If you get the chance, watch the doc ... it's 'Abby and Brittany - Season 1 Episode 1 (S01E01)' on Youtube :-)

Jessie ... very excited for you. That really is fabulous news ... and of course very encouraging for the rest of us xx

I know it may get tough HS. I hope I'm prepared for the worst, after a really crap 18 mths, and am trying to hope for the best. Two months isn't much but I'm in the mindset of this won't happen but I want it to happen but what if it doesn't...arghhhhh. Sorry to hear you've been trying for a while. What are your "stats" (these threads are very long)?

Yes, I go through the comparison thing all the time when I feel low about anything but the upbeatness is fleeting and then...

I wonder if we should move to a new thread (only 30 or so posts left on this one) and then have everyone sign in with their vital statistics? What do people think?

Good call Jessie! I'm liking the feel of this one and wouldn't want to lose people in the mass of MN threadery!

Jessie - how's your DH - suitably ticked off (for not believing you) but over the moon, I'll bet!

I just noticed the date - almost exactly a year ago - that you first started this thread. There's a lovely symmetry, I think, in the fact that you're now pregnant.

Maybe you could start off the new thread on its anniversary as a good luck charm? And perhaps you'll post an updated, celebratory, POAS photo - just as a reminder to the rest of us to keep going!

HS26 - FX you'll have some of Jessie's DHEA good luck. (I'm so sorry I've lost track whether you're doing IVF or natural?)

Citybumpkin - Jessie referred to my post above about DHEA. There's also some good info here; CHR New York - DHEA, from a top USA fertility clinic that claims to have started off the whole DHEA thing - they've published lots of research into it at any rate.
I dithered about taking DHEA for a long time (mainly as I'm medicated for an under-active thyroid, so I need to be careful, which doesn't apply to most people, obviously) but now I'm firmly in the what the fck camp - 3 weeks in.

OMG - the whole 'what days to DTD' issue - it does my fruit! Wotsits - thanks for raising this with Jessie - I daren't ask!

Jessie - Not sure if I've understood this correctly (???) but I think you said your magic DTD formula was 4th Nov, 7th, 8th (which was the day of positive OPK), 9th (which was 'O' day) and 10th. Well that sounds like perfect timing and I guess it was.

I've heard so often that DTD every other day is the best strategy to maintain not only sperm volume, but also sperm motility. But I find it almost impossible to hold my nerve and 'miss a day' especially if it turns out to be smiley face day. What's your plan Wotsits?

He's still not bloody home yet! Had drinks with an old friend and is clearly having a great time...may not be sober enough to register the news!

I like the anniversary thread idea chewy.

Citybumpkin, I hope my post above didn't discourage you! I meant to add that if I was just starting out, I'd try (but I know it would still be hard!) to stay a bit cooler and enjoy the process. I'm trying to do that now, but have my shaky moments when I just can't muster up any positivity ... lol! For the first few months in particular I got really stressed out about the whole thing, and I'm sure that didn't help.

I think you might have a big advantage starting on all the supplements now rather than later! I worried about DHEA too after reading about possible side effects, but decided like Jessie that if my IVF consultant suggested it then it would probably be worth a try.

Chewy, I'm just about to have a 'free try' at IVF on the NHS. If I was younger I'd definitely give it another year or so trying naturally, but I feel like it would be silly not to take advantage of this opportunity. After that, I really don't know what we're going to do. DH and I have been putting off that conversation I think ... it's the elephant in the room!!

The first thing I'm going to do after the IVF though, if it doesn't succeed, is get the HSG dye test thingy, which I've somehow managed not to do until now. I've heard that can sometimes 'clear things out' and help.

Jessie ... the new thread idea is great! I might use the opportunity to change my rubbish username! :-)

Oh ... and 'what days to DTD' does my nut in too.

I might try every day over ov. next month though as it worked so well for Jessie ;-)

Just need to hope we can muster up the energy!

Hey girls ... HS26 here again. I took the plunge and changed my username anyway, new thread or no new thread ;-)

Still not very imaginative, but better than a bunch of letters and numbers, which I chose without realising it would become my display name ... duh!

Hope I don't confuse anyone too much ... I'll just have to remind you all who I am for a while every time I post ...

HS26, definitely trying to enjoy IYKWIM . DP is very involved and already seeing if we can improve our diets further and is more than willing to DTD. I sometimes worry about his age (54)/the age difference but...

Jessie WTF re your DH?! Just party on alone and hope it does register during his hangover tomorrow!

Hello the new you - Loueeza! I thought HS26 as a username was quite quirky... I'm hoping I subconciously chose mine - "bump"kin.

Clearblue Digi has come up negative this morning. I have a bad feeling about how this is going to pan out.

Oh no Jessie . Big hug! Try another test? x

Thanks bumpkin. Don't let this setback put you off the thread!

I can't face squinting and over-analysing another line today so am just going to take a deep breath and wait till tomorrow morning, if I don't start bleeding before then. DH understands the implications, he's been v supportive this morning.

However FUCK! is pretty much how I feel right now

Why would I be put off? We're all in this together right (but not in a swinging kinda way). I hardly know you but yet really feel for you. I don't know what to say except we're here and keep talking!

Jessie – some people have got negatives using clearblue, but positives using other tests…so I think there’s still hope

Citybumpkin – I’m still getting used to the lingo…took me ages to work out some of the abbreviations, but it no longer feels like a strange, new language!
I started off thinking I won’t get too obsessed, too, but it has taken over my thoughts now. When I was single, I kept worrying that I wouldn’t meet the right person, would be too old to conceive, etc., etc. I even convinced myself that, actually, I didn’t want children and, in fact, I don’t even like them! But those close to me knew that was just me trying to convince myself I’d be ok if it didn’t happen. I think the more I learn about ttc, the more obsessed I get. The positive stories help and I try not to think about the ‘what ifs’ until/unless they become a reality.
Btw, do you take all your supplements as separate pills? I’ve been taking Boots Conception Support – is it better to take individual/specific vitamins as opposed to multivitamins?

Jessie - I think you know this already, but hoping it might help a little if you happen to see it written again in black and white!

Clearblue Digi's are great, but relative to other tests, they're just not very sensitive. I've checked again, to confirm what I thought, and found these values, all in mIU/ml:

• Superdrug early HPT: 10
• First Response Early Result: 12.5
• First Response: 25
• Clear Blue Easy: 25
• Clear Blue Digital: 50

Hang in there x

Thanks Chewy. I am holding on to that relative sensitivity thing and you are right, it does help to see it in B&W like that. However what is concerning me is that the CB digi is suposed to be 99% accurate on the day of your missed period. For me that day is today (or even yesterday - AF was due yesterday) and it said no. So if it's wrong then I am in a 1% minority which seems a bit unlikely.

Anyway, interesting new identity HS! I had started to think of HS26 affectionately in a sort of "R2D2" sort of way and had kind of forgotten it was all numbers . What's the background to your new name - wasn't there a character in Steel Magnolias called something like that? My username is because my Mum always used to call me Jessie (no idea why!) and I thought I'd just emphasise the Scottishness by adding a McJessie.

We've only got a couple of messages left on this thread now but if people don't mind I'll wait until tomorrow to start a new one, so it's on the exact 1 year anniversary of this one, as suggested by Chewy. I do like the symmetry of that.

I had in mind a slightly different title - something like

40 and over trying for a first baby - join us here.

Hope that's good for everyone.

Oh buggeration jessie how cruel. It sounds like you know it's not good. Could it have been a evil evaporation line or dye run? Didn't look like an evap from the photo but the colours in the photo are a bit skewed. I've never used the super drug tests but I've been caught out a few times with dye run on other brands from dipping too long.

AF still hasn't shown up so its not over yet x

Jessie still keeping my fingers x'ed for you!

Layla currently taking separate supplements but considering a shift towards a pregnacare one plus the COQ10, eve primrose and possibly DHEA. Being a veggie I don't want to miss out on things I might be lacking.

I thought of HS26 in terms of high speed rail link (plus a 6)

Fine with any thread name TBH as long as I can find you guys!

I'm pretty confident that yesterday's test was a genuine positive - the line was clear and pink within the time frame on the instructions. DH agreed. However it's a cautionary tale against using extremely sensitive tests I guess.

I am now bleeding so Game Over. This is now CD1 of my second IVF cycle.

Oh jessie! Great big lovely hugs to you! I'm a newbie so not been involved in our journey but understand it must be extremely hard. Take it easy, rest and anything else that might help. Next time...I shall continue to keep my fingers crossed for you...