Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Hi Wotsitmaltesers (love the name ... you are making me want some wotsits and maltesters now!)

Don't despair (I'm talking to myself as well as to you!) Despite how it may seem from my posts here, I've actually had a really hard time of it this last year. I often tear up on the way home from work etc ... the minute I start to think about it all! But deep down I still have a lot of hope. I'm frustrated, and realistic about my chances, but really there's still a lot that can be done (time, more IVF, donor eggs ...)

Jessie .... tbh I would have preferred to do the short protocol - long one will just be more drugs and hassle. But I guess I'll just go with what I'm told! I don't think my situation is any better than yours, but I guess different experts have different opinions.

FX for you this week. Like you say, you never know!! :-)

I was on the short protocol too.
This time just some hormones, less injections as its a FET.
I'm on my way to the airport now to fly to Cyprus. FET tomorrow or Thursday!!! Eek!! Fingers crossed
Speaking of Wotsits... I've treated myself to a bag of Frazzles for the plane!!

Daisy exciting , I was thinking it must be soon for you! Massive good luck wishes. Frazzles are definitely recommended by all the best IVF doctors .

No such thing as too much info for a new poster wotsits!

I think, as HS has alluded to, we are not necessarily all feeling as positive as we appear on this thread, but sometimes when writing it all down it actually helps put things in perspective, and to be honest there is an element of not being negative in posts because that won't really be very helpful to others.

I'd say we are probably more "pragmatic" than universally positive. Also, it depends how far down the line we are, either in terms of absolute age or length of time trying. It's actually still relatively early days for many of us (with the honourable exception of Annie who has been through the mill a bit more and has, as you will see from her recent posts, probably reached a point of coming to terms with not getting pregnant).

I'd also add that with us being a bit older most of us have had enough of a life (failed releationships, deaths of close family members, career ups and downs) to know that it ain't always fair but you do come out the other side, and not having kids is not such a bad thing compared to other stuff that can befall you, so that gives us a certain sense of perspective on life.

I'd say take a deep breath and start popping that Clomid immediately - from what I read it's a relatively mild fertility drug so not likely to do any harm. And as long as your boyfriend does actually know that you are TTC then don't worry about talking it through ad nauseam. To be honest, I did a lot of my early fertility appointments alone even though DH was fully involved in the process and it was just easier that way (except for when my doc dropped the bombshell about him having dodgy sperm and he wasn't there to hear the news first hand!).

However if your boyfriend has not yet had a sperm analysis then he really should get one without delay as over 30% of problems are caused by male factor and your age could be a total red herring. Many sperm issues can be fixed fairly easily too - DH's has improved back to normal now.

So I'm here in Cyprus, I had my first scan to see when embryo transfer should be. They want my lining to be thicker, it's 7mm at the moment and the triple layer needed is there. So I've been given more Estrogen in the form of tablets and patches. From what I understand because they are raising those levels I have to keep them up for 10 weeks, so will need to add that extra medication for afterwards.
I am now wondering if that was the reason last time failed (an embryo implanted but it did not continue), I'll have to ask Dr Google, although I know it could have been a million things so not going to analyse it too much.
Honestly, with this and hearing from the other women here about their obstacles I sometimes wonder how anyone gets pregnant!!
My ET is scheduled for Friday now.

HS26, sending you good wishes, it is such a rollercoaster!
Jessie, thanks for the good wishes and Frazzles support

All the best, Daisy! I can't believe it's all happening so fast for you. So exciting!

Looks like my IVF will now be delayed another month. I realised today that because my cycle has been longer by a couple of days over the past couple of months, it would push my actual transfer to Christmas (literally Christmas day if my cycle continues as it has been!) Obviously that doesn't work for anyone, so the nurse suggested pushing it back to the next cycle. The other option was to stay on the 'put you in menopause' (as she described it) drugs for another 2 weeks. No thank you!

At least this will give us a. another month to try like crazy naturally and b. more time for the DHEA etc. to kick in. So, all good :-)

Bloody hell HS not exactly tactful of an infertility nurse to talk in terms of the menopause to a woman having trouble conceiving! Shame that Christmas will mess things up for you timing- wise, good that you are able to look on the bright side.

You must have had your ET by now Daisy, fingers crossed!
Unsurprisingly I am not pregnant this month, AF turned up with depressing regularity. Woke up this morning to a Facebook scan pic from friends in Hong Kong who are having their second- felt like a kick in the teeth if I'm honest. I guess it's an alarm bell when you stop feeling happy for other people.

ET done, it went well. Embryos thawed well. They did assisted hatching on at least one of the embryos, which I don't know much about, but Google tells me it can be help for women over 37.
Was crampyfor 24 hours after, which I think is a good sign. Now the dreaded 2WW!!
I'll keep you posted!!
Jessie, sorry to hear about your period, when are you thinking of trying IVF again?

Great stuff Daisy. My next IVF will begin on my next period so in about 4 weeks.

Hello. Sorry to hear you're a bit down JESSIE. I know why you mean about Facebook a friend ofone who is a couple of months older than me announced she's pregnant with her second and while it should make me feel positive about age I just felt so jealous which isn't who I am. Stay positive and focus on the upcoming ivf.

My boyfriend and I haven't really discussed anything but obviously he knows the possibility of my getting pregnant for what we're doing I want to get him to have a test now and don't quite know how to broach it. Guess I have to just plunge in. Feel a bit trapped by circumstances to be honest.
Fingers crossed for you daisy I hope the Frazzles bring you luck.
What's the Shea drug you're all taking and where did you get it?

DHEA

Take a look at para 3c of this:
www.ivf.org.uk/media/54653/Low-Reserve-or-poor-response-what-can-we-do.pdf

Mine came from McPherson labs, mail order from the U.S. HS's consultant advised her to order online from Biovea.
If you read " it starts with the egg" by Rebecca Fett ( available on Kindle so you can get it instantly) you'll see a big discussion of DHEA, and also co enzyme Q 10.

I took co enzyme q 10, in the form of ubiquinol, from hwalthspan. I have very low AMH, and got 2 eggs that both fertilised for IVF.
It doesn't sound like much, but I recently met a lady also doing IVF and at 34 she got 7 eggs, only 3 mature, they managed to mature 2 more. 3 days later at ET only 2 had fertilised.
So who knows if it helps, but it doesn't hurt to try

*Healthspan

Don't beat yourself up too much about that, Jessie. Tbh I think it's a pretty natural response for women in our position. I feel jealous when I see a 20-something with a buggy and the rest of her brood trotting after her in town, for goodness sake!!

Wotsitsmaltesters, I know it's tough. I've been through quite a lot trying to get DH on side, too, and we lost a lot of time because of it. I think you will just have to plunge in. Might be difficult at first, but the more honest you are the bettter, probably?

Hello everyone, I've been away so long, hope some of you remember me! I've just been catching up and things have moved on a lot, I'm keeping everything crossed for you all with the IVF (& naturally beforehand as I've heard many a story about natural conception a fortnight before the appointment etc!) A quick update here, my husband and i chose to stop trying to conceive as we had a visa issue (my husband is non-EU). Due to those ongoing issues I have now moved countries (!) and am waiting for his visa to be approved for him to join me here in said new country. Hopefully our nightmare will be over soon and we can get back to normal life and baby making!

Hello. I've just been watching 3 hour Nanny. I love all these child behaviour programmes. The "Nanny", Kathryn Mewes is expecting her first baby at 41. Another older potential mum I've been stalking! She looks lovely and it's making me think that I shouldn't give up. I'm still "only" 42.

So I'm going to order some CQ10 tonight and might even push the boat out and get some DHEA too.

I've never taken DHEA as I know it's not prescribed in the UK so I wasn't sure if I could get it. Or maybe things have moved on in research now and it is being used more.

I used CQ10 in the months leading up to IVF egg collection last year and managed to get 8 eggs, 6 fertilised, 3 abnormal, 2 transferred didn't implant and then through FET in February the last embryo implanted but ended in mc. So I'd definitely try CQ10 again but no idea if it made a difference. I was also taking fresh royal jelly in the hope of improving egg quality but deep down I don't think there is anything that can improve quality. My IVF consultant In Edinburgh didn't believe any supplements worked but stressed I must have 2litres of water, lose weight and no alcohol.

In willing to try anything now. If I do get preggers again I'll take aspirin straight away until 3 months and get my hormone levels tested to see if I a need progesterone boost. I'm not sure if that's possible so I may just order some prog pessaries and do it. This is because my previous miscarriages may be down to hormones and I think it's what they prescribe at recurrent miscarriage clinics. I'm too far away to go to these clinics and too expensive to get there so I have to so make it up as I go along and be my own fertility consultant. don't advise this at all!

Don't give up Annie hoo. I'm nearly 43 and want to believe it will happen. Jo Brand was 43 when she had her first and 46 when she had her second. Have had a weird day today as keep feeling really hot and worried it's the dreaded meno starting.

Hi Toasted and Annie so nice to see you both back! Toasted it seems that moving country is a bit of a theme on this thread - that's me, FroginaSock , Daisy with her international IVF and now you as well.

Must have been a lot of upheaval for you moving to a third country to both of you and sorry to hear you're currently on your own waiting for DH's visa to come through. Best of luck for when you start trying again.

Annie I am fairly sure that progesterone pessaries are minimal risk so can't do any harm but could potentially do some good - I was prescribed them as standard when I had IUI even though no issues about my lining had ever been identified. It was really easy to get the DHEA online from the US and sent by FedEx - just google McPherson labs. I chose that over the Biovea (UK website) one as it is micronised but HS's consultant said Biovea was OK too, so that's even easier.

wotsit I did not know that about Jo Brand! Always glad to hear of another role model, and a double one at that! I'm sure you're not menopausal, you probably just have a cold coming on .

Nothing happening with me at the moment, just trying to eat heathily and drink less. Former easier than the latter...

Bit of a philosophical question for you all here ... since about a year ago I've started to get really bad PMS from about 8dpo. By bad I mean mild back and stomach cramps, feeling a bit nauseous and headachy, and just generally really icky.

Every month when this awful feeling starts, I just assume I'm out that month. I mentioned it to the doc at the IVF clinic recently and she said that no, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. But I still can't help thinking that it must do. Isn't PMS when your oestrogen level starts falling? If you've conceived, wouldn't oestrogen levels start to rise and sort of 'cancel out' the PMS?

This must be at least the third time I've asked this question, but it's still really bugging me and no doc I've asked has been much help and so I just couldn't resist asking again if any of you have any more theories! It's just a bit topical today that's all as I'm on 8do and feeling that crappy feeling yet again ... :-(

I know exactly what you mean HS26. Very similar happens to me - in fact I feel like I can tell from about 1dpo. I found out a couple of months ago my progesterone levels are low and googled loads and discovered that low progesterone can cause PMS.
www.chatelaine.com/health/wellness/low-progesterone-to-blame-for-your-pms/
The month I tested low progesterone I had really bad PMS then the following month I tested again, as I was so worried as low progesterone is a sign of no ovulation, and had high progesterone and interestingly not such bad PMS - so don't know if there's anything in it.

Glad Jo Brand a positive story Jessie - I think I need to take a leaf out of your book and start eating more healthily and cutting down on the wine - hard to do as helps me through the difficult days.

Thanks so much for that wotsitsmaltesters. Really interesting article. I did have the standard 21 day progesterone test and was fine, but maybe I'm on the low side.

After reading that article, I might consider taking Vitex. Anyone got any experience of this? I'm wary of starting to be like a human medicine cabinet with all sorts of pills jangling around inside me, but hey, if it gets me where I want to be ... :-)

Interesting HS and wotsits. I've never heard of vitex I'm afraid.

I have the opposite problem with my cycles really. I had a copper IUD for 10 years so never really used hormonal contraception and every month I had noticeable changes in my breasts and fairly painful cramps but not much PMS. Since the coil was removed my periods have become much lighter and my boobs hardly change at all. The periods I understand as coils are known to make them heavier, but I fear that what seems to be less obvious hormonal changes in my cycle could signal peri menopause. Nowadays I get very few pre- menstrual signs but my periods do always come on time.
Annoyingly I used a contraceptive patch for a few months and it gave me dark pigmentation on my face, which still hasn't gone away over a year later. Apparently that is the same thing some women get in pregnancy and is caused by oestrogen.
I do feel a bit of PMS sometimes, manifesting itself as getting ANGRY! about small things (people not letting me off the tube before they board for example, grr) but that could just be a combo of infertility rage and urban living

It's not PMS as in feeling angry or teary - more physical symptoms that I would associate more with the days when I actually have my period. I get backache, mild but very uncomfortable cramps and sicky tired feelings - to the point where I really don't feel very well. This all happens about 9 to 11dpo, then it seems to get a bit better until af arrives about a week later.

Just seems really strange to me. Only started a year ago after I thought I might have had a chemical pregnancy (although I even doubt that now as surely something else would have happened since then if I did!).

Maybe you're right Jessie and it's perimenopause. I guess I just worry that it could be something like endometriosis, although it's not the severe pain I've heard that causes - just really horrible yucky feelings.

Oh well ... I probably should go back to my GP and see if she can refer me. Don't really have the heart for it though with everything else going on ...

Urgh. Halloween always makes me sad. Find it far more difficult than Christmas, all the children from the village have been round this week "guising" as we call it in Scotland in their gorgeous witches and ghost outfits collecting money for the village bonfire party. They then have a party in someone's house. I used to get invited to go along but don't go now as the mums are too young so I don't really know them. Feel so sad seeing all the photos on Facebook. Just feel so left out of "normal" life. Shall have a glass of wine and get over it. I have a lot to be thankful for! Thankfully it's over for another year! X

Awwww, sorry last night made you feel a bit down, Annie. I get the same feelings in other situations sometimes.

Like you say, though, it's over for another year now! Enjoy today - it's turned out nice and sunny here. Thinking of going for a bit of a walk to make the most of it. Bet it'll be horrible and cold soon :-)