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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

999 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2014 13:00

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

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wotsitsmaltesers · 01/11/2015 13:45

Sorry you're sad Annie I know what you mean though. I find bonfire night hard for the same reasons, and then of course we have Christmas. Am trying to stay positive - bit of a house make over today and next couple of weeks. A positive story for us all - a lady I used to work with is 4 months pregnant by IVF with her first at 44. FX for her and all of us.

toastedcheesesandwich · 01/11/2015 20:06

I have something similar to this HS26 , I know I'm only fertile on CD10, and I've noticed on CD11 &12 I feel moody and weird which then goes away until proper PMT starts. just thought I was being over-sensitive, so very interesting someone else has noticed this!

toastedcheesesandwich · 01/11/2015 20:12

Gosh, seems a lot of us have moved around the world lately too. Jessie are you settling in after moving back? I imagined I would be so settled in my 40's, so this moving countries lark has come as quite a shock. Ive learnt that I am very, very adaptable though. Also in a funny way as people don't know DH and I here, or our back story, I've had a break from answering intrusive questions which is very restful!

ChewyGiraffe · 02/11/2015 11:39

Hope you don’t mind me popping on to say hi – I’m de-lurking just to say that I’m loving your work on this thread, particularly the ‘older’ pregnant celebrity spotting, which I have to admit, has to be one of my own slightly embarrassing pastimes.

I’m in a similar position to all of you in that I’m also TTC over 40, but in my case I’m probably older than everyone here (I’m now 46) and it’s not my first – I have a 28 month old DD. We’ve been trying for #2 on and off for an eternity 19 months now, although the ‘offs’ have meant we’ve only managed to 'try' in 8 cycles, with a devastating MMC at 10 weeks. Nevertheless whilst my FSH and antral follicle counts are still normal, I still can’t get my head round giving up quite yet.

I’ve started to take CoQ10 (as ubiquinol) and DHEA. I’ve taken DHEA before, half-heartedly and not recently, but this time around I’m going to try to maintain 3 doses (of 25mg) daily. I presume you continue to take DHEA throughout the 2 week wait (if trying naturally)? I’d be interested to know what anyone else thinks.

I’m sorry for anyone who’s finding TTC hard going. For my part I have plenty of days when I worry what my face is doing – wondering how well I’m maintaining a chirpy grin, that’s not too obviously through clenched teeth, as I congratulate yet another mum from playgroup/nursery on her massive bump, or breezily fend off yet another question (I swear at least one a week) from some acquaintance or random stranger as to whether I’d like another baby or if I'm "stopping at just the one" ... Perhaps I should be pleased that I’m never mistaken for DD’s granny – as elsewhere on MN might have you believe is inevitable in your 40’s Angry – but those comments usually make me want to go home and cry. And sometimes I do.

So hope you don't mind - with a view to maybe cheering us up a bit - here's a little contribution to 'older' pregnant celebrity spotting:

  • A topical celebrity, if not a recent pregnancy, here's the Bond Girl-Woman Monica Bellucci pregnant at 44-45: here and here
  • Gwen Stefani pregnant at 43-44: here and here
  • And my absolute favourite, if not strictly speaking a s'leb, the doctor/journalist Dr Luisa Dillner with her 'oops' baby at 47-48: here
JessieMcJessie · 02/11/2015 12:25

Briliant stuff chewy. I hadn't heard of Dr Luisa Dillner and loved that article. Also found the ongoing series here when looking to see if the baby was born safe and well (she was).

Annie sorry about your Halloween blues. I had similar feelings, as I spent ages doing costumes and face painting for DH and me for a Halloween party and remembered how much my Mum used to love dressing up my brother and me for guising (I'm Scottish too) - she was adamant that nothing should be bought, all had to be done with materials already in the house and it made for some hilarious outfits. I so wanted to be doing the same for a child of my own rather than my 37 year-old husband. Even though I am very good at it Grin. Though did then go round to see my friend, whose 3 year old is my sort of godchild - he refused to have his face painted and, frankly, was pretty relentlessly demanding, so I came away thinking that kids maybe not such a great blessing after all Smile.

Toasted yes, settled in fairly well now, though the big change will be when we move into our new house (hopefully) in December. I am trying very hard to retain as many links with Hong Kong as I can though, in terms of still reading the local news and keeping up with our friends and my colleagues there - I don't want to reset completely to UK life as it was before. That said, UK life before I went there was miserably single and so having DH this time round makes it all feel so very different. Are you in Europe or further afield? Did you both get jobs sorted out easily enough? (not expecting specifics as sure you don't want to out yourself).

Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?
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AnnieHoo · 02/11/2015 22:53

Aww thanks you lot! You really know how to cheer me up. I do LOVE a bit of preggers slebs over-40's spotting! Brilliant Chewy loved the article too.
Also I didn't realise Jo Brand was an older mum so that's perked me up.

Jessie it brings it all back to me, those horrible plastic masks with elastic that stuck to your hair, dooking for apples, starry skies and turnip lanterns. Happy days. And yes, the reality of Halloween with a 3 year old probably ain't that great!

Still haven't ordered that DHEA - have renewed energy to get going again tomorrow - thanks!

HS26 · 03/11/2015 20:30

Well, this is not a celeb story, but here's a good one: my grandmother was 44 when she had her last ... yup, my dad was a (well) over 40 'oops' baby.

In theory, should bode well for me, I suppose. In theory ...

wotsitsmaltesers · 04/11/2015 23:42

Loving all the positive stories. Am in a a bit of a baby blue pit. Another cycle not worked and can feel the dreaded PMT on its way. Feel like they lied to us - eggs and sperm do not seem to be the way to make a baby. Or maybe I've not understood what sperm and eggs are and I'm doing it all wrong. This is a very hard journey with an unknown destination. Just feel exhausted and a little bit lost. Don't know who I've become really and certainly don't know who I'll be if this doesn't work.
Jessie you must be about to start your next IVF soon, fingers crossed.
daisyboo I do hope things have gone well for you. I think you're nearing the end of your 2ww.
To end on a positive and to add to the good news stories. My great grandmother was a staggering 48 when she had her first and only daughter.

Daisyboo1203 · 05/11/2015 02:22

Hiya
Yes, at the end of 2ww. Not very hopeful. Just had blood test, but every hpt I have taken has been negative. So I think blood test will just confirm this.Sad
The clinic said if this didn't work they reckon there is something wrong with the embryos, so it might be time
For a fresh cycle, sigh!

Daisyboo1203 · 05/11/2015 09:23

Argh!!! Limbo again!! HCG 10.8. So pregnant, but not pregnant. Will probably be a chemical pregnancy like last time.
Time for a fresh cycle Sad

HS26 · 05/11/2015 20:43

Oh Daisy ... :-( Is there any hope still for this time?

I totally get you, Wotsitsmaltesers. I feel the same sometimes. Just WHY isn't it working???!! I just keep trying to focus on the fact that it's NORMAL for it to be tough at our age, but that still doesn't mean it won't eventually happen. Telling myself this is the only thing that keeps me going ...

Daisyboo1203 · 05/11/2015 23:48

I don't know if there is hope. They told me to have hope last time. I did, HCG doubled, then next time it didn't.
So I believe it will go the same way this time.
It shows there is no problem with implantation, so who knows if the problem is embryos or me?
Hopefully the doctor will have some
Insight and thoughts of what to do next

HS26 · 06/11/2015 17:15

I'm really sorry then, Daisy. What a pain. :-(

From all the stories I've heard, I think it's normal and just part of the process, although knowing this doesn't make it easier, I know.

Take care, honey.

JessieMcJessie · 07/11/2015 09:49

That sucks Daisy, and I am really sad to hear that donor eggs don't seem to be the cure-all that I had sort of hoped they were. Fingers crossed that the HCG maybe does double but I unfortunately agree it doesn't sound good.
wotsit your " I don't know who I'll become if this doesn't work " really strikes a chord. Me neither. I am on CD 15 right now, though OPKs not yet showing any sign of ovulation, which seems odd. Am feeling really stressed about having enough sex at the right times as this is also a "good tube side" month most probably. But this morning I was struck by the cold hard realisation that the consultant told us our chances naturally are a poxy 5%. Made worse by being in a meeting most of yesterday with a much younger colleague banging on about her baby at home. Absolutely no idea how lucky she is. How on earth did it take me nigh on 40 years to find someone to have children with? The only consolation is that I was thinking back this morning to my on- off boyfriend during my mid thirties and I absolutely thanked the Lord that I didn't end up accidentally pregnant by that tosser. Shudder down my spine imagining what it would have been like to still be tied to him!
Right, DH waking up now, action stations....

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Daisyboo1203 · 07/11/2015 13:22

Hcg tripled!!! 10.8 to 30.3!!!
Bloody hell!! I don't know what to do with myself!!!
I have to continue with meds and have another test on Monday.
This will be the stressy one. Last time the third one didn't double and it was over. (12,24,28)
Someone has mentioned that FET can be slower or I have a late implanted. But cos of last time I am not getting hopes up....but there is a glimmer....

JessieMcJessie · 07/11/2015 13:38

Exciting! So you now have more HCG than ever before, fingers very firmly crossed for you.

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Daisyboo1203 · 07/11/2015 14:49

Thanks, Jessie.
I am frantically googling whether FETs take longer to get going. Some say they do, but I can't find evidence.
I am trying not to get hopes up, but I guess it's impossible not too.
Also looking at the beta base . Info website and there is such a wide range between numbers.
Need to stop thinking about it!
Just need double on Monday (or more please!!!)

Daisyboo1203 · 07/11/2015 14:51

By the way, is anyone going to the fertility show in London this weekend. I have a few friends there now! Sounds pretty good

wotsitsmaltesers · 07/11/2015 15:30

Great news Daisy, sending lots of good wishes your way.
Jessie hope actioning worked this morning! You're very lucky to be with someone you love so much now. It's terrible to admit I know but I'm partly with my boyfriend because of my age. Would never have just been with someone ten years ago so feel I've lost track of who I am - and wondering why I didn't just compromise get with someone ten years ago when it would all have been easier to make happen. Sorry tmi.
HS26 - you're right, we just need to focus on the positives and that it is just harder at this age. I have so many friends aged 42-44 at the moment who are pregnant or have just had a baby. This gives me lots of hope and I have always been the one in the group advocating that later pregnancy can and does happen and that it not happening is just scare mongering. Ironically though I have to admit it also fills me with utter jealousy and just wondering why it happens to everyone else and not me. I am getting so tired of trying and feel so utterly self centred. What sort of health kicks have you all done. I know I probably drink a few too many glasses of wine a week and wondering if you have all given up alcohol and caffeine completely.

Daisy I so hope it works for you on Monday.

HS26 · 07/11/2015 20:52

Oh Daisy ... fingers very very firmly crossed for you. This weekend must be so nailbitingly hard for you. What a rollercoaster. xxx

Wotsitsmaltesters, I really get you. I hear all the positive stories of it happening to others at this age, but right now after so many months of trying I just CAN'T imagine ever seeing those elusive 2 lines.

Despite this, though, nearly every month just before af I pretty much convince myself that we have done it ... then of course I crash back down to earth with a big bang. That first day of af is always so so horrible ... the disappointment is like nothing I've ever experienced because it just goes on and on!!!

BUT ... I am NOT going to give up. Because whether I think it will happen or not won't determine whether it actually will or not. :-)

Let's not lose hope, girlies!

Oh, and Jessie, I wouldn't worry about getting enough action. I really don't think that's the issue for us. Maybe the little bit of stress has delayed ov. for you a bit this month? Or .... interestingly, I've noticed that mine has been delayed since taking the supplements. I've gone from 26 days average to 28.

Daisyboo1203 · 09/11/2015 11:18

It nearly tripled again!!!
30.3 to 82.9!!!

I am pregnant!!
Still cautious, but feeling hopeful!!
I also got this last night, my first positive HPT!!

Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?
JessieMcJessie · 09/11/2015 12:23

Hooray! How exciting, keep us posted. Nice nails tooGrin

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JessieMcJessie · 09/11/2015 12:41

Facebook this morning had a birth announcement from a distant acquaintance of mine who has just had a second child at age almost 43, having had a first 2 years ago. I am fairly sure that it was not IVF. This woman was a serious hard-partying smoker and drinker when I used to hang out with her 3 or 4 years ago. I am torn between being inspired and pissed off!

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HS26 · 09/11/2015 17:43

Daisy, what fantastic news to come home to tonight!

I think you have every reason to be hopeful ... congratulations!!!!

HS26 · 09/11/2015 17:45

And Jessie ... yup, that's annoying! ;-)