Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Hi HS26 thank you and yes you are right I need to have a holiday from thinking. I've been watching loads of trashy Tv and it's been the best tonic!

How are you getting on mid cycle? Keep on DTD even if you can't be bothered! Every other day works for me. Not at the moment obvs!

Hi Annie. Glad to hear DH is looking after you and you're feeling a bit brighter. Yes, I am in the wilderness of the 2ww, only 4 days post the IUI so absolutely no idea what might be going on in my uterus and ages before I find out. I've been really tired this week, don't know if it's the heat, the house move, DH's impending departure or the progesterone that I've been taking. I'm torn in that I want the end of the TWW to come soon but every day that passes is a day closer to DH leaving so don't want time to go too quickly.

It's our first wedding anniversary on Sunday. We're going to a theme park on Monday :-) I just bought him two "paper" gifts - a book of Hong Kong skylines that includes a lovely picture of the place where we met and a travel map of Europe for us to plan our next adventure. Let's hope it's a babymoon...

Frog what are you doing in Spain (or other Spanish speaking country) - working or touring or relaxing? Not fishing for info that would out you, just interested in putting some more context to what must be a really odd time for you. I did like your sentence:

"counting the blessings each day that goes without incident and slowly coming around to understanding some big changes are likely coming up."

Good morning all. Thanks for asking about me Jessie I’m not sure how worried I am about being outed, but I’ll be a bit vague about details but hopefully enough of a story that you get the gist.

Plan A was a lifestyle of location independent digital nomads, with me occasionally taking a short term contract if I felt like it. Visas ending in Asia mid June (think cheap, cheerful and somewhat undeveloped areas like smaller cities in Laos, Cambodia etc rather than a metropolis like Bangkok or HK). Then a trip to South America via the European Spanish speaking country, returning to the Med in July for a regular group summer vacation in an amazing villa full of boozing, late nights and somewhat risqué activities, and then waltzing back to London late July and I’d pick up an interim summer contract. I pictured long lazy Sundays on the Green (I mean Common, not the herb) and during that time we’d decide where we headed off next – possibly back to Asia; possibly Australia for Christmas and follow the summer around the globe.

I only made a slight tweak to that plan when I decided to hit Europe a few weeks ahead of DH. I thought it may be easier to lay the groundwork for my summer work contract closer to the UK, preferably from a cheap bolt-hole rental on the coast. And then I got my BFP. That’s a pretty bloody massive tweak to plan A and my head has been spinning since and I’m rapidly writing a new plan B. I’m not sure how much of the old plan A is still feasible or desirable.

Earlier jojo captured well my same thinking with her quote “...we woke up, literally, and the thought of what we might be missing out on made our blood run a little cold … it was one thing for us to not end up having children but quite another to have missed out because we didn’t even try” I guess a lot of couples start trying without working out exactly how life would change with a baby, and I definitely wanted to have tried. But now it’s not so easy to be quite so footloose.

Wow, I’ve got a ramble on there! The short story is I’m relaxing, holidaying and laying in the sun – interspersed with applying for jobs! I feel well, happy and positive but very much looking forward to seeing DH next week and being able to have some long proper chats about what’s going to be important to us this year.

Good luck to those in or entering the tww - Jessie and HS26 isn’t it? Who else?

Frog your travel plans are so exciting. Isn't it amazing how life happens when you're making plans.

You must be longing to see DH next week!

jessie y y it's likely to be the progesterone that's making you tired. I took it when I did IVF and it made me really sleepy. Drink gallons of water to flush those drugs through. Sounds like you're really busy so time will fly.

Have a lovely wedding anniversary. I hope you get a lovely paper gift!

Wow, Frog. Now I feel very jealous of your exciting-sounding summer! And your relaxing in the sun!

Jessie, Happy Anniversary! And enjoy your theme park adventure. You've certainly got a lot going on at the moment physically and emotionally, so maybe your tiredness is as simple as that. It must be very tough thinking about your DH leaving before you. Have you got some nice things planned to do for your last month in HK to keep your mind distracted a bit from dwelling on it too much?

Annie, the trashy TV sounds like the perfect way to 'not think'! Keep it up! ;-)

I think I might be ovulating today - got my usual aches and twinges. So need to get a bit of action in tonight ;-) The last few months we've been not starting the 'every 2 days' thing too early in my cycle because when we first started doing this we were starting too early and getting burnt out!! Two nights ago though DH and I ended up having an argument (nothing too serious!) just before bedtime, then he said he just didn't feel like it and was too tired. I felt awful, of course (hate arguing, anyway, but disappointed that we'd be missing a key day too), but then eventually we made up and ... erm ... well, didn't miss that key day after all! I still feel a bit skeptical though that the spermies can survive for a couple of days. I find it hard to 'do' only every other day, worrying that we're missing an opportunity on the other day, but we would definitely get burnt out with every day!

Oh well. Was thinking today about how 'chance-y' this all feels. Just how is it soooo hard to get there? Grrrrrr.

I'm watching "the 90's ten years that changed the world" now on C4+1. Feel so nostalgic .. and old... And wish I was in my 20's ...

.. Actually I dont. But fertility-wise I do!

Apologies, I didn’t intend for my last message to come across as a boast post, but re-reading it was a bit show-offy. In truth, we’ve been working really, really hard for near on 10 years to get ourselves in a position where DHs online businesses run themselves or only need involvement that can be done via the internet from anywhere. We’ve dreamt of location independent working lifestyles for years. We’ve finally made it, not exactly rolling in it, but enough to resign from regular day jobs and cover living expenses in enough countries to be able to keep on the move.

I’d planned that I could just slide a baby in with just the addition of a babysling and a bag of nappies, and maybe the occasional investment in a temp nanny or babysitter. And then worry about schooling in 5 years time. Maybe it’s still possible to be nomadic but hurdles seem bigger now!

I’ve had some pretty awful pelvic cramps today. Feels like strong AF ones but I’m trying to reassure myself that a degree of discomfort is normal for this stage. Dr Google says so, same Dr says that unless there’s lots of bleeding, or pain is so severe I can’t talk or move through it, then just keep on keeping on. So that’s what I’m doing.

Good luck everyone, no matter where you are in pursuit of, or as I am, trying to hold on to your BFP.

Frog, I certainly didn't interpret your post as boasting! I think your lifestyle sounds absolutely wonderful and actually my DH is working on something at the moment that he hopes will achieve for us the same sort of freedom eventually.

Just to reassure you ... I've heard time and time again that you can go anywhere and do (almost) anything with a baby - it's only when they hit school-age that you have to decide where to settle. ;-)

Im not sure why you think we would interpret your post as boasting frog. It didn't come across like that at all! I think it's a wonderful thing you are doing.

I've travelled and worked all over the world and that's part of the reason I didn't meet anyone until later in life... No regrets!! There Is so much life out there and rewards for people who work hard and long hours to be able to work smart and give themselves a better work-life balance.

Hope you are feeling better. You'll be tired at this stage so try and get lots of sleep and keep drinking loads of water xx

Morning all,
Well DPO 6/7 for me, not tracking but had some pains around CD 7 and know with my LO that I OV about CD6. Quite hopeful as have had a few niggles here and there and yesterday fell asleep on the sofa for about 2 hours around midday which is not like me at all but on the other hand remember all the symptom spotting from last time so will not get my hopes up just yet !
Frog hope all is going well, from someone who has been through an ectopic (I hope I didn't mis interpret your post, it seems something that you are at least conscious of) you just know that something is not right, pain is not in the right place and yes, when it comes you bliddy know about it, I was doubled over, sweating and wanted to throw up) if you are at all worried then go to the EPU and they can scan you, they won't see much but should be able to reassure you that the yolk sac is in the right place ! otherwise, try and keep sane through the next few weeks, all our fingers are crossed for you !
As for the lifestyle, it's a cliché but things change once the bubba is here, people would say that to me and I'd be like ... hmm maybe for some but not for me, I can't see why anything would change etc. then along comes this little person and suddenly everything does, without you even being consciously aware, your mindset just shifts slightly.
Annie I hope you are still doing OK, it can take a while for the emotions to run through and I hope you have some support in RL
Jessie HS26 Good luck for you both

Afternoon all, sorry for going AWOL recently things have been rather hectic here recently.

I was sure I'd posted about taking DPs SA sample to the hospital yo drop it off - we only had an hour from producing the sample to arriving at the hospital with a journey of around 45 minutes ahead of us and trying to keep the sample warm too. I was terrified of being pulled over by the police and having to explain what was in the pot in my pocket and why I was time limited to deliver it!! Thankfully we were not stopped by the police, nor caught up in traffic!!

I have been following SMEP this cycle and we had positive opks both Saturday and Sunday. We managed to dtd a number of times in the window so have all our fingers and toes crossed - and probably our eyes too!! Just got to hope my body behaves itself and actually ovulates this month!!

Hi all, I'm 43 and ttc #1 , had a chemical pregnancy about two years ago but that caused OH to propose so not all bad. Now married and he finally said it was ok. Had very odd couple of months last month three day period which was two days late,and now on day three of a very painful period with awful cramps but also looking like it will be very short...not sure what to make of it.
Generally tired, bigger breasts and lots of headaches.

Welcome to the thread neetie .
There aren't many of us on this thread, I'm not sure if that's because there aren't many over 40 first timers on mn but it does mean its quite easy to keep up with everyone!

I hope your period stops being painful. My periods have shortened recently too and got thicker. I think that's an age thing.

Hi everyone,

Nothing exciting to report recently, I'm expecting AF towards the end of next week so I am in the waiting zone...

We do have our first appointment at the NHS Fertility Clinic on Monday, I thought we might as well get the ball rolling there whilst still trying to conceive on our own as things with the NHS usually take quite a while to proceed.

Welcome neetie, I am also a newbie here. My periods have also gone a bit weird this year, with the return of period pains on day 1, which I haven't had since my late teens, great!

Frog enjoy your summer in the sunshine and please send some over here!

Welcome Neetie1! I think I've learnt from my own experience and from reading about others here, it's quite normal for the pattern of af to change. Mine certainly has since we started ttc. I don't know why, but I've come to realise now that it must just be 'one of those things', either age related or just because periods change every now and then and get 'a new pattern'.

SparrowSG, I'd love to hear how your NHS appointment goes. I've got one of those coming up, too!

Jessie, has DH left yet (sorry to remind you!) How are you doing? Any news about the IUI yet?

Hello all. Don't worry about reminding me about DH's departure HS, I remembered when he started packing his bags !

He left last night so it's just me and a month's worth of work handover. BUt I have plenty of friends to keep me company and it's probably good that I will have fewer distractions as we've already done most of our leaving "socials" apart from my own work one. Had a fun time at the theme park on Monday, I have no idea whether rollercoasters are detrimental to the implantation of an embryo but I don't really care.

I'm not hopeful about the IUI having worked, to be honest, though am stil only 10 dpo so impossible to tell. I did a sneaky test yesterday which was a snowy white bfn, but it was obviously far too early.

DH was very good about making sure that we talked through next steps before he left, rather than having the conversation on the phone after I called to say not pregnant. Turns out he had been googling morphology issues after all, though his main finding seemed to be to tell me that it was not scientifically proven that eating better and drinking less could possibly change it! He was quite clued up on ICSI though. We just need to identify the right clinic on London for us and then get a consultation. All the ones I emailed said that appointments were quick to arrange and treatment could start straight away. He will be looking for some Trip Adviser equivalent soon I am sure.

However our issues pale into insignificance compared with my DB and SIL. SIL is 38 but has basically stopped ovulating and they have been told that IVF is simply not an option. The clinic said they might treat her just so she could psychologically say she had tried everything, but they thought they were unlikely even to get to egg collection. SIL and DB have been together about 15 years but until last year were very into travelling and said they didn't want children, SIL then changed her mind only to find this out. They are taking solace in a doctor having said that she probably had premature menopause 10 years ago but was unaware due to having an impant, but of course she's no way of knowing of that is really true and is beating herself up about not trying sooner. They don't like the idea of donor eggs. DB is not too fussed for himself but is sad for SIL. She's lovely, I am sad for her too.

To be honest DB and I had a bit of a laugh when I told him the sorry tale of DH's sperm. We rather blackly thanked the Lord that our parents are dead and not berating us for picking infertile spouses. (Sorry if that offends anyone).

Though other topic of conversation with DB is that he is having testing to confirm a suspected genetic iron overload condition (haemochromatosis). It's very treatable but can cause issues if not detected so if he gets a positive then it's recommended that I be tested too. Don't think it affects fertility though. Something else to add to the to-do list.

Anyway nice to see you back Remember and Sparrow and welcome Neetie. Hope all well Frog and thanks for pandering to my nosiness about your lifestyle - as others have said, did not come across smug in any way shape or form.

Jessie you might want to take a look at the HFEA website (www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-clinics-success-rates.html). They are the 'UK's independent regulator overseeing the use of gametes and embryos in fertility treatment and research' and publish the statistics including success rates for the Fertility Clinics in the UK. I was comparing my local places to see who had the best success with 40+ as they separate out the age groups in their figures.

Hi everyone. Welcome to the newbies.

Not much to report from me but just wanted to say hello to mark my place as it were.

AF just gone so will be time to start using my ovulation tests again soon and dtd a lot more.

neetie af for me has changed a lot in the last year or so. I used to get very heavy periods but they have become lighter (but still painful). I suppose this is to do with age really but at least they are still there and I'm (hopefully!) still ovulating.

Jessie sorry to hear about your DB and SIL. That must be hard for them. Good luck with all your planning and your last month and work handovers.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and fingers crossed for us all.

13 dpo/IUI today. Did a test mid afternoon and am kidding myself I can see a veery faint line but the test info leaflet warns against false positives outside the 5 minute window and I certainly couldn't see anything until it had fully dried out, so it's probably just wishful thinking. It is so faint that no camera will capture it and the camera never lies! FRER are not available here so I can't try a more sensitive test for a second opinion. Will just have to wait until tomorrow and try again with FMU. Certainly not feeling any symptoms. Will keep popping the progesterone and hope for the best.

Hi Jessie - well, you never know! I'm sure a test tomorrow or the next day would show something darker if it was a BFP.

Not to dash your hopes, but I did a test a couple of months ago on the day af was due and saw a super super faint line (if I held it up to the window ... ;-) but that too was after about 10 minutes at least. af came a few hours later I think.

Just for a moment though I did get my hopes up.

Let us know!! Good luck! :-)

oh Jessie I hope so so so so much that there is a lovely line there tomorrow for you. Post a photo - i am a professional at line spotting! Is it an internet cheapie you are using? Fingers majorly crossed xxx

Meh. Clearblue digi came up with a resounding "not pregnant" this morning. However I also did another test of the same brand as yesterday's' and I can def see a very faint line, think it even came up within the 5 minute window. It is unbelievably faint though. Since Annie asked, I am posting a pic but I won't be surprised if you say you can't see anything.

That test is 25 miu and I think the CB is 50, but the CB does claim to be 97% accurate 2 days before AF and 99% 1 day before. So if only between 25 and 50 miu of HCG in FMU on cd 28 then, if not imaginary, it's probably a chemical.

I also had an hcg trigger shot for the IUI but I thought that would be out of my system by now.

Nothing to do but wait another 24 hours.....it was hard enough sleeping last night!

Oops forgot pic!