Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

HS my friend who just fell pregnant with her IVF had it done with the NHS, but there was a point last year when she thought she might have to pay. She had looked into a clinic in Barcelona and had visited it last year, it is half the price of treatment here in the UK and has very good results.

If you'd like me to get you all the details please just ask, I would be happy to contact her and send them on to you.

Frog fabulous news

Hi all,

Wow, a lot to read/respond to!

I'm in a bit of a rush this morning but just wanted to thank you, SparrowSG & Jessie for your suggestions re. IVF to go abroad. Still hoping (beyond hope) that we won't have to go down that route, but I know we'll have to at least get a sort of plan in place time-scale wise soon. I'll definitely contact you re. Barcelona if things do go that far, though, Sparrow ... thanks again!!

Jessie, we have all our (basic) results and the doc said they were 'fine' but I think at the NHS fertility clinic they initially take your results and discuss from there, so I'll be interested to see if they can give us any more specific info and advice. We have a lot of other things going on in our lives at the moment so I would really want to weigh up how necessary or 'worth it' it was to go for IVF before shelling out money and taking on all the emotional stuff that will surely go with it.

Anyway, we'll see ... step by step ...

Oh, how rude of me ... congratulations, Frog! That's amazing ... bet you can't wait for DH to return so you can celebrate! Keep us updated!!

Jojoeena, thanks so much for the encouraging story ... they are what keep me going!!

Jessie, thanks for the encouraging words, too. I do try to stay positive most of the time, and it is genuine, but of course it's much easier to have that positivity for others - a bit harder for yourself!! I'm OK, I just fall off the wagon a bit around af, then I pick myself back up again. If only I knew it was just going to take a bit of time, I'd be fine. It's the not knowing why it isn't happening. Age, or something else ...

Anyway, bettter stop the rambling as I'm supposed to be in a rush!

Thanks again, everyone ... and good luck to everyone waiting on results/procedures etc. ...

Sad news. Just back from 9 week scan and Embryo died at 7 weeks and 2 days. I'm being very strong though. It wasn't meant to be xxxx

Oh Annie . Thinking of you and your DH.

Annie, that's just heartbreaking to hear. I'm so sorry ... I can only imagine your sadness and frustration. It sounds like you're coping really well, girl, but take care of yourself all the same xxx

Thanks ladies. So sad and typical that DH is away with work again. Hopefully he will be back before mc starts . He said he's been really sad all day as he'd dreamed he was going to be a daddy. I really don't think I can go on but would try one more time for him.

It must be so hard to think about going through it all again, Annie, but I would wait and see how you feel in a little while. x

So sorry to hear your sad news Annie. Thinking of you. x

Sorry to hear your sad news, Annie. Thinking of you aat the moment xx

Hope you are holding up ok Annie

Is DH back? It's tough when they are away. I do hope that you have got a good and kind somebody you can lean on in real life if you need it.

I'm going through some moments of doubt. How will I know if something's gone wrong? I've not developed any symptoms, neither reassuring ones nor bad. It's still really early so maybe that shouldn't concern me. But sometimes my mind is playing tricks and I don't have anyone to talk it through with.

I have to find a new GP in London when I get back. It's been a couple years since I lived there, and I'll be going into a rental somewhere. I'm toying with emailing my previous Australian one and see what she says. While I'm in limbo I'm relying on Dr Google. I'm assuming theres no rush to see a doctor - but do women just usually get on with their daily business for a while or is everyone straight into their family practice as soon as they know?

Annie I am really sorry to hear your news and am thinking of you. It must be such a hard time - take good care of yourself.

Hi everyone

Have been really busy recently so have not caught up until today.

Charlie have you had your scan? Sorry if I've missed your news. Hope you are OK.

No chance for me this month as we have only dtd once and far too early. But a bit more positive as DH has started talking about trying seriously again next month so am busy trying to eat healthily and taking my supplements in readiness!!

Jessie sorry to hear about your doctor not telling you everything. That's terrible - I'd be really annoyed about that. Hope you are OK.

Congratulations to Frog - hope all goes well.

Suppose I'd best do some work now!!

Hope everyone has a good weekend and I promise to keep up with everything from now on.

Hi Frog. This thread may help you:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/living_overseas/2358877-Returning-to-UK-when-pregnant

From what I understand no great rush to see the doctor as they can't really do anything other than give you the same test you bought in the chemist and get you a midwife appointment but first NHS scan is not till 9 weeks I think. So you're not doing any harm by not seeing a doc at the moment while you are in Spain. If something goes wrong at this stage there is nothing anyone can do to prevent it so may as well relax, just obviously make sure you give up booze and know what foods you should not eat. As you are older you might want to consider an early private scan though.

I'm OK, have got my ovulation trigering shot that I have to take at 3am on Sunday and then we're doing the IUI at 3pm on Monday. DH has to give a sample by no later than 12:30 - he did the one for his SA at home and took it to the lab but on Monday we'll have a house full of removal men so I think he may be taking advantage of the clinic's, erm, "facilities"!

He hasn't mentioned the sperm issues again since I told him, I suspect he hasn't googled anything either - always seems to be reading the FT or looking at cricket scores when I look over his shoulder and he definitely won't be googling "sperm problems" at work....I'm not going to press the point, it will all become clear if we end up going for IVF so don't see the need to make it a big deal now, too late do do anything to improve the IUI outcome.

Thanks Jessie that link was really helpful, and your reassurance about no great rush to the doctor is much appreciated. You gave me the same info that I had relayed to DH, but it's so nice to hear someone real telling me that I'm on the right track. I may not make it back to the UK until 11 or 12 weeks, but I've got the option of cancelling some plans if I need to get there earlier. And I will take up the option of a private scan early once I know for sure where I'll be over the next 8 weeks.

I feel like a bit of a fraud joining your thread so late, and then getting my result so quickly - but I was following from the beginning. Back in November when you started is when I had my IUD out and started trying. At the time I had some kind of thinking that joining MN and a TTC thread immediately might jinx things. In the end it's had the opposite effect and brought me good luck (so far, fingers crossed). I do hope that luck is contagious and good news follows for everyone soon.

So sorry to hear your sad news Annie, I hope your DH is home soon and you can both comfort each other.

Frog when I found out I was pregnant last year I really had no idea as I had no symptoms at all, the only reason I knew was because like you my AF always came on time and I was late. Try not to worry, but like Jessie said I would recommend an early scan as well, it can be a good way to get reassurance that all is well, as I am sure it will be

Hi City, that's great news that DH has talked about TTC again next month. Sounds like it was just the grief talking, which is undestandable.

Had my scan on Mon, sonographer said she couldn't see anything obvious - I still stupidly had in my heart that she would say she could see a baby! Said there was something on my left ovary and that I may be about to ovulate.

All well and good but by the time she'd prodded and poked me and had smear the following day the last thing I wanted was doing the deed!!

Next AF is due next weekend and GP follow up on Thurs.. I guess we will have to wait and see what happens. Watch this space.. again.

Hope you ladies are all good.

Jessie, gald to hear DH isn't googling.. perhaps it's something only us girls do! I think men tend to just take on board what they are told where as we try to find out everything possible! I know I have been googling like a mad woman of late!!

Frog .. have a look at the Harmony test as well, I had it done at the Fertility clinic in London and couldn't recommend it enough. Great for putting your mind at ease re: Trisomy issues and also the scans that they do are much more detailed than the NHS ones.
Annie, I'm so sorry to hear your news, it is so hard emotionally, take care of yourself.

Hope all goes well today Jessie and that your DH finds inspiration in his booth.

Yes, all the best, Jessie ... very exciting, whatever the outcome!

Frog, you certainly are not a fraud! We're all in this together and personally I find it very encouraging to get a BFP here, whenever the person 'joined' ... haha! It's wonderful news and I really wish you all the best :-)

Well, it's in. Kind of a surreal day yesterday as we were right in the middle of packing up our apartment to have everything shipped back to the UK so we were knee deep in boxes and removal men - DH nipped out to do his bit in the morning and then I had to go and collect it from the lab in the afternoon and take it to my doctor's clinic to be administered. Interestingly it was entirely clear liquid, just looked like water. They were very strict that I had to hold it in my fist the whole way to keep it warm so I had this very odd experience of walking down a busy HK street clutuching a vial of DH's sperm to my bosom.

The lab is also an IVF clinic - I had to wait in the waiting room for a while and there were baby pics all over the walls. Lots and lots of twins.

At the clinic they again made sure that I held on to the vial at all times until I handed it directly to the doctor and I had to watch them fill up the syringe and triple check my name again - a "chain of custody" thing rather than to do with warmth I suppose. That said, doc told me that DH's sample was no better than the last one and admitted that he had been hoping it would have been improved, so might not have been entirely a bad thing if they'd mixed it up with someone else's....(though we'd probably have realised when the baby turned out Chinese..).

The insemination itself was over in a flash, less uncomfortable than a smear, a real non-event to be honest. They didn't scan the follicles again. Then it was back to the boxes and the packing.

I have to use progesterone pessaries for the next two weeks. I'm supposed to go back to the clinic for a preg test but I can do that at home easily enough.

I'm not feeling massively hopeful. The sperm was sub par and my second follicle hadn't looked great on the final scan so I probably only got one egg. But you never know. At least we have done something that's a bit more scientific than the usual. DH will have left before the end of the TWW so whatever the news we won't see each other for a month to digest it in person.

BTW Frog I agree with HS - BFPs are good, I'm glad you joined us. How are you feeling?

PS, DH reported that there was a TV with a full catalogue of DVDs in the "booth" but said he did not take advantage :-)

Well Jessie, that sounds like an interesting interlude to break up a tedious day of packing. I like the first 80% of a relocation pack - but it's sorting out those last 20% of the things left in the "deal with it later/not sure what to do with it/do I really want it and is it worth packing it?" basket that I struggle with.

Over here things are still progressing (at least I assume they are) without any outward sign. I'm 5 weeks today - and I've only known a week. Still mainly texting with DH, one skype call which didn't go into much detail as he was with friends. Trying to work out how considerably plans will change this year. Big boozy holiday with old friends next month to reconsider, me applying for a new job up-duffed, travel plans for where we were going to spend Christmas. Those thoughts with a layer of disbelief that it's actually happening, or that it will continue/progress is leaving me a little bit confused!! But counting the blessings each day that goes without incident and slowly coming around to understanding some big changes are likely coming up.

Great to hear your updates, Jessie and Frog.

Jessie, I love your detailed descriptions of all your TTC 'adventures' so far. You gave me a wonderful visual picture of you winding your way through the Hong Kong crowds clutching a vial of sperm!!

Good to know that the IUI wasn't a particularly big deal ... I know you aren't holding out much hope, but you never know, of course. Still got fingers crossed for you!

Frog, you are describing exactly what I think I'd be feeling in your position, but sounds like you're dealing with it all really well.

I'm coming up to another mid-cycle ... later this week, I guess. Not to sound too negative but I think I might be getting to the stage where I'm not expecting too much each month!! Maybe for me that is the way ahead ... relax and 'forget' for a while instead of boarding the high emotions roller coaster each month. :-)

Hi all, Im back to normal now after D&C on tuesday and I've had a couple of days off work just mooching on the sofa being spoiled by DH.

Not sure what I'll do next, i could get further tests done to see if I have NK cells. i do still want a baby more than anything but mostly I'm thinking it's time to stop ttc. I haven't really given much time to thinking about what life would be like without ever having children but now that I have been faced with it it doesn' look to bad after all...

Frog I think i forgot to say 'welcome' so big welcome to you and it does sound like you are coping very well with things.

Are you in the 2ww now Jessie?

How are things with everyone else? It's SO addictive this ttc business and i've been on mn thread for so long i'd have to wean myself off it!

Hi Annie! Oh, I'm really pleased that you seem to be doing OK. Actually, I really admire your strength. You're looking at it all in a really balanced way.

You never know, if you do end up stopping ttc, it might still happen anyway ... sod's law and all that ;-)

Selfishly, though, I don't want you to stop because it would be sad if you disappeared from the thread ;-)

Seriously, though, really glad you're OK. Still be kind to yourself for a while, though. Maybe not too much thinking, then think again when you feel fully back to normal.