Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Sorry, meant to ask Charlie, how long now till the scan?

sorry Jessie my maths could be very wrong there, I'm not sure how they figure out the 1%.

It's good that you told your DH asap as it means he is already thinking about the next steps too. Because he is going to UK before you he could maybe start things rolling before you leave HK. It takes ages to get all the tests results together to start IVF, we took 2 months because my GP was so slow and my cervical smear result took weeks. If you arrange some introductory meetings and sign up then by the time you have moved to UK you could be ready to start. ARGC in London has good success rates and you can research all clinics success rates here www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-clinics-success-rates.html

You may not even need the clinic but I've found it helps to be one step ahead with a Plan B, C, D..

X posted there Jessie. It sounds like you have confidence in your consultant and he has a good reputation so that is the best thing to go on.

I'm still in limbo here trying to keep busy. My next scan is on Wednesday. I'm not very hopeful as they should really have been able to see an embryo at 6w+6d but there is hope that the measurements were right and the abdominal scan was fuzzy... I'm still feeling queasy and boobs are sore but that doesn't really mean anything except the hormones are there and it could just be from the placenta growing. I'm going to go to the scan fully expecting it to be an enlarged yolk sac with no embryo would be shocked with anything else.

Thanks Annie. Glad to hear you still have symptoms and, although you are right that they are not conclusive, at least at the next scan you'll know one way or the other. I'm hoping that by not getting your hopes up it wil be even more of a lovely surprise if everything turns out to be OK.

You're absolutely right about Plan B, I too am a planner - I was already googling some London clinics yesterday and thinking just that - he needs to get all the groundwork done in the month we are apart. Unless of course the IUI has miraculously upduffed me.

Only thing is I am wondering how I'll fit in IVF appointments with my new job, it's only 4 days a week but I imagine that I'll need to see them more than once a week and won't be able to guarantee that things fall on a specific day. Anyway, not there yet.

Jessie my scan is on Monday afternoon - can't come soon enough. Although I'm still not going to know anything until I see the GP on 11th June.. which is my birthday. :(

Annie, will keep my fingers crossed for you for Wed. x

Yes the pop psychology I'm applying is "expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised", it's a good way of avoiding shock and tears. I hope!
8w+1d today and nothing horrible has happened ...yet. This is a crucial time but I'm in quite good spirits this week. It's not in my control so I might as well get on with things.

I'm not sure we'll carry on ttc after this. I had come to accept not having children and after being so miserable for so long I started living life again before this shock BFP. Spending time with my uni friends and their families at the bank holiday helped me see that I don't need babies as much as I did say 5 years ago. My friends are finding their freedom again, the kids are getting older and some are starting high school this year, I worry about being too old to have a first child at 42. I worry about complications. These are the worries I didn't think out too much before because I was so focused on conception. Saying that, if it all works out fine I'll be over the moon.

With IVF I found the most stressful part the lack of control over your schedule. To make it less stressful find a clinic near where you live or near your work. Most appointments in private clinics are early morning 6am-8.30am so you can request v early appts or evening appts and some clinics are open at weekends. Questions to ask the clinics

You'll only need to take 1 day off for your egg collection and a half day for transfer and you should have an idea of when that will be so you can book some days off in advance or some people have the balls to phone in sick that day!!

Hope your scan goes well on Monday Charlie and you get some information that gives you comfort before your appt with GP x

Thanks Annie xx

Morning all, sorry for neglecting the group. We've been away on holiday and then straight back to work as soon as we got home.

DP had SA done the day we went away and results were back when we rang on Wednesday but with a npte to say we had to see GP for results - not even a comment about good, bad or otherwise!! That had me freaked out as I imagined the worst case senario and why they wouldn't give any reassurance to us on the phone. However the ladies on another thread said this is quite normal - doesn't stop me worrying that I'm not the only one with an issue.

Cd36 here, 16dpo and temp is still all over the place - up by 0.2c one day then down by the same or more the next!! No symptoms to spot and don't 'feel' pregnant as well as bfn already even though ff has me on a 5 day countdown to optimal day to poas!!

After taking months for af to return after coming off depo, odd cycles that had started settling down when I had a 25 day cycle and now this cycle at over 5 weeks with no sign of af putting in an appearance. I've no idea what my body is trying to do to me!!

Got period yesterday . I've only been trying for a few months and God! It gets me down!!

I have so much respect and admiration for the ladies on this thread and all the others struggling. You are all so strong.
BUT I'm optimistic that my cycle is regular and and hasn't changed.
I called a fertility clinic to get the ball rolling but they didn't call me back, will call again on monday. Hormone and ovary check first. A quick question, if you see a temp rise half way through cycle does that definitely mean you have ovulated?
Thinking of you Annie, Charlie and Jessie for your upcoming appointments. Would be lovely to have some good news x

Has anyone seen the article in the daily mail today? I won't post a link, I think it's bias media agenda nonsense!! it was about how women should have a baby before 30! It made me swear.
Every time I read stuff like that, I go back to this article which actually has science/research based facts
www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/10838177/Why-fertility-is-far-from-finished-at-40.html

daisyboo I fancied a bit of self punishment and rage this morning so went to read the daily mail article . Had to get through the headlines of Sam Cam in a bikini in Ibiza first of course.

I do agree that there is a problem with women being shocked to find out how hard it is to have a baby in their late 30's and 40's. I agree that women should be educated about fertility decline and the statistics of IVF etc but women are pretty good at informing themselves and I think most women are well aware of this.

I know I was thinking about fertility decline in my 30's and acutely aware of it at 35. I wanted children in my early 30's but I was in a relationship with someone who wanted to go clubbing, snowboarding and mountain biking every weekend and certainly did not want me to get pregnant and ruin his lifestyle.

That relationship ended (badly) and it was 7 years of online dating, blind dates, speed dating, being used by ex boss after his divorce etc until I gave up looking and met someone who loved me and wanted to be with me. Even then it took an ultimatum to drag him out of his comfortable batchelor life!! And he is very happy that I did to this day!

DH at the age of 42 kept saying "you've got years left!" As if I was worrying and trying to hurry him along unnecessarily. He quoted friends who had children in their late 30's. They had been trying for years though!

The NHS chief in the article talks as though it's about career choices but in so many cases it's because women are not in a stable relationship before 30.

Annie i agree with you that sometimes it comes down to the guys you are with and circumstances.
I hate this type of article as EVERYTHING is 'blamed' on the woman. Same with teenage pregnancy (girls fault, they never mention the guys who were there too!!)
They never focus on the guys role in this. Where is the article that says 'Men! Be ready to settle down at 30 or cause a fertility crisis!!!'

I think men and women should be aware of fertility, but as you said, I think most are.

I really do feel there is a media bias on this. Also, it annoyed me the way they said IVF places a burden on the NHS. What about smokers? Obesity?

Ok, rant over! Back to my glass of wine

Healthy diet starts again tomorrow!

Annie your romantic history sounds very similar to mine - even down to that horrendous period lasting about 7 years. I wonder if we were ever at the same speed dating event?! I have to say I had many a dark day where I wondered if I would ever find a partner, but it all worked out fine in the end. Maybe I'll look back one day and say the same about TTC.

Daisy I sometimes do flagellate myself by reading articles like that but I absolutely agree that it's nonsense to imagine that there are legions of women out there who are happy with the right partner and just putting babies off for career reasons. Generally if you are with the right person then having kids is the natural next step, but it's bloody hard to find that relationship on cue. I am SO glad I did not have a baby with my boyfriend of my late 20s - great guy but looking back he was so wrong for me. And you are absolutely right it is as much the blokes' fault as the women's - however the reason the DM doesn't target them is that (a) men don't read articles masochistically like women do and (b) they always have the option to get with much younger women so they are harder to scare.

Not much to report here, no side effects from the drugs so far and the injecting is extremely easy - I started to explain the needle pen thing to a close friend the other day and she reminded me that being a Type 1 diabetic she has been injecting herself with one 3 times a day for the last 20 years! She's so subtle about it I had totally forgotten (or am just massively self-obsessed at the moment..).

There's a 43 year old on another thread just got a BFP, so hope for us!

Hi lovely ladies

After a lot of reading I finally decided to write something here and join in the conversation if that's ok.

I just turned 40 a month ago so I do now fit the profile!

Summarised version of my story so far...

After many years of kissing frogs I finally met my prince and got married in September 2012, as we hadn't been together for long we decided to wait one year to start trying for a baby so we could enjoy some us time. We then started in Sept 2013, but not really seriously (no ovulation tests, doing the deed every day/other day etc), just hoping we might get lucky! We were therefore over the moon that in Jan 2014 I got a BFP. The joy however was short lived when in Feb I thought I had miscarried and after lots of hospital visits/scans/blood tests ended up being diagnosed with an abdominal ectopic. Had surgery at 10 wks which was not successful as there was too much danger of damage to other bits inside and then methatrexate which did work. Pretty traumatised after all that and then had the 3 month wait to try again. Started trying again towards the end of last year and here we are approx 9 months later and no sign of any BFP's yet. I did realise though (like the idiot I am) as I was guessing my ovulation until about 3 months ago, that I ovulate really early. I am now using ovulation tests so DH and I are hopeful that we will hit the jackpot soon. I've had some tests done privately and my AMH and follicle count are normal for my age so hopefully it's just a matter of time.

I do have some happy success stories to share, my one friend who turned 40 the same time as me is now 5 months pregnant, she had no help with conception. Another friend turned 40 in Feb and is currently just coming up to 3 months from her first round of IVF.

Wishing everyone here lots of luck

Hi SparrowSG .... really happy you wanted to join us!

Sounds like you've had a really tough time but are staying positive and hopeful, which I really admire ;-)

Wishing you loads of luck, too, and thanks for the encouraging success stories. They are always my favourite thing to hear, especially if the couple had been trying for a while and then finally got there!! :-)

Another fail for me this month. Sigh sigh sigh.

Got a bit upset and now I'm over it again. Just waiting for the fertility clinic appointment now so we can see what the best path forward is. I'd like to know how all my test results look so that I'd know what the likelihood of IVF working is. I think success rates are low for our age statistically, but could be better if your egg reserve is higher than average etc.

We aren't exactly rolling in money, so no idea how we'd afford thousands in fees. Was SO hoping to be able to avoid all that ... :-(

Anyway, not to make this too depressing. Onward and upward (said through gritted teeth ...) :-) (let's end with a smiley at least)

Jess, any news on the IUI? Anyone else? Need some happy news to focus on!!!

Good morning all,

No news from me, but there should be I think. I need to toughen up but I've suddenly got very nervous and it makes no sense at all. A week ago I couldn't really wait until Monday to see if I came on. And Monday has come and gone and I haven't come on. I should be elated. But I'm bricking it.

My cycle is generally 27 days on the knocker - though have had one 26 and one 28 day cycle recently. So maybe AF is coming later today? Although it doesn't feel like it. I've still got the slow, mild rumbling lower tummy sensation. It's not even really painful - I'm just aware that I can feel something, like super mild AF pains. But I have no other pregnancy symptoms. Even when I think really really hard about it. (except it took me 3 times to log on to MN this morning as I didn't notice I'd spelt my email address wrong).

I'm now on my own in a city in Europe that I've never visited before. DH follows me in 2.5 weeks. I should just google translate the local language for "pregnancy test" and go to the chemist. But I'm holding back. Suddenly I don't want to know if it's negative, cos I think I'd cry and there's no-one for a cuddle. And likewise I think I'll be over-emotional if it's a BFP with no-one to celebrate with.

ARGH - I didn't realise how much of an emotional roller coaster this could all be!!! Hopefully by my next update I've taken my head out the sand done something about it and have news to report one way or another and have cut out all this self indulgent dithering.

Best wishes to all today.

Hi Ladies,

I have been lurking for a while but thought I would share my story to hopefully give you all some hope !

Me and my DH have had been together for a long time, approx. 17years but only married for 5. We have been through a lot together, I found out I was pregnant quite early on in the relationship but unfortunately it didn't work out and suffice to say at 12 weeks I was in hospital undergoing a major op, was very poorly and came out the other side having to have a D&C....we basically ended up spending the next 13 years just ticking along, living life and not really daring to venture into the world of TTC.

About 4 years ago we woke up, literally, and the thought of what we might be missing out on made our blood run a little cold ... it was one thing for us to not end up having children but quite another to have missed out because we didn't even try !
After a few months I got a BFP but knew deep down something was wrong.... turned out I had an ectopic, so another op and one tube down.

DH was very reluctant at this point to continue, it seemed everything was stacked against us and he was worried about what I kept being put through but I felt that we just had to keep on trying ... we had to wait a little while to start trying again so probably 7 months later we got another BFP and I just knew this time everything was going to be fine and 9 months later we had our perfect little girl !

OK so it has NOT been plain sailing, but life isn't, the bottom line is I conceived at 40, with one tube !!!!!!!!!!!! I was 41 when I gave birth, and now in my 43rd year we are back, tentatively TTC #2.

I know it's hard but please stay positive, it does happen and it's not just a fluke, there really are plenty of women in their 40's having babies and quite a few, just like me, their first !

Chin up ladies !!

Hello All.

Sparrow welcome, thanks for the encouraging stories and let's all hope that you will soon be another one. Look forward to having you with us for future updates.

Frog my goodness, what a position to be in. I can see why you would not want to test but I don't think I'd be abe to resist if it were me. Are you there for work and how long will you be there overall? Can you distract yourself with an art gallery or something? I'll be in a similar position to you this month - after my IUI DH will be back in the UK beore we know if it has worked or not, because we live in HK but are about to move back to the UK and my job won't release me till end July. Do keep positing here if it helps with the fear/loneliness.

But I'm tenatively excited for you.

HS you poor thing, you are always SO good at being positive and you really deserve some good news. Remind me why the test results are taking so long? Did you call the GP to ask for the full rundown of DH's SA? If you do have to go down the IVF route could you look at going to Czech or Cyprus? They are so much cheaper than the UK.

jojeena thanks for sharing your story and hooray for a positive first pregnancy in your forties. I've heard that people who've had one seem to have a better time conceiving second time round so fx that's the case for you. There's a pregnant 43 year old on another thread at the moment, tho v early days for her.

As for me, went in today to have my follicles checked - am on CD 8 after 5 days of follicle stimulating drugs (75iu of gonal-f, if anyone is interested). One follicle is looking good, other one not really up to much so I've to keep taking the drugs for another couple of days and go back for another scan on Thurs. IUI should be done on either Saturday or Monday.

I was a bit disappointed that after 4 days of drugs I have basically just produced what I would have produced naturally, i.e. 1 viable follicle, but I guess that it's a v low dose and if we don't get 2 eggs then at least the (slightly below par..) sperm is still being delivered right to where it's supposed to be so will still be better than nothing. They'd give a much bigger dose of drug for IVF as they are trying to get loads of eggs for that, with IUI they have to be careful not to stimulate too many as if they get 3 or 4 then they won't do it as risk of multiples too high.

Consultant was pointing out all sorts of detail about my womb lining , just looked like a grey blur to me, even the follicles are barely visible. Kind of fascinating though.

I've also emailed about 4 IVF clinics in London just to get an idea of what is out there and am getting some price lists back. trying to invoke sod's law that if we prepare for IVF/ICSI we'll be lucky and not need it.

Update: Test De Embarazo says "SI"

Jessie thanks for the moral support.

I did the test after lunch. I'd spent an hour at a coffee shop putting instructions through the google translate app. I'd reached the age of 41 without ever having done a test so no experience to draw on. Didn't sneak a peak until the timer went off at 5 mins - and bugger me if there wasn't a very clear 2nd line. I was shaking - so much so I could barely use my fingers to text DH. I'm still pretty dumbstruck.

Jessie, I'm in a similar-ish position to you geographically. En route to the UK to return to work, except I had the greater mobility to leave early with DH following soon. But I will be alone for a couple of weeks and no doubt will be checking in with the wise ladies here. I'm under no illusion that the coast is not yet clear with a lot of risks and milestones to get through.

Fuck me .... I'm stunned.

Woo hoo! Awesome news Frog! Have you called DH yet? Excelente!

PS if you need help with any more Spanish pm me, I speak it well. So excited for your GPG (gran positivo gordo, aka Big Fat Positive).

Congratulations !!!! That is fab news ... Keep positive, my fingers are crossed for you for a happy and healthy 9 months