Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Hi all, just a quick one to say welcome to Alil and thanks to Beanie42 for the positive story, best of luck for the next 26 weeks!

Annie sorry you're feeling down. I am also 42 at the end of August but I have decided that too much focus on the specifics of numbers is pointless - our bodies do not suddently change just because we've had a birthday. So I'm not thinking about it. Heard a story just this morning about a woman who had a baby naturally at 45. Keep hopi9ng.

DH and I are baby-making this week before I fly to NZ on Friday. I haven't even bothered with the OPKs this month as I would only worry if I didn't get a positive one before I have to fly so we're just shagging all week and hoping for he best. It's quite liberating actually. Only every other day though - the consultant was clear that every day is too much as it doesn't give the sperm enough time to replenish properly.
Fingers crossed. If no luck then we're going for the IUI next month.

Happy Easter to all - an indication of my mentality is that when I see mention in adverts etc of eggs my mind immediately thinks of human ones!

Good luck with baby-making this week, Jessie, and have a wonderful time in NZ ... I bet it will be really therapeutic to have a change of scenery and talk things through with your friend :-)

Beanie42 ... thanks for the encouragement and congratulations!! Please cross your fingers for us all this Easter!

Think I'm on about 9dpo at the moment and in that blissful period when nothing is happening (nothing is least confusing!) Had my mid luteal progesterone blood test yesterday ... thankfully no huge bruise this time!

Happy Easter to everyone from me, too! (scary that it's already Easter, isn't it?)

Happy chocolate fest everyone! Jessie I also think of human eggs this time of year, also when the moon is full I think of our eggs. For some reason I like it when i ovulate around a full moon, even though I'm not in anyway woo. Like you Jessie I'm currently ovulating, good luck with your ttc!

I'm feeling really old. I keep bumping into 20 somethings and then doubting whether it's fair for me to try to being a child into the world at my age.

Haha yes I also think of my own eggs when I hear "Easter eggs" now.

I ate a whole Easter egg yesterday and I'm crippled with guilt today! Need to be good all week to lose the pounds.

I'm also feeling old happiness. My eyebrows are going grey!

Ive started to demolish DH's easter egg now. Trying to make it look like I haven't...

Haha AnnieHoo, chocolate is good for the soul! I've not had an Easter egg but did have some toast which is forbidden on my gluten free diet. Very proud of my efforts with the sugar and gluten free thing. I've been remarkably chilled this month, think I'm ovulating but not bothered with opk's. Think last months anovulatory thing was just stress, can feel that things are back to normal now. Good luck with all the baby making everyone. HS26 are you almost 14dpo?

Hm, we're not managing ttc week very well. Did it twice but OH has been unwell so... Have had some more easter egg and tonight I've just started a glass of wine. It's been great weather here today and I've spent it out in the garden and doing bits and pieces around the house.

Anniehoo, chocolate season quickly passes, get in, get out. You'll be fine!

Toasted, are you gluten free as a part of ttc?

Don't worry, Happiness, I think twice is fine! Quality not quantity ... lol!

If you were in the UK this Easter, wasn't yesterday just lovely? I sooo enjoyed the warm sunshine!

I am indeed about 14dpo today, toasted (well done for keeping track!!) I've been having cramps and feeling pretty crappy for about the last 5 days, which seems to have become the norm for me, very confusingly. So I guess I'm expecting af to arrive today, or at least in the next couple of days.

I'm finding it easier to try to just expect af each month, and then the disappointment is less ... well, this is the theory, anyway ... still hurts a lot when you know for sure you've failed that month, as you all know.

Well done for staying chilled, toasted. Definitely the way to go if you can manage it ... :-)

Happiness well done with the DTD with OH being unwell. It's horrible having to do it. Mine is coming down with a stinking cold and I don't want to be anywhere near him!

HS26 hope AF stays away for you.

Toasted good to hear your chilled, I'm also feeling more relaxed and hoping that his month things will be back to normal.

The chocolate fest is over. I managed a Ferrero Rocher rabbit last night and now there is no chocolate left in the house thankfully.

Eek. Just had a small breakdown. Found on on fb my friend's sister is pregnant after trying for a couple of years and I'm really happy for them because I know they've struggled but it just hit me that I'm really not normal. Everyone else does seem to get pregnant.

Pulled myself together now. Keep shagging, keep shagging...our day will come

Oh Annie, I'm sorry. I totally know how you must be feeling.

I just got period today (2 days late so I was starting to feel a bit hopeful) so I'm feeling crappy too. I feel like it will never happen. How can something that is supposed to happen so naturally just NOT happen??

I know I'll feel a bit better tomorrow (or maybe the next day!) and hopeful about trying again next time. I honestly feel like my heart will break every time I get my period, though. That is not a reasonable way to live!!

Let's try to keep our chins up, Annie. If your friend did it after 2 years that is actually a positive thing for you. It just means it can happen after a long time trying, even if that time frame is even longer than 2 years! (but I know, it's hard to keep hoping and hoping ...)

Oh thank you HS26 and I'm so sorry you got your AF today, it's so unfair.

I'm fine now but things hit me out of nowhere like that sometimes, happens to us all.

Yes a couple of days after AF arrives I usually get a surge of hope and determinism which is good. It's a relief to get rid of any tension and feel normal for a while.

Ok, I'm off to wash the tears off my face and be strong. The sun is shining and I've got a sewing project to do xxxx

Hi all. About 10 dpo here so nothing to report. Enjoyed my trip to NZ but have to admit that spending time with my friend's kids has made me really want my own all the more and so be more afraid of it not happening. I'm not sure what on earth I'll do with my life if it doesn't.

We're going into the clinic today to do pre-IUI consent forms and blood tests. I'm really hoping that none of it will be necessary because I am already pg, but am pretty pessimistic.

Hi, Jessie. Glad you enjoyed your trip - can't believe you're back already!

I know what you mean about seeing others' kids. I always hope spending time with my fam's kids will do that for me (make me not want them so much). It works (a bit) when they're being naughty, but mostly just makes me want them more!

Let us know how the pre-IUI thing goes. That's exciting - I know I feel better when I feel like I'm 'doing something', not just waiting around. :-)

Hi Ladies. I hope you are all well. I am new to all this. I am 40 (+1 in June ) and we have just decided to TTC! I'm so pleased to have found this group as I thought I was a) too old and b) the only one crazy enough to try! We are very new to this, this really is attempt #1. I have been using OPK for the first time, feel like I've entered a whole new world! Just gone past what I believe is my window so now I guess on my 2ww.. Well AF is due 22nd/23rd so not quite 2w. How do you all cope with the waiting? And how do you deal with the disappointment? Best, Charlie xx
PS - Hope I got the jargon right!

Hi Charlie - top marks for the jargon . In general I don't think that anyone thinks those of us over 40 are crazy to try, it's just generally understood that our chances are lower.

I find the waiting pretty tough, I am sure time didn't move this slowly before I started ttc. Disappointment, well so far I have just told myself each month that it's statistically normal not to get a BFP, but as each goes by I'm finding it harder, hence my deciding to throw some money at the situation and have private IUI. In my head, once I made the decision ttc I was already imagining us with a child and I am impatient to get there having left it so late in life - the lack of control is a bugger.

Maybe you'll be our first BFP of the thread - fingers crossed!

Hi, Charliegirl,

Nice to have you join us for the ride! I have to agree with Jessie - you have to be prepared for a lot of frustration, a lot of waiting and a lot of disappointment.

I'd say as you're just starting out, though, be positive, expect it to take longer than it would for a younger person ... and then be beautifully surprised if it does happen faster than you were expecting!

The odds are still in our favour for it to happen eventually! :-)

Thanks Ladies. I think I'm given hope by my Best friend recently giving birth to #2 at 40 (+ 5 mths). And also when she said to me I need to do it next, I said I'm too old and the midwife said absolutely not! A glimmer of hope.. and good to know medical professionals believe it can still happen. :)

I know what you mean Jessie, I think the world will now be in slo mo! You are right though, must think of it to be normal that will take time.. I think I am just concerned that each time I'm getting a month older!! And Im rubbish at being patient at the best of times!

I am definitely going to try to remain positive and agree with you HS26 that it can (and will!) happen for us all!

Charlie definitely encouraging to have a real life success story in your life. Did your BF say how long it took her to conceive?

Only slight downer is that I read recently that if you have one child before 40 you are likely to have better post-40 fertility than a woman who has never had children.

I was really hoping that I'd be laughing about rushing to organise IUI because instead we'd have conceived naturally this month, sort of the sod's law thing, but I can feel the usual pre-AF cramps coming on so fairly sure it's another strike out...7 months and counting, still fairly "normal" I suppose

Hi Jessie, she actually wasnt trying - again the theory if we dont try it works! Seems to be a bit like looking for something but can't find it.. as soon as you give up and start loking for something you find the first thing you were looking for!
She had the first one when she was 37. I kinda thought the same mysellf, fact that she had one pre-40 would make it easier.
#2 was def an accident though, and almost an immaculate conception as hubby works away. They have now seperated which is a whole other story!!
Damm it... bugger off AF, you are not wanted around here!! :( But yes, 7 months is still normal lovely. xx

Hi Ladies.. me again!

Being new to alll this I just wanted your opinion.. Just been to the loo and noticed paper was pink when I wiped and little pinky mark on knickers. I have also had soreness/light cramps in left side of abdomen today and yesterday. Is this normal? Should I be worried? AF due 22nd/23rd..

Sorry if TMI! :)

xx

Hi, Charliegirl!

Don't worry - not sure anything is TMI on these boards!

After quite a few months ttc already, I now know that the moment you start you begin to notice ALL sorts of things you didn't before. I can't tell you how many things have been 'different' and 'weird' for me since we've been ttc, but none of it has ever meant anything.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it could be something, could be nothing. Could be a bit of spotting after ovulation (very common apparently after egg bursts out!) could be implantation bleeding (that would be the best - but I think it's quite rare) or could be just 'one of those unexplained things'.

Could mean good news, but I think I've (just about!) learnt not to analyse these things too much. I've convinced myself I'm preggers just about every month since we started but it's always just been PMT or slight variations in my cycle in the end.

Still, you never know ...could be you've managed it first try ... yippee! :-)

Thanks HS. I had a feeling anything and everything could be shared on here! :)

Thinking abut it afterwards I remember having something similar last month around this time, so prob end of ovulation.

Note to self to not over-analyse everything.. or will drive myself insane!

So good to have this group. I havent told anyone we're TTC as can't cope with them asking if there's 'any news?'.. esp my mum!!

xx

Teehee ... you'll probably keep over-analysing even though it doesn't help ... I do it every single month! You'd have thought I'd have learnt by now!

I haven't over-shared either. A few friends in the same position know - but there are a few people I wish I hadn't told. Like you say, seems to just add a bit more pressure you could do without. :-)

Sorry to hear about the glum Annie, HS and JMcJ. How are you all now? I also get hit with it sometimes out of the blue. When it's bad it can last a week or two. Does anything help when you feel like that or do you just ride through it? I don't have any tips but happy to hear some good ones!

It's interesting the debate about whether to tell or not. When I first started out I didn't understand why it was kept a secret - learned that one the hard way. Nowadays I feel like it's not going to happen so am glad to have everyone around me no longer expecting it - helps that I haven't been pg in years now!

Jessie, how're things progressing? It's such a real thing isn't it, to get all paid up for fertility help and then the pos opk comes through, but that story can make it harder for those that don't. Fx for you.

Sorry for my absence, I've been checking in daily on my phone but I make the worst typos on my phone and get so frustrated. I don't mind when I'm weighing in a thread about Kim Sears' wedding dress but it matters more to me here! It's hard to show sympathy when your phone decides "symphony" is a better choice!

And hi Charlie! You've had some very sound advice here so I'm just sending you a welcome!

I have no news. I've come down off my initial high when I joined this thread a cycle or two back. I'm still going to acupuncture - got my 2nd apt tomorrow. That's a weird thing. And my acupuncturist is a man, asking in detail about blood consistency and colour, and regularity. I have to say I felt totally at ease but following that discussion with allowing a stranger to stick pins in me was odd. AF due sometime around the weekend. I have no pg symptoms, not even the vitamin induced ones since I've forgotten to take them for about a week!