Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Hi TheHappinessTrap. No new news. It's day 40 and still no AF. I went to the Dr last Friday and she did another pregnancy test but that was negative. I was told to be aware of signs that could suggest ectopic but nothing so far. She suggested testing again every 7 days unless AF arrives. I don't have any signs or symptoms of anything. Although just maybe my normal ovulation signs as if all was normal it would be about the right time. It's just a sit and wait scenario I think. X

Hi Ali I was thinking about you today, wondering how you'd got on. That's really hard for you to have to wait out. I hope you have answers soon and it's not ectopic. X

That sounds like a v odd cycle Ali. How you get done clarity soon.

5 star luxury, 3 star price. I want that too. I know a few people at the moment taking holidays of a lifetime ams I'm so jealous!

No news here, day 27 no spotting. Bfn last night and boobs less sore. Am wondering whether to continue with the vits if it extends my cycle but isn't otherwise productive. In the meantime I've booked in my 1st ever session of acupuncture. I've always thought it sounded awful but I'll give it a try. Have any of you done it?

I hope your acupuncture goes well. I had it in the past for something unrelated to TTC. It was fine, quite relaxing. I have wondered whether to try reflexology for helping with TTC. I have heard good reports. x

Ooh, I haven't heard of a connection between reflexology and ttc, maybe I'll add that in! I have time since I've finally started spotting this evening. Day 1 tomorrow, and am thankful I don't feel too crushed.

I've always meant to try acupuncture or reflexology but never got round to it.

This tww is SO long. I'm only 8dpo and it's day 32 so not testing until 1st April.

I know we're not supposed to be focusing too much on statistics, but I just found this:
flowingdata.com/2012/07/03/how-long-it-takes-to-get-pregnant/

I thought it was quite encouraging that although only 50% of 40-year-olds get there after a year, 85% manage after 3 years ... if I'm interpreting the graph properly that is ...

As for acupuncture etc., my sister was telling me about a reflexology fertility specialist. An 'older' friend of hers tried it with success!

Ooh, I won't read the link in case I focus on something negative. I will take your synopsis HS26 add that sounds hopeful enough! And I week also look into reflexology. I will be one chilled lady one this is done!

Don't worry Happiness it's quite a cheery looking rainbow chart .

Tonight I have dusted off my workout DVDs and I'm googling which one will lose me the most weight.

First choice is Davina's "Super Body Workout" which i love even though i usually find Davina quite annoying. She doesn't do too many of those cheesy grins and shoulder shrugs to camera and the music is pretty good. The second choice is Jillian Michaels "6 Week Six Pack" which I might have to leave for a while as it sounds like pure hell and Jillian and I have yet to get to know each other. I also have Jillian's "Banish Fat Boost Metabolism" which is circuits but the reviews say it's 'boring' so I'll leave that until I'm really bored of the others. I'm exhausted with all this googling. I'll leave it until tomorrow and start Davina again for the first time in 2 years..... help!!!!

I'm trying to distract myself from boring 9dpo no symptoms, no line. Too early!

Went to see the specialist today. He said all fine for my age in terms of blood tests etc but basically fertility at that age is low and chances of conceiving are "in the single figures" without assistance. He then basically said that it's impossible to give percentage chance of success for different methods of assistance as averages don't actually say much about the individual.

He said that we hadn't been trying that hard in the grand scheme of things but suggested IUI with fertility drugs. Or as he put it - we give you drugs to produce 2 eggs and, we get rid of all the things that might slow the sperm down (i.e. wash it), we monitor you closely so we know exactly when ovulation is going to happen and then we place the sperm in the uterus right up at your fallopian tube so instead of the sperm doing a marathon it's like them taking the car for the first 25 miles and running to the finish line.

Sounds good to me - it's minimally invasive and the drugs aren't too strong apparently. But it's a private clinic and of course he's just flogging whatever he thinks we'll buy. I've read elsewhere that IUI isn't that much good at increasing your chances and you might as well just go straight for IVF instead of wasting money on IUI first.

However on the up-side, it's looking like DH will have to go back to the UK before me and they can do it with frozen sperm so we don't need to be together to keep ttc . Though fresh is better...

He said that IUI obviously won't work if the tubes are blocked but looking at my history doesn't see any reason why mine would be, so doesn't recommend doing the dye test before going for the IUI.

I asked generally about the long term effects of fertility drugs. He said that they're generally OK for a year and "if we can't get you pregnant within a year it's never going to happen".

Interestingly we have to show our marriage certificate before they'll do any treatment - illegal to give fertility assistance for unmarried couples in Hong Kong.

Oh my goodness Jessie that's a lot to take in. Your specialist sounds very 'to the point' which is really what you want in a fertility specialist.

Do you know how soon you could start doing IUI? IVF does have better success rates but as you say it has to fit in with your situation. Its difficult fitting in work, annual leave and living far from each other/ the clinic.

Either way its good that you've started the ball rolling with assisted conception and hopefully being given those options is making you feel like you have a bit more control.

Wow, Jessie ... that is indeed a lot to take in.

Are you still processing all this info, or do you think you are going to go for IUI or IVF soon?

Do you feel like it's worth trying naturally for a good while longer before trying any of this or do you want to skip straight to assisted to get things moving faster?

Even if our fertility is only 5% a month, that means statistically 'something' should happen within 20 months. I know that's a simplistic way of looking of things, but still ...

Not trying to discourage you from fertility treatments, by the way. Just trying to weigh it all up for myself, too. It's tough to navigate all of this, with all the different statistics, not to mention opinions, out there!

And, as your specialist said, we are all individuals. So it's so hard to know whether our chances are higher than the average for our age, or average, or lower ...

Keep us updated :-)

If we want to we can start the IUI process on the first day of my next cycle, which should be around 17 April. I just call them when AF arrives, go in and get the drugs and they show me how to inject, then I inject for 6 days or so and they monitor me daily until ovary about to pop, then DH does his bit, clinic prepares it and in it goes. I think they may inject something to trigger ovulation. It's a lot of clinic visits but they seem very efficient and it's only 10 mins from my office.

We've still got a fertile window between now and then (the one just before I go to New Zealand). Specialist and I had a joke about how he'll see me next month either for IUI or pregnancy and you never know, might just happen naturally now we've made a plan.

I'll talk it through with DH (he was hammered from a leaving drinks last night so didn't broach the subject) and also get the opinion of my friend in New Zealand when I go to visit her.

Generally I tend to prefer being in control and so being able to do something to increase the odds even if only a tiny bit seems like a good idea to me. On the other hand I don't want to take drugs willy nilly and it is going to get very expensive very quickly.

Specialist was admant that IVF was too extreme this early on, though I'd be fairly happy to go for that sooner rather than later: I have 2 friends who used donor sperm (one single, one in a gay relationship). One was 40 so didn't try IUI and went straight for IVF: worked first time (though she had FOUR embryos replaced, crazy woman). The gay friend was 38, had 2 rounds of IUI which failed and then they succeeded on the first IVF. Neither of them had of course ever tried to conceive naturally so I have no idea what their baseline fertility was, but that's 100% success on first try IVF for my sample of two! And neither found it particularly traumatic.

That all sounds really positive and exciting, Jessie.

I think we all just have to go with what 'feels right' for any particular moment.

I am still going through all the basic tests with my GP and so far so good, but after that she'll refer us to the NHS fertility clinic. I will be very interested to hear what they advise me.

Will let you know of course! :-)

jessie there's a thread on here called "41 and about to start IUI or IVF" that might be useful for you. It was last month. Sorry I can't link as I'm on my phone.

Hi HS36
Sorry was rushing yesterday and didn't notice your news. That's great to hear that all results are fine so far.

Also good that you are going to get referred to see a specialist.

Where are you in your cycle?

I'm 12dpo here and internet cheapies are snow white.

How's everyone else getting on? It's very quiet on this thread, there aren't many of us 40 TTC #1 ladies ..

There must be some lurkers out there who want to join the gang!

Hi everyone
You've all been v busy, either tests and information finding or TTC ! When life settles down here I might get some tests done too. Just got AF here, didn't actually TTC this month at all, have too much difficult life stuff going on. I have however started Zita West fertility supplements and changed my diet to try and help egg quality when/if we get the chance to TTC again. The supplements are excellent, my cycle has been 28 days this month which is almost unheard of for me. Normally 24 or so. Also no pmt symptoms and no food cravings so finding it very easy to follow a v healthy diet. It's all I can do at the moment and am proud I've not been my usual sugar monster self! Good luck to everyone about to test

Hi, Annie ... thanks for the kind words ... some basic tests at least rule out some of the most common issues. I'm on about 4 or 5 dpo so a little while to go before I know this month, although pmt symptoms have been coming on earlier in my cycle lately.

Toasted, sorry life is tough for you at the moment. You never know though - it could still happen even without a lot of effort! The supplements sound interesting, too. I stopped taking mine because I was worried they were giving me the pmt ... they probably weren't, but it's hard to know! :-)

Hi Toasted hope things calm down for you soon. Well done for giving yourself a boost with the supplements and diet before getting going with the TTC-ing.

I'm 14dpo today - i think. It's cycle day 38. I knew it was going to be a long one because I'm temping.

The good thing about temping is that I know today that my temp is too low for me to be pregnant and too high for me to get my period today. I expect it will drop tomorrow and AF will arrive later in the day.

I'm so tired of all this I really need to take a complete step away from it all, away from fertility friend, away from sticks..

I'm 42 in the summer and that was always my end number for having a baby so that gives me until September to try naturally.

I might try and get some Clomid from the doctor for one last push.

I'm a bit needy so feel I should come off mums net but I really cherish the support of others in the same situation. I feel like i could fall apart if I truly stop trying.

Hi, well this is a bit daunting...! I've read some of the stories on here and decided to join in ?? I'm 40, nearly 41 and my partner and I have decided to try and get pregnant for the first time ?? I've no idea what to expect, any of the terminology you guys use or anything I'm a complete novice at all this baby making stuff!! I have come off the pill and am having my withdrawal bleed now and have downloaded a period tracker app to give me some kind of clue where in my cycle I am! We're taking a pretty simplistic view on this at the moment...stop taking the pills and have a lot of sex (sounds kind of fun) Anyway any advice for a first timer regarding diet, supplements etc greatly appreciated.

Annie, sounds like you're a bit down about it all. Don't lose heart! And please don't disappear, either. It's great having you here and you're right, it's helps so much to be 'comparing notes' aka frustrations with each other. Maybe give the temping etc. a miss for a while to give yourself a bit of a break with the over-thinking?

Hello, Jimmy and welcome! We have seen a few positive tests on here already so don't think it's all doom and gloom! It might happen for you really quickly, or it might take a while. Just be prepared for either ... ;-) Sounds like you have the right attitude, anyway. Just have lots of sex and relax!! :-)

Hi, just checking in from my phone the last few days so have been avoiding posting as it's so slow and spell check usually gets me into a tangle. So much news to catch up on!

Hi jimmy and welcome!! It's usually a positive place this thread - honest!!! Yes, lots of shagging does the trick. My view of it is it's totally random. It does take some of us years but you could be up the duff in a few months!

I take Pregnacare Conception and omega fish oils that's all now.

I used to take loads of stuff like fresh royal jelly (£25 for a tiny lip balm sized pot that lasts a month) and CQo10 which I bought off amazon. It all got too expensive so I stopped. I took them in the hope of improving egg quality.

It is good to prepare for pregnancy though and u would recommend 2L of water a day, and all the obvious stuff like healthy balanced diet as well as cutting back on alcohol and keeping fit.

Don't get confused with the "We DTD before I O'ed when I got a positive OPK and total EWCM (sorry TMI) on CD18 after TTC for 8 months I POAS and got a BFN and then AF showed up - bitch!"

I may be guilty of that so please stop me and ask! There is a list of acronyms somewhere on MN in "conception" I haven't found it yet.

Thanks so much HS26 for cheering me up, I was a bit down about everything yesterday. AF arrived this morning so I actually feel better. Onwards and upwards!

I've been feeling generally "up" this month.

I think yesterday's trigger was from speaking to an old well-meaning lady in my village asking me "how are you ?" In that special way that translates as "I know you're trying, keep trying lovey". She is so desperate for us to have a baby it makes me think I've let people down. Daft I know!

Hi happiness! Hope you are well.

Hi. It is good reading all the posts. It makes you realize that you are not the only one. Although I think I am probably the oldest. I am still waiting for my AF. It is day 48 now but BFNs all the way. Starting to feel very tired, irritable and achey but no sign of coming on. No feelings of pregnancy either but then I wouldn't know what they feel like! I just want to know what is happening. Feeling fed up!

Hi Jessie

I just wanted to say don't give up hope! I was in a very similar situation to you as I too met DH later in life. I came off the pill last August after my doctor told me that I couldn't be referred to the NHS once I reached my 42nd birthday, which was only 3 months off. Had the blood tests and DH had a sperm analysis. My results showed I was ovulating but my FSH level was slightly elevated. DH had a good sperm count but very low motility. We had our initial appointment with the subfertility clinic in November. They wanted me to have an HSG test and recommended DH take Proxeed Plus vitamins to improve his motility, (- these were pricey but we thought it was worth giving it a chance. I had been taking the Pregnacare conception tablets but decided to give the female Proxeed vitamins a go as well.) Based on my test results they offered superovulation and IUI.

During this time I used an online fertility calculator and tried OPK a couple of cycles but gave up on the latter as they were another expense but it did help me to estimate when I was likely to be the most fertile.

On the day of my follow up appointment I got a BFP!!! I am now 13+5 weeks pregnant and still can't believe how lucky we are.

I wish everyone all the best and hope you all get your BFP soon! xx