TTC after a MC (I'm really rubbish at thread titles sorry)

[DoctorDonnaNoble]

The Rules...

(1) A lady may only POAS on a Friday.
(2) Friday means the day that everyone calls Friday in the time zone where you spent the night.
(3) Rule (1) does not apply to POA-OPK-S, UNLESS they are being illegitimately used as surrogate HCG detectors, in which case Rule (1) most definitely does apply
(4) Rule (1) does not apply following a BFP because if you want to waste £25 a day POADigiS that's your prerogative
(5) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady is POAS in an attempt to get a BFN to prove she can start DTD with intent
(6) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady wants for unknown reason to pee on an actual stick, like a twig or some such, if that lady is unexpectedly caught short whilst tramping in the forest looking for bears.
(7) These rules (including Rule (1)) are subject to the change at any time if the ladies of the Posifrickentivity thread decide on a whim come up with empirical evidence to prove that it is luckier to POAS on any other day of the week
(8) Violators of Rule (1) shall be subject to fish throwing.

And as a grand finale, why not pledge to NEVER POAS before 14DPO?

Sending big hugs Boozle :(

Thanks Sunbathing, i might try again. Problem is after having thrush then infections I've been to the doctors every week for 7 weeks. Sort of feel like i can't go back :p

Big hugs Boozle I'm sorry you're feeling bad.

Treacle I think that because you've been to the dr so often with related issues they might take you more seriously. I know it seems like a few visits should be spaced out but they're more likely to investigate things with could be related. Don't be self conscious, if you don't like your dr then perhaps request someone else and see if you feel any better.

thesmallbear you might feel better once you've had a change of scenery. It's difficult to muster up enthusiasm for anything when you're grieving, especially when you've been through such a trauma. Give yourself a few days away and see how you feel. If you still feel like you need some help the dr might refer you for CBT or therapy, make it clear that you don't want medication if you don't feel comfortable taking it. I hope you enjoy NYC, focus on making yourself happy and relaxed for a few days.

Big big hugs Boozle and lots of love xx it's shit.

I'm another one who paid no attention to 12 wk rule as I was so happy to be pregnant post mc, but it also meant I was open about mc and the support from friends and colleagues has been fantastic.

But next time, I will remain very very guarded and try not to even think about anything until I at least see a heartbeat

Thanks broody, will try and distract myself by preparing for a job interview on Thursday and going out for pizza and prosecco in the evening!

Sorry so many of us are feeling low at the moment, hopefully things will look brighter soon.

Thanks blink, i hadn't thought of it like that.

With the 12 week thing, we only told family and close work friends as I knew I'd need the support if anything went wrong. Once it did all go wrong I just told everyone anyway.

Bed time for me. Night all xxx

Don't feel like you can't see the doctor treacle - it's what they are there for! I am sure they would hate to think you were unsure about going and felt like you couldn't.

NYC seems like the place to go! Hope it does help to distract you a bit bear and gives you something to look forward to fox. Inspiring me to maybe start thinking about a trip more seriously.

boozle - I don't know what else to say to you except sorry. Sometimes the dark thoughts take control but I hope you feel better for just expressing it a little, even if it doesn't solve it.

The telling people thing is more complicated than you think before you get pregnant. Or at least more complicated than I thought before I got pregnant. I knew about the 12week thing but wasn't sure why. Had told inlaws and three friends but that was it. When MC happened I told more people but was still a bit of a secret. This time I barely told anyone I was pregnant but again feel the need to share the MC side more - if even just to explain why I'm unhappy. It's very confusing. The downside of talking about MC is others reactions because it obviously makes the uncomfortable.

Results weren't ready by 7. Another night waiting. Hot water bottle in bed in the meantime. When will the bleeding stop?! This is 15 days now!

Thank you all for your support, it really does mean a lot. I am feeling more human this morning.

There's a woman at work who's one month behind where I should have been. I handled the situation really well at first but now she's showing I'm really struggling tbh, even though I really like her. Every time I look at her I want to cry. I keep thinking 'I should be like you only a month bigger!' At least I don't have to see her for a few days now I'm going on my holibobs.

Foxtrot we were due around the same time then. I completely understand where you're coming from. I was hoping to save up all my annual leave days and add them on to the beginning of my maternity leave. I keep thinking my workload should be winding down soon so I can prepare to leave, but instead it's increasing!

I'm so sorry Tori I do completely understand. I miss my baby too. It's so weird missing something you never fully had.

When my boss is off a colleague and myself deputise for her. She has told the pregnant woman to put any medical requests etc through me if she's off. Through me, really! Does she really think I want to hear about her medical appointments. The other person who deputises is a man so maybe boss thinks pregnant lady would be more comfortable speaking to a woman. I will be professional but it hurts!

Thanks guys - a good nights sleep works wonders!
I had to tell everyone this time because I looked massive - people were asking when I was starting mat leave! I lost a stone with the ERPC and another stone the week after - must have been lots of fluid and bloating! I've decided sod it - I think people should be more aware, the reason we don't say anything for the first 12 weeks is incase it goes wrong. That doesn't actually do any good at all - all it does is keep MC a deep dark secret although I stop at announcing it on social media! That said my other half thinks the exact opposite!
Hope everyone has a happy Wednesday - I've got a meeting with the LEA's OT today about the second MC - only six months too late! Quite good timing in regard to this one though!

Morning all! Blood results are in, they have about halved so miscarriage is confirmed. Scan just showed blood and left over material that will be passed soon they think. Another blood test next week to make sure it's coming down fast enough. At least I know!

Agree with you boozle, the 12 week rule is counter productive as, if you do lose it, you have no support.

So sorry to hear that dulcet. At least you're not in limbo anymore, I found that to be almost worse than the actual loss. Take care of yourself.

I also agree re: the 12 week "rule", if I ever manage to get pregnant again I will be telling family and close friends so I have lots of support if it goes wrong again. Last time I'd only told one close friend, which was a life saver as I had at least one person to share my grief and anger with, and I did tell me parents after the erpc as I didn't want to lie to them about being in hospital.

We've also since started telling people that we're ttc and having problems if anyone asks if we're planning on having another, again I just got fed up with making up lies or being evasive.

Oh Dulcet, that's massively shit. How're you doing? Sending you massive hugs xx

You are right though - it's better to know, I felt almost relieved when they couldn't find the hb this time - I already knew in my heart and the hope I was wrong was killing me. That said it doesn't make it any less shit or horrible to happen or deal with.

Dulcet, I'm so sorry x How are you doing? Silly question, I know x

I've not been a prolific poster in here and wasn't sure if to post this or not. But after the mc 9 Aug, I had a negative result on the 15th. It would appear that I'm pregnant again. Right now I'm terrified, I'm hoping at some point to start getting excited!!

dulcet I'm so sorry for you! sending you big hugs xx

Life is so shit for us all. Re 12 rule I told close friends and parents but after 2 mmc I have decided if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again I won't be telling anyone. I'll try and pretend it's not happening and re early scans again not sure about that. I had two great scans in 2nd pregnancy and I feel like an idiot that I actually got excited. But hey oh just waiting for AF then we can being this merry go round again!!

B4rley big congratulations I'm so happy for you! just what this thread needs some good news and you give us all hope. Totally appreciated your fear but today your pregnant.

To have something positive I've booked tickets to NY for Dh's birthday, roll on Jan xx

Congrats b4rley, natural to be worried but good luck with everything.

Another one for NY fergie, are you all teachers that go to NY together or what?! Crazy!

I'm getting to the same stage metal, can't lie and pretend I'm not trying anymore. It's such a big part of my life now that it's harder to keep in. I won't start just telling everyone but I will think about whether to just be honest if asked.

How am I? Well I am naturally inclined to say I'm fine. That's what I do and that's what I say in real life. I try to detach and think it's not happening to me to make it easier to deal with. I tell people the same cliches they tell me - at least I can get pregnant, at least it wasn't ectopic, next time will be fine - but I say those things for them not me. To stop them feeling bad. But actually I am angry, but it's completely impotent anger as there is nowhere to direct it. It is noones fault. But I'm a nice person, a good person. I've served my time TTC and now I finally manage to get pregnant and I can't keep it. It's all so unfair. Fertility isn't fair.

And I'm still fucking bleeding!! I have rage which is at least keeping the tears away.

This was a good read: www.stylist.co.uk/life/miscarriage

Talks about some of the same things we have been discussing. Particularly I liked: "Every baby book and doctor says you shouldn’t tell people you’re pregnant before your 12-week scan ‘In case something happens’. But that infers that you’re also not supposed to tell people that something did happen. It reinforces the idea that miscarriage is something that you should feel guilty about and keep secret"

DH and I have discussed a couple of times about whether we want to tell people when we get preg again. After 2 MCs, we've been very open. We tell people I've had them, that we're TTC (even work, we work for a small startup so it was noticeable when I was suddenly off sick all the time!)

The only reason I hesitate to tell people is just the feeling of disappointing people, particularly my parents and the in-laws. They've always been so excited and I hate that they then have the disappointment. We'd still tell them that I MC'd again if I did, but then they wouldn't have to have the excitement-disappointment-excitement-disappointment thing over & over.

DH says it's not worth worrying about it because I'm hopeless at keeping secrets anyway!

Yuck, I didn't want to read that Stylist stat about how likely I am to MC after I've had 2.

Yeah,that stat is shit. It's what drew me in actually! But most of it I thought was good representation of things.

Bloody hell B4rley that's great news!

Never be worried about posting - we need peoples positive stories.

Big big hugs Boozle

I'm really fascinated by everyone saying next time they would ignore 12 wk rule but I did that this time and I felt dreadful - although had tonnes of support so can't complain.
Just feel like I need to protect myself from myself I guess...

Hello everyone. Dulcet. I am so sorry. I understand totally the feeling that you have to stay positive for other people and I agree you have had more than your fair share of awfulness. When you feel up to it I would try and persuade your go to refer you to the rmc. Others on the rmc thread have got a referral after 2 mcs when it has been coupled with difficulties conceiving.

Agree about 12 weeks. Once read a thread on here that made me really angry. It said if you weren't mature enough to keep pregnancy a secret you weren't mature enough to have a baby. Why should someone have to lie and sneak around just to spare other people's awkwardness if it goes wrong? It is only my DM and MIL that I worry about telling because they get emotionally invested too.

Treacle How long is your lp? I think mine is ok but I don't ovulate till CD 28 and I have been trying agnus castus without noticeable results. Someone,said vitamin b6 is a gentler alternative. My Dr hasn't been much help so far but I am going to grill st Mary's about my hormones at my next appointment. Unfortunately it is not till mid October.

Yeay- congratulations B4rley! Wishing you all the best. May this be a turning point for the thread and the start of lots more good news.