Just MC and ready to try again? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Recently graduated from the mosh pit? Come on down to the mosh pit for some serious metalling and cake! Part ?

[backwardpossom]

Thought we could do with a new thread since the old one is full.

Mrs Pear so sorry you are having such a head fuck. I really feel for you. Looks like there is some good advice on that other thread from people who know much more than I. Regardless you need to make sure you aren't getting stressed about house stuff. Does your DH know how you are feeling?

Sorry to those with BFN. I can't tell you off for testing early as I do it all the time myself.

Thanks for all your congratulations. I may buy something for the baby today to celebrate this milestone but that may send me into metalling overdrive total purchases still zero.

A big quiet horray for midge

Just picked up our new (to us) car I'm actually starting to imagine my family of 5.

Bum. AF turned up, day 28, unheard of. Bum bum bum.

On the bright side I think it has to be pimms I clock!

Oh bum polka atleast its come now and there's no waiting and wondering! Have a pimms for me!

[looser emoticon]

I'm sorry to duck in like this but will be taking a break from all MN for a while. I cant handle it all....my feelings etc. I find you all so amazingly reassuring & lovely & could not be more grateful for the kindness & support I have received...but I need to distance myself...from myself :(
I feel suffocated by my own feelings & think I need a break :(
Wishing everyone the best of luck on their journey...
Will pop back in when I feel I am ready
Take care

Sorry af got you polka. It's the start of a brand new cycle though so try to think positive! It will happen! (remind me of this next time my af shows up!)

Wifey we will he here if/when you want to come back. I left my last ttc forum after my second mc. Didn't even tell them I had mc. Just went for 20 week scan and never went back. Came here instead! Sometimes even Internet chatting can be too much.

Pear. Not sure if this will help but I have found speaking to private consultants to be a good way to get the best advice. Maybe find out who is the best consultant for stiches and see if you can get an appointment with them. I think Jaffa did this when she had the high risk of ds result from her my scan. Sometimes the local doctors don't have enough experience of our problems to help us or make us trust them.

not much going on for me. Just getting excite about my holiday. Dh is on board for ttc so fingers crossed!

ahaaaa found you all - marks place

wifey i have taken a break before and came back when i felt ready, you take lots of care and lurk if you feel up to it.

backward whoopeeee! congrats

my scan went well on Thurs, the little dude gave us a wave and was bouncing off the walls - no wonder i feel so sick i am 12 weeks exactly today

i had a wobble on Friday, speaking of people putting their foot in it. I announced my pregnancy to a friend (who is in her 40s and def doesnt want any more) and she just gave an empty smile and said 'ah nice'. There was a definite about it. She then asked how far along i am, when i said 'almost 12 weeks' she smirked and said 'so you havent told people early this time' with a look like this

i could have cried - i told them all when i was about 7 weeks last year then i lost my baby - she knows that, she has had a MC too and knows that MC changes you fucking-bitch it upset me for the rest of the day

anyway, losing my best friend has made me re-evaluate a lot of friendships, i am not having a cull per se but i am investing the time into the ones that matter (incidentally the fucking bitch didnt offer any condolence or ask about my friend - after making such a thing of how she had 'seen it all' on facebook the last time i saw her)

anyway - i am in a better mood today.

wifey, you will always be welcome back. I think you should follow your instincts and have a break if you are feeling overwhelmed. I did the same after my first mc and it did me a lot of good. I just knew I needed some time to rest from the emotional turmoil of it all. X

mrsPear I read your thread. I don't know about stitches, but I am so sorry you are in this place. It is so hard that you have to choose. I don't know whether you remember my 1 in 20 Down's result for this pregnsncy? I know it is not the same thing at all, but trying to decide whether to have CVS or not was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I found it so hard that by choosing to intervene, I was increasing my risk of mc, especially after everything that had happened before. But once I made my decision, it became easier. One of the healthcare professionals was so good. She just said, it is not fair. Some people sail through pregnancies without a hitch, others work their way through the obs and gynae text books... I don't know if this helps, but you are in my thoughts.

midget, you beauty. 24 weeks, you are entering safer waters.

polka so sorry about AF. X

Still minor metals at my end. My placenta is 'aproning' most kicks accirding to MW. So I don't get much reassurance, unless I eat icecream for some reason. I an going to be huge at this rate...

X post with pebs and martha.

pebs, you are right, I didn't think to mention it, but it was a huge help in getting a bit of confidence about taking some action. I knew the people I saw were the best in their field, and were also involved in a lot of research. They also spent a lot more time scanning me, counselling me etc than the NHS could afford to do. And the timescales were all a lot faster. I know it is not always an option for everyone though.

martha, 12 weeks! That is wonderful! And ignore your friend. She sounds , which makes people a behave badly. Not an excuse though. A good friend would be happy for you, after all that you have been through, and also that you have this little spark of life shining for you amongst all the sadness with losing your friend. X

Wifey big hugs, we'll all be here for you if/when you feel ready to come back x

Martha 12 weeks!! How fab! Sorry your friend was less than sensitive. She sounds delightful... And thanks!

I'm assuming it's normal to be knicker-checking at least once every half hour...!

Go martha and i hope you don't mind me saying but your 'friend' sounds a right bitch. Unnecessary.

midget you are spot on, just glad i realised now.

martha why does your friend have such an attitude? Some people are just plain mean, sorry! Great news on ur scan and a great milestone passed!

I've had a great weekend with friends staying with bambino's but haven't felt sad just a teensy bit envious and the feeling that I would have been seven months but I'm trying to keep positive too, bloody hard tho!

hugs wifey come back when you are ready.

martha well done you :) Your friend sounds like she might have her own issues...

mrspear I read quite a bit of your thread and thought you had some good and quite reassuring advice? Sorry if I have misunderstood. I can understand how you are frightened, no one wants their pregnancy interfered with x

Arf I feel blue. My friend (only) up here where I currently live is due her second child in three weeks. We met thru nct with our first babies (now toddlers) and shared ttc journeys for the second babies. I haven't been able to see her for a couple of weeks because she cried off a couple of times (tired and, well, pg!) and now she is pg to the point where she is huge, waddly to heck and, ahem, whiny about it. We would normally hang out together tomorrow with our boys but I don't want to now she has been all whiny on fb about being a lazy 'hippo' :( I hate being this person, who avoids pg people because it makes me sad and a bit of a bitch. Also her toddler son is a fecking nightmare child and hits my DS, and know that she will probably leave me to parent them both so... might leave it! I feel bad but, self preservation you know. I want to be pg so very much, for someone to lament to my face about their pg might be too much, even though i know her feelings are not mine. Gawd, where has my empathy gone?! erk.

Sorry to offload, am just really surprised I feel this way now when I have been fine all through her pregnancy so far, even during the mc. Am I a total cow? I am. thanks for listening peeps.

wilde I think it's called self preservation, I have totally the same fears of being a bitch but we're not, just plain old human. I'd def give it a miss

Hope everyone has had a good weekend. It has literally been a wash out here, but a good excuse for not doing much!

wilde I think (like Polka) that your reaction is totally natural. It is a bit of a kick in the teeth hearing someone moan about having the thing you want most. She could be a bit more sensitive, even if she is feeling like a hippo.

polka and wilde i have been thinking about that over the weekend. My 'friend' is reeeeeally really smug, she is the type who has a bit of money (ie a naicer house than the rest of us) and feels the need to passive aggressively remind us of that. She keeps banging on about how 'she is in such a good place in life now'. She doesnt forge close relationships with people and looks down her nose at others who do. She would never admit that she is wrong or apologise if she offends anyone. She goes on like she is supermum and yet has a fabulous social life (with her DH and noone else).

Moreover she hates it when people moan about things or have negative things go on in life, she hasnt once asked me how i am after losing my friend, now this is a significant thing that is going on in my life. I know for a fact that she doesnt want any more DCs, she is 43 and really happy with her lot (as she keeps reminding us). So i dont think it is jealousy that i am PG. She had a MC too between her two DCs so should understand above all how happy i am about this pregnancy.

Sorry i just had to offload there - all of the above is why i am really thinking of cutting her out. We arent that close anyway and i dont need toxic people in my life.

wilde you know what? the other kid hitting your DS would be the dealbreaker for me. Although what you could do is meet them and if you are expected to parent them both well just jolly well do that. Tell the other little-fecker boy off in front of her i have no problem telling other kids off for hitting DS, he is my boy and i have to stick up for him.

Seriously though, i too have another friend (god i have some joyous people in my life) who is moaning about being a fat hippo too, she has gone on and on over the last few months on FB about it, now she too had a MC a few years back before her DD so should really know better or-she is a hard faced byatch, who knows even though i am now PG she still irritates me, i feel so blessed to be in this position i will do my best not to moan, especially given that i know so many people who are still TTC after a long while.

Anyone been out for brekkie? I am starving

hi martha I'll bring some brekkie for you, poor pg lady! How about strawberries and home made scones with decaf coffee and orange juice?

So happy your scan was good, it really does give me hope that I will be successful one day. btw your "friend" sounds like a bitch, you definitely don't need people like that in your life.

mrspear hope you're feeling ok about the stitch. I don't know much about it so can't be of much help but I know a couple of people who had one and it worked out fine.

rumpus you're not a cow! Well if you are, then I am too. We can be cows together! Her DS hitting yours would be the final straw for me.

quicksie I had a good laugh imagining you shovelling in bourbons!! I am exactly the same. I can't have biscuits in the house or a whole packet will just disappear and I won't remember eating them

state, midget, jaffa and leedy glad all is going well for you and backwards congrats!!!

I'm feeling like an utter failure, AF arrived again. I knew I wasn't pg and I thought I'd be ok, but the day it arrived, I had a massive, massive meltdown. I am going back for counselling, I can't go on like this, every month freaking out. Part of me just wants to give up TTC, even getting pg wouldn't be the end of my worries. But I also don't want to give up, I feel like I'll have my baby one day and I can't give up on them .

polka sorry AF got you too, I'll have to join you with the Pimms (though not really the weather, I'll force one down

hi to everyone else, sorry if I've missed anyone, I have been lurking but keep losing track of everyone's news

Big lick for Tas. God I know how you feel. I had given up - I really had. Maybe back of my mind I hadn't but I just couldn't focus on it anymore. I decided to get fit instead of have a baby and threw myself into that. When I had CBT they asked me if perhaps if it was to get myself as fit as possible for childbirth. First of all I thought that was but then I thought they may have been right as deep down maybe I hadn't give up at all but I had to give up thinking it may happen every month as it was driving me insane. I think trying not to focus on it is needed for self preservation sometimes - it is just too draining and too emotional and too hard sometimes. I still freak now when the baby moves - still can't believe I am pregnant - that is how deep my denial is! Counseling is very wise it may give you the strength to carry on.

If you need to take a break - take a break. If an old lady like me can find time for a break you sure as hell can too. I wonder if it was the relieving of the internal pressure on myself that help conceive this little fella. maybe a load of poppycock but can't help wondering Although I do feel sorry for DH as he missed out on a lot of SWI and now we are both to scared to do it the joys of recurrent miscarriage eh?

Be kind to yourself Tas - you have been through a lot so do whatever you need to do to keen your sanity. Its finding that balance between having a shred of hope but it not being a focus. Easier said than done.

Morning everyone

Thank you for your kind messages. I really had a proper throw my toys out the pram meltdown at the weekend BUT today is the start of a new week. I am 15 weeks pregnant and should just concentrate on that. After all i am lucky to be this far. On that note sorry to taz and polka that af has arrived.

Congrats to backward on bfp and martha on the 12 week scan - that has gone so quick! midget are you going to do some shopping now that are over 24 weeks?

sorry af got you tas. i don't think i could ever give up on ttc until i get my baby or menopause - which ever comes first. no matter how scary it is to be pg and no matter how many mcs i have to go through (even late ones) i will keep on going.

my view is that time is going to pass anyway and i will have af every month anyway so i might as well be trying. whether it ends sucessfully or not. to be honest i haven't really had any problems getting pg so far. i am praying that continues to be the case.

perhaps having counselling will help or maybe even a break to have a rest would help with the freaking out.

my dh asked me the other day when i was due to ov and i said i wasn't telling him as i didn't want him to be under pressure he told me last night he is scared of dtd at the moment as he is worried about me getting pg again. i think he is freaking out that i might mc and also that it might actually happen this time and we will have a baby at the end of it. the thought scares me as well. i really want a baby but the thought of actually being a mum is pretty scary.

will just see what happens on holiday. we usually have extra dtd when we are away and i am ov'ing during the holiday. i am sure he will get on board but it makes me feel a bit that he feels like that.

Mrs P I got as far as putting things in a trolley in BabyGap (online). Couldn't bring myself to check it out though what a looser I am seriously knackered but may drag myself to H&M as I think buying something for the bambino would be like good therapy. and a good test to see if I throw a wobbly

Glad you are feeling a bit better. None of us want to have to make these difficult choices - looks like you have lots of good advice now to make a more informed and less terrifying choice.

Pebs Both me and DH were terrified of DTD after my EP thing. Like you I have no problem getting pregnant just getting them to stick.

thanks for all your kind messages, it's good to have people that understand.

pebs - keep going til baby or menopause, it's got a catchy ring to it! That's how I feel as well. You ladies are an inspiration to me, sounds a bit cheesy but it's true!

I was absolutely terrified of dtd (still don't know what that stands for!!) after the ectopic, it took a little while to relax.

midget thanks for the lick! let us know how the clothes buying goes.

I have a dilemma, a new job has come up where I work, technically a promotion but in reality no more money. Part of me thinks, life needs to carry on, and normally I would go for it, I'm a bit stale in my job now. But the new team is notorious for not being great to work in, also I'd need to do a lot more travelling around during the day, which I don't like.

The other part of me thinks I can't really cope with much more upheaval in my life, I just need everything to stay the same for a bit. I'm also being trained up in a new area atm, which I wouldn't be able to continue in the new job. Most people at my level are on this level of promotion, I feel a bit left behind - mainly because of mat leave and lack of job opportunities.

Between the MMC and EP I started applying for new things and actually started some extra work, but then the EP struck and I had to stop everything. I know life can't stop because of pg losses and TTC, but I'm supposed to be doing the application now. Why can't I face it?

Sorry for the self indulgent rant

Doing The Dance not sure what it actually means but thats what it stands for and we all know what it is!

i missed out on a new job due to mc. at the moment i am just staying as i am. i earn good money and work at a nice place. it's boring as hell but not really stressful.

Hello everyone!

I've been away for yonks it seems, DS1 is finally out of hospital, I trying and failing to get the house sorted.
I'm 21 weeks now an DS3 seems to be coming along nicely, kicking the life out of me almost constantly (18 hrs sleep a day my arse)
I am struggling with sheer exhaustion this past couple of weeks, I was shocked after feeling fine I drove to town (10 minutes drive) and back, I only went in 1 shop and by the time I got home I was in tears everything is just sapping my energy. I swear it was never this bad before.
Have struggled to get ready for this little boy tbh, I keep filling online baskets then closing the web page, I don't even know why.