The BESH Fillies Are Under Starters Orders

[CaveMum]

Welcome to the 2.30 from Mumsnet Towers. The fillies have been groomed to within an inch of their lives and are raring to go.

Late entries for the race are required to locate and fill in the BESHtionnaire so that their form can be assessed.

Bring on the stallions!

Good night, cavewoman?!

Cheeky midweek drinking? I like your style cave

[dons shades]

Morning BESH, not feeling too bad this morning, thank god! School night or night, it was free champagne and wine

Morning peeps, I will probably be incommunicado for a few days as I am off to Sark Folk Festival. I am obscenely excited about it!

Have fun dor!

I am joining eeyore/euro in the mizz corner. Massively down and struggling. Pain was really bad last night, had to take strong painkillers to get comfy so am drowsy now. I'm fed up of being ill even though I know the end is in sight! and tired of things getting in the way of winning a baybee. I'm pleased it's nearly the weekend and MSB and I have all of Saturday with nowt but pottering round the house planned. He's stressed out - lots of family problems his side and work future unclear :( Grr.

On the more lighthearted random conversation note - I never drink coffee. Love tea. Hate coffee.

cavemeister sounds like a really fun night! :)

I still struggled with my faith. I sit in an comfortable place at times recognising that do much of what I do is ritual but every now and then I glimpse God and that encourages me to stick with it. Living with faith us hard sometimes.

Just on the boat with lots if musos. Gorgeous day.

Morning ladies. I don't drink tea. I even find the smell of it a bit boaky. I have a very occasional green tea or herbal infusion. I LOVE kick-@rse strong black coffee but haven't had any in over 6 months.

My buzzwams seem to have returned to normal after the weekend's extreme pain. That's something I suppose.

Thanks for al the enquiries after my menkulness wellbeing, laydeez. I think I am marginally less mizz than yesterday, but still in a pretty bad way. I have at least managed to order my thoughts, rather than just being a randomly miserable cahhh. I don't want to be doing this. I do want to stop. However, I am curious about the diagnostic aspect (can sperm meet egg and develop a healthy embryo and if so will the healthy embryo stick or be evicted by my hostile body, etc) and my head tells me that this is the sensible thing to do although my instinct is screaming "STOP". TBH, despite that, if this is something I was doing just for me I would stop right now. But it's not just for me, it's for KFZK too and I know he will be disappointed if I stop, even though he says he will support whatever I want to do. Why TF did I ever convince him to want a baybee, eh?

I seem to have killed Freddie...

I am here. Equally glum, though, after some sort of brown pant splotch. Not blood. But not nothing, either. Bah. Droid due on Sunday, so I think this is the start of the usual two days of preceding spotting.

I'm with you norf. Bit of brown ick but nothing definite.

Euro, fred not killed.

If its any consolation, despite my blusterings on here, I'm not sure I will have ivf. And it's not something I can easily explain. Certainly certain friends in RL have told me to "man the fuck up". That particular charmer was 4 months pregnant at the time and imminently due to drop. I know part of it is I just don't want to be in this position. I want to stamp my feet and demand to know why me? I want everything to be easy. Like it is for everyone else (I refuse to recognise that others are in the same/worse positions). I don't want to be a bloody patient with my legs in stirrups.

I also find my self wondering if there's a reason I can't get pregnant. I'm not the most maternal. Maybe I'll just be crap. Maybe that's why it's not happened. But then I think about GHJ and what a good dad he'd be..

Then I think about my life at the moment. It's good. I love my job. To do what I want I'll have to work long hours for years to come. The few women who make it are childless. The rest drop off. Maybe motherhood isn't what's meant for me?

And etc. On loop.

Just a window in to my crazy.

Just remember there is no 'right' answer.

Oh. Now I killed Freddie.

Oh no I didn't!

Premature fred killing guilt there norf - less than an hour at home time!

I wonder if paranoia is an early symptom de la diffage...

Yes sir!

I'm actually feeling a bit better. Droud is on its way out and I continue to clean and tidy. Thursdays are hall and bedroom night. MSB has a late meeting so I've had the place to myself to get it clean and tidy and sorted a few more boxes so it really is starting to feel like home :) think I'll talk to MSB about not really TTC til after my op. No contraception but not using ov sticks or timing the sechs. Take the pressure off til I'm well. I just don't think I'll get diffed til this is fixed so why stress?

sinky remind me what you're doing work wise?

Evening BESH

I have be, and will be, a bit quiet as I'm in an inexplicable grump. Have got hot boobs (literally, they are warm to the touch, not normal surely? Not menkul time yet though - only Cd8), the sun is shining, no work for 3 days and yet I'm still grumpy. So. Not wanting to spread the mizz I'm just going to lie here in the hay and keep my hands warm on my toasty tits.

[waves pom poms to support Bugs, and get out of doing any exercise]

You are right, we have to try to keep ourselves almost sane, after all there is menkul, and then there is menkul

I'm knackered after last night, didn't get to bed till half twelve, which is way past my bedtime. Was a good night though, an industry awards dinner.

CD47 here and I did have a rush of pant snot yesterday, but I refuse to pee on any OPKs. HWHNN isn't home till Saturday so there's no point in stressing about it now.

A smear of red here now. That's that then. Roll on Clomid cycle 3, for fuck's sake.

[pours a for Norf]

"Defeated" is the word I would choose to sum up my feelings right now.