Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

[Ellypoo]

Hoping this thread brings us all luck and hope xxx

Sorry for ranty rant.

AUGUST.....thinking of you. Hope all is good.

Green sorry your mums so crap...Ant's mum is a total nightmare so very selfish... I don t have anything to do with her any more & she's only seen Phebs once in her life!!!( through her not bothering to drive 2 miles down the road to a local park to see her!! Whilst my folks drive hundreds of miles regularly) she's done loads of nasty things such as not give to Georgie's website ( we raised £1500 for the local delivery suite & bought a lovely remembrance book in Georgie's name), took flowers to Georgie's service then took them home again after!!!! She's shit & it's alien to me as my parents are bloody brillant.....take care xxx
Whatever glad you re feeling better xxx here's to being discharged xxx
Hi all ; love to all. Feeling better but chilling today... Yes work certainly hectic ... Xxc

Poppet glad u got through yesterday ... We started ttc about 6 weeks after Georgie was born ( got my AF 4 weeks after Georgie) I delivered Georgie vaginally & had ELCS with Phebs... My consultant offered me either with Phebs but I wasn t risking anything & in the end I had group b strep all through out my pg with Phebs so was potentially an extra risk with Phebs anyhow xxxc go for it if the time feels right for u xxxx

Ah green that sounds so hard with your mum. I think you are different with your children because you consciously think about it iyswim. When do you come home? Sounds like you've had enough now which is understandable.

Well progress here - blood results back in and they are improved enough to move from iv to oral AB's. I can also come off the drip as I'm managing to keep down water. Urine still has 3+ ketones though, boo! But they've said if I can not be sick, not get a temp and get the ketones down to +2 I can go home. They said they'd normally want to keep me for another 24 hrs after switching to oral AB's buy I've explained that I really need to get home to K and that I really don't want to be in here tonight - Erin was born at 8.22pm and died just after 10pm I can't be here then.

at shit family! I am in that position too, my own parents haven't stepped foot in my house for about 2 years. Angel- I have a just giving page too and they haven't donated. My mum even asked for £1 I owed her (to Buy sausage rolls for Z's wake) on Zoe's funeral! We are better off without them!

Posted too soon.

Congrats to auntie blue!

Wtw- hope you can get home later. X

Hope all is ok with August.

Fan- sorry you are not enjoying work, hope you are feeling ok today.

I have a dr appointment next wed, I am going to ask about the next stage in ttc and talk about counselling.

WTW... I hope you get home, it sounds like everything's heading in the right direction now... Will your family be with you tonight if they can't discharge you? Try to keep drinking!

I am home, have been since yesterday, but mum doesn't go home until next Monday. She doesn't mean badly I don't think, just not very emotionally able. Ithe had enough now though, and she's sleeping in Merryns room, which is hard.

Cross posted BLIZY.... Yes, much of my family have not been to Merryns just giving page. Honestly. I try not to let it bother me. I think it's brave of you to take steps towards counselling. I'm sure it will help, so many people talk about it making a difference. When you say 'next stage' of ttc, do you mean tests etc? Do you have a good doctor? I think they vary widely in how much they will do and how quickly they will do it, from my experience. I hope you come away feeling more hopeful, your having a rough ride...

Green- I have had 2 sets of day 21 blood tests which both came back fine. I have asked I see a female dr on my friends recommendation , hopefully makes a difference.

BLIZY, it's good the bloods came back fine, but sometimes it's easier to be told there is something wrong that can be overcome than to be told there is nothing they can find. If your friend recommended this doctor hopefully she's good. Im aware that the waiting is so so much harder ttc this time than it was before. I think we all NEED our babies in a far more painful way. I really hope things get easier for you and you are given some answers. X

wtw glad things are improving, fx you are fine this afternoon and you can go home.

blizy hope the GP is helpful and understanding.

green its hard isn't to have a relationship sometimes especially when it doesn't turn out how u want it with your mum. Mine is highly emotional and I feel that she has taken all the emotion out of me. Most of the time I don't feel supported by her, I feel that I have to support her, she cries a lot about Fi, which is fine, but she never askes me how I am. She puts pressure on me to produce more children. She thinks she's being helpful but its not. I tried to talk to my brother about in it the hopes that he could steer mum in the right direction on how to support me. But he had a go at me and said I should remember mum has lost a grandaughter too. Couldn't beleieve it. My nan isn't very understanding even though she has had a stillbirth herself, she thinks we should forget about Fi and move on. But I wouldn't have known this but mum had to tell me while crying. I ended up supporting her in that moment. It drains me to be honest.
I love my mum, she just doesn't deal very well with all this. And our relationship has suffered. I'm trying to get it back to how it was but its diffiuclt. She keeps saying oh I really hoped you would of had another baby by the time your brother comes over next february. Wish it was that easy.

FAN sounds like your mums a handful too. As if you wouldn't have had another baby by now if you could have, as if you haven't tried.... I think sometimes the generation gap means they don't know how to communicate so well about our babies, but still... And your brother should know that it's far worse for you than your mum?!?
I am hiding upstairs like a naughty schoolchild under the pretence of housework. I just need some time to myself to recharge.

How are things WTW? Any signs they'll let you out?

Hi all. Thank you Greengoose and I'm just so sorry about Merryn. It IS such a lovely name (everyone on this thread must have such good taste!), what does it mean? Only 13 weeks... it's just over six weeks since our little one died... I know what you mean about it hurting with every breath.
This afternoon I re-discovered the first hat that E wore, a NICU one that I'd forgotten they'd given us - haven't been through most of the stuff yet, it's just piled up in the spare room - and oh it's got loads of her hair and skin and blood (from the EEG electrodes) on it I don't know how many of my friends would understand me if I told them I'd just spent quite a long time wailing over it and kissing it, but I suspect you lot know exactly what I mean.

wtw goodness you do need to get home today don't you. Really hope you do. Thinking of you and Erin.

Sorry about all the crap family members out there. My family are being amazing but DH's are being quite rubbish and needing us to tutor them through this and tell them what to say to us and how to say it. Then they don't do it anyway and instead just make us really cross.

blizy really sorry that you are having to go through the fertility testing process. It took us over two years to conceive E (unexplained infertility, although by the end of the two years it seemed that my ovaries were possibly about to go into meltdown, though that was also unexplained) so I understand a little bit - obviously nowhere near all - of what you're going through. It breaks my heart for you a little bit, and I know that fan is also waiting and waiting too, it must be so very hard. Hoping so much that very very soon you will both be celebrating a BFP, and the same for everyone else who's trying too.
Thank you all for the answers re when you all started trying again. Lots to think about.

I might actually have a shower and get dressed now... it's been a sad day x

Wtw excellant news everything's going in the right direction.... Xxx
Blizy sounds just like the MIL from hell.. The only thing she contributed to all of Georgie's service was some cup a soups!!! My mum & dad paid for the service , we bought food etc... Flowers ... The reason she wouldn t give to Georgie's site was " because Ant owed her money from his first car 24 years ago!!!!" I detest her she's truely awful..... When Phebs was born I banned her from the hospital 2 days after I got home she barged in to our house whilst I'd got someone from little angels ( breastfeeding support group) here she pushed in , attempted to take over along with Ant's 13 year old nephew... I made her sit in the kitichen.... The support worker was fab & purposely took ages so she'd get pisssed off & leave!!!! On my kitichen table was an envelope with £20 in from my ex boss , Tim ( ants nephew ) put £2 of his pocket money in) she put £1 in!!!! What an insult???? £ 1???? We re definatly better off without the silly old cow... Well done on seeking counselling I think it can only help ... Towards a brighter future xxxx
Love to all xxx

poppet understand totally, bless little E. We were living with my parents when Fi died, we bought a memory box to put her things in and then everything else is packed away in my parents loft. The only things I have that she wore are the ankle and wrist ident bracelets she wore that day. I am lucky to have a lock of her golden hair, some of it I wear in a locket and some we have put in her photo album.
I look at the album often, look at how beautiful she was. There's one pic that breaks my heart everytime I look at it, its of DH holding her. Everything of her is in that box, its sad really that that is my baby. All that we have of her.

Going back to family members though, mum can be great but I guess I've always been the strong one the one that supports so its hard when the tables are turned.

blizy when is AF due? How is the fertility monitoring going?

Ok I REALLY am going to go and get dressed and go outside now, but I can't believe that there are so many terrible mums and MILs out there, I think I will have to see my MIL in a different light - she's pretty awful, but does at least mean well - what is it with them asking for or giving you £1??!! I'm surprised none of them got slapped (or maybe they did and you just haven't shared that bit yet). green I hope you somehow find the strength to keep on going while your mum's there at the moment too.

angel she does sound aweful, I suppose all we can take from that kind of relationship is - won't be doing that to my kids!.

X post fan that's it exactly - that's all you have of your baby - everything that she could have been, and you're left with a few things in a box...
That said, I am so glad for you (as I am for us) that you have photos and a lock of hair and other things. So precious. E's hair was like mine, dark and curly - already beginning to curl! And you have Fi's lock of golden hair - sounds like something out of a fairy tale, although a very sad one. x

I'm allowed home - yay!!!

Brilliant news!! I had everything crossed that they would be sympathetic (and that you would be well enough to leave ). You simply couldn't be there tonight... xx

whatever Excellent news! Hope you are feeling loads better. x

fan the cbfm didn't work this month, it only showed up highs until yesterday (day 28)! I have started spotting so Af should be here tomorrow or friday.

Angel your mil as a complete horror!

poppet Dh and I conceived Zoe on the first month of ttc, so this has become a bit of a shock!

wtw brilliant news! Hope u are having lots of cuddles of DH and K.

blizy is this the first month of using it? So maybe next month it will start to show signs of ov? Sorry AF has got you, how you feeling ?

blue sorry didn't congratulate u on being an aunty, great names too.

fan I used it last month and it was spot on. Feeling a bit rubbish, you know how it is .

blizy I know how it is, this is shit isn't it. Did you think it might mean you were pg? This has to happen soon for us, right?

Fan- it had me hopeful. It is shitter than shit! Just think how much more special it will be when we finally have our little rainbows in our arms.