Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

[Ellypoo]

Hoping this thread brings us all luck and hope xxx

Yay, new thread. Thank you Ellypoo

Thank you for the new thread elly.
Let's hope this is the lucky one for us ttc'ers!

Thanks for new thread ELLY!!!

The parks ranger said that she thought it wasn't near Merryns area that the damage was done. We are going to bundle the kids in the car at bedtime (bad parenting, but they will be asleep within minutes....), and drive up there to check. I don't know if I can face going there tomorrow anyway... We might go to Bristol for the day or something like that. for me it's more about trying to celebrate our children and our love for them, and Merryn is with us as much as she is anywhere.
Her due date tommorow is really affecting me. It feels like after that she is somehow less 'mine'. I think its partly because both the boys arrived bang on their due date.... If she had never been sick she probably would have too. I hope tommorow is sunny.

green Im glad the Ranger has told you that and I hope that it is the case when you get there tonight. Will be thinking of you and Merryn tomorrow. As many of the ladies on here will say and know that sometimes the actual lead up to the day is worse than the day its self.
Be gentle with your self.

Thank you Fan for the old thread and Elly for the shiny new one

Razz hope Samuel is okay,poor little thing hope it didn't hurt too much. I know what you mean about 4d scan I keep thinking of it as 'gathering memories of her' as I still daren't believe we'll actually get to make millions of memories with her once she's here.

August glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. Please do keep resting - don't worry about the boys this will be a very short period in their lives and won't do them any harm xx

Green fx Merryn's place hasn't been affected. Due dates a funny one - I found it really hard too. It was after that I felt she should be 'here' whereas up to that point I still should have been pregnant iyswim. Take it easy, don't expect too much of yourself it will be a hard day. ((Hugs))

I've got another growth scan in the morning fx all will be looking good still. Just 10 more weeks to get through.

its getting closer wtw hows the name search going?

Ok Im offically in the tww, and Im already freaking a bit which I know is stupid. I had a positive opk yesterday and the day before I had the perfect cm, so all areas covered, but I guess wont be totally happy unless I also swi for the week. Which I know is not going to happen.
But why Im freaking is the symptoms already and I was hoping not to do it this early. I feel sick, have a headache and have been peeing for England. I guess though there are good explaination fr these symptoms apart from pg all the swi could be making me pee more. Als staring at the telly for the past three days drinking in the royal celebrations could have given me the headache and the sickness?
Do you girls think its too early for symptoms? CD17!

ellypoo a lovely thread title, thank you!!

green also hoping that you find Merryn's place in the wood to be untouched. As for tomorrow, please remember that Merryn is always your little girl, and that no-one else in the world can be her mummy except you. You. That is your special title, and no amount of time can ever, ever take that away from you.

razz hope today wasn't too upsetting for either you or Samuel.

august do what you need to do to feel comfortable about your baby, and if that means going back to hospital, then do it.

whatever your 4d scans are lovely!! Hope that tomorrow goes well.

fan not sure!! with Mia, I knew almost straightaway, this time, my symptoms have been far more subtle, almost non-existent.

to all those ttc may this be your lucky month!!

Ok, I have a question which is worrying me a bit, and would appreciate thoughts... with Mia, we were incredibly happy about my pg, and shared the news far and wide after the 12-week scan. This time, we are still waiting to share the news beyond immediate family, and both DH and I are suppressing almost all excitement for fear of what might happen - not only up to my EDD, but beyond that. I know that supposedly your emotions can affect a child in utero, and do attribute Mia's happy nature partly to my own happiness at that time. Do you think I am affecting this child in the same manner? I know we want this baby very much, and it is our hope for the future, but how can I send positive emotions when I feel so apprehensive?

Miasmummy thats a hard one, but I guess you have to ask yourself why you are not telling people, is it because of your feelings or their reaction. I think though that there are plenty of things that make a child happy, nature and nurter so dont fret about being apprehensive and sending those vibes to your baby. Im sure your rainbow feels loved and happy.

Fan I'm not an expert at all in symptom spotting but with Erin i was utterly convinced from about 10 days before AF was due that I was pg so yes I think it's possible to know that early.

Miasmummy ((hugs)) you sound ever so lost and confused which is very understandable. I am sure your emotions wont be affecting your little one at all. I am quite sure you already feel a fierce love for them. As for telling people, we waited to make it 'public news' until after our anomaly scan at 21 weeks. Actually I found once everyone knew I felt a bit more like it was a 'normal pregnancy' and I allow myself to get swept up in other people's excitement/positivity. Doesn't stop me mentalling in private but means I do get moments of being just another pregnant lady which helps. I also found that I had more positive emotions once I could feel regular movements. One day at a time lovely xx

Thank you Elly for starting a new thread.

Mias I feel the same way about my pregnancy. With both my others I shared the news after 12 weeks, this time we waited till 16 weeks to tell close friends and at nearly 22 weeks we're still only telling people that we "see" and it's very obvious too! I don't think that our emotions during pregnancy will affect the mood of our children. I've worked with kids who've had a very bad start in life and have then had love and consistent parenting which has made them into happy wee individuals. Our babies are being brought into all this grief but they will be loved and treasured from the moment they are here. I think we have to try not to worry about our emotions during pregnancy and just try to do what we need to cope with our loss. I know that I'm completely focused on making sure that my older dd isn't affected by my grief and I hope I'll be the same with this one. You sound like such a loving ad devoted parent, any child will be blessed to have you as a mummy.
Good luck to all you ladies on the tww. Fingers crossed that the new thread brings you luck.x

Thank you for the thread elly, just marking my spot
green I really hope that when you get to Merryns spot it is untouched
miasmum we also did not share the news of Samuels pregnancy until almost 18 weeks (how i managed to hide my hugeness i will never no). I thought at the time it was just because we needed to rule out the condition we lost Thomas to but I also think that it was partly due to the reactions I expected from others . I got lots of 'you are so brave to try again' remarks when the tone really meant stupid!! You just do what feels comfortable and 'right' for you at the moment. I really dont think you will pass your anxieties onto the baby...........if that were true then all of our rainbows would be nervous wrecks!!!!

Can you believe that Samuel did not get his tounge tie done . There is a new process that now you have to go to paeds first to get referred by them to ent.....what a waste of an appointment!! He weighs a chunky 12lb now though

Poor little Samuel.

Ive been looking up pregnancy symptoms before implantation, and well apparently you do not get symptoms before implantation. So there you go. So will have to wait a long time now untill I can test. Its CD18 today so have to wait till CD30 which is two weeks away.

green did you go last night? How was it?

CHEESEANDGERKINS.... Thinking of your family and little Scarlett today.... How are you? Do you do anything to mark the day, or keep it privately iykwim?

Today is Merryns due date... We are going out for the whole day with the boys. I want it to be about family and what we would have been for her rather than sadness and grief, although I'll carry that with me too. We had wanted to go to St Ives, but the weather is awful, so Bristol it is... I don't know how the time will be.
My dp made me breakfast in bed (muffin with bacon and egg, yum)! Which was lovely of him. I think we are doing well with being gentle with each other, but I don't think he can feel what my girls due date means to me, it feels like I've been hollowed out and filled with rocks, it's a 'mummy' feeling I think. I'm sure he has his own version.

Love you Merryn, today would have been the day you got to see your Mummy and Daddy and two amazing big brothers. We all miss you so much and you will be with us always xx.

I forgot to say... We went to merryns place on the river last night, and apart from one little daub of fluorescent paint on a tree, there was no sign of anyone being there. I was so relieved I cried.
When I go there I try to take a heart shaped stone to throw into the water. (we collect them from the beach). I imagine one day when I am old taking a grandchild to the river and explaining why it is full of hearts...

fan step away from google! We will be with you on the 2ww, can you think of any nice things to do, to keep your mind off things?

green Thinking of you and Merryn today. The river full of hearts is a beautiful sentiment. xx

Just back from the doctor, all seems fine. My hormone levels are normal, although I have to go back and have another blood test around day 24, (I ov around day 17/18) as by my cycle that would be day 21 iygwim? The last dr was adament that it should be day 21!

Hope you all have a good day.

oh razz Poor S, it's shocking they are making him wait longer.

Aww Razz poor Samuel hope the sort it soon for him

So pleased to hear Merryn's area was unaffected Green. Hope today is being gentle on you. Love the idea of a stream full of hearts

Cheese hope today is being gently on you too xx

Had another growth scan this morning. All still looking well and she's plotting just under 50th centile. Estimated to be 2lb 1ozs. Had a Doppler scan done as well on the cord flow and apparently that all looks good too - not ever had that done before so not too sure what the numbers mean. Back to work with a bump now! No more lovely long weekends but only 8 more weeks to get through

blizy thanks I have put google away. And well I have something to distract me now we are going to see the kittens tonight yayyy, and we get to pick the ones we want.

green thinking of you and merryn. Ims o glad her place was ok, and I love the heart shaped stones.

wtw wonderful news!

greengoose I just love the idea of a river filled with hearts... it sounds like a beautiful but sad fairytale, the lady who is so full of love for her little girl that she sends her hearts, so that all the world may see how much she is loved. For Mia, it is glowing red autumn leaves, flaming sunsets and blackbird song.

whatever yay for lovely scans and growing babies!

blizy sound like you are on the right track...

fan no more Google, Google is not your friend at the moment!! Let us know more about the kittens!!

Cheese love-filled thoughts for you and Scarlett today. xx

razz it seems extraordinary that the system is so complex...

green, that's great news about Merryn's special place - I hope today has been gentle on you x I love the idea of heart shaped stones in the river!

fan very exciting to see the kittens, how old are they now, when will you be able to take them home?

wtw that's great news, and 8 weeks will hopefully pass faster with work to focus on (?? maybe?? Just trying to be positive!!!!)

cheese - sending hugs & love x

razz, what a pain, after you must have built yourself up to it as well - do you know when you will get the ENT appt?

blizy - yay for normal hormone levels, well done for convincing the doc!!!

Well, aiming for lots of SWI this week, hoping for ov any day so fx!! Boo to the 2ww though.

Just been to see the kittens and there was some bad news two hours before I turned up one of the mum cats died! So shocking. She's taking the other mum and all the kittens to the vet tomorrow to be checked. Hopefully if they are fine then we can have them in three weeks time. I have chosen two but not for deffinite as some were hiding. And If I do end up with these two might call them Cosmo and Jenga. But that could change.

Fan.poor kittens.. Hope u get your soon xx
Whatever excellant news xx
Green glad Merryn' s place is unscathed.. Love to u cx
cheese xxxx
Razz sorry Samuel's having to wait. 12 lbs !!! Excellant cx
Hi all ; xxxx quick post here as we re all full of cold & feeling crap again... Phebs spluttering again & I m off to bed as feel totally shattered... Think she's picked it up from nursery & given it to us... Breaking up for hols on Friday hope we re all better then xxxx
Love to all xxx

Angel I hope Phebs is fighting fit soon.

fan so sad about the cat, I hope all of the others will be ok. I am so jealous of your kittens, I would love another but dh says no .

Alfie is such a handful at times, but he is fab. We think he is more dog than cat though; I have taught him to come to you when he is called, he plays fetch and places his little balls in your hand when he wants them thrown. He loves to be picked up, if you don't pick him up when wants to be, he just climbs up my legs and nestles himself on my chest. He also sleeps on his back with his little paws sticking up in the air!

bLIZY... Glad all went ok at docs...it'll be good when you know where you are! Your cat sounds fun... All ours do is bring home dead micro bunnies just now. Not so cute.

RAZZ... How long are you going to have to wait for Samuel to be seen? My friends toddler had his tongue tie sorted, and although they were dreading it it was all very simple and the change was amazing in his feeding...

Whatever... Good that you had the Doppler scan. It tells a lot about how the little one is getting what they need, not only nutrients, but also blood flow etc, so that's great news. 2.1pds is a great weight too....well done both of you!!

FAN... I'm sorry to hear about the cat... But glad you are going to be getting the kittens soon. Great names!
Stay AWAY from google..... Although (whispers) I just bought 30cheapy preg tests off eBay so I can poas as often as my paranoid brain tells me too!!

MIASMUMMY... Thank you.

I am an illustrator by training, and what you said about the fairy tale has got me thinking that I could possibly in time make a little book about Merryn and the river, just for my boys, but it could be lovely... I had already thought about painting the horses by the river for my dhs birthday from his little girl.

I hope you don't mind, but I couldn't resist a look at your photos of Mia on your profile (everyone talks about her so often, I wanted to 'meet' her). She is so utterly beautiful! That hair! Gosh you must be so proud. Have you ever had her drawn or painted? She looks like one of those perfect little 1050s children's book illustrations! (I hope it's ok for me to say all that )? I'll think of her now when I see beautiful sunsets and impish little girls who are just learning to toddle!

Elly... Looks like you me and Fan are all on the tww at about the same time? Do you resist early testing or are you helping keep the pee stick industry afloat like me?!?

ANGEL, sorry you're all feeling crap.... It's a pain when they bring every bug home from the other kids... It does settle down eventually when they have been there a while!

Yesterday was bearable. We had a really full day taking the kids to @bristol... So not much space to dwell on the day. Merryn was very much with us in spirit, and we hugged the boys a little more closely than usual perhaps. I missed her. Thanks for all the kind thoughts... Very few RL people knew that it was a big date for her.

Sorry to hear about the mummy cat fan, I hope the others are all ok and that you'll be able to take yours home when they're old enough.

green in previous months I have tested early, but I feel it's just so much harder to get a BFN than for AF to arrive, so I will try to resist, but we'll see in a few weeks time!! well done for getting through yesterday - it must have been really hard, but yes, she was there with you all, as she always will be.

Angel - I hope you & Phebs feel better very soon, and that you are being looked after.

blizy your cat sounds so cute!!

wtw what did the doppler scan involve, if you don't mind me asking? I am interested because of the blood clots in the placenta last time, I would want to have any tests that can check the blood flow etc to the baby, but I don't really know what it does/how it works.

My BF has her 20wk scan today - I feel so nervous for her! I saw her last night which was nice, but I find it sooo hard tbh. DH doesn't understand, and I find it hard to explain why it's like that - maybe because I wish I was pg again too?? I don't know - I don't resent her being pg or anything, I am really happy for them, I just wish I was there too - does that make sense?