Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

[Ellypoo]

Hoping this thread brings us all luck and hope xxx

Sorry to post and run but just wanted to pop back on quickly, as I remembered that I'd never said thank you to fan for saying that E sounds like a special little girl. They were lovely words and meant a lot - thank you x so so sorry about Ophelia x

poppet your welcome, and thank you.

I hate my work, I've realised its this that gets me down more than anything else, and the only way out of it is to get pg. I'm always looking for a new job but nothing so far. I'm not going back to work when I have my next baby, well I wasn't going to with Ophelia, so maybe that's the problem, I don't think I should be there.
Next month is the month we conceived Fi, can't believe its been nearly two years.

Argh I'm getting totally fed up with this. 7am they said they were getting a Doppler to have a listen to baby. They put my anti B's on the drip so turned off the fluids. Said they'd be back in 20mins to re-attach fluids. 7.45am I ask for a pot to do my urine sample as i needed a wee. 8.15am have to buzz and ask someone to take it away to test as it's soaking through the cardboard. Still don't know the results, my drip hasn't been re-attached and they've not listened to baby. And I've just been badly sick again. No doubt they'll be new midwives today who I will have to explain to again that my baby died at this gestation last year because they don't seem to read my notes. But most of all I miss Katie and want to give her a big cuddle but she can't come in until after 4pm as she's at gymnastics camp today. Sorry for rant just feeling very teary!

whatever I would be teary too!! In fact, I would be crying and buzzing for a nurse to come and sort things out. I am so for you. You don't need this, and it is awful that they are allowing you to be scared and upset totally unnecessarily... hope it all turns around soon. But make a fuss!! xx

Gah the wee sample they took was left in the sluice un-named so they can't use it so have to do another one even though that could be hours! Still no doppler. And they turned my fluids back on but my canula has tissued (?) so it's just made my hand swell up like a balloon so have to have my canula re-sited. Just burst in to tears when they said that as it's f-ing painful! Sorry to rant on here but don't want to worry dp (he's at work) or my mum.

Spoke to K on the phone before she went to gymnastics and she told me she'd been crying last night because she thought I was dead and she couldnt sleep because she was so worried. She was staying at my mums because dp started work at 7am. I really need to get home to her!

wtw ring the bell and let out your frustration on them, can't beleieve this! Makes me want to come down and shout at them on your behalf! What's your midwifes name? You poor thing this is not what you need. I agree with miasmum make a fuss.

wtw rant away we are here to hold your hand and support. Poor K but she will be ok, you have to look after yourself and baby. And you are in the best place, even though they seam to be slacking. Is your consultant in today?

WTW thinking about you and sending all sorts of good vibes. What is it with midwives and not reading notes!! Mine were the same!! "Where's your baby? Oh he's in neo-natal? Why's that then? Oh that is very premature, isn't it?" For Nine days!!!!

Smiling at your clever little nurse. I know she must be very worried too but it sounds like you have a lovely family to help and care for her and like other have said, you can concentrate on you and this little one. Is there a counsellor or someone available you could talk to? Do you think that would help?

Am rushing off out so waves to everyone else. Thinking about us all xx

Hi, I haven't got time to post to everyone as mum taking up lots of time....

Have read back since sat, and so so so sorry you are having such a rough time WTW. It's bloody unfair, and I too want to give the hospital staff a good shake and tell them to look after you much better than they are. Your little K will be scared now, but you'll be home with her soon, and she'll see you are both ok.

Will catch up with others tonight when everyone's gone to bed! Xxx

Wtw xxxx some midwives are good some crap ... Go to the desk & make sure you get your venflon resited ASAP , try & maintain oral fluids if feeling nauseous. Ask them for an anti-emetic injection.... See if u can go for a trace? Good luck xxx
Fan maybe you ve identified another downer in your life , hopefully a new job will become available that ll make you a little happier. We are at work many hours so need to be relatively happy in / at work. Feel if you re thinking you shouldn t be at work unfortunately, you ll never be happy there.... Xxxx
Blizy go for it girl!!! Counselling was best thing I ever did . I had mine via occ health at work. My counseller was experienced in bereavement , though not stillbirth or the loss of a baby, but helped me a million times over. When I was pg again I re-referred myself however , I never got chance to attend. It helped a lot ; with ways to cope & just to off load to someone nuetral.... Good luck xxx
August good luck xxx
Gave in took the day off chilling & reading want to be better for euro-Disney next week... Got tomorrow off also... Nice xxxxc

Progress! Have had my canula re-sited to the other hand (which is much better as it was in my left hand and I'm left handed!) new one is much less painful. My left hand is like a balloon but will hopefully go down soon. Have also had a lovely reassuring ctg which shows baby is completely oblivious to the drama and is perfectly happy so im feeling better knowing she's okay. Cons is coming around 4pm to do a scan as well which is good. Bad news is for some reason despite the massive amounts of fluid being pumped in to me I'm still severely dehydrated and my urine is now showing 3+ ketones 1+ protein and 1+ leukocytes and I still can't keep anything down so think I'll be staying in tonight as well

angel I've become union week to try and make work more interesting and also in the hope it will help with moving jobs. Hope u feel better soon.

wtw so glad that your being looked after now, and also LO seams fine. Ouch about your hand. Fx your hydration levels go back to normal so you can get home.

green waves hope your having a good time.

Oh bum temp back up to 38.2. Def staying in tonight as well. But have had scan and baby looks absolutely fine so that's the main thing. My consultant is now on holiday until the day before my section - eek! She's the only one that totally knows my history. What bad timing it was to get ill!! Feeling a bit sorry for myself - need to buck up!

wtw oh dear, poor you. But yay for LO being ok. Has K been into see you?

wtw good to hear LO is totally oblivious to you suffering, not so good you are suffering. Hears hoping you get out of hospital soon - I'm afraid I don't understand the urine analysis but I assume it means you are still dehydrated.

Klien Hello, sorry to meet you here, hope today wasn't too difficult.

blitzy Sounds like GP is a good idea, I think sands and cruse (sp?) do berevement councelling - might be worth checking out

www.uk-sands.org/Support/Talk-to-someone.html

Fan I think people often underestimate how bad doing a job you don't want to be in can be. Been there done that bought the T-shirt, the problem is you just spend so much of your life at work it can't help but drain you, sounds like you're making some really good moves, and you know what they say it's always easier to get a job if you already have one.

Yes she came in as soon as her gym camp had finished and stayed about an hour and a half She went home to have some time with daddy and he's now on his way here having dropped her back at my mums for the night as he'll be off to work again at 7am. What a palava I've caused!

Can't believe tomorrow is Erin's 11 month anniversary and I'm going to be in here.

Enough about me have severely hijacked the thread, sorry - how is everyone else doing? Are you feeling any better angel?

How are you and bumps coping in the heat Miasmum, Blue and trickle?

What is it you most dislike about the job fan? is it the politics more than the actual work? xx

Love to all - so grateful for the support - wish I could buy you all

wtw when my mum was pregnant with my brother she was very ill towards the end and ended up in hospital for the last three months. I was like your K, I would stay at Dads in the evening and Nans at night. My Nan would come and pick me up. I still remember bits of it even though I was only 2. I have a very close bond to my Nan because of this.
Work oh well, its just, I don't know. I love working outsude but I'm not a gardener by study, I should be a countryside ranger and sometimes it gets me down that I have all these degrees and stuff but not the job I wanted. I just feel down I guess because I should be doing something else. It seams my life is never easy. I'm just in the grumps. But yeah the politics really get me down too. I am bored, that's why I became union rep.

YAY! My sister had the baby this afternoon! He's named Hannes and weighs 7lb4oz! So no need to worry about him being on the small side! She's pretty exhausted as she'd been having contractions on/off since Saturday, they induced her with a pessary this morning to speed it up. Had an epidural in the end as they had to cut and baby needed ventouse as well as his heartrate was dropping with every contraction. But they're all fine :)
Can't wait to give him a cuddle in a week's time!

wtw thinking of you! x

My bump is fine, very active baby today... but it is slightly too hot for me... 22 degrees would be ideal!

Aww that's great news blue Bet you can't wait to get over there now xx

Blue yah for your sister & new nephew ... Xxxx
Fan at least you may come across some interesting stuff being an union rep. Especially at this time; fighting for people's jobs, protecting pay etc... Our union rep certainly has his work cut out at the moment..... Again, I think work politics is everywhere I guess you work with a lot of men???? Maybe not as bad ???? Want to try working with a vast majority of women??!!?? Very bitchy & petty at times... We ve got lots of crap happening at work... Basically there's 4 band 6's (me &3 others; senior nurses) & yet persistently there's only 2 of us fulfilling that role... The others leave me & Isla to do audits, admin, pt letters , texting results , sorting stuff out... It's endless ;3 of us are prescribers the other 1 has been attempting to undertake his course since ???mmm... Years ago!!! Put it this way I qualified as a non medical prescriber 5 years ago & I think he was muttering about it then... So 3 of us run our own clinics , take responsibility for prescribing medications where as he doesn t but is on the same pay scale!!!! Wtf???? However, he is shitting himself now as when we move (dec) I think we ll all to have interview for our posts and he's the least qualified & does the least : meetings, mentor ship, audits, teaching etc.... We always telling our manager & " apparently" he has words with said colleague but nothing ever changes!!! There's 3/4 people at that place can/ do get away with murder & yet the rest of us pull together as a team , work hard & get shat upon!!!
Anyhow me & my friend are the most qualified there si we intend to take care of ourselves by promoting ourselves only!!!
Sorry, rambled ;;; office crappy politics!!! Anyhow it a way to pay the mortgage & go on holiday!!!! ( that's how I view it ...oh & also IV e got no choice!!!! Plus to be a sahm would bore me to death!!!!!)
Hope work improves or new opportunities arise???
Whatever xxxx hope u start to pick up... Glad your girl is kicking away..., rest up xxxc
Yes I feel a bit better ta... Booked tomorrow off also so more chilling for me & packing for euro-Disney as no time after tomorrow... Might clean a little if I m ok...
Then work Thursday & AL with Ant Friday... Good god: a 1 day week ... Doesn t get much better??? Xxxi
Love to all xxxx

Hello all this thread is quite busy isn't it - lots going on! Hope wtw is feeling much much better today. Nice to meet you Trickle. And great news on the new nephew Blue! Massively empathise on the work front fan although my situation is different (working for myself now from home) but have wanted to be a sahm for years already. Eurodisney angel, how exciting!!

Just wanted to tell someone that I not only survived yesterday but actually had a really good few hours with my friend, sobbing away together. She has probably changed her mind about birth plan after what happened with E and I - she had number 2 at home, but is now thinking midwife-led unit for number 3. V sad to have to be a scare story. But you never know, it might mean that one day, someone else's baby is saved because of it.
Also, GP appt went well. I didn't know until the day after E died, when GP rang me in tears, that she also lost her firstborn at two days old... suddenly you start finding these things out, don't you? Anyway she was obviously hugely sympathetic, and she had her second child - now grown up - almost exactly a year after losing her first. So is very supportive of us wanting to ttc as soon as we can.

On that note - when did those of you who had CS (particularly EMCS) start trying again? DH is a doctor so we have access to lots of scary research on the topic, about the risks of trying too soon, but at the same time have already been encouraged by GP and one obstetric consultant to start trying as soon as we're ready. They do seem to understand the NEED to try. But we're aware of the risks (as well as the risk of an abruption reoccurring if we ever do get pg, in fact sometimes just thinking about it, I think my head might explode). I don't think we'll be able to wait very long, though.

I gather someone called august might be announcing a new arrival soon so just thought I would wish her well too! x

angel work can be crap sometimes, my boss can be a right PMS twat, he's so bipolar its unbeleivable. Nobody has a clue what they are doing.

poppet that's good to hear about you GP, mine were sympathic too, but then I moved and one of my new doctors is very unsympathic! But that's a whole different story.
I can't answer your question as I had a vaginal birth, hope someone will be along soon to answer for you.

wtw hope u are feeling better this morning.

august can't wait to hear from you.

Waves at everyone else.

Well done for getting through yesterday Kleine As for trying again I had an emcs with Erin at the end of August and fell pg again mid December. I've had no problems with my scar at all. I was a little worried it would start to hurt as my bump grew but it hasn't. As there will be less than 12 months between births I had no choice but to have an elcs this time. But to be honest I would have probably asked for one anyway. It's a hard decision - we weren't actually strictly trying again and emotionally I have found it hard as did dp in the beginning. A bit like we were moving on from Erin too quickly. But now with 3 weeks to go I just can't wait to meet her.

Your works sounds very stressful angel roll on Disneyland!!

Feeling a little better this morning. Really hope my urine and bloods reflect that and I can go home today.

11 months today since we lost Erin - miss you every day little one xxxxx

wtw thinking of you, especially where you are at the moment. I'm glad your feeling better.

Fi would have been 15 months this week, I can't help feeling it keenly, she would have been walking and talking and really starting to show her personality. All these what ifs.

I'm sending out a wish on this beautiful summers day, 'I wish for a baby, for all us ttc'ers'.

WTW, a hard time for you to be in hospital lovely...(not that there's an easy one)... When will they do your counts to let you know if you can go home? Are you feeling any better today? Have you eaten anything?

Kleinpoppet.... Hello. I'm really sorry you find yourself needing our thread, but it's lovely company for the journey we are making. I had a little girl, Merryn, 13 weeks ago, and she lived for six days in the NICU at Great Ormand Street where they tried and failed to remove a huge tumour. Eventually they had to stop trying and she died as we hugged her. I miss her with most breaths still. We have, and now know the depths of how lucky we are to have, two wonderful boys already. We are trying for another baby.
I too had an ecs ( due to pre-eclampsia), and have been told by my consultant that we can try straight away. She even said we could try for vbac, which I thought was a little enthusiastic! From what I've read consultants are prone to say this after stillbirth or neonatal death as they feel empathy for the family, although medical guidelines clearly say to wait at least 6 months. I'm trying again now though. They prescribed high dose Folic acid to get supplies back again also. I am also 39, and I know they take age into account. Anyhow, nice to 'meet' you!

FAN... I'm sorry you are struggling at work too, you don't need that really. I'm hoping you will have good reason to leave soon though. ( you could always move down here and be a parks warden for dartmoor, I always think they have the best job in the world, and it's rumoured they get free icecream)!

BLUE, yippee for new nephew cuddles! How are they doing?

ANGEL, a 1 day week sounds perfect! Hope time is passing quickly for you!

MECHA, don't think I ever said thank you for commenting on Merryns name! Thank you! I don't get to say it or anything very much anymore, so it made me glow to hear you liked it! How are you this week? Im glad time has some structure so you can start to plan....

Hi to everyone else

Here things are fairly yucky.... My mum is just not good at this. Her latest comment is that I can clear all the baby stuff that I had been keeping from the boys now. Great. Also asking why our veg patch is empty this year, (bit busy in the spring). I wish she was better, I could really do with a mum right now. It took me forever to feel ready to mother a daughter after the disaster that is our relationship, and then when I was pregnant and they said it was a girl I was so so happy. It was the right time for me, and I knew I wanted a daughter, and she didn't stay. My mum completely thinks we won't try again, I couldn't make her understand how this feels. You'd think she'd know, she lost my brother to cancer. I hope I am different for my kids. I think I am.