Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

[Ellypoo]

Hoping this thread brings us all luck and hope xxx

Oh meant to say Whatever glad u re a little better xxx take it easy try to do as little as poss at work. The last few weeks of my pg I stopped seeing patients & did admin work instead which allowed me to stay off my feet. 3 little weeks woo-hoo ... You must finish when we go to Euro-Disney ???3 rd August??? Xxx

The tennis was great, a really good match, Federer played sublime tennis.

wtw hope you get to rest before the big day, it seams to have gone so fast, but I know for you its been like a life time.

green ttc is so hard, we want it so bad, our body needs it after the pain of the death of our babies.

Heard some of my friends discussing the tennis and the conclusion on Murray was "body of baywatch, face of crimewatch". I must admit that had me in hysterics! No interest in tennis here, tour de france all the way ;)

I know what you all mean about NEEDING to be pg. I just feel a bit lost. Dex shouldn't even be here yet, I should be on maternity leave and making plans and things. And I can't even TRY to concieve! Gallstones are so painful, and after we lost Dex I ended up back in hospital with pancreatitus, which is just agony and can happen again apparently. Also, the Dr suspects it may have been pain levels that messed up my hormones and caused me to go into labour. They can't tell for sure, maybe they never will, but it is a theory. I just don't want to do anything to jepordise another pg! If they want me to take baby asprin and whistle showtunes while I do in, no problem!

Hope everyone is well this wet and horrible Monday xx

mecha I'm with on the tour de france, my DH is an avid rider he's does about 60 miles a week on his racer. We are routing for Wiggins all the way. Watching it when I get in from work, this time last year I was still on mat leave watching it trying to come to terms with Ophelias death 2 months on.
That's all you can focus on now is to get your body back to some kind of normailty and healthy so you can fall pg.

Hello all. May I join please?

Lost my baby a few weeks ago at 20+3. Still completely shocked by what's happened. My waters unexpectedly broke on 15th June (my DH's birthday). Was expected to go into labour but didn't. Was examined on 17th June to find one of the baby's feet was sticking out of my cervix and therefore nothing they could do but induce me. Baby was still alive at this point although died during the labour. Gave birth to a baby girl that evening who we called Daisy. We are waiting for the results from PM to come back to see if we can find out what went wrong for next time.

I also had a MMC at 7+5 weeks in November last year which we found out about at 12 week scan. We currently have no children (yet!).

Yesterday was the first day I didn't have any tears, therefore think I may be turning a corner and starting to accept what has happened. Still off work - am aiming to go back next Monday but only if I am sure I can cope with it. Luckily my boss is the most understanding boss in the world!!

I've had lots of support from DH, family and friends and this, along with all you lovely Mumsnetters, has helped me to get to this point.

We conceived fairly quickly both times before, therefore I am keeping my fingers crossed that we fall quickly again when we start TTC again in a few months time (as long nothing too bad comes back from the tests). For now though, I have decided to concentrate on something else, therefore I am going back to training my two dogs at agility as we have two competitions coming up at the end of this month. Haven't done anything with them for a while with all this mess happening, therefore I think we've got our work cut out! Bless em!!

Sorry for the essay. Hi Blue - so glad your scan went well.

Hi little a very warm welcome here, although I wish you wouldn't have to be here!
This is a wonderful place with lovely ladies and we support each other through everything :)

little9 welcome to the thread, I hope you find the support you need from this collection of angel mummies.
My daughter Ophelia (Fi) was stillborn 15 months ago at 36 weeks. I have had two early miscarriages since then.
What are you dogs called?

Thanks ladies. Sorry to hear about your miscarriages, fan. It just seems so unfair!

Dogs are called Sammy and Boomer. Sam is nearly 6 and is a crossbreed we rescued at 4 months old and is faaaaaar too intelligent for his own good. Boo is a two year old border collie, who seems to have been at the wrong end of the queue (if in fact he was in the queue at all!) when they were handing out brains! To be fair to him, he does have a lot to live up to with Sammy! As you will probably come to realise, I am slightly dog mad (my husband calls me a dog botherer, in the nicest sense of course!) :o

Hi little and a very sad welcome, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dd xx

My DD Constance was born at 37 + 4 on 29 dec last yr but she had been starved of oxygen and died when she was 2 days old on NYE 2011.
The ladies on here are so supportive and know exactly what we are all going through, it's a real safe haven x
We have been ttc since we got the all clear from consultant in Feb so this is cycle 6 - I can't believe it.

Well, I've been accepted onto the clearblue trial, have talked it through with DH and I think well give it a go - will be a PITA doing a wee sample every day but I said I'd think about ov kits if we weren't pg by sept, just brings it forward a little bit I suppose.
Been for my blood test today - bp was still high, got follow up doc appt on fri so will see if she's any more help than last time!

Hope everyone is ok xxx

Elly I got pregnant on my third cycle of using the CBFM! :) so good luck and Fx! x

little we'd love to have a dog (or 2) but can't as we are currently renting and not allowed, they did happily take in our lovely cuddly cat though :)

Hi Little9.... Welcome to our group... And so sorry your little girl didn't make it. Daisy is such a pretty name. I'm here because 11 weeks ago my little girl Merryn died in the NICU at Great Ormand St when she was 6 days old. She had a tumour that turned out to be inoperable in the end. Im also mum to two boys, age 9and 4. We are on our first proper cycle of trying after Merryn, but Im feeling v. Premenstral, so this hasn't been our month!
I have a very mad dog, who also was short changed on brains. She's a German short haired pointer the size of a cart horse, but is a soft as butter and very pretty, so we forgive her dimness! Your dogs sound lovely!

ELLY, good news about the clearblue trial, I've heard lots of good things and am going to start using one in sept if we don't get anywhere while we are on,holiday in August!

It's my DPs 40th on Sunday. I feel so sad that it's not how we planned it. We had such a lovely party organised, but it was obviously all cancelled. Now I dont know what to do for him. I had half hoped I might fall pregnant soon enough but even then a BFP means very little to me in terms of knowing we will get a baby, so it would have been a scarey present anyway. I think hed find it weird if I gave him anything from Merryn, or even wrote her name on the card. I guess we'll find our way through it, like everything. I was so proud to have given him such a beautiful little girl. I really miss her just now, life going back to 'normal' hurts like hell.

Hello Little, I am so sorry to hear about your daughter Daisy. My son Dexter's story is just one page back. I haven't been here very long either. If you need somewhere to talk about Daisy, the thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/1495278-Love-like-starlight-never-dies-In-loving-memory-of-all-our-darling-children-gone-too-soon?pg=1 is also full of kind and wise women.

We also have a dog! A beautiful, worryingly intelligent red boxer called Myrtle. She is just lovely, 15 months old. I always thought she would love things like agility but sadly she has no attention span at all!

I signed up for the Clearblue Trial, if you go to the clearblue website there is a link on the front page next to the smug looking brunette woman. Even if we are not selected I think I might get myself one after the op as the worlds worst self birthday present. I am tracking my temperature and using the graph on fertility friend but my charts look all wonky. I have the book "Taking charge of your Fertility" which is brilliant, any other recomendations?

Fan my oh is a keen cycler as well, more mountain bikes really but he does cycle commute. I am a Contador fan so a bit lost this year! And all my other favourites have already crashed out! It has been brutal!

I hope the weekend goes well Green. We are dreading birthdays and christmas, this new normal is horrible. But reading this tread has really given me hope. We will all be holding our Rainbow babies soon. Some sooner than others! looks at WTF

Wishing us all a peaceful night.

Mech after loosing Georgie 6 weeks later was my 40 th we re-arranged all our plans and the family went to Bruges ( we ve been before sailing overnight from Hull) can t remember much about it apart from everyone making a big fuss & trying to celebrate my birthday ... We also had Xmas 3 weeks later. That year it was non- existent we didn t send cards, presents , put the decorations up or have Xmas lunch. If , when it comes to these big celebrations it s all too much you do what you want, what you re able to cope with. Cx
Green again ; know exactly where you re coming from I never wanted my life ( nor could see it) ever returning to " normal" as that would mean "moving"( metaphorically) away from Georgie... However, it does happen , you can t stop it .. I figured I so want another baby that if I can find a way to move foreward , taking Georgie with us, I can achieve my aim... To me there was 2 choices : stay stuck in a rut ( which Georgie wouldn t have wanted) or take her & move foreward... Though I m quite tough love & pragmatic....
Was tough love before loosing Georgie as u can imagine much worse now...( when pts go on about having herpes etc I m kind & compassionate then after a while ( as some treat it like the end of the world) I have to say " you won t die" " it won t kill you" sometimes I tell them I ve lost a baby to put things in to perspective...) take care xxxx
Hi all; hope everyone's ok? Nice couple of days of work plenty of spending ( money I ve not got!!!) xxxx weather still crap
Hi Little9 welcome... Daisy is a fab name xxx my DD was stillborn at 41 weeks : Georgie on 10/10/10 due to E-Coli., I had 2 MCs before Georgie (1 mc &1 MMC) .i ve since had my 2nd DD :Phoebe 18/10/11 who is an absolute angel... Hope your stay is incredibly short lived but we are a very empathetic & supportive bunch xxx

I've just read expats thread. It's so bloody shit. Im really angry for them. I didn't want to write that there because it's not helpful, but I'm fuming. That little girl fought so hard and was loved so dearly. It's just crap that they have to go through this after everything they have already been through.

Sorry.

Hope everyone is ok?

green it is hard while going through your own grief, to hear news like this, the world seams too cruel. I have signed up to make a square or two for the blanket, and I hope it can give a little bit of comfort through the storm.

green I feel just the same - really really angry. I dared to pray for Aillidh, and I am in a very bad faith related place since loosing Bobbie. I prayed for the first time in so so long tentatively and saying "prove to me you are worth believing in, make this child well". And now. So so angry. I feel awful posting this, but I hope someone knows what I mean. How can he puport to be a loving God and let such a lovely, brave, precious and loved little girl die?? Her poor poor mother. Can't begin to imagine how awful it is for them.

For my two pence worth!!! I am an non believer .... Never been religious... But if I had I would have definatly lost any faith I had after loosing Georgie. I have seen the FB updates about Alidih it's such a shame , her poor family. Life is so cruel .. How can there be a god when so much crap happens & so many people have truely awful stuff happen & yet others sail through life without a care in the world???
Every time the " god bothers " ( JW) I think ??? Turn up at my door I m half way to asking them to explain stillbirth when Ant stops me... 1 day I will & see them squirm!!!
Anyhow, just my view!!! As you were...

See for me it's different, I had quite a high sense of God being with us when I was in labour with Sterre and explaining me why this was happening to me... And I can understand somehow, it's just difficult to explain. And God is a bereaved parent as well, He gave his only Son for us to be saved. I truly believe God is with us when we suffer, and He feels our pain.
And yes crap happens, unfortunately! :(
spilt I too prayed for Aillidh, a lot, but I prayed that whatever needed to happen, happened, I so wish it would have been her pulling through, but it wasn't to be :(

Angel- I am of the same persuasion as you. I had the JW at my door and I did let rip about if there is a god why the feck did he take my daughter? They didn't know where to look or what to say!

I simply have to say "I don't understand. I will never understand. If I do, then the world becomes an even darker place. I have some sort of belief in a higher presence, although the celebration of Mia's life was non-religious. My father gave me some sort of comfort when he explained that

a/ parallel universes are scientifically possible, so in theory, another me and DH could be happily enjoying a life with Mia. I like that thought. I just wish I could feel that the happiness that the other me is undoubtedly experiencing, watching my beautiful girl grow up.

b/ God gave us the greatest gift possible, that of self determination. That means that God cannot control life and death, as much as we would like to think it is possible. That's why the world can exist with such terrible things occurring, such as murder and war, and the death of our innocent children. I imagine God crying alongside us, at the death of our children, just as we do as God is also bound by a higher set of laws...

Truly hope this hasn't offended anyone, with religious beliefs or otherwise. I don't normally delve into such issues, as everyone has the right to their own views. x

Sorry, I didn't mean to start that off, but since I have .... I don't believe in god, not in any loving father sense, I just can't, because I know that loving parents don't let their children suffer when they can prevent it, it's just that really. I wish I did have some faith as it would be lovely for me to believe in the idea of being with Merryn one day, but it's just not how I think. Every respect and slight envy of those who do have faith though.... Having said that the other da I was on my own in Exeter, and the skies opened just as I walked past the cathedral, and I thought I'd go in and sit for a while. I got the the entrance and they have installed pay gates, it's a fiver to go in! Tears actually came to my eyes it felt so wrong, I felt totally abandoned by whatever faith I ever had. I was surprised at how much it hurt. Anyway, enough of that!

The sun is out today, I hope you all had it shine on you for a while too!

Don't worry green I think we can all be civilised about it on here and tell each other what we believe in without offending each other, no?
Very sad you had to pay to go in the cathedral! That is just wrong, I know it costs a lot of money to keep these buildings up and running, but people who would like to go in and pray should not have to pay for that...

It's a hard one, I was raised catholic and had both Katie and Erin christened by a catholic priest and Erin had a catholic funeral. I felt very strongly that I wanted to but as for faith I'm not sure I do have any anymore. I remember praying harder than I ever have whilst they were trying to resuscitate Erin but it didn't work. Both my mum and dp's mum are very religious. Dp's mum is a lay preacher in united reform church and I know both of them have struggled to reconcile their faith with what has happened.

I hate it when people say 'it's gods plan' or 'she is in a better place with Jesus now' or similar stuff. To me there is no better place a child could be than with loving parents.

I've realised over the last few days how much I've changed since Erin. I don't crave company and busyness anymore. I still spend a good deal of time on my own feeling sad and heavy.

Miasmummy I've been wondering do you pronounce your Mia Mee-ya or My-a?

It's Mee-ya. I know you must be doing some serious thinking about names at the moment. Are there any favourites which are emerging? Or is that a cheeky question?