Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

[Ellypoo]

Hoping this thread brings us all luck and hope xxx

Indeed!!! Up again & again due to teething poor Phebs really is out of sorts xx

wtw we do watch Eastenders, but recorded it, we were asleep on the sofa watching the football, shall catch up with it today!

E was wide awake at 5am this morning... I was in the guest room (DH snoring again) so got her out and in with me, she still has a temperature and throatache... at 7am I went into our room an handed over to DH who took her downstairs.

Poor Ella and Pheb's Hope they are both feeling better soon.

Watch EE with tissues blue! I really didn't sleep well last night. It forced me to think of some things that happened in the operating theatre that I'd forgotten/buried.

Off to Katie's school fair today - glad it's not raining but it is bloomin windy!

Love to all xx

wtw hugs! x shall keep the tissues close by! enjoy the school fair!

I got an apology from the lady who was supposed to cover for me on Wednesday, she said she forgot. :( ah well those things happen!

I'm a bit in shock...
We were at the beach today and my oldest dropped a rock on his hand. We went to a&e and were there until 10pm. He had to be seen by the plastic surgery dept. he will have to go back in for an op under general next week.
I can't face another child going for an operation. They said Merryn would be ok, she never woke up again. I can't do this. I don't believe this. It's too much to soon. I don't know if I can be brave for him. I'm so scared. My children are so fragile and I can't keep them safe.

Oh green. I'm sorry to hear that. Your poor ds. Please remember what happened to Merryn was very rare and not at all routine. I'm sure your ds will be just fine. Try to stay strong for his sake I know it must be so hard for you to deal with. In sure Merryn will be watching over her big brother. You can have my hand to hold if you need it. X

Holding hand would be good.......and gin.
I will pull it together by tommorow, and I was fine while in the hospital (for 5 hours), I just crumbled a bit when we got home. It's just the thought of him being put under a general anaesthetic. I know it should be ok, but I don't trust life too much anymore, I know bad stuff happens.

I can totally understand that, hope you are having a wee gin now. How is your ds?

Totally understand green I'd be a wreck if that was K. Another hand to hold here. Poor DS has he broken it? He will be fine my friend but do totally understand xxx

Thanks WHATEVER... Yes he's broken it, and split one of his fingers badly and lost the nail and nail bed. It looks horrific. He was so brave. His little brother thought he was going to die though.

green I hope DS is ok and not too scared himself. I am here to hand hold.must be really though for you.

Must be really hard green - I'm sure ds will be fine but it's completely understandable that your worried, of course you're going to be, but he will be fine xxx my thoughts with you all xx

Shitty AF on way again for me - feel such a bloody failure, how is it fair that some women fall pregnant 'by accident' and yet we desparately want to have another baby and it won't happen. Also will be 6 months since Constance was born on Fri - yet another date I guess. When will it gets easier????

Oh green your poor DS, what a shocking thing to happen. Totally understand why it's so frightening, and I completely get the "I don't trust life anymore". I hope you slept ok and that DS isn't in too much pain. I'm sure he will be just fine next week, will DH be able to be with you all in hospital when they do the op?

So sorry Elly, it's not fair. You aren't a failure, none of this is of your making, you've been dealt a shite hand. 6 months sounds so long but it's no time at all. Have you planned anything to mark the day?

2 years yesterday since I got my BFP
We were so happy and excited, we never imagined what would follow. I was sick as a dog throughout July and August and survived on orange juice, nectarines and toast. But she was alive and it was amazing

How is ds today green?

Elly you are NOT a failure. Be gentle with yourself xx

2 years split what a rollercoaster

Well K's tonsils have swollen up to epic proportions so have got an OOH's doctors appt at 11.10am. Poor kid DP woken up feeling feverish and shivery today too!

oh green that must be so frightening! We're here all the way to hold your hand!

Elly I know how you feel! I remember my sister moaning last autumn that she wasn't pregnant yet, they had only been trying since their wedding in July! I was so angry at her and I cried when she texted me in November to say she had her BFP and I still hadn't had mine...

spilt it's difficult all these remember days... big hugs x

wtw hope K feels better soon and the doctors can help her! we're skipping church this morning as E still has a temperature... pity as it is our vicar's last service before he retires. We'll see whether we can make it for a little while to the tea party this afternoon.

when will the summer come! I've had enough of cold rainy weather and colds and snotty noses!

for green and ellypoo, I'd like to share something lovely which was written on my own Mia thread about dealing with fear, and I hope it might help you both. No, your loss can't protect you from further pain in the future. But you are no more likely than anyone else to suffer new pain. Maybe one day you will lose the pain and just be left with your wonderful memories. People say that this is what eventually happens with grief. You have said that Mia taught you so much about love - I suspect that a little brother or sister will be able to teach you just as much about hope. This strengthened me a lot. Yes, we were all incredibly unlucky... but that doesn't mean life will be that way going forward. I cling to this thought. xx

Thanks for all the thoughts for my boy... He is perky this morming after being very sick during the night, but his bandages have soaked through again. We are waiting for a call in from the plastic surgery dept at the hospital today, but they might have a full book, and wait until Monday. My dp wants to talk to them about using a local rather than general, (they said they would on an older child), but we'll wait and see what they advise and how DS is about it. He's the type to find it all quite interesting.....

MIA'SMUMMY, what you have written is true and lovely, but I feel like I have had the protective layer ripped from my vision, and it needs to grow back a bit, although I will never forget what I've 'seen', things will hopefully not be as sharp in time.... I completely agree about the positive view a child can bring though...... Merryn has brought into focus for me the love in our family and the friends we share, and a new baby would bring so much more love again.

Elly... Sorry this isn't the month for you... Its crap. I am coming into BDing week.... Not feeling that keen as I speak, but will muster some romance for this evening, all being well! I'm trying not to turn SWI into something that's just to do with baby making, but it's a bit overwhelming right now.

Elly sorry about your AF xxx you re not a failure just had the worst imaginable thing ever happen to you... It will get better , I would never have believed anyone had they said that to me... But it does, the whole grief /pain becomes manageable. You start to enjoy life again, look foreward ... It takes time yes, a cliche I know but it is true... Take care xxx

Oh , posted too early....
Green sorry about your DS ... He will be fine. However, again what you re feeling is perfectly normal , as others have said what happened to Merryn is rare but you just have to acknowledge that & ( unfortunately) work through it when your son's in hospital. Love to u all xxx
Hi all; totally knackered here Phebs awake from 2-5 am , teething I hate it ... Trying to muster up the engery to go swimming now... I hope this ends ( for now) soon as my darling angel has been replaced by a whingy cry bag!!!! Can t contemplate work tomorrow , so hope she sleeps tonight. Xxx

Back from doctors with K. Seems she has a severe viral throat infection and her tonsils have swollen so much to try and fight it. 3 doctors came to look at them to umm and aah about whether to send us to hospital as they are so swollen but concluded that there's not much that can be done to bring them down as its viral and sent us home with instructions to go straight in if they swell any more or if she's having trouble breathing. So I'm on tonsil watch for the rest of the day!! Poor baby

Mias that is so lovely. I hate the fear that's come with losing Erin. I was always quite relaxed in my parenting style with K but now I find myself thinking 'what if' a lot of the time. It's such early days for all of us though and I think it's to be expected. What pisses me off is when people who have no clue what it is to lose a child try and tell us how we should be or dismiss our fears as paranoia or tell us to think positive.

Sorry Phebs still not too good angel it is tiring isn't it xx

Hope they will consider fixing ds's hand under local green. Presumably if they do you can stay with him which would be better. Hope he's not in too much pain xx

wtw hope K feels better soon! give her a big hug from us! x
E is still not well either, she says her throatache has gone but now she's got earache. Still high temperature too. She went back for a rest this morning all by herself, can't get her to go to sleep this afternoon though.

wtw I hope Katy, is feeling better soon.

elly Booo to AF, hope you are ok.

green Hope your ds is ok and you are holding it together today. Thinking of you both.x

I am feeling very confused today, I have started spotting and my af is not due until next friday. I don't want to get my hopes up with implatation bleeding and all, but it is very hard not too! I really am hoping and wishing with all my being that this it...........

Ooh Blizy fx crossed for you xx

Poor E blue this is a nasty virus. K just in bath then has asked to go to bed. Dp been in bed all day he's feeling quite rotten too. Hope I don't get it only just got over the chest infection!