Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Mums of angels! wishing, carrying and holding rainbows.

999 replies

fanjodisfunction · 23/03/2012 20:05

May this thread bring us luck and lots of support through the journey of life after the death of our little ones.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanjodisfunction · 20/05/2012 00:14

Spatz has just died in DH 's arms.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 20/05/2012 00:28

how dreadful.so so sad
take any support offered
any debriefs
you will need fortitude at such bad time

AngelGeorgie · 20/05/2012 11:05

Fan so sorry xxx poor Spatz. Try & comfort yourself with the fact for his very short life you cared for & loved him. He could have ended up with someone who didn t care or mistreated him.
My Scottie will look after him in cat heaven ( it helps me , though I m not religious 1 bit)
Take care xxxxxx RIP Spatz xxxx

shakeyjake · 20/05/2012 11:25

Aww fan hugs angel is right you did all you could for Spatz and gave him so much love in his short life x

Whatevertheweather · 20/05/2012 14:13

Oh Fan I'm so sorry Sad Poor Spatz and you and dh. You did everything you could xxxx

Original poster
fanjodisfunction · 20/05/2012 14:31

thanks ladies

We bured Spatz this morning in the garden. We wrapped him in his little blanket and I found a show box to put him in. It is so sad he was so young, but that was the problem. Im just so annoyed that I went against my gut and bought him, but we did try our hardest to keep him here, I wouldnt be surprised if he had something wrong with him, probably in his stomach, because he was eating loads but still losing weight. My poor DH is so distraught, he spent his whole week off nursing Spatz, feeding my by syringe in the last few days. We stayed up with him every night but it didnt help. My poor little Spatz, hes now with my other Cats Rio and Maggie.

We are still down to get another kitten in a few weeks so Im going to ask the lady if I can take two. Hoefully that will be ok, as I dont think I will ever buy a kitten or animal off of Gumtree again.

OP posts:
CheeseandGherkins · 20/05/2012 16:18

fan so sorry about poor Spatz :( Really awful. We had 2 kittens that we rehomed from a shelter and one of them disappeared the day we went in to be induced with Scarlett. He's never come back, was only about 18 months old. I always thought it was odd that he disappeared then and that maybe he's with her. We still have the other one and also have 2, nearly a year old now, cats. (hugs) xx

Bluetinkerbell · 20/05/2012 18:29

oooh fan so sorry your little Spatz died! :(
We got our Zebedee from the Cats Protection, they do make sure that you get them at the appropriate age and are weaned and pay for the injections/neutering as well!
They advised us it's best to take 2 at a time so they keep each other company, but we could only home one at the time. Maybe one day we can have another one when we have our own house.

wtw thanks! luckily all my family live abroad so I don't see them very often. I explained to my mum I didn't want to tell lots of people yet and she understood... although she said it was difficult not to let it slip!

sadbuttrying and twinkle welcome! good luck in ttc!

we're going on holiday tomorrow so looking forward to some quality time with DH and DD1 :)

Original poster
fanjodisfunction · 20/05/2012 18:57

blue I did look at cats protection but they didn't have any house cats on there, so we decided to go for kittens. Hopefully this lady at work still has more than one available. I do hope so. If not might have to go down the gumtree route again but do it properly next time. I miss little Spatz already, so glad I've got my rats. AF started today aswell so at least I know where my cycles at, bring on the zone as DH would say!

OP posts:
orion3 · 20/05/2012 21:32

fan I'm so sorry to hear about Spatz. I had everything crossed for you.
Xx

greengoose · 21/05/2012 11:02

FAN... I'm sorry to hear about Spatz... I thought about you all lots over the WE. Mr Fan and you tried so hard for him... I hope your doing ok.

Well, we are back from the WE at my BILs.... We spent most of Sunday with them, the first time we have seen them since Merryn was born, and they didn't mention her name or acknowledge what has happened once. It was like nothing had happened. We were so shocked that we didn't say anything either, and it all became very bizarre. My DP is going to phone them this week and talk about it. They were laughing and joking around with their kids and our two boys, and without making them sit still and stop there just was no way to say anything easily. I thought it would have been a kind of sad time, and we could have looked at her photos and talked about her and what had happened.... clearly not. I think if we don't sort this out she will never be talked about... I was really upset by it and the surrealness of the day. They even wanted to go for a long hike up a hill and DP had to remind them I was still ill and had had a csection! I wanted to scream her name at them... She's their niece...

I've also started my period, which I'm kind of glad about, but I cant believe my body is going back to normal this quickly either. Good from a ttc point of view though....

Does anyone know how long my consultant will say we have to wait before ttc? Is there a length of time to wait after preeclamsia? I hope it's not more than 6months... I want to start trying in Sept and it'll take a lot to convince me otherwise...

Original poster
fanjodisfunction · 21/05/2012 11:52

green hugs. What a terrible weekend it was for you. I have four brother in law and one came to Fi's funeral the youbgest eight couldn't handle it he said and he can't talk about her. The other two have never said anything to me, one of them helped us go away straight after she was born but the other one he has never even uttered her name in my presence. My brother doesn't really talk about her but he does live in australia but he does acknowledge her, and apparently he is very stressed at the moment as his little boy was born five months after and well they are coming home next year and he's worried about me meeting him. Also on Fi's birthday he donated money to sands. Its so sad how family don't know what to do. I hope your dh talking to them will help.

OP posts:
Countmyblessings · 21/05/2012 13:11

Fan - so sorry to hear Spatz didn't make it through after all the live and attention you and your hubby gave him! I'm sure there was nothing else you could of done , so please take comfort in that!
I would love to get a pet my I'm allergic to animal fur of all variety!!!
Fan & GG - it's good your AF has come!!!!
I have had not a sniff at the moment still waiting!! And have to wait 2 whole cycles before TTC ohhhh well!!!!

Appleseed365 · 21/05/2012 14:09

It's now just 13 weeks since our darling daughter Elsie was born sleeping. I am 40 years old and have been told we should start trying soon to give ourselves the best chance of making a family.

I am scared and emotionally ruined from what has happened but know I really need to get a grip of this if I want to have a life with children. I have only had one period so far but know as each month passes I must start to try!

Please can anyone out there help me to frame this in a positive way. Someone did send me a message saying they got pregnant very soon after a still birth and it was scary and hard but they were getting through it in a positive way, but I can't find them here... I guess no time to start will be the right time, and I can really hardly imagine actually growing another baby in me right now. Seeing old photos of me with my huge bump just rips my heart out. How can I be brave... How can I speed up the grieving and get strong?

If you have had a still birth or neo natal death and went on soon after to be pregnant again, and were older... Can you get in share any advice for one struggling, scared, worried woman.

Thanks ladies...

Lots of love.

Xx

Whatevertheweather · 21/05/2012 14:51

Oh ladies feeling totally sick with nerves waiting for my scan. Stupidly came on my own and they are running v late. My mind is in overdrive and I'm shaking all over. No reason to think all is not well just so scared!

Appleseed - hugs. Will reply properly later x

greengoose · 21/05/2012 14:56

Appleseed, I'm so sorry about your little girl. Elsie is a lovely name. It is very hard to think about making another baby while in the early stages of grieving....
I am 39 and am trying to get my head into thinking about trying after my baby girl Merryn died at 6 days old a month ago. I dont know if our consultant will say to try soon when we meet next week or not. I badly want another baby, but really for now what I need is to hold her..... And obviously I can't.

Many of the lovely ladies on here tried again soon after loosing their little ones, there are many brave stories shared on this thread, and lots of support for you when you need it.

greengoose · 21/05/2012 14:58

Whatevertheweather.... (crossposted), my love try not to worry..... I'm sure it will be ok for you, and you'll see your little one soon!

Original poster
fanjodisfunction · 21/05/2012 15:33

appleseed so sorry about your loss. This is a very quick post as I'm at work, but I couldn't leave you hanging. It may seem at the moment that getting pregnant will never happen or it will be too hard. But there are lots of ladies on this thread who fell pg very quickly. And it can be a very scary time, try and go at your own pace. Don't put too much pressure on your self if you do not fall pg straight away. Hugs to you at this time, we are here to listen and support, we have or are all going through the same emotions.

wtw hugs to you, I'm going to post better later.

Love to you all!

OP posts:
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 21/05/2012 15:52

whatever lovely, I am here with you, holding your hand. Xx

Appleseed yes, it is scary. I am 42, and had Mia when I was 40. I always knew I wanted another child, but that became even more important when she died unexpectedly last October at 13 months. At first, I cried every time we swi. But you still have time, and you can only start ttc when you are ready... I am a very nervous 11 weeks pg. There is another thread for 40+ and trying to conceive, with lots of support and useful advice, if you want to join that too.

Original poster
fanjodisfunction · 21/05/2012 15:52

wtw I hope you are having the scan right now and seeeing DD3 squirming around in there. If you are not I'm here to hold your hand. It won't be long, it just feels like it will be.

OP posts:
AngelGeorgie · 21/05/2012 16:00

appleseed hi....so sorry xxx I ve been exactly where you re at now. My DD ;Georgie was stillborn at 41 weeks in Oct 2010. I was 39. I'd previously had 2 MCs the 18 months before & nothing in life will ever compare to the pain of loosing her.i became pg 4 months after Georgie with my delightful Phoebe who's now 7.5 months old. I was 40 when I had Phebs.
Take it easy 1 day at a time... It's still very early after your loss, surround yourself with support , good friends & family.
Take care xxxx
Whatever how are you? Hope u re ok?
Love to all xxxx

Whatevertheweather · 21/05/2012 17:02

Thank you so much ladies, worked myself up in to a right state on the long wait, was convinced there would be something wrong but all appears fine, massive big phew!! Was sick afterwards and felt very faint so they kept me there for 30mins. Felt very silly, I think it was relief and adrenaline. Feel fine now. Baby girl has grown beautifully and is estimated to be 1lb 10ozs which is apparently nicely average for 25 weeks.

Got to cook dinner now - will post again later xx

Thank you again for just 'getting it' I shan't go on my own again!

TooImmatureTurtleDoves · 21/05/2012 19:47

Wtw, I could never have gone on my own! So pleased everything is going well.

Fan, I am so sorry Spatz didn't make it. Sad You've really been through the mill recently - have everything crossed for some good luck to come your way soon.

Appleseed and Trying, I am so sorry for your losses. You can't speed up the grieving but it does hit you less over time. I got pg v quickly after my darling Thea was stillborn in March 2011 and it was v hard emotionally and physically. The relief of having my baby Maia (now 10 weeks old) here safely is indescribable. She is so worth every moment of fear and pain, though. Eyes on the prize, ladies!

AngelGeorgie · 21/05/2012 21:28

Excellant news Whatever xx

orion3 · 21/05/2012 21:33

Good new whatever I hope you have a relaxing night.