Mums of angels! wishing, carrying and holding rainbows.

[fanjodisfunction]

May this thread bring us luck and lots of support through the journey of life after the death of our little ones.

lemon thinking of you and your angel today. Hugs

blue how annoying, my husband is the same with snoring it is so loud sometimes he wakes himself up and then denies it is so bad, and I just feel like strangling him as I need my sleep lol.

count I am appalled at you're drs I was automatically given 6 week note for the operation and as much extra time I needed to mentally be ready to return to work. Hope you are taking care.

Lemon.... My thought are with your today... Be kind to yourself xx

Lemon take care xxxx we visited Georgie's place ( a special place we have for her) on her birthday & went out for lunch. I often find the build up to the " big" days worse than the actual day itself as it looms.... Just been booking my AL at work & booked Georgie's 2 nd birthday off in Oct however my hubby can t get the day off so we ll go to her place after work. I know I don t ever want to work the 10 th October again. Take care xxxx
Hugs to all who need them xxxx

Greengoose hugs for you...1 foot in front of the other that's all you need to do now , it's all you can do. I , so vividly remember those early raw painful days it so horrible. Do whatever helps you get through xxxxxxxx
Cuddles for Merryn xxx

Meant to say she did exsist all our babies were here & made such a huge impact IRS amazing. Xxx

Hugs for lemon, remembering your angel boy... a year, a lifetime. Loved forever. x

And hugs for greengoose and Merryn, a beautiful girl who was, and is, adored. Yes, she existed, and she mattered. Of course you don't know how to move on... you are on a path you never expected. Just be gentle on yourself, and allow yourself to feel however you feel. It really doesn't matter an iota what others may think - although most people will be feeling desperately sorry for you, wishing they could help. x

And to all the snoring, drinking and generally inconsiderate men-folk out there!!

Thanks for the kind thought ladies. It's not been too bad today, given that both boys were at school. I have managed to bake some chocolate rolls and pizza, so that's a positive. (not sure Ill be able to eat it though!)

Hope everyone days are going well. Hugs to Lemon, hope work was ok?

green hugs to you, anniversarys are so hard, the build up as angel said is sometimes harder than the actual day. Just take it slow, every day as it comes and do what feels right, don't force yourself to do stuff too early.

lemon thinking of you.

count I think you should go back to the docs and get more time off.

I'm nursing a sick kitten, if he doesn't pull through he will not suvive. He's dehydrated and off his food, I just had to take him to the vets. I so hope he pulls through. Got lots of medicine to give him, he's lost weight and the vet thinks he was more like four weeks when we got him. I'm a little upset about it really.

Poor Spatz it's awful when your animals are I'll. So hope he pulls through xxxxx

Angel I remember when you were pregnant with Phebs. Can not believe how quickly time has gone and there was someone else who had a rainbow baby named Freya.

I hope the kitten gets well soon. I hate it when the cats are ill and my husband is worse than me. So it is a case of trying to get tablets down the cat together.

fAN how's Spatz doing?

spatz update. DH stayed up till 4 this morning loooking after him, feeding him milk every 4 hours. I got up at four to take over. I've got work at 8 so we thought we would split it up as DH isn't working for the next few days. He is a little better this morning, last night we had to force feed him, but he's feeding himself now. I'm really hopeful that he will pull through. A bit of advice girls, never buy a kitten that looks very small, and never buy one with out seeing its mother.

Ahhhhh Fan - glad Spatz looks better today and is eating that must take a huge weight of your mind!!! So she was younger then she was suppose to be cause I know they can be removed from mother at a certain age, so Sounds like she was removed to early! That's so sad! Fingers crossed she just continues to improve!
Why am I awake at nearly 5 am ?????? Can't sleep!

Glad Spatz managed to get some milk down. You and DH must be tired out! Hopefully he will continue to improve today.... Well done!

((hugs)) for yesterday lemon, I hope the day was gentle on you.

Pleased Spatz is starting to feed himself fan, I hope he continues to improve.

Hello everyone!

Sorry I've been absent, but I have been thinking of you all, especially you, Fan. Your poor little kitten! I hope he pulls through.

Lemon, hello. I don't think we've met before, but I hope that yesterday was not as bad in reality as in anticipation. What was your angel son's name?

Count, you have been through such a horrible time - you deserve time off without any fuss from your doctor! for you. Hope you are feeling a little better today.

Elly, I got a necklace made by a friend of DH's - it's a silver silhouette of Thea's hand print. The website is here. We have one each and one for DM and MIL. MIL got hers engraved by a local jeweller with Thea's initials and date of birth. I wear mine on the same chain as a silver heart engraved with Thea's name, which was a present from SIL.

Orion, I'm in Edinburgh too! Almost, anyway - just outside it.

Mel, lovely to hear from you! I've been wondering how you were getting on - so pleased that you're nearly there with a little sister for Ruby! The last weeks are the hardest. Have you stopped work yet?

Maia is doing well - 9 weeks old now and very cute. She's grown heaps and is starting to take a lot more notice of the world. I still have to check to see if she's breathing a lot - don't think that will ever stop!

Hi to everyone....

Well, I braved seeing three friends for coffee, and then did the school run today (with DP), for the first time.... So although I'm feeling quite proud of myself I am total wiped out. Of my friends only one talked about Merryn, and even asked to see her photos, which was so lovely of her, but my other friends managed to talk for an hour without any mention of Merryn or what has happened. I long to show off her photos but I feel like I usually have to shove them at people a bit. Some of my closest friends will never see my daughter if I don't make a point of doing this, which is bizarre.
We have magnetic letters on the fridge, and yesterday my oldest boy must have put up merryns name alongside his and his brothers.... I told him I had noticed, and he said, well she is my sister you know... I was so pleased and proud of him. It's so lovely to see her name there.
The school run was full of meaningful looks but nobody made it any harder than it had to be.... I guess if I do it for a week I'll have seen everyone and then it will be a bit easier.
Hope everyone's day is going well...

fAN, how's SPATZ???

Also, I'm so so glad I've found you lovely ladies, because my RL friends are nothing short of horrified that I might want to try for another baby.... And I didnt even say as soon as possible!

So thank you all!!!

green it is hard when your friends don't know how to handle it all. I was quite lucky with my friends but then I only have 5 that I consider friends. People I work with have been less thoughtful I have found. Maybe they are waiting for yout to be ready?

spatz is a little better, my DH is amazing he's been feeding him witha syringe, cleaning him, I've just told him he's amazing. DH is now Spatz' mum! Its still touch and go though, taking him to the vets again on thursday and if they don't see an improvment then we might have to make the desicion. really hoping it doesn't come to that

too was thinking about you yesterday, so glad .aia is doing so well, got any new pics of her on your profile?

Still waiting for AF to arrive! Bloody annoying!

yes Lemon time certainly does fly!!! Phebs is 7 months old now!!! Love to u xx
Fan glad Spatz is improving xxx
Hi all hope everyone is well? We re fine just busy, busy, busy!!!! Xxx

fAN.... You and DH are doing an amazing job with Spatz...I hope he continues to get stronger!

Today is the day I would have had Merryn if we had made it this far. Not her due date (6th June), but the date we reached 37 wks and were scheduled for c-section. I wish I had managed to hold onto her long enough. She'd have been so strong by now. I was looking at my section scar, and it's healed so well, it shouldn't even be there yet. She was so absolutely perfect apart from the tumour... It's so bloody crap. I really miss her.

Green hope you got through today ok. We had a picnic and released a balloon for Ruby on her due date.
Too I finished up work on Monday which was a fortnight before I had originally planned. Need to take things easy and chill out.
Now for a tmi alert!! I think my mucus plug is coming away. I had the bleed last week, and I'm still getting discharge but it's browny coloured. It's really mucussy (if that's a word) as if it's the end of a period and clear mucus at the same time (if that makes sense). Any opinions/advice about this? That's me 35 +2. I'm at daycare tomorrow for a ctg but wanted to be prepared.

green thinking of you, I hope today has been gentle.

Spatz has improved today, but he's slightly out of it at the moment, its the meds after he's taken them he just goes kind of comatose. We are watching DIY SOS I'm crying this man with mota-neurone disease, he's amazing! Makes you think how good you've got it, if he can get on with life so can anyone!
really got everything crossed for my Spatz I really need him to ger better

Melmal, releasing a ballon sounds lovely for your little girl...

I'm not feeling so hot today. I am really missing my girl. If I had managed to not get ill and she had been born today as planned it would all have been so different. A baby shouldn't have to die to save her mummy. That's not how it should be is it? I really need to hold her right now. I'm so angry, and I don't have anyone to blame but me. She fought a huge great tumour for months inside me, and I couldn't even keep her inside for an extra bloody day when I got ill. She did so well, and I didn't do my bit. I don't know why I'm thinking about another baby, I shouldn't be thinking this when Merryn should be here. I just feel so guilty.

green please don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault. Its such a shitty situation, I still have moments where I blame myself for my three babies deaths, but deep down I know there is nothing I could have done differently. Doesn't mean I would not do things differently next time but I know nothing is going to change the fact that they have gone.

Hugs to you, vent it all out on here we understand.