Mums of angels! wishing, carrying and holding rainbows.

[fanjodisfunction]

May this thread bring us luck and lots of support through the journey of life after the death of our little ones.

fan to hear about little Tia, how heartbreaking.

Hello again Elly

Thanks wtw and angel. It was a rubbish job to be fair. They have had two maternity covers in for me, one after the other as they kept leaving to do something more interesting! They have now given up and are muddling through waiting for me to come back (so says my mole on the inside) so I thought I better get on and write the letter.

Had a rubbish night last night and feeling very today. Fortunately Freya seems similarly exhausted by her own antics and is being quite placid.

Thankyou elly and wtw

My poor friend at work felt so sorry for him when he said that Tia had not made it, she survived a week and then her heart started to give up, all the family were with her when she died. Feel so sorry for them. It was very brave of them to try and give her a chance of life.

My friend posted it on facebook I believe she's a friend of the couple. I asked her about it and she asked if I could put it on mumsnet. Its not getting a lot of notice though. Maybe I should report and see if mumsnet hq can do something.

Ok Ive just reported my group strep b thread to see if we can highlight it better and get more signatures. FX mnhq can do something.

Oh ladies - we had a call today to say Erin's stone was ready and we could go and view it. When we got there it was HUGE I mean seriously big, wouldn't look out of place on an adults grave

I'm so sad and disappointed we've waited nearly 6 months for it and it's just not right. I had an image of a small delicate silvery blue stone, with lovely pale pink lettering and twinkling stars and butterflies. In reality it looks like a huge slab of dark granite, massive ostentatious lettering, the letters are a pinky orange colour (the butterflies are beautiful though!) It cost us £1200 and we were happy to pay that but we wanted it to be perfect for her. I don't want to spend the next 40 odd years wincing at the size of her headstone They are going to take it to the cemetery on Friday so we can see it with perspective but I know it's too big compared to all the other stones in the children's area. I can't stop crying about it - stupid I know. I feel like we should have been more careful choosing it, looking back I don't think we ever knew the exact dimensions so it's probably as much our fault. I so wanted to get her little plot sorted for summer

Sorry for long self indulgent post

wtw ((((hugs)))) if you are not happy and think it will effect the look of the grave and how you want it to look for Erin then you are in your rights to say that its too big and you would like it changed. Im so sorry it isnt want you wanted, I hope that it looks better in situ.

Oh whatever I totally know why you're so upset you just want it to be perfect. Maybe when you see it in perspective at the cemetery it might give you a better idea.

I wanted to ask you about what you said regarding elective sections. I had two emcs and I'm told this one will have to be elective, even though it's six years since my last one. How many have you had?

wtw not sure if this will put your mind at rest, but as you know the children section is totally different to the adult section and has different dimensions, so Im sure once the stone is in place on friday it will look totally different and in proportion. I hope so at least. The stone masons know that that area has different proportions. I know its going to be hard but maybe try to put it to the back of your mind untill friday and go with fresh eyes.

I'm not sure Fan it really is nearly as big as the adults, bigger than some! On the base it has two flower holders each with 22 big holes in so you can imagine the size! A babies one should have maybe 10 holes maxi thought. I just wish we'd gone somewhere where you could see the actual stones rather than selecting it from a brochure. We would never have picked it in a million years.

K was a straightforward vaginal birth in 2007 then E was emcs in 2011 so just the one section Orion. Have they said why they've told you to go for elective? It may be simply that they think it will be a less uncertain option for you than a vbac.

I really wish I could help you out wtw, which stone masons did you use?

Fan that's so sad about your friends. I had Strep B.... With every 4 weekly test with Phebs.( the lucky thing is I can test myself)
Whatever sorry about your headstone. We had Georgie cremated so didn t have to choose a headstone. Hope u feel better about it when you see it in place. Xxx
Orion I was offered an elective section when I saw my consultant for follow up appointments after Georgie for subsequent pregnancy ( though I obviously wasn t pg at the time)... We also agreed on 37 weeks ish... Surely after what's happened your consultant should offer you the same. There's no way I was prepared to go full term as I went 1 week over with Georgie & I believe that was a contributory factor to her dying.as it ended up I was in & out of hospital from the minute I finished work at 36 weeks!!!!
Hi all ; love to u all.
Been to Drs with Phebs because of persistent cough as I expected just to sit it out.chest clear ( as I knew!!) so no infection... Hope it goes soon as Phebs having disrupted sleep as we are!!! Not conducive for getting up & out at 7 am for work & nursery!!!!
Xxxx

Thank you ladies, sorry for the moony rants, had a very tearful night and am exhausted today but got a ton of work to get through before we can go on holiday!

Had a call from them this morning. They have now begrudgingly realised they've used the wrong size stone (no shit!!) and that actually it's too large for the cemetery regulations for the baby area! So they've offered to send it away, cut the stone again, remove all the lettering and re-do it. Cost hasn't been talked about. Now I don't know whether to tell them to stuff it we'll go elsewhere, we've waited over 5 months when we were quoted 2-3 months and it's wrong or let them try and fix it. I just don't have the energy to deal with this right now.

wtw I would stick with them, unless they offer you a full refund they were the ones who mucked up the size in the first place. But I'm sure what ever you decide you will end up with the stone you wanted.

Sorry I've not been about much.

Orion how are you after the crash? I was 12 weeks with Ella when a car pulled out right in front of me and I had no chance of stopping. The car was wrecked, all the dcs were in it (we were on the way to school and were supposed to have a hospital appointment right after it) and I was so shocked. Thankfully all ok now and no serious injuries, baby was fine too, they scanned me at the hospital after we went but it was very scary. The other driver took full responsibility for it too which saved a lot of hassle, I had two witnesses give me their details as well.

greengoose I'm so sorry for your loss :( welcome to the thread. My daughter Scarlett was stillborn at 37 weeks in Dec 2010, I can still hardly believe it at times. We now have a 13 week old daughter called Ella. The tradition so far on this thread is that everyone has had a rainbow baby of the same sex as the one they lost :) I have a blanket that was made for me from people on MN and it is gorgeous. There are photos of it on the website they've created.

I've had vaginal deliveries but changed hospitals after Scarlett, I'm firmly believe that if I hadn't then Ella wouldn't be with us now, they were awful and the care I received was sub par. I'm going to write a letter to them but haven't been able to yet. My new consultant was excellent and agreed on delivering before 37 weeks. They tested me for gestational diabetes (she thinks it went undiagnosed with Scarlett and that this factored in her death) and found I had it at 13 weeks, straight onto insulin. I was induced and she was born at 34 weeks due to unstable diabetes. She spent 2 weeks in scbu but made it and is with us now. I'll always be grateful to the staff and my consultants for making the right decision on getting her out.

fan how are things with you?

cheese hey! I'm ok, just waiting for AF. And looking after Spatz the kitten and my lopsided rat. Bungle would have been at the 8th week mark this week. Its hard sometimes, but hey ho got to struggle on.

Love the pic of Ella on your FB profile pic. She's gorgeous!

wtw - sorry to hear about the headstone, how disappointing. Good that they have accepted that they were wrong and are going to redo it, I really hope that it doesn't take too long and that you get the stone you were hoping for.
We haven't even started looking for Constance's headstone yet - I don't feel able to, although we have briefly discussed what we want. Apparently there is another grave next to Constance now (one of my other Angel mums told me - I can't visit much yet), it's just heartbreaking to know of another family going through all this.

WTW... I'm so glad that is sounds like the stonemasons are going to sort it out, but you really dont need them to be making things harder do you? You obviously thought about what would be just right at the time....stars and butterflies sound beautiful for your little girl.
Try not to wrk too hard before your holiday...... I bet you can't wait?

Cheeseandgerkins.... Thanks for telling me about Scarlett, and Ella..... All our children seem to have such gorgeous names on this thread!
I've been feeling guilty that I'd particularly want to go on to have another baby girl.... Maybe this thread will be lucky then! ( we already have our lovely boys, and I had secretly hoped for a girl with Merryn). I think if I am lucky enough to be pregnant again and bring a baby home I won't care if it's a girl or boy though!

I had my final docs check for Mirror Syndrome/preeclamsia today, and when I walked in it was a different doc to usual and a student, and she hadn't read my notes, so I had to explain about great ormond street and Merryn and everything that happened. I tried not to cry, but she asked so many difficult questions. In the end she just checked my bp, and I was so desperate to get out of the room I didn't tell her she should take bloods and pee sample etc too. Bloody doctors can be useless sometimes.

Thank you again ladies xx

Greengoose I'm sorry you had such a rubbish time with the doctors. It's so hard when the care isn't joined up. Can you book to go back and have your bloods etc done with your own doctor soon? It's important you get thoroughly checked over. Don't feel guilty about secretly wanting a girl - it doesn't mean you wouldn't be thrilled with another ds. I posted on here before my 20 week scan that I was secretly hoping for another girl, wouldn't have admitted it in RL though. Oh and yes cannot wait to go away!! One more working day to get through!

Waves Cheese are you okay lovely? Seen your fb - lots going on?? xx

Poor Phebs angel this weather isn't helping with chesty coughs. Hope she feels better soon x

I'm glad that you're getting the headstone sorted out whatever. It really is so important that it's right for you.
cheese I think all is okay since the car accident. I called NHS 24 and they said it would be fine as long as there was no blood or cramping. The MW on the phone was very nice but I could tell that she thought I was a bit over concerned. She asked if it was my first pg. I told her that it was my 3rd but stopped short of telling her that the normal rules by which I lived my life had been completely changed as of 23rd December. Anyway I think it's all okay.
I have been swithering between finding out the sex at 20 week scan or not. I go between thinking I'd love to have another boy to thinking that it would be easier to have another girl and not have any comparisons. I might just wait to see what we get. I must admit to liking the idea that this is a lucky thread though.

greengoose it's actually such a disgrace that medical people don't read our notes. Maybe we could all write a book called "how to make things less difficult for people who've lost a child"
I hope everyone is having a relaxing evening, it's been pouring in Edinburgh all day!

Thanks Whatever got her an air purifier so try that tonight. Xxxx

Greengoose I completely understand wanting another girl - I go through phases of wanting another multiple pregnancy again (not necessarily triplets mind!), but realistically we have a DD and our surviving triplet DS already, adding more than one child to the mix would be hard work! Doesn't stop the craving and the "what if..." thoughts though.

wtw glad they're sorting out the headstone, I hope it's just as you imagined once it's done xx

Everyone else, hope you're all doing OK?

Wtw- it will all come together these people will understand how important it is too you and your family to have it just right! As its there mistake that was made!
Fan - how you feeling? Another day down!
GG - I totally understand how talking about it to someone that should read your notes and be abit more understanding how delicate you
are! Went gp yesterday to be sign off from work
She said" would a week do" ?? Just a week on
From surgery and child loss and u think I only need a week???
She begrunged me but gave me till the end of the month!!!!! Wow I thought, keep the note and just give me back my tune and my unborn child!!!!!! Sorry mad rant!!!!!!

count I'm ok, just plodding along, but being back at work again sucks, I'm not motivated and just end up thinking about my babies all the time. Can't believe your doctor, some of them just have no idea. I'm glad you got the time off. You rest up.

green your very good to hold your tongue with those doctors. I've only been to one doctor since Ophelia died who had read my notes before I came through the door. All the others made me tell them all over again. Very frustrating. The last doctor I went to when I started miscarrying Bungle was lovely, he tried to get me a epu scan but the hospital wasn't having any of it. I'm hoping when I next fall pg that I will be consultant led, and I'm going to make sure I don't have the nasty doctor who told me that my gardening job was not hazardous women in thailand have babies all the time that are fine! The bitch. Sorry for the swearing she still gets my back up now!

wtw enjoy your holiday! It is today you go off isn't it? I'm glad the stonemasons have decided to mend their mistake I hope now you can have a more restful holiday, and not have to worry about the grave stone.

angel hope the air purifier works. When I was a toddler I had croup and my dad bought me one, and when I was ill I always slept better when it was on in the room.

Waves at everyone else.

It's finally Friday - where's the wine!!
How are you all doing?
Re hospital notes, i've heard that you can get some stickers for the front of your notes from SANDS (might have heard it on here actually ) so that it's really obvious when people pick them up, although these might only be for future maternity notes, not sure. That was really useful, wasn't it!! I just can't believe how insensitive docs and some people can be.

Another day down fan, you and your husband sound so pragmatic and forward looking, I so hope you get your rainbow safe in your arms soon xx

Feeling a bit low at the moment, ready for holiday next week. Thinking about you all xx

You can Ellypoo I had some on Phebs notes , a big SAND sticker with Georgie's name & date if birth.
Thank god it's Friday been a hard week this week... Can t wait for a lie in tomorrow , well a wake up call at 07 00 for a feed then back to sleep for us all instead of being up & out by 7:30!!
Enjoy your holiday
Love to all xxx