Mums of angels! wishing, carrying and holding rainbows.

[fanjodisfunction]

May this thread bring us luck and lots of support through the journey of life after the death of our little ones.

I'm ok I think, still spotting and the more it stays brown the better I feel but I'm still pretty scared.

Fan been thinking of you, hope it's nothing. Can you go along to an epu and explain yr situation, maybe get a scan? You're right though - It's reassuring that it's old blood.
Wtw I'm in the same place as you today. Boys back at school, really quiet and lonely, and unfamiliar, in the new house, routine's all changed so ds1 is a bit out of sorts and I've had time to mull - feeling very down. Baby boy has been wriggling about all day as if he knows I need to know he's ok at every second of the day. I feel guilty that I can't remember Jacob moving around like this and wonder how I could have not known something was wrong. But then he may have done, I just can't pinpoint a single memory of it.
Currently sitting watching DS2 have a swimming lesson so just a quick post.
Congrats on mr. Blue mr. Angel's jobs.
Baby fan hang in there. Xx

Thanks all xxx

grrr we can't seem to get a loan anywhere for the car due to no credit history :(

Thank you ladies. Miasmummy pressure is the perfect word for it. People can't seem to understand why I'm not jumping for joy at being pregnant - of course I am thrilled but actually secretly I still can't envisage having a baby at the end of it so it's hard to be excited. Whenever I try and voice those fears it's brushed away with 'oh it won't happen again' 'what happened to Erin was one in a million' and even 'lightening doesn't strike twice'. Sorry you're feeling the same August at least we all have each other on here for understanding.

Well done to Ant Angel what a relief that must be xx

Blue have you tried arranging finance through the dealer? As the loan is secured against the car it is easier to get than just a personal loan. Does mean however that if you default they take the car back.

wtw oh yes it is the dealer trying to get us finance, he's been trying all day while DH was there. We haven't been living in UK long enough to build up any credit history...

Ah that sucks Blue is there someone that could act as guarantor for you?

Blue we re trying to get a loan at the mo & can't !!! Nightmare .. Though we ve got a mortgage, cards , loan etc... Everyone has really clamped down!!! Xx

How are you this morning fan?

blizy still spotting!

Hello all
It has just taken me ages to read and catch up with everyones news and itis almost time to do the school run now so this post will be quick.
fan my love I have everything that can be crossed for you that all will be ok. Like others I have experienced early bleeding in all of my pregnancies apart from Samuel. Take it easy with that star of a husband.
Well done to Mr Blue and Ant on the job front. My hubby has just started up his own company so we are very nervous about cash flow.
wtw and miasmum you can do it and you can both get there, sending special thoughts your way as can remember vividly exactly how it feels to be where you are.
spilt massive congrats on securing your house, how exciting, what is it like?
I have been absent for a few days as so busy with the house move, still inbetween the two houses at the minute but love my new one. We have ducks in the garden that already keep coming to visit in the hope of being fed!!
Sorry to miss some people individually but I am waving at you all

I have been reading up about it and well apparently fibroids can make you spot during early pg. But obvisously its still scary and an unknown untill it stops.

I'm envious razz I'd love a garden where ducks would come and live, I would dearly love to live on a small holding.

fan when we were living in Belgium still we had a 40 000 square metre garden in the middle of a nature reserve... lots of wildlife: ducks, squirrels, herons, pheasants, deer... it was lovely, but the house and landlady were rubbish

fan to me, that sounds positive, at least you have a feasible reason why you are spotting. Oh, I have so many things crossed for you! We have ducks here too, I am happy to share them with you - but I scared them yesterday as I was wandering around in the wind picking daffodils...

blue where did you live in Belgium? I lived there as an exchange student when I was 18, and was in the Ardennes near Spa - so beautiful in the autumn, and the only hilly part of the country. Btw, I remember when I moved here, I couldn't even get a credit card until I had been here for at least six months, it was so frustrating.

angel yay for Ant, he has really been plugging away on the job front, I am so glad he has found a permanent role now.

whatever your family and friends should not dismiss your fears so lightly. Yes, statistics are useful, but emotions aren't always logical. I am cross for you!

razz thanks for the positive vibes, you are right, this is very scary.

august hope you are feeling a little more upbeat today.

fan hugs early pg is crap and fx this spotting is nothing. sending lots of sticky vibes your way.

blue + angel good going on dhs new jobs.

razz + split congrats on the new houses. so jealous of the ducks.

wtw august + miasmum pg is hard after such a heartbreaking loss. i found that once i was pg again evrryone stopped mentioning grace. i felt detatched from the pregnancy and really didnt feel like i was bonding with rose untill she wad born and crying in my arms. i think unless people have ecperienced what we have they wont know how you are feeling or what to do or say. i hope i have explained myself properly i have the words in my head i want to say just when typed doesnt sound the same as what i meant

I am starting weight watchers today so hopefully for summer i can enjoy pushing the pram around wearing nice summer clothes (if we ever get the weather for it)

Fan, hope all is well and it's just those pesky fibroids causing the spotting.

Congrats to MrBlue and Ant on their new jobs!

Shakey, I am thinking of starting WW soon so I can stop mentalling about my weight and making myself miserable. I'm giving myself the rest of this week eating crap and then starting. PIL are visiting this weekend so it's not the time to be starting a diet!

All you mid-term preggos, you can do it! It is really horrible - I didn't realise how stressed I was until it was over, with the constant worrying. Feeling movement helped me to bond, but I think the biggest thing was the fright we got about Down's syndrome/the amnio etc. I suddenly realised how much I loved and longed for my baby and the protective distance went out of the window.

Razz, yay for ducks!

I have lost my hairbrush. Haven't washed or brushed hair since Sat. Is this why so many new mums cut their hair off? Need to go in shower...

I'm freaking out again, stopped spotting so went out and then started cramping and I've started spotting again, and it looks more, its probably still not a lot but god I hate this!

Thanks all. Miasmum that's lovely thanks xxxx
Sick of the rain .work ok ... Hope everyone's ok? Not doing very well slimming this week feel hungry all the time!!
Love to all , especially Fan xxxx

Congrats on the jobs mrBlue and Ant!

too, nah I reckon its the stage a bit later on when you are fed up of the eye watering pain of a baby pulling the hairs at the nape of your neck/just by your ears. And being sick in your hair. How's it going being home alone?

fan really hoping all is well for your little Bungle xx

razz liking the sound of your ducks, we quite fancy getting some Indian Runners one day.

The new house is 1930s semi, chunky substantial type with lovely high ceillings (which I am a sucker for!) and big garden. Rather tatty inside and in need of some love.

Feeling quite weird and fragile at the moment. I'm finding it hard to face up to the reality of leaving our home. We've had our babies here. Not homebirths, but this is where they were conceived, carried, worried over, this is where we became parents and where all our raw grief has been poured out. It's where we grew up. It's where we hid and cocooned ourselves after Bobbie's death, and it's where I laboured with Freya, and the place we brought her home to. I feel scared about leaving Bobbie here in a way, and not being able to come back

angel get the super slimmer foods out, the raspberries and the strawberries, fill your face with them and they should help you slim.

spilt hugs to you, your not leaving bobbie behind she will always be with you.

I'm finding it very difficult at the moment to be positive at all about this pg, if I could be put in a coma for the nexy 9 months that would be a real blessing.

spilt I totally understand where you're coming from, having just moved. I sobbed my heart out when we left our old house - a tatty but quite big old Edwardian semi we'd been renting for 3 years. We've just bought a 1930's semi that's a bit further out of town so a bit better value than our old house would have been. I actually feel homesick though I should be happy, and in lots of ways I am - realise we're lucky to be able to afford the house at all but sentimentality gets the better of me. I've left behind the place where Jacob lived and the memories and hopes and dreams we had for him.
fan still thinking of you

Can I ask a question to those who have been pg or those who still are. Did you have fluxes in body temperature in the first few weeks?
I have been very hot in the mornings and then in the afternoons I get quite cold and have to snuggle under a blanket. Is this normal?
I think I'm becoming paranoid.
I've had some quite big spotting today, its still quite brownish and well it looks nothing like my cp, but I dread going to the toilet.
angel and razz how much spotting did you have? How long did it last? I'm having a wear a panty liner today where as past two days it was only appearing when went to toilet. So now its appearing when I'm not also.
This is so CRAP!

Fan- I so wish I could offer you some advice. Can you go to the doctor to get some bloods done, it might reassure you? It really is shit for you I would be a total wreck.

I am a few days into the 2ww, I know I don't have a chance as we only dtd 3 times with Dh being away. Doesn't stop me hoping and praying though.

August and angel- I can understand your feelings about moving house, but please remember your babies will always be with you where ever you go.

Waves to everyone else as my memory has yet again let me down?

oh fan you must be feeling dreadful with the worry. I can only speak for myself but with my first ds I had quite a lot of spotting, it was always brown and I also wore a liner. My dd and Thomas there was not so much. I have also had four chemical pregnancies and found that with them the brown turned to red pretty quickly and my pregnacy tests were negative as soon as a tiny red spot appeared. The last two cp I just knew they were going to happen. Hope all settles down asap hun, sending love and positive prayers your way.