BESH Cassidy and the Nekkid-dance Kid - walk like John Wayne into our Wild West saloon.

[Northey]

TTC on the frontier of polite society . Shoot outs compulsory.

New joiners will be welcomed after completing the Beshtionnaire and showing us their blazing saddle.

Howdy.

Look, pardners, I'll level with y'all...

I've been with the foul-mouthed whisky-drinkers for a good while, but lots of the old skool there are finally diffed (yay them!) and its quietened down a lot recently, and having stalked read you guys for a while I thought I might fit in ok here, too if you'll have me. I'd been meaning to venture in when you were all franglaising which I am tres bon at (even if je do parle so myself) but I didn't get round to it. I suspect I'm shit at western, but still.

Plz to consider a further beshtionnaire?

Submit your beshtionnaire and we will decide whether or not you deserve to be run out of town.

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Yes.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Inept gold digger.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

c!

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

a ? I'm not really down with the dust and the angels and the stuff.

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

I know its a trick question but I don't understand why. Why is it b?!

6. what colour are your walls?

Mostly white.

7. Number of pets?

None. I live on a boat on a mooring managed by a power-hungry pet-intolerant landlord.

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

When I was a teen I looooved Tony Slattery of whose line it is anyway fame. I have never told anyone in my adult life that

9. Lesbian crush?

Mind's gone blank on sleb types, I'm afraid, but I indulge a lot of idle day-to-day crushing.

10. What are your views on camping?

I live on a boat. I like to holiday places with indulgent toilet facilities.

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. ii) Over 100 quid iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

ii - I'm all over cheapy hpts, its those fuckers at clearblue that rinse me every month.

R2D2 is the "droid", the evil red fucker, the arch enemy of all good ttc-ers.

Howdy and welcome to the new pionneers. I am the self styled Dr Quinn of this frontier town. In between shagging the pants off Sully I will advise you on pissing on sticks.

So pleased to hear the scan was good news blacktea :)

Howdy! Well, nice to see another piece of fresh meat newbie! Like the answers.
bugs did you get lost?!
Where the flip is rie? Does she not luff us any more?
north just those dips tasted funny. I am also very tired putting it down to driving 240 miles in adverse weather over a weekend . Family said I looked tired with a face but I had no makeup on as cba this morning.
I need a bath.
Remind me if I need to do my history for the newbies...I can't remember...

Thanks Buggerlugs. I have to admit I know exactly which Cup you are alluding to, and no, it's not pleasant... I'm a simple old cup of tea I'm afraid

So from henceforth DP will be known as Jerry (he's German) and my trusty steed is called Tickles.

I love the idea of a well'ard wild west hoss having the gayest name ever

Yes please to history, Phoenix...

Boat-dweller? Cool!

Tony Slattery did have an ill advised cowboy jacket phase, I recall, so you were fated to ride by this way.

I'm Northey, ttc #1. Boyfriend still doesn't have a witty name so I just never mention him. Though I might name him something Westerny, in honour of the new fred. Horse With No Name, perhaps. Or A Man Called Horse

I'm eurochick (although not very euro at all these days). I'm ttc #1. Been trying properly since December 2010 with a couple of years of a highly casual approach to contraception before that. My sperm donor is KFZK (kung fu zombie killer, due to his past and present favourite hobbies) I spend most of my time on this thread mentalling about the drugs I am on - superovulation drugs to make my ovaries pop multiple eggs and steroids to suppress my apparently killer womble.

[whines like a baby]

I've got a cold sore and a sty

Curled up on sofa with a blanket and the cat. Might venture off and make myself a hot chocolate to drink while watching Call The Midwife.

My history - other half is known as HWHNN (He Who Has No Name) I'm 30yo. Intended to start ttc in May 2010 (when I came off the pill) but total absence of regular cycles. Numerous scans, blood tests, general prodding and poking later, diagnosed with PCOS in August 2011. Finally referred on to infertility clinic in October and prescribed Clomid. Currently on cycle 3, but only allowed 6 cycles in total [frustrated]

I am phoenix, ttc#1 for 2 years. After fanjo cams/blood tests/sperm studying the lack of baybee has been put down to a small growth on MSB's Mr squidgy baby (partly cos he's obsessed with singing the haribo advert and cos he's very cuddly) pituitary. That screws up his hormones and therefore his swimmers. Now on medication to treat that, back to consulant this week. Oh I'm 30 by the way.
Bath was luffly. Now have to try to dry my hair into something vaguely like how the hair dresser did it when she cut it last week. Wish me luck!

I am FriendofDorothy, lovely husband is know as The Mister. TTC baybee number 1 for 18 months. Completely unsuccessfully. I am not 36 (sob, sob) and finally have an appointment with the fertility specialists in 2 weeks. It's all a bit different for me as I live in Guernsey so access to treatment is completely different.

Poor cavey, maybe DrEuroQuinn can cure you with something involving snakebite and gunpowder.

Anyone else got tenderer nipples than usual as a result of the cold weather?

Thanks for all the welcomes and the backstories.

I'm 34, TTC#1, been trying properly since Jan 2011. Sum of efforts to date MMC/ERPC July 2011. (MMC found at 'reassurance' scan at what I thought was 10 wks - due date would have been yesterday). I have never in my life called my partner 'DP' or my period 'AF' so won't start here. Will revert with name for partner when I've thought of one. My made up horse, however, is called Kevin, and is a piebald with a headstrong but loveable nature.

Fertility investigations just beginning, but according to Piss HQ (which I've heard say folks call the shag dictator round these parts) I'm currently 'peak' so am off now to pretend I want some.

Wish me luck little ladies.

Hello new people.

I'm only a part-timer as I work funny hours with no Internet (although this is soon to change as have new job). but I do pop up when I can so thought I'd do an intro anyway.

I am 35, ttc %231 since May 2011. Droids and cyclops all over the place; 29 days, 64 days, you name it. blood tests show no sign of ov. Given up on temps and opks. Ultrasound showed no pcos. TBI (my tall bald Irishman) is having a wank in a cup this month to check out his end of the bargain. It's all go.

Look forward to hearing more from yas and lots of sexual love to the auld BESHs.

jewels :( hope you got through the due date ok. Sending you extra gin and some sugar lumps for Kevin.

dotty 2 weeks - that is good news as that is very soon. Here's hoping they can sort you out quickly.

I have been awake since before 6. Why is it that when I was working it was a struggle to wake up on Monday mornings but now I don't have a job, I wake up early? Grrrrrrrr.

I didn't know you weren't working at the moment, kat! At least you could hve an afternoon nap though, to recover.

I think my trusty horse is going to be a steady mare called Buttercup, who never minds gunshot in her ear, but much prefers being tied up outside the saloon, so passers by can pat her nose. She is a black mustang (horsey BESHes plz not to laugh if for some reason this is impossible, like all mustangs are male and blue, or something).

When's the droid due for you, buglet?

CD73 for me, btw.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Howdy y'all!

I'm just riding through town - thought I'd give a six-shooter salute to welcome the new meat and leave a tray of whiskey shots for the lovely BESH.

Woah Nellie!

Not so fast there, little missy!

How is everything going?

[lassoo's LP and drags her back to town for interrogation]

I have decided that my trusty steed is a palomino stallion called Jake.

Second set of bloods taken today. I think, think I have ov'd over the weekend due to bump in temperature. Shag dictator went on strike and told me my levels had fallen . We managed to get one round of sechs in on Saturday, but not sure if it was in time.