Feisty Fabulous Forty somethings - part 3

[Curlylox]

As you were ladies

I was supposed to start on my injections for fa irst attempt at IVF this morning but I have been so confused for the last week, not knowing what to do, that I have bottled out. DP is not keen, to say the least, and I am 43 going on 44, wavering between really wanting this and being terrified of all the things that could go wrong. You read so many scare stories about the chances of foetal abnormalities etc because of age. I can't get that out of my head. It seems so unfair that this can't just happen naturally - for all of us. Have been trying to hold it together all week, but as soon as someone speaks to me, I burst into tears.

Hairy* so sorry to hear about the circulation problem . Can the docs do anything about it? Just ignore me if this is rubbish but is it anything to do with the fluid in the womb? I found this and just wondered www.babyworld.co.uk/information/pregnancy/pregnancyproblems/amniotic_fluid.asp or www.livestrong.com/article/162107-blood-circulation-pregnancy/ I'm just trying to understand what it is as I have not heard of it before, so sorry if these sites are upsetting or not helpful and if this is the case PLEASE just ignore me!

aj71 welcome, sorry I don't know about the medical thing you mentioned but I always check everything with my doctor as I am Paranoid Pete! Best wishes with everything.

avignon welcome, sorry you are struggling a bit at the moment. I had help to have our daughter (IUI) and am currently waiting for treatment with donor eggs. I have been through the whole thing of why can't it happen naturally etc. I know what you mean. Do you have any other kids or your DP have any? Or is this the first for you both? I am assuming you have paid for your drugs and treatment so if you have done all that then I am assuming DP is at least a bit supportive. Maybe he, like you, is scared of the whole thing. Would it help to talk to someone, in real life? Maybe a counsellor or someone? I am a big believer in counsellors having had lots of very helpful counselling advice in the past for fertility issues and for anxiety. I am assuming it is not an NHS cycle, although it may be. If you are not going ahead with the cycle now then will you tell the clinic and see if it can be started later or postponed or whatever? Do you need some help and encouragement at the moment? All the very best with whatever you decide. I have been through it a fair bit over the years and do not regret it but it is a very personal decision.

Hippy sorry about Mr Hippy's job but hope he gets an even better one very soon. Any nibbles on the house sale?

Gum glad you are thinking positively, a bit of the time, like me!

My eating has gone well today, I feel great

Hi, just wanted to say to those of you who 'know' tank - Today appears to be the anniversary and there is a lovely tribute on her blog. Obviously made me cry but that's not a surprise.

Anyway, I said we'd be thinking of C in the snug so just wanted to let you all know. She is a dear little girl, very smiley, bless her little heart.

Not sure if you're checking in still tank but you know I send my love X

Hi jolls I had it once right before I got pregnant the second time ... The one that lasted longest.

Italian no, it's just that my circulation is poor and I've convinced myself that's the reason my babies died :(

BFN. Not disappointed, just a fact, I knew it would be.

So come on period, roll on, and I can get my dental X-rays!

Hairy so sorry, if it is just your idea is it something you have looked into how things could be improved? I don't want to pry, just want to be supportive. Thinking of you, honey.

Italian - thank you so much for your comments. I feel in a very bad place at the moment. I have one daughter who is 22 and I have always wanted more but DP never keen. We had a long chat a little while back and I said it was now or never for me, he reluctantly agreed to give it a go for me, but when the box of drugs arrived, he said he was dreading me telling him I was pregnant. I just feel very alone with it all and desperately sad. I havent even been able to face phoning the clinic. You must be very determined and brave to think about having donor eggs - I really hope that works for you.

Oh Avignon, I really sympathise. My DH feels much the same. And did so before our last baby, but there are no regrets for him or me about having our little one. He's 2 and a half now and my DH really enjoys him.

Even now my DH has made it pretty clear he doesn't want another, but I have an over-whelming desire to do it one more time and I know in my heart I have to give it my best shot.

I understand your apprehension and worry about the baby having problems, it is a consideration, but the chances are high that your baby will be fine, and my attitude is that if you don't try you'll never know.

Have you and your partner tried naturally to conceive? I wonder if maybe you could take a relaxed approach for a bit? Or if you are especially worried about abnormalities in your baby, could you have them check the embryo's before implantation(in IVF)? I know there are procedures to do this, but it does cost more.

I don't really want to do the tests during pregnancy, but I already know that my DH wants me to do them as he won't want to go ahead if there are problems.

I'll worry about all that once I get pregnant.

Jolls and Hairy I had some moxa during my last pregnancy - it was lovely.I haven't had it since.Maybe I should ask my acupuncturist to do some more.

Last night I felt a bit sick and gaggy when I brushed my teeth. Then I had early morning insomnia. Now I'm getting my bloody hopes up...

avignon thanks for your kind words. Please do chat to someone in real life, it sounds like you need some support. Whatever you decide all the best, only you know what is right in your situation.

hi avignon and welcome, sorry to hear about your worries, I'm almost 43 and my daughter is 20 this year so I'm a little like you, just waiting for my first private appt at the infertility clinic after trying for the last few months naturally

my hubby would love a baby but is also a little reluctant to take things too far in terms of going down an assisted route, hope he relents soon and offers his full support :-)

hi to everyone else - sorry about the bfn italian

gum fingers crossed for you!!!!!

had some bad news that has set us back - dh is on the verge of losing his job and my daughter got turned down for the university she's set her heart on - can any more bad luck come our way i wonder!!

Oh dear - loads of crappy news on here today. italian sorry for the BFN. Do you need to wait for a period for the smear and dental treatment?? Surely if you're not preg you can just go ahead? Not long to go for the treatment, lovey.

avignon You do sound like this is all over welming you. I hope that there is someone you can talk to in RL. I have never really considered IVF. I was very lucky with my first 2 pregnancies and also managed to get preg twice at the ripe old age of 43 (although those pregnancies did end in MC's). I really don't know what to say to be of the best help to you as it is a bit far off my radar. Italian has been there and is probably the best person to advise you. Plus I think there is an assisted conception thread which may be of help - they would all know how you're feeling. italian is that thread a good idea for avignon? Can you point her in the right direction?

tina sorry it's all turning to rat shit for you at the moment. I do know someone who got turned down for her fav uni and had to choose another. She loved the secoind choice, met her hubby there and never regretted the change in uni - sometimes these things are just meant to be All the best to you and yours.

Just waiting for news from the scan ladies [drumming fingers on the table sound].

I love this part of the cycle. 1st week of the 2 week wait. There is no peeing on sticks to be done, no trying to suggest sex subtley, no symptom spotting and no knicker checking. I feel blissfully un-aware of whether we have been successful this month and I love the freedom of it

Hello everyone! Well back from the scan and still looking good . Baby wriggling around this time and measuring 10 + 5 (my dates 10 + 1/2 ) so have been 'discharged' from the EPU and next scan the dating one at 12 weeks. Think I might brave 'booking in' now. I did think of the helicopter when I was waiting to come in, and got an image in my head of JOlls brown trousers .
Hippy I agree the 3rd week is great - all the anticipation, no pressure to swi, and you know that testing now would be pointless. This time again next week will be a different story
Avignon your situation does indeed sound overwhelming . Sorry I can't offer anything very insightful, but I do feel for you x
Tina disappointing for your daughter about uni' place. Is her second choice looking good, and is she happy about going there? I do the admissiojn for our subject and some subjects are just so competitive that excellent candidates unfortunatley have to be rejected - hope she's not taking it personally. SOrry about dh too - you really deserve some luck.
Louise hope all went well this morning. Funny how we've synchronised scan days!

Lovely news Diege

Thanks Hippy - yes that was the one year mark. Not a great day.. but we have made it through the first year, and that feels an achievement... (till people start telling you the second year is harder....... )

Italian boo to the BFN...

Diege (& Lou ) About the FMC - just wanted to say, we used them, and saw Prof Unprounceable. I found it all hugely reassuring and definitely recommend. At 40, your risk of positivley testing for DS is 1 in 70, but only 1 in 100 would deliver a downs baby, as a DS baby is more likely to miscarry spontanetous than a "normal" foetus. Even if you take the 1 in 70 figure, that means the over-whelming odds are that you're carrying a baby that doesn't have downs (say 98.5%) - so the chances are you'll get good news.

Our risk droped from 1 in 70 to 1 in 1350 - and when we went back to the FMC for the 20 week scan to 1 in 2700. For the reassurance factor, it was so worth the £150. They felt very careful and thorough.

Having said that - the half an hour between the blood test and the scan starting was blinking awful. But over all, I think it has made me slightly less neurotic than I would have been if I hadn't done it. If you want to see the Prof, you need to go on a Wed - that's the only day he is there. They will try and put you off if you're low risk... by saying how long the delays get - but we went for the first appointment of the day, and were in and out no problem.

Special hug for lou as preg after loss is a bit of a rollercoaster. Hope you are coping... and fingers x for a good scan result today...

And Diege - I think you can allow yourself a small WHOOP WHOOP - cos 10 weeks is really really good, and your miscarriage rate must really be dropping low now... hope you still feel as sick as a dog (well y'know what I mean)...

Hi all.
Great scan measuring 10 weeks,6 days which is exactly spot on!!! All looked good.Got busted by my lovely midwives who delivered Georgie [theyt spotted me on the way in for the scan} oh, they re so happy for us and have all [4] of them promised they ll be on [? maybe in theatre for GBOS].They re soooooo nice.
Saw my consultant also she's going to scan me again in 2 weeks, then at 16 weeks.I ve told her the date i want a section!!!!!! They really are so lovely.
Yeh Diege fab news XXX
Sorry to Hairey,Tina and Avigion for having a rotten time.Its pure shite as we all know.
Hi Tank i m not having the nuchal test i didn t with Georgie and know theres no way i 'd terminate and none of the tests can give you a definate risk without the tests carrying their own risk so im not.I m sure after C you can understand.Thanks for the hug you know exactly where i m coming from about how hard mentally it is don t you? Having to remind myself this is not Georgie and a totally seperate pregnancy.What's FMC??? Fetal medicine centre?????? Hope you ve survived through the annivarsary thats all it is really surviving these days i find.Big hug back at you XXXX
Hippy where was that bloody copter??? Late as usual!!!
Hi Italian hope af arrives soon and you can get your teeth sorted.
Hi Jolls X
Hi Gum FX xxxx

Thanks Alba . TTT thanks for the info, that's really useful. I am in a bit of a dilemma about it all really (probably a diffferent thread) but to summarise the reason I was hoping to get assurances at 12 weeks was in a way to counter balanace the fact that I have always, without exception, had 'bad' 20 week scans (lots of 'soft' markers). On occasion these have required tests after birth (kidney-related) and follows-up, but they have never an indicated the chromosome problem that they are associated with. A very thorough 12 week for me would be a way of counter balancing anything that cropped up later. I don't think I would terminate personally for ds, but I'm not great being in limbo land. THe related concern is that my NHS hospital don't formally look for things like increased nuchal fold, BUT, to quote them this morning, 'have a little look anyway' and would refer if 'suspicious'. I was of the opinion that sonographers needed proper training etc in this test? So if it's going to be looked at, I'd rather someone 'proper' did it? . THis didn't go down too well at the hospital who got a bit sniffy .

x-posts Lou, excellent news!! Is your dating scan on Thursday 28th too? I see exactly where you are coming from with what you say about tests. Even the most accurate screen is still only a screen, and with every question you ask, decisions have to be made. I think my answer is probably already decided (just have the 12 wk at NHS hosp) but I do like to put myself through the mill with 'what ifs' and 'if I had done A I wouldn't be in this situation' scenario. Such is life!

So glad to hear all went well at the scans. I was there lou - did you not see the flippin' chopper outside your house???? Just keep going a week at a time and before you know it you'll get there (other people's pregnancies go so fast )

Personally I will just go for the nuchal scan and see what happens (if I ever get that far!!!) I wouldn't terminate for downs but would like to know so we can prepare ourselves. Still it might not be an issue for me - so not worth worrying too much about.

TTT Glad you made it through the day. I guess in some ways it's just another horrible day without her and so no worse or better than any other. She looked lovely in your tribute. I know you are still struggling to find anything worth enjoying or looking forward to but I really hope that when this baby is born you are able to feel joy again. I know it's a horrible cliche but I don't think that C would want you to miss out on the joy of the new baby. Will defo let you know if/when I ever get another bloody BFP .

Boobgate:- s are a bit more sore today!

and lovely news from Lou too
I love a good scan news day

Thanks Hippy! (and hgood to hear the The Boobs are making a return; I've missed them ).
Can relax for a week now before the 12 week scan build up! Have also got a booking in appointment with mw - the next they could do I'll be 15 weeks NHS Choices at it's finest...
JUst as I thought the sickness was on the wane, the worst 'episode' ever. So you can all file away in your 'info that might be useful one day' drawer, fish, chips, gravy and mushy peas is not nice on the way back up

Diege i m having my next scan on 28th April under EPU.My consultant has said not to have my dating scan as they won t change the EDD and as i m having a scan 28th [as i said] and one at 16 weeks [3 weeks later].
Thanks Hippy so glad you 're back on boobgate.Was that what i fell over???? a copter????
Alba Hi , thanks.Hope you re ok?

Diege and Lou I am so pleased about the scans. I can almost see those beans bouncing.

Hippy and Gum my boobs have come out in sympathy. I'm in the ghastly 'twinge' TTC week 2 stage. Not sure if I feel sick because of the gloss I'm putting on the skirting board. Probably, knowing my luck

Tina Hippy's right. The good news about 2nd choice unis is that the kids always come home saying how much they love it. In my sixth form group at school I've had lots of students with this predicament and only one said he had a problem (he was too late to book accommodation at the new uni). I hope your dh gets some good news soon. That must be a real stress.

Wales with the cadets was a bloody nightmare. Brilliant weather, but it was run by really competitive wanabe marines, who insisted we all slept on concrete floors and pooed into plastic bags. It was 4 days of hell. I had a face on me like you wouldn't believe and stole the school minibus to escape a day early. They were NOT impressed. If I see one more piece of camoflage...

Brinjal any news?

Thanks Italian. My head is all over the place.

I'm going to start acupuncture again soon I think.

avignon you are most welcome to join us on assisted conception thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1193042-Assisted-Conception-and-all-the-bits-in-between-volume-7
[[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1193042-Assisted-Conception-and-all-the-bits-in-between-volume-7 here]

It is not as fast moving as this one, which is one reason why I like to be on both (plus I am most definitely in my 40s!). All the best for whatever you decide.

Tina sorry that hubby's job is not secure but there are some plus sides to things and it may well be that something else comes along. Will he get redundanc pay? One friend decided that her hubby's redundancy was to lead to them moving closer to relies, moving up north so their home will be worth more to sell but the place they will buy will be cheaper etc etc. That may not be relevant to you but I guess I am just saying there may be a plus side. Also, with your DD uni place, it may all work out. Chin up and hope it will.

Muchlove are you still around?

Panshe how are you?

Hippy, diege, Gum, Jolls and Alba hugs.

Hello, am sat here in tears. Thanks for all your messages. I feel so low and hormonal. Af due next week. Not much swi has gone on but there is a possibility.

So happy for Lou & diege :-)

Love to all x