Feisty Fabulous Forty somethings - part 3

[Curlylox]

As you were ladies

gum I guess you could just carry on having sex and make more of an effort to do it when YOU know it's a good time. My only worry is how supportive he will be if you get preggers again and what would happen if you had another MC (sorry to be so gloomy) but just wondered if he will be there for you if it all happens again. I'd hate this to cause a rift between you when you've obviously had a good marriage and have been through a lot together.

I know you don't want me to take his side but I can see his point - he's 50 (i think) and he feels that by having the reversal and having Charlie he has given you your last little miracle. BUT I do also understand why you want to have another (it's not our choice to just switch off these needs).

I think your level of grief is probably normal. I can't remember how long it took me to 'get over' my MC's. Sometimes I still feel cheated and think about the age my babies would have been. But I have learnt over time to make the most of the two I have and to try to visualise that there isn't actually a gap in our family and that it is indeed complete. I think that's getting easier but obviously I'm not completely over the whole idea - otherwise I wouldn't have been so desperate to get some sperm up me yesterday

Hippy, I do see it from his side too. Yes he made a huge sacrifice to have Charlie, and that story has definitely had a happy ending.He adores him and is a wonderful dad to him. And you know, if I could just be grateful for this last little miracle and move on, I would. I don't know why I'm so determined to have another.Perhaps I'm just very stubborn.

I have tried to stop this desire, but it is still there. Perhaps in the end I'll get no say in the matter anyway - it might not happen, no matter how hard we try.

What I really want to do is just allow the possibility of it. Despite my DH being adamant that he doesn't want to do this again, he has said he knows that when the baby is born and he holds it in his arms, he becomes completely in love and super protective - that's when his instincts kick in.

I see what you mean about his age too - he is 50, but he already has a 2 year old, so I don't see how much difference (in terms of his age) that it makes when we'll be tied down anyway, IYSWIM.

Perhaps with time I will feel differently.

Gum yes please I will have a . Thank you for your thanks. I guess wise words are only really of use if they are workable, maybe at the moment you are not sure what to do and if we can help then I hope we will but only you know what will really work for you. Personally, I think being a bit economical with the truth is OK, if he is willing to try in November then why not now. Or is he just saying that because he hopes by then you will have moved on? I hope things will work out for you. You said before you thought we would all get there. Of course, each to their own but I don?t know that we will all get there. I?d like to think we will but I guess I don?t think we will. But at the end of the day we have to feel we have done what was right for our own situation, which is why when DH asked me what I wanted to do, have another go or not, I said have another go. I really do want my DD to have a sibling but I am not going to continue after this if it does not work. We each have to decide what is right for ourselves. It is hard talking and thinking about it all. Just hope you can enjoy your little ones and that this stress will not detract from them for you. I don?t know if the amount of grief you feel is normal ? but my own feeling is that the grief you feel is very tied up in whether or not you can have another, so in a sense it is not just about the one that you lost but also about the loss of the opportunity to have another. I guess I am saying this because it just strikes me and if you do decide to have any counselling or whatever then maybe you will work through these ?issues? if they are issues for you, if you see what I mean! Maybe worth thinking why you want another baby, what is tied up in that for you? It is a huge issue, in the general sense. I know for me a lot of it is about DD having a sibling. Your children have several sibs so maybe that is not an issue at all. Anyway, whatever happens, hope you will be able to work through things.

Hippy thanks for your kind words; I am going to concentrate on myself. Just wish, wish I could get this bloody eating under control. The house us currently awash with chocolate!

Diege - hope you are well, feeling better. Yes, it is sounding like the next month or two for me for treatment. I am AGAIN worrying about how it will fit in with work and now have a holiday to think about as well. Wish I did not have to worry about it all but realistically just over three months so hopefully by the end of July it will all be sorted. Actually looking forward to the end being in sight! Oh would love to know what you think about Cameron and the big society! Is he going to come over and run our library is his spare time once it is closed down????
Well, my period has gone AWOL again; I am not about two weeks over. But before you all shout test/test/test I feel very sure it is just missing in action, last year it stopped for 6 months! I wanted to get a pap smear before I started treatment and I had forgotten you need to get it two weeks after your period starts so I am just wanting for it to start so I can get the smear, I also need to get some overdue dental X-rays and just need to confirm I am not pregnant (which I feel sure I am sure).

Sorry that should be I am now about 2 weeks over due, not not ... and also ?and just need to confirm I am not pregnant (which I feel sure I am not)? not ?and just need to confirm I am not pregnant (which I feel sure I am sure).?

Curly anything about the appointment?

Lou I am thinking of you and sending you a big virtual hug at this sad time, remembering Georgie, but also looking to the future for you and I am hopeful for a bright future. You will never forget Georgie, I know, I am thinking of you.

Jolls sorry it is a bit shit at the moment. Have you got any answers about why things have happened as they have and how things might work out differently? I am not sure if I asked this before but did you get immunology issues looked at (apologies if I have asked this before).

lol, Tina, Muchlove, and Nicole, how are things? panasche how are you doing?

Thanks for sharing your stories of people who had babies late gum. I did recently meet a lovely lady who had her first baby after her 40s (got pregnant at 50, naturally) so that was amazing!

Hugs to all.

PS Just watching The office, the bit where he is waiting for his blind date and a woman turns up and he looks shocked then relieved and says to her 'I'm waiting for a blind date and was worried you were it!' Gets me every time!

italian, I've given this an awful lot of thought and there are several reasons why I'd still like to try for another.

Maybe there is some part of me that needs to have babies to be fullfilled, but honestly, it is just one of those silly things I can't explain. I feel/believe I am supposed to complete our family by having 6 kids. It's important to me that my LO has a sibling close in age because his sister closest in age is 8 years older.There's nothing wrong with that, but I've seen my two boys, then two girls, close in age become very good playmates and friends.I want that for my youngest too.

I've always wanted a big family, and I thought I'd squeeze just one more in.

Anyway, I don't think I'm going to talk about it anymore. I've had to justify my feelings so much lately that I'm tired of it and it is making me really doubt myself. Sadly all of this stuff is from the heart, not the head.Because looking at it logically, it makes complete sense to stop ttc.

Is it wrong to feel that someone is missing in your family, and to want to bring that person home?

Fortunately DH and I have a very strong marriage and hopefully it will remain so.

Italian, will you do a test to be sure you are not pregnant? What makes you so sure you are not?

Want to hear something funny............Dh and I were squeezing in a quick swi whilst dd was busy downstairs and we were very near to the "mark" iyswim when.............the bed came apart (bedstead) lol. The dog barked and dd rushed upstairs to see what all the noise was about, we managed to look decent albeit a little flustered Believe it or not I wanted to mention to Dh about looking at the bed as it made a noise when you sat down on it on his side. The reason why I didn't mention it as I had hinted about a few jobs little jobs that needed his attention and didn't want him rolling his eyes by adding another. The screws had come loose so at present Dh trying to make good with adding wood glue to the holes. Fingers crossed it works if not we'll have to sleep on mattress, not great especially as I suffer with my back and getting up from a low level will do me no favours. Any ideas other than buying a new bedstead please?? Will update re appointment very soon. Waves hello - Diege, Lou, Italian, Hippy, BB, Gum, Lol, Tina, Nicole, Lia and anyone else I may have forgot.

Oh Curly I heareby award you a snug award for 'going the extra mile' in pursuit of The Seed .
Italian wise words there as always, about your own situation and advice for Gum. It is hard to put into words sometimes why you yearn for another. I think for me it relates, like GUM, to the gap between my youngest and next dc, especially as there is just 15 months between my 2 eldest and they are extremely close and have a very special bond. Not that this can be guaranteed of course. I'd like to think we'll all get there in the end, but as you say GUM I think knowing that you did everything possible is very helpful in reaching peace about the outcome, regardless of what that might be.
On a totally unrelated subject, I have been sickened by the awful scenes and pictures from the GN yesterday; those poor horses, or 'obstacles' as the BBC referred to them .

Hopefulgum you certainly don?t need to justify your reasons for wanting another to me. At the end of the day it is very much between you and your DH. I guess from my perspective I just know a lot of people who have not got what they wanted and part of life is finding happiness and peace amid what is the reality. I really wanted a short gap between my kids, 18 months just like between my beloved sister and I. The reality is that if I am successful there will be over 7 years between DD and a sib - unless we adopt, in which case the gap could be bigger or smaller but probably not by much. Either way, there are no guarantees,. So for me I am finding my way amid how things are, as you say doing what is best for me and my family. I too want to feel I have done all I can which is why I am still battling to get to the bottom of my compulsive eating! Reading anther helpful book and trying to get myself fit to give myself the best possible chance!

Gum I only want you to be happy, and not to miss the joy of your existing kids and family but please don't think you need to persuade me at all. I do understand the pull for another child. It is not logical it is biological!

God Bless, to you and us all.

gum I echo everything that italian has said. You don't need to justify your needs at all and I only want you and your DH to be happy. If I am successful then there will be at least 8 years between my youngest and a new baby and there would be no time to have another after that (bloody hell it's hard enough this time) so some would say that I shouldn't try for one as he/she would be out on a limb - but I like to think that my two older boys would love him/her just the same.

My Dh was quite reluctant to get started on this 3rd baby as we were waiting for some money to come through and he thought we shouldn't START ttc until the money came in - i have to confess that i got fed up of waiting and went and got the coil taken out a couple of months before DH was actually ready but as it turns out it made no odds anyway. He is very much on board with the whole idea now (he says he doesn't want to stop when we move house and I say maybe we should) - but it just goes to show that I went against what he said before so i do under stand your need to possibly do the same gum.

lou thinking of George today. XXX

Oh Italian, meant to add that (with ref to the Big Society) your local library has a good chance of being run by an American firm called LSSI in the next 5 years. They are favourites to win the contract, and have promised s
Starbucks and electronic scanners in all branches (minimal staff). Great!

diege how is the sickness???

Thanks Hippy hard day.
As i posted on FB "6 months ago today an angel was born physically only here for a short time however, spirtually and in our hearts with us forever"
We visited Georgie's special place ,spoke to her and left her some flowers.As i said to Ant i m a it fed up of "leaving" stuff for her i want to give her the world not leave/commerate stuff all the time.
Another milestone.
Bless Georgie.RIP darling XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

- So unfair, sweetheart. XXX

Lou mega big hug for you and Georgie and your lovely DH too. For the future too, big hugs.

Diege what will the electronic scanners be scanning - my brain! If I wanted coffee would my first thought be to go to a library! The idea of hot drinks, paper and electrical equipment seems like a bad idea not a big idea!

Where will it end, will Mcdonalds be running my hospital and KFC the local school????? OK rant over, the idea of minimal staff does not fill me with delght either but .....

Had a great day. still not tested, know the answer really, but in a few weeks time treatment will start and then it will all be over for me. I feel quite excited a the prospect.

Must get fit!!!

love and hugs to all.

Lou, sending loads of love. Your words,"giving her the world", are so full of love. You are a wonderful mummy to her.

Thanks girls, I'm sorry to have sounded prickly.I meant justifying my feelings to my DH.I've been doing it so much lately. But now I'm just going to try to go with the flow and hope for the best.

Italian, I'm no nutritionist or doctor or anything, but I just wanted to say, that I have always been an overeater, but things have really changed since giving up sugar. I know that giving up almost a whole food group will make one lose weight, but the beauty of giving up sugar is that the cravings and the desire to eat too much seem to be gone. So is the daily bloating, and i just physically feel better.

I'm constantly amazed that I don't just chuck it in and devour a chocolate bar. But I feel so good (its ironic when I've had a load of emotional upheaval!) that I don't want to destroy that feeling by eating sugar, and as I said that craving is gone.

I haven't lost a lot of weight - 2kg (about 4.5 pounds I think)- but I'm not too bothered as I think I'll keep losing it slowly, which is probably the best way.

If you are interested I'll link the book that got me onto it, and a great blog too:
the book:www.amazon.co.uk/Sweet-Poison-Sugar-Making-Makes/dp/0670072478

Oops, clicked the wrong button.Here's the link to the blog - it summarises things nicely:
www.sarahwilson.com.au/category/i-quit-sugar/

I think this is lovely. If any of us get up duffed, this is something cute (maybe not for all).

This is probably my favourite

www.wonderlandfaceart.co.uk/services/bump-painting/

here

But the pink carousal horse is very nice too.

damncoolpics.blogspot.com/2007/05/pregnant-belly-painting-art.html

here

Really don't like the Alice Cooper one, the worm in the apple and the baseball ones! But like the peacock a bit too.

Do you think anyone would paint my chocolate belly!

Gum thanks for the advice about sugar. I am busy reading books like mad. I am going to get to the bottom of this! I was a bit OCD as a teenager (obsessive compulsive disorder) but not overweight at all. In my twenties I stopped the OCD (pretty much but started putting on weight). So one theory (of mine) is that I have swapped OCD for compulsive eating! I have noticed I kind of have to finish food, and even if it is opened and in fringe (chocs etc) I can't leave it until it is all gone! I think exploding this and reading about it is making it worse as I feel I am almost giving myself permission to eat more! But I also hope this is a good sign that I am getting to the bottom of it.

If you are a pray-er, please shoot up a quick prayer that I will get to the bottom of my problems with food!

My DD often talks about my weight and says things about me being big but getting smaller. It makes me sad because the reality is I am just going up and down, three on, three off etc! Anyway, any thoughts will be received with delight!

Thanks, and hugs.

OOOOHHH sorry, best one, the stork, OK this is the last

www.gigll.co.uk/listing/baby_bump_painting_for_pregnancy_baby_showers_gestational.html

here

Italian, I love the bump paintings. I've always wanted to do a henna painting on my belly and never did, so if I get lucky, I'll do it this time.

They are such fun, and I love the stork one.

helloo to Italian curly and everyone else - curly what a funny story with the bed lol

I've now got a referral letter from the Dr so am about to try and make a first appointment with the fertility clinic here - very excited but also nervous. DH is still not feeling up to doing any swi or swoi due to the tablets he's on, makes me feel a bit bad about myself to be honest so I'm hoping when he comes off them he's back to normal or there's no chance of a pregnancy :-(

nice to hear the stories about those older ladies getting pregnant - especially the one at 50!!!

hope everyone had a great weekend in the sun, I had a lovely jug of pimms yesterday sat outside in the garden (which i really should have been working on!)

DIEGE Aww... whoop.... Whoop.... WHOOP ...... that's blinking fantastic news... I'm so, so pleased for you... Sorry you are having such a horrible time with the sickness, but I think it is meant to be a good sign of a strong pregnancy, isn't it?

Lou so pleased to find your pregnancy is progressing happily as well... Sorry to hear yesterday was a difficult day - it is just shit, I'm afraid - there's no other way of thinking about it.

Curly if it's any consolation we had similar issues - doesn't seem to have stopped us xx

Gum What is your old man like? FFS... perhaps he wants to wait until Nov because he can't stand the stress of ttc for a bit... To be honest, I think I would be less than liberal with the truth. It's not like it's a casual bf you're trapping into a relationship- and I actually think by being so yes/no, no/yes combined with his careless approach to contraception when he KNOWS how you feel - he's sort of lost his right to total honesty. It doesn't sound like he wants it anyway.

Italian May or June.... that's so close now... fingers crossed for you and your friend...

Have to say, one of the loveliest things about you is your concern for others. I think the Polyanna way of viewing the world is to be concerned and delighted when good things happen to other people. It always makes me feel - good for them - but also well "I could be next". Remember visiting a friend just after that CP last Oct - and I told her, and she was aghast cos she had something to tell me too - she was 13 weeks with no3. But I was really genuinely delighted for her - and now (fingers crossed/touching wood/praying all is well) her pregnancy is actually personally good news for me - cos as you know I fell pg again the following month. She had a little girl on Thursday - so (touching wood) my friend and I will have each other to do the baby stuff with - and they are both girls.. and they will start playgroup and preschool together... and it will be fab.....

but Italian I've only skimmed, so maybe I missed the outcome... but take your bloody daughter to Disneyland... Could never understand why people get sniffy about The Mouse... It's a great product - and you'll never find a bereaved mother who says... if only we had been to Disneyland less.... My tips are - you need to sign up to their emailing list - cos they do good offers, esp for short notice (or they used to anyway) and play with the dates in their on-line booking system, cos they have a really odd pricing structure... first weekend in Sept always seemed cheap before, and cooler and quieter too.... (you'll have to bunk off school though)....

Hippy of course you could never offend me sweetie, and thank you for all your kind words... Really, really hope you get up the duff soon... do you realise that you've stopped talking about your boobs? It's very disconcerting.... this moving business must have distracted you...

BB Mile high club.... so, so classy xx

And love to everyone else I haven't mentioned...

28 weeks on Wed...

Mwah...

OOOh TTT, so nice to hear from you. 28 weeks already! Wow.That's fab.

Curly, did you fix the bed? That was a very funny story. You must be ever so "active"...

For the first time in months my 's are actually tender. Don't want to put too much store into it, but can't help being hopeful.Since the miscarriage and since I stopped breastfeeding I've had almost no tenderness at all.But only 4 dpo, so early days yet.

Nice to hear you are having sunshine. It's raining here, and I'm really glad, it's been a long hot summer and we are ready for some cooler weather and certainly some rain.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Hippy any word on the job for DH?

gum crossing my fingers for you, and you can have some of our rain any time, I'm looking forward to experiencing that weather myself first hand next year all being well

Great to hear from you TTT, and thanks for the congrats . Sickness is being controleld by cyclizine, which has been on and off successful. I feel that I'm slowly turning a corner now though (as of today) and that is is slowly reducing in intensity. Will see how I am later on though - that will be the test!
Gum, TTT has put into words what I have been trying to say regarding your dh!! Tina, great news about the referral x
Italian agree totally about libraries - quite obviously a cost-cutting jobbie; why they can't be honest about it I don't know (well, I do...)
Off out with dds now - a spot of sun at last! Have scan on Thursday which I am feeling very nervous about now. Current 'scenario' is that the baby is still alive but hasn't grown as well as it should have and I have to come back again...and again... Someone slap me now!
Hippy I too am missing Boobsgate - how are they 'feeling'?