Feisty Fabulous Forty somethings - part 3

[Curlylox]

As you were ladies

Hippy, I think I'm afraid to go to counseling cos they'll tell me I'm just being unreasonable - that 5 kids is plenty and I should love my DH enough to stop having kids. These are all fair arguments but they just don't help - my gut feeling is that I am meant to do this one last time.

I know what you mean about it being odd to stop ttc when you've been able to have a baby when you wanted to before. If I have learnt anything in this journey, it is that it really isn't easy to get pregnant later in life,even when you are super fertile (I had no trouble at all with my first four). My advice to other women would be to not leave it too late. I wish I hadn't had the 8 year break between my last two, but then again, we thought we were done

Dh said that about selling the house because things are tight financially and he fears that if I have another baby we'll just be worse off. It's kind of true, but then again, I think it just means being careful for a couple more years. I have a permanent job to go back to whenever I want to, so I have the capacity to earn if needs be. He worries I'll be a SAHM forever, but that isn't going to happen. Perhaps he feels all the burden rests on him, and I understand that would be stressful.Oh well...the saga continues...

Curly, I hope all goes well with your consultant appointment. Maybe he'll have the magic answer to get you up-duffed ASAP.

Hippy, it's great that you are having lots of viewings of the house. I hope everything falls into place for you(can't wait to hear about the job for DH). How do your boys feel about moving to the IOW?

Hi Curly - sorry, was so busy swi-ting - it being day 15 now and having to guess cos I'm too tight to buy the ov stuff. And worried that it might become an obsession. I don't temp for the same reason. I'm praying that your lovely gynae is going to come up with the goods tomorrow.

I'm beginning - toes in- beginning to 'hear' that 45 is very very middle aged and that I've had 3 lovely kids and am starting a new phase of my life. I've got to get real. Sometimes I look at websites and read the stats and want to weep. Other times I read them differently and see all the chances. And I think, 'for god's sake, you were pregnant 2 months ago, what's all this 1% likelihood business?

Gum I don't know where you are and how the talk's going with dh. Fingers crossed. And for hippy too. It must have looked amazing in the sunshine.

Italian I know what you mean. You just can't be too careful. I've told dentists/doctors the same thing; 'I'm not sure, so I'm not going to risk it.' Does make me look like a bit of a storyteller, though

BB sorry to sound thick, but is 2-3 days a problem? I know you may worrying about progesterone/lining/luteal phase deficiency etc, but doesn't it depend on flow?

Mine's been: day 1 normal; day 2 floodgates (bucket required); day 3 normal - stops morning of day 4. Good? Not good? premi-bloody-menopausal? Off on school trip to a Welsh barracks on Friday. For 5 days. I feel like Captain Oates. I may be some time...wait for me. Love to all x

panache Thinking of you.

Lou Dentist wanted to take routine X-rays, not urgent, she said it was not a problem but if there was a chance I could be pregnant she personally would rather wait as I was not in pain etc. So I am waiting. I am pretty sure I will be back at the dentist next week getting X-rayed!

hippy yes, I reckon my period just gone walk about. Good luck Mr Hippy with the job. Not selling ice creams is he, oh no, that is Mr Whippy! Hope the school is OK too.

BB how was holiday?

Nicole are you hiding, not seen you for a while.

Curley hugs to you.

Thanks Gum but after 5 years of trying it would be a miracle! I do believe in miracles and won?t stop believing in them, hence my desire to skip the X-ray but I think it is just my cycle going for a little ride by itself. So pissed off with doc surgery for keeping me waiting for my pap smear, I should have had it last month but they said wait until now and now I?ve found out (remembered) that you need to have it half way through cycle. With my cycles that could be hard to determine!

Gum counselling might help you, it is not about deciding one side or the other but about exploring issues and it might help you to work out a few feelings along the way. Hope you get the answers you want/need. I know you want only one answer at the moment, another baby and pronto, of course if that were possible it would be fab. But in the meantime, maybe it would help to talk to someone, especially if this is making you feel so down.

Lol all I can say is that whatever path you take; I hope it will work out for you. I get told I am middle aged a bit now and I always just say I am going to live to 100 so middle-aged is now 4 years off. But really yes, I am middle-aged. Maybe middle aged is the new thirty something!

Diege hope the sickness will go and all will be OK.

Jolls Hugs

Alba any news?

Hugs to all/

Where is that lia?? what the flippin' heck does she have to take up all her time?? Please come on soon and tell us all about the birth - also tell me what it's really like to be a mum to a new baby at 44 (v.curious).

italian laughed at your Mr Whippy joke, no he would not be selling ice cream (but he would eat the bloody stuff if I let him!) Fingers crossed for your miracle, lovey.

lol I would say my periods are much like yours. day 1 a warning that I need to get a tampon or towel out of the draw. Day 2 & 3 proper quite heavy flow, bright red etc (although no bucket required). Day 4 light, day 5 gone. I think as long as you have good fresh red blood BB that's ok - what is the flow like for those 3 days??? What a bizarre conversation .

lol I hear you sister! I have been trying quite hard to convince myself recently that I am a bit too old for all this, hence my question to Lia. My back is bad today and I remember that both pregnancies with the boys did my back no favours at all and I wonder can I really do it at 44 (going on 45). Also, on the ferry there was a toddler who had to be followed all around the boat and would not sit still once, I looked at my boys who, let's face it, at 8 and nearly 11 are soooo much easier and I wondered can i chase a little one around everywhere again??? Mind you the boys would help I guess. I think I am starting to convince myself that I don't need another baby Reverse psycology - you watch I'll be up-duffed this month no doubt!

lou when are you gonna join the old thread (post MC) I wondered if it was all too painful for you, as Georgie is remembered on there. I'll bet they will be so pleased to see you back though.

hugs for lou and diege - lets get somemore BFP's on here. XXX

Good luck to those about to visit the cons. (that's consultants not prisoners). lol If you do not return we will go on without you!!! But you will be missed

Hi all. Still away having a fab time - yes would definitely recommend Vietnam. hippy we have one of those toddlers - he is exhausting! Stayed awake for the whole plane journey over here, has been a pain on every bus, boat and train since!

Hope the interview went ok Hippy. We have defo decided to move too. Have emailed a couple of agents and hoping one house is still available when we get back.

It's beautiful here though - there's lots to be said for jacking it all in.

gum I hope your dh comes around

italian fingers crossed for that miracle

curly hope the appointment goes ok.

BB I can really see you suddenly coming on and announcing that you are taking all the kids out of school and doing a 'my family gap year' type thing. You are the hippy really arn't you?

lol hippy I only have very light periods now (about 3 days) and my fliow is nowhere near as heavy as it used to be, I mentioned it to the dr and he said it's nothing to worry about and doesn't affect a successful pregnancy :-)

Good evening ladies!

Yes I've been hiding. There's nothing to report here, so kinda been feeling a bit out of it to be honest. So glad to be hearing that all continues to be well with Diege and Lou

Gum so sorry to hear you are in this situation again. I do hope you find peace with the outcome. I never used to understand the uncontrollable urge to have a child myself, and now that I do, I realise that nobody really knows how it devours you unless you have felt it first hand.

I have a tendency to obsess and feared I was doing the same with this site/forum so had to remove myself for my own wellbeing. My urge hasn't changed, I'm just trying to keep some perspective. You are all in my thoughts.

Hips I loved that pic you sent me a few days ago, bloody awesome mate, you should be proud!

Italian Good luck at the dentist!

Waves to BB Curly lol panache tina

I'm so sorry I havn't mentioned any more of you in person. I'm very sleepy!

Big love

Hiya nic nice to see you back. Completely understand your need not to obsess - I find the feeling comes and goes. Thanks for the compliment about the pic

Lots of eggwhites here and a second line that is almost the same colour on the OPK - bit early (day 8) but will start my SWI ASAP. (Hippy rummages in wardrobe looking for a vest - ahhh the old tricks are the best!)

Oh! i'm CD7 but no eggwhites yet. I am eggspecting them tomorrow though as I usually OV on CD10. Had a neg on the OPK today and boy did I hold those fluids back, so a nice sample was produced!

Hope you hear good news about your Ds's interview and glad you had a nice day for your trip. It was 21 degrees here today!

Well we are getting near the top of the list (apparently). I am not sure when it will all happen. Have got holiday booked and mega work schedule in July so secretly now hoping for June. If we start at the beginning of May we could be looking at beginning of June or end of May we could be looking at end of June. I hate to be a pessimist but I do think it will be late May and late June.

Sometimes it is almost hard to share good news and imagine it working out. A friend is going through donor egg treatment and I dead scared that they will not succeed. Of course I want to succeed too but I am worried if I get pregnant with no 2 and they don't even have number 1 how will I tell them.

Sorry this post is all me me me! I am tired and want to watch the goof wife; it is so fab, any other fans out there??

www.channel4.com/programmes/the-good-wife/4od#3176715

here

That sounds reassuring about the light periods . I worry because mine are so different to how they used to be.

Cd 6 here. Expecting to be swi time on the flight back. Will have to join the mile high club.

Yes, hippy would defo take the children out of school for a year if we were assured of jobs and good schools when we got back. Then again I quite like the idea ( although possibly not the reality) of home Ed too.

Italian you obviously care about your friend very much, so I'm sure you will find the way. Forgive me not being up to speed, but are you doing it in this country? It just seems that other countrys get on with things quicker and cheaper than the UK.

Hippy I just read that I wrote about your DS's interview. They grow up fast these days! Doh! Does your DH find out today? Keeping everything crossed for you and for a quick house sale. It's normal to feel scared, but the best things in life are scarey so just go for it!

BB Meant to mention your hols last night. It sounds lovely, but I'm not sure about those cramped toilets on the plane! Hope you enjoy your last few days.

Today is going to be lovely again. It was so hot we slept with the windows open last night, which is not something I do willy nilly! I'm off to the gym early and need to get some bits in town and then I havn't a clue how to spend the rest of the day, which suits me fine!

hey nicole nice to see you back on here I know what you mean about obsessing - I've decided to stop using my monitor now, i know when I ovulate and it only makes me panic on the odd month that i don't (plus it costs a fortune with the sticks)!

having probs with my daughter at the mo - she went to the dentist yesterday and cannot understand why she's being asked to pay now (she's 19 but still at college) and called them a bunch of robbing bs - she's very reluctant to give up any of her money despite earning a fair amount at her part time job - she'll have a big shock when she moves out lol

dh is waiting to hear about a job he really really wants, he's been very depressed about his current job and i'd love him to get this but trying not to get too excited for him!

Hope everyone else is well, hi to gum italian lou beattie et al

looking forward to a lovely weekend and hopefully lots of swoi

Hi Nicole welcome back XX
Hippy hope its good news for your hubby today.I will tell all my old "buddies" just going to wait to next Friday after my next scan as i ll be 11 weeks then.OMG i know they ll all be so happy.THey're so sweet.Get to the SWI now or soon as your dh's there!!!!
BB sounds bliss....enjoy your "mile high shag"!!!!!
Diege hope you re ok?
Italian how sweet are you worrying about your friend? i m afraid after loosing Georgie i ve become somewhat more selfish and focussed on me and mine.I m not saying i 'd go out of my way to hurt anyone but i don t give as much thought to others now.Hope you get some news soon.
Hi Curley u ok?
Hi lol X
Hi Tina X
Where's Jolls? missing in action????
All good here day off,sun's shining.Got a busy weekend ahead.Tomorrow morning i m having a manicure party for 3 of my closest friends to thank them for all their support.Then we re out for a 40th birthday curry tomorrow night then Sunday it's the annivarsary of 6 months since Georgie was born.We re off to our "special" place with some flowers and to scatter some e of Georgie's ashes then luch.So a bit of a mixed bag really.Can t believe it's 6 months since Georgie was born never thought we'd make it here.
Seeing my consultant on Monday at 4 pm to discuss swabs,management,2 nd trimester etc.....

Ended up telling all my colleagues yesterday .One of the HCAs asked me to take in Georgie's photo album so i did and she cried all the way through it so my friend said "tell Ann something to cheer her up!!!" so i told her i was 10 wks pg and she burst in to tears again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So everyone at work knows so it makes life easier now.Oh, MIL from hell rung and left a whinny message on answermachine earlier this week after Ant had told her the news.Something along the lines of "i suppose i m the last person you want to hear from [err yeah!!!!] but i hope all goes ok" blah,blah,blah.Just f**k off!!!! even the sound of her whinging voice makes me want to reach down the phone to strangle her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi all! Sorry for my absence these last few days - sickness has turned quite bad again after me thinking it might be on the way out. Schools are off here too at the moment, which makes it worse as I can't just slob out when I'm not at work.
Anyway, enough moaning from me - will be worth it in the end
Soooo, I need a willing volunteer to take the bistro orders tonight . Just fizzy water for me please!

OK - so the OPK says go for it now, woman and the egg whites say do it now quick whilst there's loads of us and before we dry up and DH says, "Just got home from work and am all tired and hot - give me a minute!" A MINUTE????? Does he not get it??? Will be doing it tonight, tomorrow and Sunday [dedicated face] - I am getting fed up with this whole TTC thing and need to move on to the BFP stage this month!!! THIS MONTH - D' ya hear me??

Quick diege rustle me up an omlette, I have a vest top to put on .

Love to all - what a fab day - loving the heatwave.

Sorry diege I didn't see your message. Sorry to hear you're feeling so crap but it does mean that little-un is staying put . I can't do the cooking (for the reasons I explained). Will just do my own omlette and then bugger off......

I can run the bistro :)
Feck all else to do tonight.
Except ruminate in another CD1.
Cycle 7 here we come. Actually it's 9 cycles since my MMC but we didn't try for a bit.
Starting to think the shutter's come down on my shop, and I didn't get to buy that special purchase that I really wanted. Arse :(

Off to eat sticky toffee pudding (for real).

Love to all.

Chocolate for me, fresh chocolate on a plate, wrapped, unwrapped, however it comes. Exenpensive, cheap, whatever.

Lou yes, on one level it won;t matter to my friends what happens to me a fraction as much as it matters to me. Just feel a limtle nervous. Last time had donor eggs a friend did too, she was trying for number one and she got a baby. I felt happy for her, but still sad for me. So I do care about myself!

Nicole It is not necessarily cheaper overseas, although in some places it may be. The key thing is that it is quicker but DH was keen to go to a place he knew and felt comfortable with, typical man! Also we both liked the idea in the UK that any babies born could have a chance to trace the donor if they wished to. We joined the list in July thinking it would be 10 months until treatment finished but it is already almost 10 and treatment not started yet . But optimistically, I think it will start soon.

Diege sorry that you are feeling ill, feel better soon, hon.

Hugs to all.

Oh Jollster, sorry about CD1. It is arsicles, for sure.

Deige sorry you're feeling rough, but like you said, it will be worth it in the end.

Curly any news from the appointment?

Nicole, nice to see you back again.

Lou, hope you are okay, and that the 6 month anniversary isn't too awful (though I'm sure it will be really hard).

Lol, you still going to ttc? Have you given yourself a cut off date or anything like that?

Tina, when does your DH find out about the job he wants?

How about your dh Hippy, did you find out about the IOW job yet? How did the viewings of the house go? I still want a sticky beak if you want to add a link?

As for me...and don't read on if you are sick of my personal dialemas, it's all a bit soap opera, isn't it?(where is the soap opera emoticon - I could make great use of it).

My DH and I talked some more. I made all sorts of offers because I know he's concerned about finances, and I think that helped him a little, but he said it isn't just about that, he feels he doesn't get enough time for himself as it is. Unfortunately this issue has come up when he's having a tough time at work : it's a really busy time, the term is two weeks longer than usual(he's a teacher) so everyone is tired and grumpy at work.He's had a problem with some equity issues at work too. So timing for this conversation isn't great. However I explained how hard this is for me, and said I'd had in mind that if I wasn't pregnant by November(my 45th birthday) I was going to stop actively ttc. So he said, well, how about we start ttc then. Ugh! It is just too long to wait, I'm very concerned about my age. I know he says "wait" because he hopes I'll change my mind.

Part of me wants to be vague about my fertile times.I do know when I'm fertile, I'm using the monitor, but I'm tempted to be a bit less informed and see what happens. I know that isn't being truthful with him (which doesn't sit well) but if he says November is okay, what difference does it make if it is a bit earlier? It makes more sense if we do it sooner rather than later. But I'll take it later if I have to.

I'm still temping to see where I am at with my cycle. It looks like I may have ovulated a couple of days ago, and we did get one SWI in a day before, so maybe there's still a small chance this month.

Time for a .Anyone else want one?

Oh, also meant to say hello to Italian, and to thank you for your wise and kind words.

And "Beattie* - can't wait to hear how the "mile high club" went!

If I have forgotten anyone, sorry - big wave to you too...

Morning . Gum, I know that the whole of MN would probably flame me for saying this, but if I were you I would indeed be 'creative' with your fertility monitor (which in and of itself isn't an exact science). I think the fact that dh is warming to ttc anyway, plus (for me) the fact that you were actually pregnant with no.6 anyway, would make me not lie as such, but certainly be more 'flexible' with the truth. I think you're pretty much there anyway now with ttc plans, so I would sit back, stop talking about it, and keep the monitoring to yourself iyswim. I wouldn't usually recommend anything but straight forward openness, but I do think your situation is different from most in that your dh does want to ttc, and if things had worked out you would be pregnant now . Thinking of you xxx
Hippy did dh get to you in time?
Jolls thanks for the bistro cover, and sorry about af , what a bummer.
Italian it must be very frustrating this waiting, though as you say you are at the right side of the waiting and surely it can't be much longer now x
Hi Tina and Nicole, how are things?
panasche thinking of you of you are lurking x
Louise a mixed weekend indeed. Hope things are ok on Sunday (well, as ok as they can be x)
Lovely and sunny here but I am quite cold . Have a lecture to write on Cameron and the Big Society which is enough to turn my stomach at the best of times .
Love to all x

lou thinking of you this week-end. I know you will be thinking how different everything should have been now and it honestly does break my heart for you, lovie. ((((lou))))

italian I think that 5 years of trying for no 2 entitles you to think about yourself for a while. Of course it would be fab if your friend were successful too but YOU can no more control the outcome of her IVF than you can control the outcome of your own. If this really is your last decent chance at a pregnancy then I think you need to be a bit selfish and hope and pray that it works out for you. Any sign of the missing Auntie yet???

jolls I'm so sorry to hear AF arrived for you. I think that we are quite similar in that we got pregnant quickly before and now we are struggling (this is cycle 10 for me - DOUBLE figures!) I do understand how frustrating it is and how strange when you have always fallen pregnant easily before. I really hope that we will both be rewarded in that it may take us longer this time but we will get sticky beans this time - chin up, Mrs!

gum I do find it odd that you say you are thinking of stopping in Nov and he says well why not start then - I don't fully understand the reasoning behind that. I'm not sure what to advise as I don't know your DH or fully understand exactly what he wants.

No news about the job - so assume it was a 'no' - but haven't actually been told that yet.

tank I'm not sure if you are still reading about us all but hope that you are checking in. I just wanted to say that I know the anniversary is approaching and I wanted to say that i was thinking of you, although, unfortunately, I can think of nothing to say that will ease your pain.

I know from your blog that you get pissed off when people say that the new baby will make everything better and I think that i may well have said something like "I'm sure next Mothers day will be better". Anyway, if I was one of the people who pissed you off then I apologise, sweetie and please rest assured that it was done out of ignorance and not malice. Please come back when you get a chance and let us know how you are, we think of you often.

Hippy, the idea of November is pretty strange, but I think it was him trying to a) be a tiny bit flexible and b) put it off for as long as possible.

I don't think we actually finished the discussion, but to tell the truth I am sick of talking about it.

I sometimes wonder if my level of grief is normal after a miscarriage. I am very sad and seem to be fine for days, then it hits me again and I have an awful couple of days. I just want to feel normal again, but almost feel like it won't happen if I don't get pregnant again. That sounds so irrational, I know

I agree Deige, I'd get a flaming from mumsnet folk if I started a thread :"Should I be creative with the truth so I can ttc". They'd bloody incinerate me! But like you, I justify it by saying that I should still be pregnant (though he wasn't all that happy about it) and he has given the go ahead for later. As I said to Hippy, he hopes I'll be less sad about the miscarriage by the time November roles around and will have seen sense. I might too, but the way I feel right now suggests it isn't likely.

So, I'll just relax and not do very much at all I think....

Oh, before I forget, a couple of feel good stories. My close friend, Kerry was telling me how her mum had 8 kids, but after the first two had a miscarriage, then didn't get pregnant again for 8 years. Then she had 6 kids very,very close together, and had her last at age 44.

My sister was at a ladies retreat last weekend, and met a couple of women who were late babies - mums had them at ages 45 and 46, and one had a aunt who had a baby at 50!

So, there's a sprinkling of hope for us. I actually think we'd all eventually get there, but for all sorts of reasons we don't all want to ttc indefinitely.