Feisty Fabulous Forty somethings - part 3

[Curlylox]

As you were ladies

fireflies I hope all is well. Take it easy and try not to think about it.

I'm in hospital having my treatment. Thanks for all your posts. It's very heartwarming. My friends and family have rallied round and it's been nice as it's hard to keep things going with two exuberant girls to care for. Hubby is still off til Friday on a boys holiday and it's school holidays, but at least it reduces the time I have to be melancholy.

lol nice to hear from you. I hope you're ok and bearing up. It'll take time to adjust.
diege and others having a break I hope you're having a good one.

I looked into gender selection for swi, but there really isn't much out there besides Shettles which is pretty old limited research. It reckons for a boy you should time swi to when you are ovulating and for a girl a few days either side. Not very helpful when you consider all the other variables and likelihood's of conceiving.

I also saw that Tonight tv programme and am always amazed how they can make these programmes with such little data and info. Those four women especially annoyed me as no matter your circumstances women are not really that naive and do know there is a ticking time biological clock out there, but of course it's not that simple to just decide right now is the time. Grr.

Hi
I'm having awful thoughts here wondering if I did the right thing with the medical managed m/c yesterday. The problem was on my second scan last Friday the doctor I saw was pretty apathetic. I don't think he had read my notes and when I went in he asked me had I miscarried to which I tried to explain no but it might be and that's what I was doing there. He then without any further history went to do a vaginal scan found what he thought was a fetal pole and started immediately telling me I should wait.

I got dressed and then the doctor, on looking at my notes started going through the options for a m/c. On asking 3 times he then admitted he had changed his diagnosis from earlier because of my previous scan which showed a sac and baby shape of about 6 wks. He wrote down his m/c diagnosis and said he was now 99.99% sure. Convinced that the baby had shrunk I then went on to discuss m/c options although the nurse did suggest I could leave things be if I wasn't sure. I couldn't bear the thought of waiting again if there was no hope.

Anyway yesterday on taking the medical mgmt option I passed what looked like a complete sac with kidney shaped baby. I'm now plagued with a worry that he hadn't seen that sac on my second scan and that things might have been ok. I'm not sure what response I want, I know your not doctors, and obviously either way the baby's gone.

fireflies how are you doing by now?

Everyone else may well be away. If so I hope the weather is better than here, it is very wet.

shandy have no experience of medically managed m/c, however here's a big squeeze ((((((()))))) as I know how emotional going through a m/c is.

Shandy Big, big hug to you xx

FWIW, I think, first off, you were pretty sure of your dates, so you were probably 8 weeks at your first scan. Secondly, even if you were 6 weeks, and the baby was doing well, but not big enough for a heart beat, by the time you had your second scan, if bean was ok, it would have been at least 8 weeks, and pretty unmissable with a vaginal scan, and would have had a heart beat etc.

I also think a lot of medics are tossers with no social skills what so ever. Stuipd man, telling you he is 99.9 recurring sure... of course that is going to make you think: there was hope, I did the wrong thing. I think what he meant was - this foetus has died, there is no hope - but I'm medic, and I like to cover my big, well paid arse - so I am never going to say, never ever, because why should I?

You did the right thing, but it is normal to feel all over the place and emotional. Your hormones will be all over the place. Be gentle with yourself. Buy a large choccie cheesecake and a good bottle of wine for this evening, and pamper yourself for a little bit. IME, things do feel better once you ovulate again, and your body is over the hormone jump and shock xx

Waves at everyone else.....

Happy belated birthday to Diege Hope you enjoyed Whitby. We went there for the Easter w/e just before C died - I remember it as being very pretty, with surprisingly clean public toilets. ;-) Can't believe we are both 41 now, and up the duff xx

Hippy I am now a strep B expert - I am going to do a private test with a company called the Doctor's Laboratory - apparently they don't use the same testing method in NHS labs, and the incident of false negatives is high. It only costs £33, which seems well worth it - but the problem is, if you come back positive, the NHS consider your labour high risk and want to push you into a hosp birth. And I want a home birth... so will be crossing my fingers for a negative result...

How are you and the bean gum
Hope the little embies are doing ok, and the spotting is just them burrowing in fireflies

I cracked anyway, and watched the programme about being too old to be a mother. If I was the reporter's wife, I would divorce him - he filmed her having a morning nap whlist her newborn slept. Is it is because you're 42 he mocked? Patronising git - I watched this Wife Swap on iplayer the other day: www.channel4.com/programmes/wife-swap/episode-guide/series-11/episode-2 where the 22 year old mum lay in bed every day until at least noon, while her 18 month old stayed in her cot... then she got up and fed her a packet of crisps for b'fast and spent the aftenoon playing on the internet, while her tot watched telly.... I can't understand why people want to give older mothers such a hard time - why can't they look at parenting instead?

Also agree with other posters that the programme sort of missed the point - I don't think many people spend their 20s thinking they can always have a child later. In my 20s, I was busy doing my PhD and establishing my career - I had absolutely no interest in children. If you'd told me my fertility was declining, I would probably have thought that was a good thing... Having babies in your 40s is just a normal part of life - my mother did it and so my grandmother... It's not something women plan and weigh up like a military operation....

Sorry... rant, rant, rant..... I know, I am preaching at the converted...

Oh, and the bit where they said - a BFP is less likely to end in a baby than not... I thought that was just a little over the top... grr.....

Italian I also watched that programme about the obese tots.. how drepressing.

Hope everyone is having a good bank holiday - cold and wet in Scotland - isn't it always!

Shandy, I think TTTonTour has said what I would like to say, and probably better than I could. It's natural to doubt yourself and the docs but, like TTT said, you were pretty much sure of the dates so you know you did the right thing. It must be really upsetting, though, and I feel for you.

Gum, lol's suggestions for London are pretty much the same as I would say although it takes me pretty much half a day to walk along the South Bank from Waterloo (London Eye) to Tate Modern because there's usually lots to see and I call in at the photo gallery at the Oxo tower etc. I can also spend a whole day in Greenwich visiting the craft market (weekends) the Royal Observatory or Naval Museum. And as has been said already, in recent Octobers the weather has been glorious but it can be either way - indian summer or really autumnal, cold and grey and wet. We went on a Thames Rib boat for my birthday last year and that was absolutely brilliant; you get the same tour as the cruise boats but much more exciting. Much more expensive too, unfortunately! British Museum is always good but really, there's so much to London, it depends what they like.

Diege, hope you weren't on the bouncy castle in Whitby that blew away this weekend.

My news is that I started bleeding yesterday morning, but by evening there had only been a tiny bit so I was hoping implantation bleeding but no, RTD came in force overnight. So CD1 for me. Quite hopeful for ov during holiday so FX for next month.

Italian and others, that programme sounds dreadful and I'm glad I didn't watch it. I think it's pg over 45 where the risk of miscarriage is over 50% because that's one of the stats I found when I fell pg.

Shandy sorry you re left wondering . Any of us can only ever do what we think is right at the time.I ve been through both the surgerical and medical management of MC and I found the medical route much harder and drawn out.Please take care (()) xxx
Hi gum
hi curly hope you re ok?
hippy hope you ve started packing all ire belongings up ready for the big move!!
Hi mitzi!I remember cd1 always being the most depressing.good luck for this cycle x
Hi to everyone else. Hope all are well. Had a fab time in London " Billy Elliot" was excellent the child actors just amazing. Went on a tour bus, river cruise and ghost walk. Loved it then out last night so all very good but now knackered and back at work tomorrow. Shame. All fine with GBOS I m defiantly showing now!!!! Not felt any movement yet but I didn t to quite late with Georgie and I m at least half a stone heavier this time. Long day tomorrow then seeing my midwife Wed am .

Love to all xxxx

tank thank you. That's all I needed to know to reassure me was really that there was no way the doc would have missed a 8 weeks foetus even after seeing what he was quite happy was a fetal pole. It was that that disturbed me not the .01% chance if it makes any sense as he obviously hadn't seen how advanced I was the week before until after scanning me and what came out was bigger than that on the scan photo that he found.

Anyway I'm rambling but as I say i am reassured. I think your right angelgeorgie I've had both types of m/c and the medical one is more difficult to accept. I think because you're body is tricked into believing the pg is still viable so it's hard for your mind to believe the opposite.

mitzi bummer for af.

Hi everyone.

Shandy, I'm sorry you are going through this doubt. Tank's summed up what I was thinking too. I know this is a tough time, be kind to yourself and get plenty of support.

Lou, sorry,Angelgeorgie, glad to hear that things are going well. I envy you seeing Billy Elliot, would loved to have joined you.

I'm 5+4 today. It seems to be going incredibly slowly and my symptoms just aren't strong enough for my liking! I spend hours awake in the early morning, worrying because my boobs don't hurt or tingle, and I don't feel sick. They are tingling now, and I have that awful taste in my mouth, but in the early hours I always feel so doubtful.

I'm going to see my GP today. In Australia we are cared for by our GPs or a specialist obstetrician (consultant?) until labour and delivery, where the midwives take over.

The dr I am seeing is the one I saw for the miscarriage and she was so caring and gentle, I think she'll be great. She told me to come back as soon as I got pregnant so she could monitor me closely and put my mind at ease. So I am glad to be seeing her today and hopefully to have a plan.

Mitzi - I hope your holiday swi plans work out and you bring a special little souvenir home.

shandybass I think TTT has said it better than me, so please do not torture yourself with these thoughts. You went on the medical diagnosis and the doctor saw a scan. When I lost my litle one 5 years ago I did not want to do anything about it and wanted it to all happen naturally. The doctors said they could not see a heartbeat and I wondered if there might be a chance but it was not to be. I think the doctors really do know what they are looking at in this situations. I had lots of blood and clots and it was all very dramatic and horrible! So please do not beat yourself up for taking the medical path. I am not a doctor but I do feel sure if the doctor had been uncertain they would have said to wait. I think that happened to someone else on here where they had to go back for a second scan as the doctor was not sure. All the best for the future, please try to grieve for this little one without blaiming yourself in any way.

Big hugs for Lol, Curly and Panache.

To all you lovely ladies, hugs

10000fireflies Sono dall'Inghilterra. Grazie Google Translate. I am not really ITALIAN! and I am in the UK! And yes, I am an insomniac! Sorry for the spotting. Hope it will not be a bad sign.

Sorry I have been absent. Had people staying at week end and now dh has nicked laptop. I am on ds1 internet tablet which is very odd. I just wa.ted to say to shandy that I totally get why u r thinking these thoughts but as others have said, u would have been 9 wks if all had been ok and therewould defo have been a heartbeat by then. I think the doc wanted 2 wait incase the dates were wrong but then he realised that u had already done that. It is so horrible 2 pass that little sac. Myheart does go out to u. Also, firefly I think the spotting can mean good orbad in ur situation, let's hope its someone settling in. Gotta go now - hate typing with this stick thing. Love 2all. More news when laptop retrieved.

Hi hippy thanks. Your right it was awful seeing the sac and thinking but for me taking that tablet it was quite happy to stay there and an awful oh what have I done.

I'm glad to lose the pg symptoms though they and the anxiety were flooring me. gum take it easy it sounds like that's what you're going through even if you think your not getting a lot of signs.

I must confess shandy that when I had my MC at 7 weeks I passed a little sac (at the scan at 6 weeks they could only see a sac with probably nothing in it), anyway, I fished the sac out of the loo to examine it further. Not sure what i was looking for or why but wanted to see something . It really is difficult but what i was trying to say earlier but wasn't able to express myself well due to being on an internet tablet and typing with a stick was, The doc probably thought he would just leave it a while and then when he read that you'd done that already he changed his diagnosis. They would have checked thoroughly for a heatbeat so please don't think those dark thoughts anymore honey. A big hug for you. ((()))

Nothing to report here. Got the laptop back - obviously

Day 9 today and have already started on the SMEP. Gotta give it my best as I'm taking the clomid. No pos yet on the OPK.

firefly any more spotting - all ok???

Hippy,,, how are you finding the clomid? Are you having many side affects. I know one lady on another site was saying clomid dried up her CM, she used preseed (sorry if that's TMI, but I didn't think it would be here). Hopefully the clomid will do the trick and pump out a couple of beautiful eggs for you.

Fireflies - how are things for you, has the spotting settled down? I have heard it is quite common in IVF to have spotting in the tww.

I had a good appointment with the dr yesterday. She really is lovely. She wants to reassure me, so has ordered a scan at the end of next week, I'll call and make an appointment soon. I also had blood taken. She said they have an ultrasound machine at the practice and she'll scan me any time I feel worried. I don't want a tonne of scans, but it is nice to know she is so caring. I left feeling a little less anxious. I'm mostly okay, but those early hours of the morning are the worst. I think I may need to find a mantra I can say to myself quietly, to help calm me. I do try yogic breathing, but my mind just always seems to take over! I just want it to quieten down!

I'm amazed at how great my DH has been, considering he was so adamant he didn't want another. He's been chatting about names, is protective of what i eat and drink, and seems really into it. It surprises and delights me. In some ways, I think the miscarriage, as sad as it was, has brought us to this place which is better than before.

I'm feeling much sicker this morning, so I'm glad about that. Bloody tired though, finding it hard to get through the day without a nanna nap. I hope that improves before I go back to work at the end of July.

I hope everyone is okay - the thread has been quiet lately.

Forgot to say, Jolls - you still around? Haven't seen you for ages. I hope everything is okay.

Morning ladies. Long time no type as it were!

There is so much going on for you all right now, forgive me if I only mention a few of you.

Shandy How awful for you, my heart went out to you reading about passing the little sac. Heartbreaking

Congratulations on your news Gum It sounds like your DH is really on board after his initial anxieties. That's great!

Hippy you pump those eggs out gal! Go get 'em! Any probs on the Clomid so far? I don't remember you posting any, or maybe you're taking it all in your stride.

Italian It's getting closer, you must be getting more and more excited! Well done on the eating too, it sounds like you have come a long way.

Fireflies I'm not sure we've officially met. But, I just want to say how exciting it is to read about your experience. This thread always amazes me. I think, between us all we have probably done it all! How is it going?

So lovely to know that all is well with Diege and Lou (lovely name change btw)

I think I might not have ovulated last month. I'm late, it's CD33 and AF usually comes at 26/27. I tested this a.m. and got a BFN. So will just have to wait until AF shows it's ugly head. I was convinced I had symptoms last week and my stomach was huge. It's funny, as soon as I decided to stop eating crap and as a result, lost an inch off my waist and lost 5lb, my symptoms went!!

Apologies and waves to everyone else. The weather is looking up, so enjoy the rest of half term for those of you who have Bambinos. x

Nicole I know how you feel! I haven't dtd since CD6, ovulated CD12ish, and then have had the privilege of studying my symptoms at leisure. And what do you know, the more I exercise, the fewer 'symptoms' I have. Hey presto.

To be fair, I'm pretty sure I've been up-duffed (proven with BFPs etc) a few times, but certainly not as many as my 'symptoms' would suggest.

Hippy I'm desperate for clomid news. Ok, so it's not relevant to my situation before, but I HATE NOT KNOWING. Is it symptom free? Or are you so busy packing up that you've not noticed?

Lia are you watching the World's Strictest Parents on BBC3. I have a feeling I should be taking a leaf out of those parents' book.

Love to all. Sorry I'm still hanging around this thread. I haven't managed to wean myself off yet!

hello ladies, I have my first appointment at care fertility clinic on the 14th June and wondered if anyone who has been through a fertility clinic can let me know what to expect? i know I have to have some scans and then we have an appointment with the consultant

getting a bit nervous especially about the scans wondering what they might show!

any info greatly appreciated

thanks

Mitzi - sorry to hear AF arrived. Keeping my fingers crossed for your holiday SWI!
Angel - how was the MW appt?
Shandy - how are you doing?
Gum - wow - now that is good treatment from your GP! I'd be there every week for a check up if I was you! If only you could get that on the NHS! I might have to consider an urgent relocation!! Waking in the middle of the night thinking about things is the worst, but the meditation sounds like a good way to deal with it.
Nicole - nice to meet you! Sorry to hear about the BFN and impending AF visit.
Hippy - how's -watch?
Italian - clearly I am gullible - you had me fooled with your truffle dish from 'your' Italy. Funny thing is, sometimes your English seems to have an Italian accent. :-)

Am disappointed. Am sure I had implantation spotting on Sunday, but woke up yesterday to find AF had arrived. BFN inevitable Friday. Am preparing myself to do another round of IVF/ICSI asap. DH and I are sure we can do better. I tore some ligaments while I was in the ovary-stimulating phase and I suspect the muscle relaxant injections I had may be to blame. Am not going to resign myself to being childless mad cat-woman... yet. Right, going shopping!

firefly it is possible to have some bleeding and still get a BFP but I can understand why you are resigning yourself. I'm so sorry if this cycle hasn't worked. I really hoped something was getting cosy in there. Were they your own eggs? WIll you do own eggs again? Sorry to be so nosey. I think you should still test anyway, but that's just what I would do.

nicole hello there matey. SOrry you got a BFN but as they say, it aint over 'til AF turns up - so maybe you just have a shy one there. Good to see you back.

gum your doc sounds amazing. Blimey if they told me they had an ultra scan machine at my GP - I'd be in there every bloody day!!

tank good news about the swab for strep B. Hope you get the home birth you deserve.

I am not sure that there are any side effects as yet to the clomid. Boobs feel pretty normal at the mo but they did feel bigger when I was actually taking the tabs. I am not sure whether my CM is drying up cos we have started on the sperm meets egg plan and I always find it very confusing to work out egg whites from sperm . Anyway I'm taking the old cough mixture and drinking lots (including grapefruit juice) so I hope that is doing the trick. I am worried that when i ovulate it might be very painful as there are gonna be about 4 beautiful ripe FRESH eggs popping out - but I'll just have to deal with it

We are off to IOW in 23 days to view rental properties. I saw a fab one today which will probably be gone by then. We are also viewing 2 Primary schools for DS2 - all very exciting diege that's Isle of Wight not IOWA, USA!!!!!!!

Love to Lou and Diege - must be nearly time to power up the copter.

tina I have no experience of fertility clinics, sorry. BUT I know a woman who does italian is a bit of an expert and she'll pop along soon to help you out I'm sure. X

ps. Forgot to tell you all. I went for night out in London on Saturday. I can not stand night clubs and only went cos it was a very good friend's 40th. Anyway, I only managed to fall out of the minibus didn't I (before I'd had a single drop of alcohol). The bottom step was way higher than the other two.

Really hurt my arm trying to stop myself falling and felt like a proper twat Everyone was very nice and one bloke said I looked very elegant as I fell - like a swan he said - ha ha.

Just dashing in to tell Hippy, 'Serves you right for wearing 6" heels!' and to give a big ((())) to fireflies

Gum your doc sounds brilliant! So different from when I was pg & started bleeding and couldn't get anyone at all to see me ? GP said she'd handed me over to the midwives, midwife said the earliest appointment was in 4 weeks time, EPU said I couldn't refer myself; had to have GP or A&E referral, and I didn't want to go to A&E as I work in the hospital and know too many people in that dept and didn't want the awkward questions when they walked through the waiting room. I felt so scared and alone. Of course didn't help that DP was 200 miles away, too. Oops sorry for the "me me me". I'm so pleased that your DH is so on-board about your pregnancy; just shows, you needn't have worried so much about telling him.

Fireflies I'm hoping it's not really AF but if it is, I admire your positive attitude and have FX that the next cycle will be the one for you. I'm wondering how your DH plans to "do better" next time?

Tina sorry, can't help but hopefully someone else can.

Nicole hope it's just taking its time to show up on the test.

Shandy hope you're ok and being looked after in your DH's absence.

Hippy has your DH got his results yet for the "something grizzly"? Good luck with finding somewhere to rent on the IOW. Do you know which part of the island you want to be?

Italian hope you're OK and no one else has asked if you're pregnant!

Sorry to peeps I've missed. Will catch up Friday, hopefully ? busy day at work tomorrow then driving up north in the evening.

Fireflies Bugger... I think that's a technical term in the circumstances. Really sorry - nothing wrong with crazy cat women, but have fingers and toes crossed for your next cycle. xx

Hippy I hope you emsp-ing this month with all those groovy clomid eggs xx Ps glad you're not moving to IOWA ;-)

TTT I am most definitely sperm-meets-egg-ing it this month. I hear it works just fine

Thanks for asking mitzi - DH has not had the procedure yet. I must chase up the appointment. So sorry to hear that you had such a horrid time with your MC. They are never a good experience but it sounds like you were very alone and scared - ((())) hugs for you, lovie.

ps. lol I am 5ft 8" - if I wore 6 inch heels I'd be over 6ft - I'd never get a snog in a club at that height