Feisty Fabulous Forty somethings - part 3

[Curlylox]

As you were ladies

Arg Lia no advice but I send u my love sounds like a nightmare.

Gum fab news yeh!!!!! All sounds good excellent news.
Hi hippy a. F here yet?
Morning all. all fine here day off work , so lovely. Hope everyone is well? Xxxxxxx

lia so sorry to hear things are not going well with your DD. I don't know what to say really as I am yet to discover the delights of teens - my 11 year old has just started on the pre-teen stroppy slope..... I thought italian was saying you should meditate and then re-read it. I know teens do go through a tunnel and your beautiful child disappears into it, becomes a horrible person and then eventually appears back out the other side and is a lovely grown up. I really hope this is just a phase for you. We don't think about all this when we long for a baby do we .....

AF still hadn't arrived yesterday so i did a test and of course BFN. AF arrived with gusto this morning. It is 14 days since I ov'd - I can't help thinking that I would have been so pleased with a bloody 14 day LP at the begining of this process when I was worried it was only about 10/11 days. But now, I just kinda think, yeah yeah too little too late . I am hoping that the clomide combined with this wonderful LP will produce a pregnancy but who knows, could clomide muck up the LP??????

I am pleased that I am nearly done with all this, once I get that coil in there will be no more blood and no more endo pain (I hope) and i am looking forward to that.

Anyway, my niggles are nothing really. I've been following someone on the preg after MC thread who has just lost her twins at about 20 weeks and it is heartbreaking, not sure but think they may be IVF twins too. That kind of news puts my moaning about AF and endo pain well and truelly in the shade. I don't know the person so haven't messaged her but it feels much like when I first read about lou and Georgie despite not knowing the person your heart breaks for them.

Anyway, glad to hear Mr Gum is all fine with the news. Love the poem italian - very good, thanks for sharing.

We have begun sorting out our house and it is now a bloody mess, does not look like it did in the photos anymore!!! We have little piles of stuff everywhere awaiting the car boot sale me and the boys are planning.

Thinking of you today, lol - do you have to see your DP at work today?

Also thinking of you shandy ((()))

lol I'm so sorry. what a situation to be in. And what a decision to make (the wrong one of couse imo). Please look after youself.

shandy hope it does turn out alright for you. Like others on here, I've been in the same situation. it's shit I know.

Lia sorry haven't got to that stage yet, so can't help. there was another thread on here I think about a teen stealing money - maybe there was some useful advice on there. I know it's easy for me to say, but often they go through their rebellious stage and then knuckle down. 18 is still young - plenty of time to go to college. I always thought that if I was in that situation, I would insist on rent being paid if mine weren't studying (and perhaps would save it for them secretly), but its hard to say if you haven't gone through it.

hippy also CD1 here. will take my last comid this month too, but not sure what I'll do after that. I'll have moved by next month probably so won't be able to go to the uber-expensive doctor. I've ordered some pre-seed for this month though. God knows what dh will say when I present it to him! (could I pretend it's a "fun" lube maybe??? - it's all new to me!).

1000fireflies fingers crossed for you this week too!

oh yes forgot to say fireflies fab news on the embies - let us know when they are safely transferred

BB - love the idea of you presenting hubbie with pre-seed and declaring it is a fun accessory

When i'm on the 2ww I am always very keen for it to have worked and for me to be preg but then when AF arrives I feel like I'm ready to move on.

I think i find that all the blood and pain just brings it home to me that I could just be heading for another MC and that's when i panic and think - stop now you stupid woman!

I think in a funny way i am just releived that the blood and pain are just AF and not something more sinister (does that make any sense or am I just rambling????)

diege just watched the 3rd Pyschoville - blimey, that programme just keeps getting weirder - love it

jolls hello there my love.

lou big hugs for GBOS. XXX

I'm sorry I sloped off with the Thread Credit Card, and totally failed to book the stretch-helicopter... however to compensate, I have set up an account with a range of appropriate transport providers, who offer jet planes, helicopters and limos - you all have delegated purchasing authority, so go for it...

What a lot has happened!

LOL so sorry it has come to this - when you started mentioning this the other day... I was going to share with everyone my expensive donor egg advice from Dr Thong - who seemed to think that a donor egg had a 60% chance of success - not sure if that is just his clinic or what... but that sounds pretty good... Can't help but feel your ex2b has been a bit of idiot - I know it is his perogative, but it leaves a nasty taste in the mouth.

If another baby is your dream - donor eggs (alone or with someone new) might be an option? But in the meantime I hope you have lots of gentle support to help you heal - and that you find someone (unlike that dick) who loves you for who you are, and your children - rather than preferring some one without baggage

Now you will probably get back together... and I will have to sit in a corner cringing...

Gum SO, SO DESPERATELY PLEASED FOR YOU!!! Sorry to shout - but it is rather exciting, isn't it!

Hippy I want to join in with everyone else and say I have a good feeling about the clomid too.... Great news on the house sale - nothing is moving fast in Scotland...

All good news on the Diege and Lou bumps....

Curly I hope you have your dates wrong too - thinking of you xx

33 weeks plus 5 here... onwards, upwards.... Fidget is head down and has developed a taste for pavola - (it's her, not me honest)... She used to like beetroot - so I can only assume that she is definitely a girl, and her brain has developed....

Hugs to all xx

Ahhh TT there you are.... so nice of you to bring back the credit card - do we have any money left on it????? Thanks for setting up the transport account.

Yes, I know what you mean about lol no one wants to be too rude about her x to be, incase they make up and we all have to say - "I knew he was a gooden really!" Thinking of you lol((()))

Thanks for the good wishes about the clomid - 3 months left of this journey - so good to know the end is nigh - one way or another. First pill will be popped tomorrow.

Lots of love to fidget, tell her that whilst beetroot is very tastey and good for you - there is no harm in a little bit of pavlova now and then. So pleased to hear you're nearly 34 weeks - we will be welcoming her into the snug very soon

ok, I did go a bit crazy with the Snug Credit Card - but you all know how irresponsible I am. I got us a chocolate fountain, a karoke machine and a hot tub (strictly for use prior to ov, and not for the pregnant ladies). Then I bought a few new scatter cushions (no one has been shopping lately - and as no one ever cleans up here - I think we should employ a hard up student to do the cleaning)....

I now envisage that BB and Diege can co-compere Shrek karoke in the swamp style party nights - my first number, if I'm invited to sing, is a Beatles track: "Gotta Get you into my life" which I have been singing to Fidget for several weeks now (for rather obvious reasons)....

However, I'm totally up for a group rendition of I WILL SURVIVE for LOL. I think we would do great backing vocals!

Oh, and dumb pregnancy head - I meant to say I hoped your dates were wrong Shandy - not Curly.... I'm a bit on your behalf that they let you out of the EPU tbh, with out fully explaining what it all meant. I think it's quite lucky to get a heart beat at 6 weeks - so if bubs is just 6 weeks, it may well still be ok.

I know you said you feel you've lost symptons - if it's any consolation, I woke up one morning around 7 weeks or so and didn't feel pg - blubbed over DH - how do you know? he asked. I JUST KNOW I blubbed... and now I'm 33 weeks, so I obviously didn't!

Hello, panicy me me message...haven't said as Im a bit superstitious because of past experience but should be picking up keys for house on Friday AND they are leaving the hot tub !!! But what is TT saying.....

strictly for use prior to ov, and not for the pregnant ladies

Pregnant women aren't really advised to use hot tubs - in the first trimester there is some evidence that they can cause birth defects and miscarriage. And it's not a great idea in the second and third either - the problem is thast as they are heated continuously, your temp can keep rising, and we're already running hot, you could pass out... I have to admit I did use a hot tub at a hotel when I was pg before, but wouldn't do it this time....

I'm not totally sure about the 2ww being standard advice - but being a paranoid android, I personally would avoid them in the 2 ww on the off-chance that you're pregnant!

Having a hot tub at home - how fabulous is that! I am officially jealous!

Thanks TT I never knew that. The lady we buying from said they spent Christmas morning in hot tub drinking pink champagne and I'm sure the only reason my 14 year old dd likes the house is because of it !!

Hi lia I can't remember if you said how old your dd is ? I have dd 14 and 15 (16 in 2 weeks) and ds 19. I'm lucky I suppose because I haven't had any major issues with them but I try really hard to give them separate time and attention. Made a rod for my own back as exdh now lives in US and they are quite clingy and emotionally I feel drained sometimes.

My 15 year dd let me down late last year, did something that completley surprised me, lied about it but as these things tend to happen I found out the truth. I was angry but very disappointed and thats what upset her most.

I think I would take a step back and not react to the bad things , its like she wants some attention maybe ? It s very hard though

panashe I have always given them seperate attention, and she particularly has had more than the others if I'm honest so I don't buy the wanting attention any more sadly. Now I just think she is a selfish madam who cares about noone but herself and what she wants. :(

She knows how disappointed I am in her and doesn't care cos she has always been let get away with it in the past, well every one, even stupid sucker me has their breaking point I told her the other day and I am getting to mine.

lia sorry didn't want to speak out of turn, parenting is really hard and unique for each of us. It does sound like you have given a lot and been patient.

Hi all - just popped in to check on how you're doing and found LOADS of lovely messages for me. You have no idea how much you've cheered me up. Thank you! Saw dp today before work. I wanted to see him before bumping into him unexpectedly so arranged it. He was quite happy to - wanted to, in fact. He was tearful, but I'm adamant that I'm going to make him stick to this. TTT you can, indeed, call him a DICK. Please say it very loudly so he hears. Anyone who says, 'I think I'm noticing your age more because you can't have a baby' deserves tarring and feathering. Has he forgotten that it was only a few months ago that I lost his baby? B*d! Donor eggs would be great - but he says he's put me through enough. I showed him Italian's article and he said it made sense, but he's not thinking straight at the moment. If I understand it, he thinks he'll always be sad if he doesn't have another baby. Ho hum.

So, in the name of 'moving on' I booked a creepy sounding creative writing holiday on a Greek island. I've got to rise at dawn, practise yoga and check in twice a day with a mentor to discuss my personal development. I've paid a small fortune but still have to share a room, apparently. Let's hope my roommate is a 6 foot 4 Swedish soulmate called Sven!

Lia I'm really concerned about your dd. It does sound serious and you're right to be worried. I keep trying to work out when I noticed my ds becoming nasty. He's 18 now and regularly telling me to f-off. The stealing suggests dope - which I know my ds is buying. The police brought him home after finding him rolling a joint in the church garden - lovely. I think he buys stuff which produces horrible mood swings. He CAN be absolutely lovely - for 5 minutes in company. If he's had stuff the night before (I can smell it on his clothes) , he's vile the next day. He's not eating or sleeping properly. I can't wait for him to leave and 'grow up' but he's in thep process of failing his A Levels and will have to retake Yr 13. I think he's frightened of life; more so than most. That makes him even more aggressive. Do you think your daughter might be the same? I'm sending you a massive hug. You are NOT alone. Our kids started out beautiful and have turned into horrors. Everyone I meet, though, says they will not stay this way. Stay positive and try not to take anything she says or does personally. It's her problem and she's trying to make it yours. The best thing you can do is be calm and neutral. Easier said than done. ((()))

lolfactor what do you mean 'he was tearful but I am adamant making him stick to this' - sorry if misquoted? Do you mean you want him to find someone else, or you want him to try and find someone else? As you were pregnant recently but sadly miscarried - why do you feel you could not be pregnant again. I don?t want you to think I am pushing the donor eggs, it is not cheap and it is quite hard to get your head around it, I am still trying to, still wishing I could just get pregnant naturally! I am not suggesting anything is easy. The article was just something I found. Would Clomed be an option?

lolfactor I wonder if you just want him not to try with you because you are worried he is putting a baby before you? When DD was tiny and I wanted another baby I would have put another baby before DH (or maybe I would not have but I felt I would). Luckily, things moved on and now I would not swap a baby for him, but I know that very intense feeling of wanting it so much. It sounds like your DP is quite mixed up, and I think you are so unhappy that he has put you in this situation but you are actually stronger than him (my impression). Are you leading things or allowing them to go in a certain way or do you feel out of control? Just curious, feel free not to answer. Love and hugs because this must be incredibly hard for you, I am not meaning to belittle it at all but I am just trying to understand. Whatever I have said, I can certainly say you are strong; you have already booked a holiday! May it be a great time, I really hope it will. (Can you manage one for the road before the hols!) All the best. Just curious but why didn?t you go for the fertility appointment together, I just wanted to ask, ignore me if you like.

Panshe yes, you must not use the hot tub while pregnant, and maybe look up when is safe to use - not to poach your eggs! That last bit is a joke! When is the wedding of the year!? Did you get any ideas from that wedding dress thread?

lou how goes it?

Tank nice to hear from you. Fidget can have beetroot pavlova!

Hippy sorry about af. All best for Clomed for three months!

Lia can you get some advice from somewhere regarding your DD teenager? (Doc/school etc) it sounds like you are struggling on alone and it must be painful for you, it must be hard. Even someone to talk to could help. Has this been going on a long time? It sounds like it has. Did you ask her why she said something so horrible about her brother? Could she be being bullied/in with the wrong crowd/difficult boyfriend relationship etc? I have no experience of teens - sorry not to be of use!

Shandy thinking of you.

lou hugs

BB any news?

Diege how goes it?

Gum glad it has worked out well.

Someone asked me on another thread how I felt about being asked if I was pregnant (twice in two days!). I have been asked if I am pregnant SOOOOO many times that it is just water off a ducks back, in fact I know it is coming because they look at my tummy and tentatively say something ?when are...? or ?how long..? or whatever! What is sad is that I always have some sort of wonder moment when I think could I be! Period is still AWOL.

Well, me, I looked after my godson aged 3 and his brother aged 6 for about 24 hours (with hubby and DD). It was exhausting! I was awoken at 5.15 Saturday morning with two boys and a dirty nappy! When we took the boys back and met the baby I did not feel at all jealous. I mean the baby is lovely and all but I did not feel weird or sad at all. The only slight moment of jealous was when they gave the boys presents from the baby . It was only a brief moment of sadness . I am now in a place where if this does not work I am almost ready for it not to work, while also still hoping will get pregnant /be pregnant while waiting for treatment. Shuffle off the thread you mad old cow! (I tell myself ? I mean this thread not this mortal thread!).

Love and hugs, chocolate boobs and baby dust for all

So sorry lol reading that back it sounded very rude, did not mean it at all.
HUGS

just very quickly, Will be back to namecheck later,

Want to reaassure panashe that you didn't speak out of turn, all advice and suggestions are welcome, I wasn't deing defensive, just saying that I have always been there for her which makes it all the more difficult to understand. Hope you didn't feel awkward, it's hard to read when we can't see poeple's faces eh? No offence :)

FIRST RULE OF 40+ THREAD - NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO BE OFFENDED BY ANYTHING SOMEONE ELSE SAYS AS WE ALL MEAN WELL!!

There that's cleared all that up (That's rich coming from Paranoid Pete herself )

lol You do sound very strong about all this. I am about your holiday - I have always wanted to do something like that (smuggle me in pleeeaaase??) Perhaps if I have no more children I will be doing somehting like that in about 10 years ......

It will be interesting to see if he does indeed get another child - one to watch for the next few years. I agree with your point that you did actually miscarry his child not long ago, so you obviously can still get pregnant but you just got a not so good egg (as so many of us have). It doesn't mean you couldn't have his baby. lia is about a year yonger than you and she just had a perfect little take home baby (so it can be done by some).

I thought you gave very good advise to lia - said as someone who has no experience of teens - it all made sense.

panache a hot tub in your garden You are obviously very posh and rich - are you sure you're on the right thread?? We're all gypos on here you know

italian You are very funny. Please do not shuffle of the thread, my dear. I would love for you to get preggers, either naturally or by the treatment and then when people ask you can say, "YES I BLOODY WELL AM - YIPPEE"

My DH has to have a procedure to check for something grizzly (but unlikely)and I told him that I would rather he got a good result than we got another baby. He said he thought I'd want the baby more and I said, "What good is the baby if you buggered off and died!" He was so chuffed to be put before a non-existant baby. But of course he is more important (even though he tells me how to drive!!!)

Hi lia thanks for your message, I just didn't want to sound patronising. Maybe a bit extreme, but have you thought about involving the police about the stealing ? Or would that just push her away and make her more angry with you all ?

You may find that over the summer she begins to show an interest in college if her friends are talking about it, or if others get jobs and start earning money. When my ds quit uni I said to him he had to get a job, there was no third option. Luckily he was offered job straight away, but he knew that unless I saw evidence of applying for jobs there would be no handouts. He was horrified when I asked for contribution to household income

lol I admire your strength and dignity. You know I have a younger partner & it worries me sometimes how blase he is about my age and tcc, and when we talk about my concerns he thinks I am being negative but I know I'm just being realistic.

Italian I love reading your messages, please no shuffling off the thread
We still haven't set a date for the wedding but will be the end of next year.

Shandy how are you ?

Didn't catch up with you last week diege but I am glad your appointment went well.

cd9 for me so raring to go

Morning Hippy I have to reassure you that I am neither posh or rich, just lucky that people we buying off bought a hot tub and have to leave it behind

Morning Panashe I think that's great advice you've given Lia - not having teens I can only sit back and try and remember all the good advice for later years.
Hi Hippy, I must catch up on Psychoville - I have heard there is a horrific new character ('Scary Singer'??) Best of luck for your dh - sure all will be fine x
lol I think you are being very restrained with dp, but I suppose there's little else you can do if he's in the frame of mind he's in. I think I would be more sympathetic if someone leaves a relationship when the other person has changed their mind about even wanting children, but to leave when you both want a baby but may need to pursue other avenues (or as Hippy says, just give it more time) just seems very cruel to me.
Italian I also think you're very good with the 'are you pregnant' comments! That must get you down a bit but as you say you may well be pregnant and can tell them straight (bet no-one asks when you really are, sod's law).
Hi LIa, phew must be very tough - people say teens are worse than toddlers, but hard to believ when you've just got the former.
All fine here - work manic, but wfh today as dd1 poorly.
Love to all x

just a quick one
lol I was lying in bed this am thinking about your situation and suddenly I was appalled that the assumption that YOU are the problem in the non-conception/mc thing ....we all merrily assume it is always our eggs that are at fault ....yes this is likely ...but DPs and DHs have been know to have problems too....and they are all ageing at the same rate as us ( I know he is only 38 but that still no spring chicken) and ....stress and heat and blah blah affects their count mobility etc ....( may be his mainly have bent tails and swim round in circles !) how many men do you think look after/pay attention too their fertility like we do ?....thought not. He needs to wake up a bit and smell the coffee ...sorry for rant

isaboo you are so funny. and, of course, perfectly right!

Yes, Isaboo - that makes complete sense.

Hello everyone. So much going on, don't know where to start.

Lia, I feel for you. Our 20 year old went through a stage where he'd just take stuff from siblings, help himself to whatever he wanted, without a second thought. It drove us all mad. To be honest, it wasn't until he moved out last year that he started to understand how frustrating it was for us. He's since been on the receiving end in share-houses, and seems to have more respect since moving home. However, life is more peaceful when he isn't here, and we aren't sure how long we can have him back at home again My guess is he'll be off again as soon as he can afford to.

Had acupuncture today, which was bloody lovely - drifted off a few times. Dolphina (my acupuncturist) was very excited that I'm preggers, and said that this time I'm much "calmer" than last time, so much more relaxed. I suppose I am. I think I'm more resolved to the fact that I can't do anything to change the outcome, so I will enjoy every minute and do my best to relax. I even went and bought fabric to sew a maternity top.Early days I know,but I'd probably wear it anyway.

I'm feeling a bit sick and my {biscuit]'s are sore on and off, but I really don't mind.

Have got a GP appointment next week. Not sure whether I want to have an early scan to put my mind at rest or whether it's just produce more anxiety. What do you think?