Feisty Fabulous Forty somethings - part 3

[Curlylox]

As you were ladies

Oh lovely dp gum. I'm so glad you got round to talking.

I'm feeling a bit better today after a lot of grieving yesterday. Thank god for the weekend. I want to be doubly sure before I put this chapter behind me by asking wouldn't you still expect a heartbeat at 6 weeks? And would there be any chance I ovulated twice in the month, after cd12 when I thought it was and still get a Bfp on cd33? I should have asked at the scan, but I was a bit numb and couldn't think and we had dd2 with us creating.

I guess you'll all have fuzzy heads today from the Rose last night so I'll check in later. All but our lovely pregnant ladies, keeping our hopes up.

Shandy, yes, I think you could have ovulated later. Did you use ovulation predictor stick? Or take your temperature? What made you think you ovulated on cd12? To get a bfp on day 33, you could have Oed on cd20, there'd still be time for enough HCG in your wee. I got bfp at 10 dpo, so you could have Oed as late as day 23 and still get bfp, IYSWIM.

I think taking last AF to work out due date, or how many weeks you are is misleading. I had one month where I didn't O til day 21, so if I'd got pregnant that month my dates would have been quite off if taken from LMP.

I'm sorry, I don't know if that helps. But it would make sense if you'd Oed later.

I think the thing about the heartbeat at 6 weeks, is that it is difficult to pick up that early.Did they do a vaginal ultrasound? It would be difficult to see much with an abdominal ultrasound.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. ((Hugs))

Shandy I was told for my 6 week scan we may not see a heartbeat but as long as we saw the yolk sac it would be enough for me to start the outran support. Hope this helps. don t want to give you false hope but ..... Are you being re scanned? Lots of love xxxx

"outran" support what's that ???? Bloody I phone I meant luteal support!!!

Hi all - missed out on the Bistro. Gutting. Still, it's all good news for my bikini-diet.

Shandy Don't venture into RL until you have to. You've got all the support a girl could want on this thread. ((()))

Gum we all knew he'd accept whatever happened and soon he'll be over the moon.

Which is more than can be said for my dp. We've just broken up and we're both gutted. He just can't get over the sadness that he might not be a dad again and he thinks he should leave the older woman and find someone younger before it's too late. He did say it much more carefully than that, but that's the bottom line. I'm too old for him. He's 38 and I'm 45. When we first fell in love (3 years ago) I had no idea he was that much younger than me. And he had no idea I was that much older than him. We love each other dearly, but this desperate need for a baby won't be assuaged and it's changed the way he sees me. I'm having to let him go and must accept that this dream is all over for me. Trouble is, I'm ovulating tomorrow and all I can think about is dtd with him. Bloody hormones.

So, it's goodbye from me - and a huge 'thank you!' for all your support and laughs. Babydust and fireflies to you all xxx

Arh .... Sorry lOL take care all the best in everything you do xxxxxx

Lol I'm so sorry, what a shock. Are you feeling supported by friends around you? Have you had a chance to talk about it together or did he just deliver his thoughts?

I wonder, would he consider one for the road, as I believe it is called? No, not making light of it, I do know someone who got pregnant on a break up bonk. It's quite hard to read the things you are thinking, are you hoping he will come round to realising he needs you or are you wanting him to go if that is what he wants (but does he really want a baby with you) and if so would something like donor eggs in Spain be an answer? Do you want another baby as much as he does or would you be happier to lay it all down now? Sorry for the Spanish Inquisition, I would love to help but just can't so just trying to understand.

Love and hugs to you.

Sorry lol what I meant by 'but does he really want a baby with you' is that would that be the best scenario for him, so if he leaves now he will not get the best scenario, he will only ever get second best because even if he can find a woman to have a baby with it will not be you, so not what he really wants! Sorry, I know that is obvious but what I meant is that by leaving now he is cutting out his own best option!

lol you are putting a very brave face on things. You poor thing. It feels like a Prince Charles and Camilla scenario. Are you thinking you love him so much you have to let him go? And he's taking a heluva risk that he will get his dream.

Big hugs((())) going out to you. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for everyone's support too. I think it was the lack of hb that made me convinced there was no hope. Still maybe I should just leave the analysing til another week. It's funny though all my pg symptoms seem to have gone. Typical.

Shandy you are the one who deserves the big hug. I'm so sorry you didn't see an HB. I know, also, how you feel about the disappearance of the pregnancy symptoms. They reassure you - and when they're gone, you're convinced something's happened. I hope you don't have to wait too long to find out either way. And fingers crossed for you that it's the way you want it to go.

Thanks all for your kind thoughts. I've just spoken to Steve - and although he was seriously cut up this morning, he's been out with a friend and feels sure that breaking up is the right thing to do. To be honest, I have felt his sadness from day one. When I met him his wife had just left him (no regrets there on either side now, thank god) and he had a daughter (but no sibling for her - his wife had decided that after a difficult birth she'd rather stick at one) and although he thought he'd be happy with his dd, he knew in his heart of hearts that something was missing. He said this evening that he has always felt he was 'in the middle of something that wasn't finished'. I'm stopping him finishing. He wants to have a new family (ie find a younger woman who hasn't been married and have several children). He has realised that he doesn't want to be with someone who's been married before and has children ranging from 15 to 22! I might be his 'perfect woman' as he keeps saying, but it's not the perfect family.

Which is fair enough. Both of us have been clinging onto each other because we're a perfect match and we're terrified we're not going to find that again. We probably won't. But he's made his decision and I'm going to support him in it by trying to leave him alone.

We are both teachers at a private school and our offices are next door to each other. Oh, and we share all the same friends. Great. I'm thinking I might have to move but I'm going to take this one hour at a time. At the moment I'm concentrating on keeping the tears down to one box of tissues an hour.

ps - I wanted his baby. Now I'm going to have to watch him have that with someone else - and I'm ovulating and ready to go. The break-up baby would be a distinct possibility, but he's determined it's out with the old and in with the new. And who'd want to be with someone who felt that way? So, I've got to get a grip.

Why is it so black and white for men? It's like his life has got to happen i'n the way he's planned and there is no flexibility.

Unfortunately you can't change someone's mind though.

Hope you get some sleep and rest tonight. Breaking up amicably even is very hard.

Lol so sorry, but don't give up, maybe he will come to his senses. Real love is hard to find. Thinking of you. hugs.

Lol, I am so sorry you have to go through this. It's shit. If he loves you and you feel you are right for each other, why wouldn't he consider donor eggs? It means he gets his younger egg, but also his perfect partner.
I'm gutted for you.

Morning. Oh Lol what a mess, I'm so sad for you He sounds like a bit of a dreamer who will no doubt realise what he's abut to lose at some (too late) point. The work situation is nightmarish too, though it feels wrong that you should be the one to move work. As others have said, why hehe so blind to options such as egg donation? Or would straught forward ivf even be an option? Sounds if he's asking an awful lot of anyone he might be with.
Thinking of you too Shandy - which day is it you go back for your re-scan?
Ok here, though the insomnia I've been suffering with is taking its toll. Looking forward to some annual leave; just one more week at work then off to Whitby for a week

Oh and Gum meant to say double 'phew' for you. What a great result with dh after all that worrying .

Hello everyone

Lol have been thinking about you lots but haven't had time to post a message. Your situation is heartbreaking and even harder so because you love each other. Walking away from someone you love I think is one of the hardest things you can do, I know. But what makes it doubly harder for you is that you are possibly walking away from the last chance to have a baby. I really feel for you, but you know the saying If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you they are yours, if not, it was never meant to be.
Have to go , be back later x

lol thats really tough its easy to say he's being unrealistic ...but its obviously a big issue for him though ....will he not give IVF a go ? but for you too to have a child with someone we all know now the drubbing your relationship takes from it ...you have to be 100% sure of each other for it to work and his approach to this must be eating at you. A huge cyber hug for you tonight ....

shandy one day at a time you probably sound more calm than you are (you do sound quite calm) its a dreadful roller coaster you are on at the moment probably much worse than if the eventual outcome is bad I bled for two weeks before finally having the mc and the not knowing was in a way much much worse. Thinking about you and everything crossed for a heartbeat at the next scan

shandy I agree with lou - they don't always expect tosee a HB at 6 weeks. I really hope you are just counting wrong (as gum says counting from your last period is not the best way to do it as ovulation can be very different). I hope you get a more definite answer at the next scan. Big hugs for you as you count the fecking minutes down

lol I suppose he is entitled to want more children but it is weird that men can just move on to younger eggs and yet we are stuck with our eggs the age they are. You sound lovely and sooo bloody understanding. I wish we could all pop round tomorrow and have a bottle of wine or shloer with you and thrash it all out. I agree withitalian and the others who've said - what about doner eggs. He gets to keep you and he gets younger eggs.......

Big hugs for you too, sweetie. X

just popped on to say hello and read your post lol Am very sorry it's come to this for you, I know it's his perogative and all that but very sad.

Forgive my clumsiness but how do you know it's impossible for the 2 of you to have a baby, (sorry don't know your history),? Just seems such a waste when everything else is right.

Hi to hippy Sorry rtd seems imminent :( louise glad to see things are good for you

Waves to everyone else,

Oh and if anyone can give me advice on delinquent teens, please let me know. Thanks. x

Hi all how is everyone?

lia66 no idea about delinquent teens but what about mediation. I am a total addict to giving advice so even when I don't know the answer I try Googling it! Apologies if this is crap advice but I did try Googling 'teenage and parent mediation for delinquent teens' (your word 'delinquent'):

troubledteensolutions.com/teenagers-problems-have-you-tried-mediation/

It is an organisation near Las Vegas in the USA. I am NOT recommending anything on the site, I just think it looks interesting and I wonder if your child is giving you grief maybe some sort of mediation in the UK would help you because it is adding another layer of help, and if you and your child have got any issues or problems etc then the extra person can enable you to convery advice and also listen and the extra person kind of validates it - e.g. you might say 'I feel blah blah blah' and the mediator/counsellor could then say that that makes sense and enables your child to see things from a new perspective without actually you just saying it, does that make sense? And by the same token they may open up to you as well!

lol hugs and thinking of you.

How is everyone else?

I went to the New ID course tonight:

www.newid.info/

It was fab.

***

We heard this story at the group tonight:

THERE?S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK

(Autobiography in Five Short Chapters - By Portia Nelson)

Chapter One

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost?I am helpless.

It isn?t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend that I don?t see it.

I fall in again.

I can?t believe I am in this same place.

But, it isn?t my fault.

It takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in?it?s a habit?but,

my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

***

Anyway, all is fine, looking forward to the future. Still waiting to hear about our forthcoming fertility treatment.

Italian I love that! I think my 20 year old son needs to read it. He approaches life like the first three chapters. For some reason he has grown up believing the world is against him and all the mistakes he has made are everyone else's fault. I feel he'll never get anywhere until he takes responsibility for all his actions and reactions. But how to tell a 20 year old? He just thinks I'm picking on him!

Lia, I feel for you.Dealing with teens is hard. I guess it depends on how delinquint the teen is being? Stealing?Alcohol?Drugs? I've been through (and still am going through) with three teens. The eldest is now 20 and hasn't grown up much, the 18 year old was recalcitrant when it came to studying, but was overall really cruisey, and so far my 14 yr old DD isn't too bad. We learnt much from our first teen - to let most of it slide (the "Emo" stage he went through complete with dyed black hair, eyeliner and weird clothing, his moodiness and how it affected the rest of the family, etc) and tried to pick our battles with him, or we would have been fighting all the time.

I hope you can work it out.I know it isn't easy. It really helped my son when he talked to the youth worker/school chaplain at school - an adult who was sort of on his side, but also could talk some sense into him.

Hippy, has RTD definitely come? I'm still hoping we can be belly buddies (sorry if that sounds a bit lame, "pregnancy pals" also sounds lame!).

I did the "official" test yesterday.The digital said "pregnant 2-3", so I'm pretty happy with that, and DH is no longer in denial.He seems resolved and okay, but I know it may not be a smooth road all the way through.There will be times when it will seem overwhelming to him (and probably to me) but right now I'm just feeling happy. Feeling a bit sick which is great and really struggling to find food that appeals, but feel I have to eat all the time to stave off the nausea. Bring it on I say

Yey gum at feeling sick, thanks for advice, She is stealing all the time from the family, me mostly. Makes me feel sick, has been going on so long now, and I've protected her from dh so many times, ( ie not told him some of the times etc) and covered up for her and let her earn back her privalages but have almost got to the point of just wanting her to leave now.

She's done nothing about a college place, (missed 2 appts), not going out looking for a job, Saturday or summer, she left school last week, just has to go back for 4 exams and thats it. She brings the feel of the house down, is mean and spiteful to everyone and takes everyones belongings without asking.

She told dh the other day she hopes he gets caught in a terrorist attack in London and said to me she wishes her brother would die. :( What sort of a person says those kind of things?

Sorry for mega moan, am at a complete loss what to do. I need help.

hippy how goes it?