Feisty Fabulous Forty somethings - part 3

[Curlylox]

As you were ladies

Hello?

I hope its ok to come in and tell you my story...

I've never posted here before - l 'live' in the antenatal tests/choices forum at the mo, on the support for terminations thread - as last Monday i had a termination at 13+4. I was given a 1:3 for DS at my 13 week scan, plus a heart defect, and it was confirmed by CVS. My OH and i decided not to go ahead with the pg.

It feels like a year ago, not a week and 2 days. I've cried more than i thought possible, and hit the bottom (not the bottle, tho i came close) on Saturday. Since then, with the support of my lovely OH, i've been on the up and am now consumed by a desperate need to be pg. again!

I'm 43 and this would have been my 4th child - OH's first. (he's 10 years younger than me ). I was, in some ways, 'doing it for him', and although we were 'trying' for 13 months, i realy only 'tried' for the first 4 or so - then gave up and just got on with life as usual! My age didnt realy register. I feel ashamed to say that i had arrived at a place in my head which was happy either way. Baby - no baby. OH was always sure - he's a fab. step dad, but wants desperately to be a father to a child of his own. ANYWAY - fell pg. in January - massive shock! But the joy! Oh i loved being pregnant again (my youngest is 13). We were walking on air for 13 weeks.

But now i'm not anymore. And i desperately want to be again. And we've started trying again already (Bleeding stopped 3 days ago, sorry if its TMI) And i'm charting, and i've bought OPK sticks and joined a fertility charting site and ...... i'm just beginning to realise i might be too old/too late/too unlucky/too casual about ttc last time. i'm feeling guilty about putting my OH through this. He'd kill me if he knew i said that - he'd be so sad to know that.

I'm getting massive support over on the big thread at tests/choices - lovely, lovely ladies over there. But not all are ttc, and not all are feeling as ancient as i am right now.

So ...... can i come in?

I dont know your stories, but will try to catch up xxxxxx

misty just wanted to offer you a ((())) I think I read your story. I was following Knitter who was in the same situation recently. It is such a hard decision to make and I know you would have thought long and hard. It's harder than a MMC really because then you get no choices and no hard decisions.

You are very welcome to join us here and will find that we are a nice friendly bunch (i hope ).

Give yourself time to grieve for the lost dreams. There are quite a few on here who are trying for a baby with their new man (as well as a few of us who are stuck with the old ones ).

Welcome, my love. X

Cheers Hippy GBOS sends you their love.You going to the IOW for Easter? Have a fab time the weather is suppose to be lovely this weekend.We re doing boring stuff: tidying our kitichen and loft but, next weekend we re away at a lovely hotel in Stratford so a bit of a trade off really!!!!Plus 4 days off work is ace.
Welcome misty Sorry for your experience.Take care XXXX

Misty open door policy here and you are very much welcome with the rest of us ancient lot . So sorry to hear your sad news.

Misty, I'm so sorry for your loss. How devastating for you. Come with us, we'll hold your hand. You are definitely not too old.

Curly, I've just checked your chart and it looks fab. I'm hoping this is it for you!

While I was there I counted how many charts I have done since Charlie's pregnancy - 14, 3 were before my post partum AF turned up again, and then there was the 10 weeks I was pregnant before the miscarriage. No wonder I feel tired of this! Basically I've been ttc since July 2009.

Hippy, sorry about the spotting. You have a really great attitude to ttc. Your weekend away sounds wonderful. Have fun.

Welcome back BB. So, you'd recommend Vietnam for a family holiday? Did you stay in one place or move around a bit? My DH is always suggesting we go there, and I'd love to, but we aare going to have to wait a bit as things are a bit tight at the mo.

My LO has just woken up, so better run.And time for a I think.Anyone else?

Hi gum would defo recommend for a family holiday - there were quite a few aussie families with children there. We moved around, but it is very easy to do - the trains are fine (if you don't think about the loos!). Kids loved it all.

We are going to do that kind of holiday again as it is something we all enjoyed. Looking at Thailand/Cambodia, or Bali for next year.

For us, if we get cheap flights, it worked out cheaper than our 2 week holiday in Cornwall 2 Augusts ago, and only a little bit more than our 1 week skiing trip in Switzerland last year. and much more fun!

Well ladies, I'm out for this month. I did a test this morning just to be sure cos I want to be able to have a few little drinks on my Easter break. Great excitement for a nano second when I thought there was a second line but swiftly realised that it was too thin and not quite the right distance away from the test line (you get so used to seeing the two lines on an opk that you know the exact distance!). Anyway, rubbed the 'line' with my thumb and it came off!!! So am defo not preg. Then with the next wee I did, some lovely fresh red stuff. I'm fine but hope I don't get too much endo pain on the holiday and of course will have to use tampons when swimming (I hate them!)

gum snap. i had my coil taken out in July 2009 to try for a cheeky last baby. My need for symmetry means that I will probably keep trying until july this year - so it's a nice round two years. I feel like I'm reaching the end. 2 MC's later and I'm no closer and maybe just maybe my family is complete after all. It's ok though. I am so lucky to have my boys and love them so much. Also, luckily they are still at the age where they really need their mum still, so i still feel very needed and loved.

I might try Clomid for the last couple of tries but not sure the GP will allow it. I don't mean to put anyone else of trying and I'm sorry if I appear defeatist it's just that I don't want this to take over any more.

Anyway, after today I wont be on for the next few days as I will be sunning myself on the Island. Sorry i didn't have that fab easter news for you but hopefully someone else will. (curly???)

Enjoy the lovely weather all. X

Oh Hippy I am so sorry. I actually thought of you this morning, and was thinking how lovely it would be for you to get your bfp this month. YOu have a very good attitude, though I'm sure a part of you feels like screaming and ranting after all the swi-ing you did this month. Don't think about deadlines just yet - cd 1 is NOT the best day to do that as you well know , but I think I know where you are coming from. A holiday sounds great, esp if the weather is as good as it is today. Enjoy!

BB welcome back! I love your future holiday plans, and great to see someone with a big family bucking the trend and taking their children to such exciting places. I agree, that sometimes staying in the UK can be just as/more expensive, especially in the school hols.

Gum and Curly any temping updates? Have fingers crossed for both x. Oh and gum thanks for sharing about your screening experiences. I had similar with dd1 (but for downs) and actually had the amnio but it resulted in a 'culture failure' and I didn't want a second, so had to sit it out until she was born. I'm happy with waiting for the dating scan, and will possibly follow up if 'problems' with a FMC visit the following week.

Lou, your plans sound great, esp the Stratford bit! We're not too far from there though have only been once or twice and it is fab.

Misty you are very welcome, and I echo what the others have said about what a terrible ordeal you've been through. You will remember me from the choices thread (the one person who responded to my thread on 'dating or FMC scan' . Lovely to see you again, and we'll do our very best to support you x

Feeling better this morning (sickness-wise). In fact the first morning I contemplated not taking the cyclizine, but then chickened out and took it anyway. I also look obviously pregnant now, but just ned to hold out to 12 week scan before I can 'tell'.

diege Yeah i am a bit pissed off about all that shagging I know that it's not a good time to make any decisions and I haven't definitely decided just doing a little stock check. I hope I haven't made anyone else feel crap or disheartened by saying what's on my mind [paranoid pete face]

diege just cos you don't feel so sick DO NOT go mad and eat a flippin' great meal again (I am not clearing up for you again)

Glad to hear that you are looking pregnant now - how brilliant. Actually so am i a bit but it's just a wobbly belly

oh I'm so sorry hippy. I was very jealous of you managing to achieve the SMEP this month.

We are looking at a very tiny flat when we move. If that's not tempting fate with a pregnancy, I don't know what is!

I really don't know whether I've ovulated - what can I look for to see? Pity there isn't a great big light that pings on when that egg is released

curly and gum any tests to report?

misty hello and welcome. about your experience. Hope your stay here is short.

You need to get your old friend the thermometer out again BB! Only way I ever knew for sure.
Hippy, rest assured that my 'bump' is entirely flab/water retention. In fact I read somewhere that at this stage is is your bowel being pushed around that makes you look pregnant . 'Totally ewww' as my eldest would say
On the clomid front, I don't think it would do any harm to make enquiries. I know agnus castus is seen by some as 'nature's clomid', but looking at your lp and regularity of cycle, it may mess things up. Good job you have mad it up with dh I suppose (thinking ahead). Guess how many shags my dh has had since bfp???..........zero!!!!!!
I may risk another chicken pie, a few chips and a scrap of gravy for lunch..

I agree BB - when we move we are planning on a 2 bedroom place just for the first 6 months - that will probably have the effect of getting me up the duff just cos there's no room for a little one (I would, of course, make room though ) I agree with diege I think the only way to know for sure is to temp. A big blinking light would be a fab idea!!

diege lovely thought, your bowel being pushed about I do understand why no shagging. I would be the same if I were preg (due to the previous MC's). Will you reward him if all ok after 12 week scan ????

You blody dare stuff your face with gravy again, Mrs. I got gravy puke all over my clothes last time!!!!

Found an old over 40's ttc thread from 2007. Really weird, had a little read and it was like being in a parallel universe. Same comments but all different people - interesting, but I missed you guys so stopped reading

Aww Hippy bum bum bum... but glad you are feeling pragmatic. Definitely best to focus on the positives - your 2 lovely boys, lovely (if administratively challenged) DH and your move. And what's for you, won't go by you...

BB Remind me how old your youngest is? I'm a little in awe of a Vietnam trip with a small tribe of children too - though I know exactly what you mean about UK holidays costing a small fortune... We were meant to be touring Croatia last May before events over-took us... and I thought that was brave.

Misty have been in a similar (but not the same) position a few years ago. Cried so much I think my chest ached for days - not down playing how you feel inside - but I think a termination is a huge shock to the body, and your hormones will be all over the place. You might find you feel better after you ovulate again, and your cycle gets back on track. Big, big hug for you x

Diege glad you are feeling better and sounds like you feel resovled about the dating scan - just crossing fingers and toes now that all will come back normal x

I'm 29 weeks and a day now, so officially in my third trimester - somehow it doesn't seem real. Tried pregnancy yoga the other night - just awful - sitting in a room with a load of first-time mothers, who were all about a decade younger than me, and all thought they were going to have a normal birth Then they asked if I had any other children... so that was a good conversation stopper..... Ho hum - onwards, upwards xx

Boo hiss that af has arrived for you hippy don't be mad about all the shagging think of the calories you burned off instead and how many you're going to burn off next month . You can count me out too as BFN this morning and temp has dropped. Still don't feel like the witch is on it's way but just want it to hurry up and get here and go so I can get on with ttc. Fingers crossed I may give myself a lovely surprise for my birthday next month - BFP.

hello ladies.

Just wondered of you would like to have a little look at my gorgeous little lady, (on my profile).

Haven't been on for a while, am not feeling so great, baby blues etc etc.

louise so pleased time is passing for you, and you diege I am at you being pg, (miss it already, its 3 wks tomorrow since giving birth )

hippy. Bummer about bfn, hopefully you'll come back from your break rejuvinated and raring to go.

curly also have fx for your birthday present to yourself. :)

Sorry quick post, screaming baby on lap, gawd knows whats got into her tonight.

Have lovely Easter weekend all. xxx

testing

lia don't think you know me but I have to say, what a gorgeous little girl! Congratulations.

Curly and Hippy, sorry no BFP this month when it all sounded so hopeful. Gum, I'm counting on you, now!

BB your holiday sounds great. V is somewhere I'd really like to go; you're really brave to organise it all yourself though; I think I'd have to take an organised tour. How big is your "tribe"?

Lou can I assume that's Stratford-on-Avon? At first I had visions of you spending a holiday in the east end of London.

Misty So sorry to hear your story; it must have been awful for you having to make the decision. {{{Hugs}}} and welcome, although I'm relatively new here myself. There's plenty of talk about bleeding on here so don't worry about giving TMI!

I can identify with some of what you say. My DP is 10 years younger than me, no children (either of us) and we weren't TTC as such (I thought I was too old) but let nature take its course. After 18 mths I fell pg but it ended in mc 5 weeks ago (at about 8 wks). I felt the same desperation to get pregnant again as you, even though I hadn't been TTC in the first place. I was told (by the Womens Health Counsellor I saw) that this is a natural reaction to the loss, and that it's best to take time out to work out whether it's a genuine, lasting feeling or just an immediate reaction to what's happened.

Several weeks down the line, I still feel the same but unfortunately my DP doesn't want to go through all that trauma again, so we're on different pages of the manual now. I think my only hope is to get him drunk enough to DTD but not so drunk he can't manage it. Only half joking. I'm glad that at least you and your OH both want to try again. You're far from too old and you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened. Yes risks are higher over 40 but plenty of women have happy, healthy babies, and from what I've seen, this is a wonderful place to be if you're trying.

Yes Mitzi definatly Straford Upon Avon!!!! Its a lovely hotel we used to go to about 5 yrs ago on murder mystery weekend , hope its still nice!!!! ((()))
Hippy so sorry XXXX Hope you have a lovely weekend away and the sun shines for you.
Hi Lia you re surely not missing being pg??? What you like???Hope you feel better soon.Nice to hear from you XXX
Hi Diege Hope you re sickness is wearing off? X
Hi BB bet you feel you ve never been away now!!! At least the weather's nice to return to.
Hi Gum X
Hi Curly
Hi all.All fine here well, no work for 4 blissful days YEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Work fine ,continue on my preganyl just 2 more injections next week.
[bugrin] [bugrin] [bugrin] XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bummer Hippy about the bfn and RTD.
Bastard RTD came to me yesterday too. After peeing on a stick, thankyou very much!

Why can't our men just let us get on with "womenz bizness"?
Making babies is what we do, and therefore, if it is what we want to do, then they should just think themselves lucky that they are getting plenty of shagging...[bugrin]

We are away next week for a few days. Hoping it will be a very relaxed time, that we'll get some time alone and will get plenty of pre-ovulation shagging happening...[buwink] Although, it's probably a week too early.Bugger.

Sorry to see your temp has gone down Curly.

Well, we are off to visit friends on their farm today.That should be nice. Just got to go finish the fabulous cheesecake I made. It's sweetened with Dextrose, which is powdered glucose. Apparently it's okay to eat on a sugar-free diet because it doesn't give you the sugar cravings like sucrose does. I'm looking forward to my first sweets in ages. It looks delicious.

Enjoy the weekend...

yes, do feel as though I've not been away. all of the bank holidays have helped slightly though -two 3 day weeks isn't too bad. Main issue is that ds2 has become very clingy while we were away. Only Mummy will do. So he wasn't happy for me to go back to work.

Mitzi I have 5 children - the youngest had his 3rd birthday while we were away. he was the most challenging out of the lot of them, but only in terms of needing to be entertained on the flight etc. He was fine eating/sleeping/coping with the heat etc. it all went better than I expected.

sore boobs here which has made me think I must have ov'ed. Don't know when though!

gum sorry about RTD. I can guarantee that if I POAS, it will turn up...
I sent an email to offer on a flat I saw yesterday, but haven't heard anything. Bit stressed about it as the flat seems to be on with alot of other agents. It's ideal for us (apart from being tiny).

meant to say, those of you that know about these things (gum Italian) I ate what I wanted in V - but there was no sugar, no dairy and not much wheat - lots of rice, egg noodles and soup. I didn't put on any weight and felt fantastic.

Anyway, have come back, started on the bread and the sugar, and have terrible stomach ache, bloated, tired too etc etc. I knew this affected me, as I have excluded these things before but I think this is the way forward for me.

Nuts and bum to the BFN for Curly and Hippy no decisions are allowed at cd1 or even near it ....hormones far to rampant saying that I know what you mean Hippy about not missing out on the kids you have for the one you might have I definitely go a bit AWOL mentally at the end of the cycle and there is a bit of tension with DH that just would not be there otherwise ..

Gorgeous little girl Lia well done you sorry about the blues that's never easy when everyone is convinced you are deliriously happy, you are on minimal sleep and have no time for yourself, I don't know about anyone else but you tend to forget how tough those first few weeks are anyway take care of you both

Hi Misty, I can't begin to imagine what you have gone through the decision you had to make was heartbreaking , I thought about the possibility of DS alot before starting ttc again (I worked with DS children a bit as a holiday job at Uni ) and for what it's worth If faced with the same decision would probably do the same, my problem being an older mother would be ensureing loving care when perhaps I couldn't give it to him or her due to my or DHs age or worse what would happen when we weren't around anymore, for obvious reasons as a younger mother this wasn't so much of an issue. Hope you get a BFP soon

Lou hang on tight to that rollercoaster you are on you have so many people willing you on, you will get there , you too Deige just stay away from the pie

lia just looked at your profile pic, she's adorable. Isaboo your post made me laugh, yes moving is stressful and a pita at the best of times. Go with the basque if you cant get hold of a vest, sounds fun although a bit hot for the weather we're having .
Cd 30, 16 dpo, no af and a temp rise and some cramping (unusual and all a first for me)!!!??? Will test again tomorrow but wondering if this is the start of being perimenopausal.
Hope you're all enjoying the lovely weather and having a chilled out weekend.

Arh Lia your daughter's gorgeous.Shes got a lot of hair hasn t she? How lovely XXX

Where's everyone gone???? Happy Easter.Sick,sick,sick today.[bugrin]