Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

Morning all. I am on for a bit of a moan. No period, and I've stopped pretending the piss sticks are saying anything other than negative. This is all most unusual for me and I don't like it. Bloody body. What the fuck is going on with you!!!?

at the thought of Alps as a matron in a sanatorium.

Rie here's another lemon honey for you Insert the booze of your choice. What do you mean it's not yet midday?

Splendid BESHtionnaire, Cakeydrinky Ancient husbands are the way forwards. Except when it comes to such important matters as being awake for Teh Sechs and quality of the white goods. I shall hope for what is known in BESHlegend as an 'ironi-diff' for you in the month leading up to your petridish appointment. :)

Dor your wedding anniversary is the week before mine :) Encouragingly, when I pointed out to the doc recently that I was verging on 35 and thus ancient with shrivelled reproductive organs she went 'pfffft' and said that was still young. I felt much encouraged by this although she may have been fibbing to make me feel better.

I am only 5ft5 and normally have a meagre (B-cup) rack although I can now proudly present my temporary D-cups Bet they don't stay like that. They'll be round my knees before you know it.

Rie - Drink bottle of cough mixture for your own comfort then wake him up by jumping him.

Molesworth you need chocolate and red wine.

Ah, the paint chart. Hint of A Tint and all that. Happy days...

1. Lee who?
2. Just one whiff of Body Shop White Musk used to give me diarrhoea. God, I was glad when that went out of fashion....

How long ago do you think the chart was Rierie? I quite fancy digging it out again... made me laff.

AuntieDoris have you been AuntieDoris anywhere else? Does SOF mean anything to you?

Ah Lee was one of the choices for shaggage the other day when I was getting desperate to be impregnated by anyone, when I realised that MrA might not be back in time. He is the sorcerer's apprentice and is young and cute but terribly shy.

Funny thing was I saw him yesterday and actually blushed! Hope Dodgy Lee and Electrician didn't see.

Twas last October Cass www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1063352-The-fred-where-the-BESH-practise-DIY-Scan-the-chart

Blimey Boo that's impressive. Are you keeping a spreadsheet??

As long as it's not mine and HB's Lee, Rie, that's fine. We can't spread him any thinner, poor boy's knackered as it is...

Heh. That was a funny thread.
Is the tuckshop open yet? Can I buy some fizzy cola bottles pliz? And are we playing dodgeball later?

No no no no. You and HB can keep that Lee. I chose Young Lee because I imagine his sperm count is off the scale. But now MrA is back there's be no more of that

Remember the Malory Towers thread?

Don't mention it. I get all power crazy and start putting on short pleated tennis skirts and bottle green PE knickers...

SOF does indeed mean something to me. I am she!

In fact I am thinking about changing my name on here as I think I am too identifiable!

Change your name Oh! Dor! Speshully as you have linked pics to your RL self on here

I was reading BESHory Towers and tittering. My alter ego was Clarissa Twat-Smythe.

Oh it is nice having you here Cass!

Oh look - a rare British native Casserole has stuck it's head into the School Disco

One measly bloody follicle BB? That's not on, but on the bright side you get more dildo action on Friday. I know how you love it

Do you keep an ass file too?

Fucksticks, BB , that is just not on after all the jabbing. Although we all know you're only doing it to get the extra cam-action. Gotta love that dedication to the cause.

Oh yes. And a note if people are Au naturale/shaven haven on the subject of beavers. I use a simple reference system much like a Biology ID Key. For example, 5" tall + BeachBall Norks = BorrowerBoo. It makes it easier to remember who the fuck everyone is.

Thanks for the sympaffy Rie. I know one is all you need and all that, but one is a bit disappointing after all the injections/resisting booze/billion supplements.

I'll bet. Poor cah. Want some clotted cream?

I had an enormous cream tea in Cornwall. It was so big...I couldn't finish it all

Where did you have it? The garden?

The gardens beginning with T yes (paranoid about being outed at work emoticon). The peacocks kept trying to eat bits of scone that had fallen. They were highly amusing.

What are you doing/getting for your birthday then?

Welcome fizzycakes well done on the quiz there although I would have been inclined to let you in on the strength of your name alone.

Sorry to hear about the singular follicle babaganoush hope some more pop by Friday

Chortles at thought of borrowerboo wearing teeny docs and drinking thimbles full of cider and black.

Oh Sindyssnatch I'm sorry not more follicles. Is there the chance that any more will get there by Friday? You're right about only taking one, but you want a bit more bada for your bing after all those injections and clean living, you're absolutely right.

All is well here, fanks, very well indeed, though I shan't bang on about it. Other than to say keep the faith, BESHes, it really is worth it on t'other side. But how do you know about my mottled breasts? It's not my fault. There's been no sun here in forever

AuntieDoorway I shall PM you...