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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

1000 replies

Ariesgirl · 28/03/2011 22:21

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

OP posts:
AuntieDoris · 29/03/2011 21:42

I got married for my hot toy-boy of a husband on 3 April last year... we have nearly made it to the one year mark. Hurray!

Started TTC in Sept last year and as I am 35 I feel old like time if running out. Probably bullshit but I can't shake the feelings of doom. Made all the more difficult by the fact that my younger sister has spawned two children, the most recent one a month ago. Therefore my feelings of dismay over not conceiving are seen as complete jealousy and therefore I am seen as something of a pariah in my family.

Have just had blood tests which came back all clear. DH has to go wank in a pot and get his swimmers checked out next week. In the meantime we will go away for le wedding anniversaire weekend and shag like the proverbial bunnies.

Anything else you want to know?

BTW cakey - I use FF and quite like it cos I am fascinated with my charts. I avoid the forums at all costs tho - full of babydust flinging nutters. Not for me ta.

InTheSunshine · 29/03/2011 21:44

Good answers Cake. Charlotte Gainsbourg looks like a fittie. Mr Tyler - bit wrinkly but looked good in spandex once so I'll give you that one.

It's right royal pain in the arse this trying to win a baybee isn't it. Hope your quest with the needles is successful.

InTheSunshine · 29/03/2011 21:49

Good work with the toy boy Doris (how much younger?). Positive news on your blood test though. MS has had to wank in a pot a few times now. He has sub standard white goods Sad

I got obsessed with the charts. I have stopped using it since we found out about the spunk failures & feel more relaxed.

Where are you going for dirty weekend? I am a hotel geek.

AuntieDoris · 29/03/2011 21:55

He's 5 years younger than me. Still weirds me out that he was born in the '80's tho!

We aren't going too far from home... about an hour and a halfs drive to Pickering. Staying at a posh B&B called Grindale House. Have banned us from taking laptops and I am just looking forward to a couple of days chilling out.

starcuntmole · 29/03/2011 21:55

I wore the dress the girl behind has for a wedding last year....I did not look like that in it Hmm

Wow

I'm sure you will all be much relieved to know I have Saved Our Playgroup. Grin Still, as long as Tarquin and Felicity have somewhere to play, it's all worth it!

Back to my womb: bleeding slowed a bit yesterday, and then was back with a vengence while I was at work today. Bored now. Tried to go for a run tonight and was all weak and feeble- what can I take wise BESH to give me much energy and replenish lost red blood cells?

bananaRAMa yes, shag him.

Late 80s/early 90s crushes of shame: Harry Connick Jr (Memphis Belle), Sting, Joey from New Kids (I know,I know, but he looked really like this boy who went to our rowing club) Vic Reeves (not too shameful)

Rob Newman (Mary Whitehouse Experience)
Clive Owen (Chancer)

Last two acceptable, and still would.

Kept it brief bangbang cos I know you get tired Wink

AuntieDoris · 29/03/2011 21:57

Oh those dresses were my bridesmaids dresses. The skinny bint in the background is one of my cousins... better pic here

InTheSunshine · 29/03/2011 22:04

Cunty I spend too much money on clothes. I justify it by thinking well if I can't have a baybee I will have insert expensive item here. At least you have just done something worthwhile. Stoating about in a hillbilly suit is in no way worth anything (other than a few laughs)

You need some iron my love - are you a meat eater?

Agree with Clive Owen. Hell, yes!

Truffkin · 29/03/2011 22:09

So this is where you all are! I can't MN at work anymore because people can see my screen (boo) so I lost you for a while

Loving the new Fred Rie nice work. I will proudly admit to using the paint chart as reference material on more than one occasion. How is MrA doing today?

Hello PuddingWine I enjoyed your BESHtionnaire muchly, commiserations on the petri dish activity but am hoping we can bring you some luck.

I had several distinct fashion phases during my yoof. Phase 1 circa 1990 - NafNaf t shirt, marled grey leggings and hideous red suede Fila hi-top trainers. Phase 2 circa 1994 - the widest bell-bottomed cords I could find, top half varied between skinny fit flowery mens shirts (found mainly in Cult Clothing or charity shops) and band t shirts (Oasis, Stone Roses, Pearl Jam) over long sleeves, adidas campus trainers. Phase 3 circa 1996 - cat suit or split to the thigh chinese style dress with the highest strappy platforms money can buy (I found house music). From the age of 17 these outfits were accessorised with a packet of Marlboro red, my floppy haired boyfriend (curtains anyone?) and a fake whatever' attitude as I struggled with my natural tendency to be a teachers' pet girly swot.

I was a short teen, with an impressive rack that appeared overnight at the age of 13. I was quite popliar with the boyz (but never very confident so I didn't enjoy my first proper snog until I was 16! It was pretty cool though.)

InTheSunshine · 29/03/2011 22:16

Truffers!! Was thinking about you today, how are you dear? Cat suits & chinese dresses - they were the days Smile

BrownB · 29/03/2011 22:20

Yeah Doris, what's the story...? Nice norks!

SunShiney, it takes a while to realise that intimidating all the boys is not such a bad thing huh? Not what I was most proud of at the time I would have been attending youth clubs. Rie, not a model by any stretch - I'd be a very sick lady if I were to get down to a size 10. I dressed up as a roman warrior-woman for a halloween party a couple of years ago, and there were another group of girlies all dressed in the same outfit. However, a bloke approached me late in the evening and said, "You know, there are a bunch of you dressed like that tonight, but you're the only one who's convincing."

InTheSunshine · 29/03/2011 22:26

Brownie looking back I think I probably intimidated the boys but when I was younger I just took it as rejection and had heartache & oh woe is me..... I'm loving the Roman warrior image!

MadameBoo · 29/03/2011 22:32

Fancy a green fag with me round the corner where the yoof workers can't see us?

I am 5" tall - dead on. I must surely be the shortest BESH with the hugest norks, and Rie I can flirt with anyone now but when I was 12 I was short with no tits and boys laughed at me.

Nice wedding pics Dor. You look resplendent and glowy.

cakeandcava · 29/03/2011 22:33

Thanks everyone :)

I wish I could have intimidated the boys but as I had virtually no boob to speak of and was going for the early-90s faux-hippie massive long skirts and hemp jewellery trend I think it was a pretty lost cause.

MadameBoo · 29/03/2011 22:33

I am 5' tall, not 5" - fucking hell I'd be like a bleedin' borrower :o

cakeandcava · 29/03/2011 22:34

MadameBoo ooh yes, green fags are allowed, right? They're healthy and minty and stuff!

MadameBoo · 29/03/2011 22:37

Green fags are positively encouraged trifleandchampers - although I haven't been able to smoke them for 3 months due to a recurring throat infection :o

InTheSunshine · 29/03/2011 22:40

I'm off to bed now. If this was 1991 I'd be leaving local indie club at 1am as my dad would be outside to give me lift home. If I wasn't outside at 1am on the dot he always threatend to come in & get me. Obv I was always there. Night all.

MadameBoo · 29/03/2011 22:42

By the way Cakey, 9 out of ten for the BESHtionnaire but I must put a big red cross next to your answer to number 5, because R2D2 refers to the red tide of doom, referred to most unaffectionately in these parts as the droid, or the bleeping bastard metal fucker.

Mine just left the building, hopefully for 9 months or more.

MadameBoo · 29/03/2011 22:43

Night night Sunnygirl - by the way LOVED that outfit - pics please!

cakeandcava · 29/03/2011 22:51

RedTideOfDoom-R2D2

Grin

I have two more waits for the droid before I start injecting -due next week, and then one more cycle in April. Obviously I'm hoping to bag the classic 'started relaxing because pressure was off and then diffed naturally the month before starting IFV'
-But because I'm hoping for that I'm not really relaxing any more than normal Hmm

MadameBoo · 29/03/2011 23:03

Hope you get your ironidiff. there are other injectors in the vicinity but I'll let them out themselves.

I have set myself a cut off time of 11am for internetting ce soir or I'll be useless tomorrow, so I'm off outside to see if my Dad's car is there to take me home, laters.

Truffkin · 29/03/2011 23:45

Boo I just LOLed a the thought of a 5 inch tall BESH borrower. TGB did a bit of a frown because I interrupted his chain of thought and he is Playing. A. Game. (some shit on the playstation)

I'm off to bed. Night BESHies.

Ariesgirl · 30/03/2011 02:27

Excellent answers Cava. We welcome you with open arms.

Check out Doris's baps!!! Actually from FB stalkage there are many impressively-stacked BESHes. The A-team (B on a premenstrual day) are in short supply around here. I may have to start a subgroup

Always makes me wonder why gay men are gay if they love breasts so much. Clearly I don't understand gayness at all.

Why am I awake at this hour? So unfair! I didn't get any Sechs - not that either of us were up for it to be fair - and the Jetlagged One is snoring peacefully upstairs while I have to come down and cough in secret so as to not wake him up. Cough cough cough cough cough. He'll be sorry when I have to go to an Alpine Sanatorium

OP posts:
cakeandcava · 30/03/2011 08:40

Morning all!

Had to go look for the pic of Doris' rack, that is indeed an impressive pair Envy
I'm more of an A-team member myself

Trying to track down some test results from the clinic before going to work, but they NEVER answer the phone I don't want to have to sneakily call them from work!

Sigh, hope you all have a lovely day.

MadameBoo · 30/03/2011 09:30

Back to work- was sneaking on...

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