Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

Aaaah sorry for moaning has been particularly bad week! ML not too far off and I have a week's leave too so really not much interaction with the dripping anus of behelzebub left especially if the summer flu getsme

Having been off line my spread sheet is not up to date but pliz accept this generous squirt of preseed in lieu

moan away bitey particularly if it involves a need for deeply disparaging glances, and very loud tutting mindless random violence in the general direction of a cock of a man. And in a travelodge too- oh the humanity. (Disclaimer: I actually don't have anything against travelodges, in fact I find them convenient and very reasonably priced)

My running partner and I have discovered that she'd set her trainer magic thing wrong, and so we haven't actually been running as fast as we thought. I did see three rabbits, a woodpecker and two squirrels on our jog this am though, so that was nice. (Jesus that was dull, sorry- twat cunty dickwad)

I am watching a John Wayne deliciously Sunday evening film where he and another young whippersnapper have just beaten their respective females with a paddle on the posterior. Do you think I should tell the feminists?

Wildlife is never dull, Cuntflaps. It brightens up our existence

And well done for running. Fuck me, running is horrible. I admire anyone who does it.

Bitey feel free to moan as much as you goddamn like!

Mole I did a 10k race this morning. It was painful (agrees with *Rie) Then I ate a massive piece of cake at my mums which made me very happy!

There is an ant infestation in my house. Can't get rid of the fuckers.

Was it in the Chester of Man?

is desperately thinking of a cunning plan to make it absolutely imperative that Captain Jack comes and works in the BESH Spa. Ideas?

It was just a little local one Cunty. Have spent the afternoon watching the Manc coverage from my sofa though.

Can Lady GaGa come to the spa? She's a prize one mentalist.

Needless to say, more than tumbleweed was blowing in the street over the weekend. I'm knackered... I have not caught up on what's been happening yet. Hopefully this evening. Laters...

bitey That's horrible. :( What a dick. I suppose you could "let" him sack you and then sue the arse off him for sexual discrimination - can you do a good hang-dog face for the papers? Stick your bump out. Bangor in November is probably worse. Last time I stayed in a Travelodge was in Newcastle 6-7 months pregnant. At 2am a man came down the corridor bouncing off the walls and singing "if yeh think ahm shexshy and yeh want ma bodeh". Oh the humanity indeed! In the morning we had to dodge the sick pool and the restaurant smelled of wee.

starcunt He won't be available for work until I've broken his spirit, he's still chained up downstairs.

Maybe he'll be in the spa recovering from a recent traumatic kidnapping incident in darkest The Netherlands.

dear MissPony, one day, when you're not busy , can you sit us all down and explain the geographical difference between Holland and The Netherlands? I went out with a dutch bloke for a bit, and I still don't really get it.

Oh really Cunty. It's like the difference between England and the UK. Foreigners and English say England when the mean the UK, and the Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish get all chippy about it - and who can blame them? Holland is one province in the United Provinces of the Netherlands and I guess is the England of the set up. I guess the Dutch from the other provinces are the ones getting chippy but as I can't name any of them my self righteous and priggish tirade runs out here.

What? What? What do you mean, you didn't ask me?

PS Cap'n Jack has been in the Pit and was used up and died from overwork a while back.

starcunt It's veh easy really and blokey was probably over-complicating things. Holland is a province like e.g., Kent. The Netherlands is all the provinces together. However, all rules are null and void when playing international football - as the team is "Holland", however in cycling for example it's "The Netherlands". So basically, only say Holland if you're talking about football.

Aries is right! Other provinces are Groningen, Friesland (like East Anglia - "strong family ties", weird dialect, cows), Flevoland, North Holland, South Holland (tada!), Brabant, Limburg, Zeeland (to name the ones I can remember right now).

I tend to actually go to Holland to see my chums that live there, then get middle-class angst over whether I should say I'm going to the Netherlands or Holland in the Netherlands or just fuckit, I'm going to Holland (South). Meh, meh, meh.

Bites your boss sounds like an absolute cock and you should spit in his tea if at all possible. My work is also the suckiest thing in the Kingdom of Suck and I found out last week that I am being moved into an even shittier office than my current one right next to an aircon unit that is basically a breeding ground for respiratory tract infections in an office where NOBODY EVER SPEAKS.

I'm going to ask HR if it matters if I apply for other posts in the Uni and return to work in one of those instead (i.e. will I lose my benefits etc).

Anyone who works with me and reads this will now know exactly who I am. Oh well.

owlie I have asked HR what exactly my obligation to the university is on return from ML. It's 13 weeks work but six of those will be annual leave. The remaining seven will be spent wailing and gnashing my teeth. I wonder if I can work for a different dept? Also, while I have proof that we are not the same person, I am now wondering if you have moved into the office next door to mine?

ski is your traveldoge tale the beginning of the beautiful relationship with the JB? "And reader, I did like his bodeh, and I did think he was sehksy so I let him", that sort of thing? No?

sunny did you see la gaga on Graham Norton? I was surprised to find I quite liked her! She was a lot more animated than the scarily botoxed Gwyneth Paltrow!

Bugger wailing and gnashing; I shall call in sick

Moleymole I have only just seen your wildlife list. Was it a black and white woodpecker or a green one? I luff the woodpeckers, they are ace. What is it with all this BESHrunning activity though? I am horrified at you all. Why are you not lounging and drinking gin?

I seem to remember Captain Jack doing a remarkably good recovery from certain death in Pirates 3 (though in fairness, I didn't understand it, so I could be wrong) so I have no problem with the prospect of his resurrection now.

Running is a very important tool in the 'I am trying to get healthier and lose weight, see, I am running. Now pass me that doughnut and bottle of merlot immediately, I deserve it, I am running' plan. I have however resolved to try really hard from now on; have started to write everything consumed down, as this worked for me before, and BBB promised to check it at the end of the week. Its a bit like being on report at school. Only prob is, my scales appear to not be working- I am hoping it's just the battery- although it's replacement involves going into a shop that sells round batteries, and then remembering to purchase one, which so far I have struck out at. Apologies for going on and on about weight stuff- I think I see it as so closely connected with ttc it's kind of the same thing to me, but I appreciate it isn't for everyone.

I believe it was the Greater Spotted Woodpecker I observed. (See those hours of playing RSPB Lotto weren't a total waste mother)

AIBU to really like La Gwynneth on Glee?

I'm ashamed at my lack of Netherlands knowledge - I lived in The Hague for a year whilst I was at uni & never knew the difference

Bitey I didn't see her on GN but have seen her in other interviews & think she comes across pretty well. She got some terrible reviews last night but I thought it showed that she had an amazing voice & is more than just a Madonna wannabe. Gaga support rant over now.

Starscomeoutatnight pliz not to mind about talking about weight things. Nothing is censored (is that the right word?) here!

Owl your office move sounds like A Bad Thing. Tell HR you can't move there for health reasons.

Cap'n Jack is fine, he must be, I saw him on the television last night.

I am used to be a Madonna wannabe.

Cunt I've got a bottle of rose in my fridge, run over and you can share it with me.

PS I've been to Amsterdam three times. I called it Amsterdam, but I think I got away with it.

Boo I was a massive Madge wannabe. I used to wear one white lace glove and lots of vests. Thought I was the dogs. Shame about my shit page boy hair cut and sensible clarkes shoes

biteme I spent a considerable while when i should have been doing housework min or two earlier looking up your BESH questionnaire, so as to ascertain your crush of shame and provide you with a couple of tasty pics to cheer you on your grey clouded day. Upon finding the said 'man' I recoiled in horror, and vowed that my google would not be sullied by such a task. It has come to my realisation in the last couple of minutes that you didn't in fact mean Jeremy Clarkson when you said Jeremy Paxman did'ja? So here, fill your boots, and apologies for erroneously thinking so poorly of you!.

that'll do nicely thanks boo- I presume you have one for yourself too?