Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

I may have been known to do that once. Or twice.

Don't blush Cakes. No menkul is too menkul. It has been decreed by the original BESH (may they cigar in peace).

Right, bed then.

Boo, I think I am vying for menkuller of the month frankly. After p-ing on about 20 sticks, droid arrived this morning...! Which is a bit of a relief. I don't know what the faint positives were about and am now past caring - the arrival of the droid is like a big reset button, and it's nice to know where I'm at.

PurpleP bum and arses to actual presence of droid, but glad menkal can be resolved. I have decided to blame the extra large moon for all my cycle cunting around this month, please feel free to borrow my excellent scientific theory

Hello cakesandcandies (childhood sweetie shop, ahhhhh lemon drops) I am a mole, and I live in a hole (not just figuritively) I am a bitter hag, having one of the non fall on a willy childers, and am finding number 2 more elusive than a taxi at 3 am when its raining. Welcome to our humble lair of lesbotic erotiviolence and leering after the pretty boys.

Ah yes, the Cigar

Brownie I haf made you this top menkulling medal out of chocolate and also this rudimentary flame-thrower for droid-related destruction.

BrownGirlInTheRing that fucking sucks shit. I reckon the droid should be installed in the boys toilets in the cloakroom and used for target practice. Here have some Thuderbirds, that will take your mind off the shittery of it all.

:( Brown Soz about that. I have heard of 'chemical pregnancies', don't know much but I think they're like a near miss.

Got some 20/20 here you can have to wash down the Thunderbirds if you fancy, then you can throw up in the underpass on the way home and I'll hold your hair back.

Oh lord; 20:20. That stuff was exceptionally rank. And even worse coming back up.

Brownie that is utter shit. In the interests of the theme I have tied up intalled him in the girls loos for you to console yourself with. He is fresh from doing his levis shoot and therefore pre oiled.

And I have started a fire in a shopping trolley on the rec to which we can feed droid bit by bit.

Fanks for kind thoughts, scientific explanations, tasty medals and homemade flame-throwers! (What are Thunderbirds? Am guessing I'd like them..?) And am allowing myself to be consoled by that yummy young man Rocket. He's got enough oil to give me the best back rub!

I know I deserve the menkul of the month award as last night I was in such a state I splashed out and bought another double pack of First Response. I got the first one out, I aimed, and I missed!!! I couldn't believe it when I took it out and the tip was dry. I spent a cunting fortune on pregnancy tests this month. Grrr..

So, next in line are... SunnyD and Boo?

What is 20:20? Do they still sell it? What we used to drink was Aspi Spumante. (Spewmanty in kiwi teenage slang) The first drink I got drunk on was Kahlua and milk. And I still can't stand the smell of Southern Comfort It got stuck in my hair and up my nose after one awful teenage binge.

my offering for the dancing around the handbag action.

Nice to meet you Cakey. I do needles too, but more of the acupuncture variety.

ps - the paint chart WAS genius.

for brownies educational purposes:

Mad dog 20:20 to be bought by the large bottle for consumption prior to going out or by the small bottle to be drunk through a straw at student nights at Blue Note in Derby. The blue one was always a favourite, basically Blue WKD before it was ever thought of.

tunderbirds drunk my desperate teens and bums (this image of from 'bumwine.com' chortle) Most people only ever drank this once, got hideously sick and never touched it again.

My personal favourite tipple as a teen was one of and lemonade. Possibley not safe for work if you have speakers or wait til lunch time so surfing of youtube is acceptable.

Brownie I have actually POAS when droid had actually arrived JUST IN CASE. Bonus points for missing the stick though

20:20 is a rough as a badger's arse 'fruit' flavoured booze that comes in large rectangular bottles and costs very little. It is filth. I was more of a White Lightening girl myself. I consider your Asti Spumante to be veh veh classy by comparison.

I also do needles, but mainly of the 'being drained of blood by every person in a white coat I encounter' variety. My arms are starting to look a right fucking state.

Ooooh, that reminds me - as a stooodent I once bought some Special Brew as I mistakenly thought in my naivety that it might taste nicer than the regular brew.

It did not.

White Lightning. OMG. Good work Bootie.

Asti is very classy! Then there was always Buckfast, but that was so vile I'm not sure it ever mad it south of the border?

Sorry about droid Brown although I guess it's good to finally get an idea of what's going on.

I'm glad to see there are others trained in the art of menkuling. I too have POAS after droid arrival (it was two days early -maybe an elusive, late, heavy implantation bleed?) and have also been known to colour-code knickers (dark around mid-cycle to easier see type and consistency of snailtrail, light towards end of cycle to check for the infamous implantation).
Of course, that was a while ago now

My menkul was also quite inventive, like the time I convincced myself I was diffed when I felt nauseous at the stale cigarette smoke on a man who sat next to me on the tube. Needless to say I wasn't.

My tipple of choice during the teen years down the park was Wild & White. Oh ye, Classy bird me. I also 'enjoyed' the delights of 20:20 (strawberry), K cider (have you seen how strong that stuff is?) and on one fateful night, tequila. Advance a few years and we were drinking pints of cider and black chased down by 'orange smarties' (Tia Maria and orange juice) I can't drink any spirit with orange juice now, the smell makes me wretch. Too many sickly end of night situations.

I spent pretty much a whole morning on that paint chart. That is how sad I am.

Boo you are making me laugh.

Sunshine I am starting a campaign to make you Queen immediatemente as I feel there are few problems in this life not made better but scones, cream, jam and a pot of english breakfast.

Cigaring: yes, but have any of you ever done it at your desk ??? Cos SOMEONE has....

Dedicated to the cause cass? Yes. Obsessive gusset inspector? Possibly. But sad? NEVAR.

I am intrigued as to who the desk cigarer was. Now THAT is dedication.

I have to confess I have neither cigared nor I have ever expereinced the delights of dildocam, I feel unworthy to be counted among the ESH, quite honestly, although I do believe I might have initiated Cervix Watch which could make up for my deficiencies somewhat (could be wring and just was rehashing old BESHlaw from before my time though)

wring wrong

Oh yes, SOMEONE did indeed. Cass speaks the truth.

And she is also right in saying she dreamt up the paint chart. I merely posted it and embroidered it a little. But I did do the Autumn one all by myself.

Cass the paint chart is a work of genius comparable to Leonardo's helicopter thingy and definitely worth a full morning's work.

I don't know who the desk cigarer was but I salute their dedication and am now wondering whether they put the evidence in their office bin? Oh dear.

Like Rocket I have never cigared or enjoyed the experience of dildocam; I did once try to find my own cervix though and failed despite having hands the size of those comedy foam hands you get at baseball games. Christ knows where it is; at least I know where it isn't now.

Bunsandbooze I luff the colour-coded pants idea. You could embroider days of the month on them and everything.

K cider Used to drink it down the Coach and Horses (now a bookies) where we used to go for last orders. A fight broke out there every week - I would always miss it by being in the loo and walk out as bloodstained people ran up the stairs. Purple Haze and dirty sticky floors. It was ace, wasn't it Rocket?

Brilliant idea booty. 5 Red pants with CD1-5 on them, then 10 with CD6-15 graduating from grey to black. Then a further 14 or so in white. You could even have novelty frilly pink ones with OV DAY, shag me NOW! on them. And possibly incorporate a small thin pocket in the relevant days to hold internet cheapy OPK or HCG test sticks.

(disclaimer: we would of course, do different sets for those with longer and shorter cycles)

Mines a K with a Vodka and Black chaser please boo Dancing on the sticky carpet to Betty Boo and Loveshack (great pick there brownie) and trying to avoid the letchy rockers.

Remember when the Kwiksave offie next door got looted 3 weeks on the trot?