Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

sorry angRIEgirl that was for biteys benefit, not yours. Didnt mean to teach to you suck eggs. Hope you have a tardy egg this month and Mr A gets back in time to catch it

Sorry salad my coughing til I puke has made me grumpy. And clearly I'm not going to shag Young Lee and teach him about older women much as I'd like to.

I am in a state of misery here. Really lightheaded, alone at work and in possession of ANOTHER test that my imagination is working into looking positive. :(

Rie -hope the whooping cough responds to the lemon honey (and brandy/whiskey) I'm preparing for you here... Sleep is good when you're ill. As is missing griefy phone calls. :)

Brownie twill be buggerall good testing at this time in the day. Stick it in the bin and have a large glass of vino.

Tomorrow morning is a new piss stick. And I apologise now if I am not helping with the mentalling but seriously, evening testing is no good. If you're not sure then get a Superdrug early one; I got a half-proper line on that when the internet cheapies were giving me a hint of an imaginary tint so at least you'll know what's actually going on.

Plus as I missed Kat 's kidneys, I'm going to have a right good crack at yours.

Rie If you are going to have consumption, do you get to wear fabulous frocks and have Mr Darcy running after you? Or have I got the wrong era?

Humph. Waste of effin money. I have the Menkul seriously bad. I want to beat something up, but can't do my own bloody kidneys.

I'm back, an hour early. My bottom exploded, it was really embarrassing. I am hoping this purging signals the end of my 3 month illness fest.

Just to blow the whole 'you have to do it early' theory out of the water I'm now going to tell you all that when I got diffed with smallboo, twas from a quick shag whist packing to go on holiday on my ovulation day. Once on holiday we didn't do it again during the first week because I was either drunk, asleep or behaving like an emotionally unstable lunatic. Second week of holiday, found out was diffed (2 days after a couple more SFF seshes, when I was already diffed but didn't know). So there.

Oh and Rie and teaching people how to do good sex is really boring. I could never be the cougar type. Shag the electrician, bet he's been round the block a bit. Or start getting those rose petals out for Mr A, or the biro if you want to go for Barbie's much more romantic suggestion.

Where are you Barbs anyway?

That's good to know boo because I seriously don't think we're going to get one in tomorrow. He's going to be dead from exhaustion and has to do work immediately!

Am aware I am cluster posting, so I offer my good self as your punch bag Brown :o

I've got some Berocca here if you want one for MonsieurA pour le matin? I bought loads earlier, and some spatone. Am hammering my rubbish body into submission with supplements.

He is on Terra Firma! Just had a call from Heathrow, and he is "wiped out", apparently due to a screaming toddler all the way from Kuala Lumpur. I know some people have no choice but to fly with very small children, but...well... . Part of me is preening with satisfaction, because I told how how bad jet lag can be, and he was very much of the "jet lag is for women and wimps" opinion before he went. When I flew back after 5 months in NZ I didn't get back to normal for a long while.

boo, I don't want to beat you up. In fact I have seriously un-BESLY feeling of warm-ness towards all you BESH ladies. You've been too nice to ms in the past. Now. I am not normally malicious, but maybe a prisoner? Or who's been totally foul in the news recently? Gadafi? In a mankini? Help!!

Ps Rie be heartless. Jet-Lag is for wimps!!

Maybe I should hook up with Young Lee after all

rie you do know he doesn't actually have to be conscious? :p

Sorry was very insensitive and not meant to be egg sucky, do feel free to bitch slap me with vay large fish, minke whale maybe?

Will get on with my ironing as penitence

Slaps everyone with <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.mongabay.com/images/external/2006/worlds_smallest_fish2.jpg&imgrefurl=news.mongabay.com/2006/0126-smallest_fish.html&usg=__GvsGEPfaMLL0Ni2LQ6gFmr848xE=&h=296&w=266&sz=17&hl=en&start=0&sig2=kPMuuWm0aAi89_lIU0ktOA&zoom=1&tbnid=wXeHtOpTvIYRFM:&tbnh=170&tbnw=153&ei=dvGQTar6LM6xhQe7xLjGDg&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtiny%2Bfish%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D685%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=818&vpy=110&dur=1149&hovh=236&hovw=212&tx=104&ty=103&oei=dvGQTar6LM6xhQe7xLjGDg&page=1&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this and does Bitey extra hard (ooh missus)

I imagine that could deal out a hefty slap.

I think you could probably make a house out of it.

Doesn't work starry.

How's this:

Come into the BESHt youth club in town

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the Dark Ages determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.