Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

The woo thread wasn't crap... more green cigarettes should have been shared out though.

I was thinking that three BFP's on one thread is good going for us. Correct me if I'm mistaken, we have Truffs, LaraCroft and KittyKat? And that got me thinking that maybe we've been going wrong with high ideals and well read/romantic-like settings. The funfair is clearly the place to go if you want to get up the duff. Or maybe, perhaps... the local chicken shop?

hello lovely foul and gangrenous BESH. Just a quicky- I have chores you know- but spoke to GP via the marvellous triage system, first thing. Was young scottish GP whom I may or may not (tick as appropriate ) have developed a small cougar crush on last time we saw him, so was glad for medium of telephone hiding my blushing as I regaled him with the detail of the carnage in my pants. Anyways, he was luffley, but not too worried that any body parts need to go on telly any time soon (gah, foiled) He basically said it could be a one off, and we wouldn't know unless it happened again. (Amazing what they teach you in those doctor schools innit.) He did say that as there was no pain, and no pg, that there wasn't huge cause for alarm, and then he'd phone me on thurs to check on me. Which is kind of like a date isn't it? Isn't it? In a way, I am no further than this morning, being as that's what you lot said, but at least am now Official. Nice to know that women can lose random amounts of blood for no real reason, and it's not really anything to worry about. We're so lucky

(Changed my mind about EPAU this am, because google said they wouldn't want to scan until bleeding stopped so they could see better.)

So I feel reassured, but the question is, do you?

boo there is no measure to count the amount of BESHly love and adoration, and down right dirty girly fantasies, I'm sending you right goddamm now. If it don't work for us, we should just move into a commune and our children can be each other's siblings. OK? (also, here's some cake)

Brownbear pics pics pics

salad how's your back and broken bits?

wol yes they're all shit, but I find male taxi drivers more anoying. And all tourist pedestrians who seem to believe that because they're on holiday they're carproof

bitey thanks for that

alps welcome to England

doris good luck with kicking ass

Please can we have a doctor fred next, and please can my scottish doctor come?

Happy Mondays!

How does one post a picture on MumsNet?

ps - going to work shortly. So, probably won't happen today...

pps - Hope you're feeling a little better Boo, and that work is okay.

In your profile Brown. I'm going to have a shower and get me to work. Lying around surfing the net isn't going to get me fit is it?

Starbeaver If you're reassured, then so am I.

Laters...

ps If anyone catches me on here past 10pm tonight make me go to sleep will ya?

Hehehehe yes, I am queen of the pissstick photography

Moleymoleymole Your doc sounds HAWT. I shall choose to imagine him looking like a slightly more beefy version of David Tennant if that is okay? Also, yes, I am in the Ford of Ox and every other fucker is a tourist pedestrian or a twat on a bike pretty much all year round. When I am on my bike I sometimes pat pedestrians on the rucksack on my way past if they are standing gawping in the road. It never fails to shit them up completely but I figure a gentle warning from me is better than a smack up the arse by a bus.

Oh dear, I am starting to sound like a right evil bugger.

You might be on to something brownie perhaps next fred should have a youth club theme, complete with tuck shop selling curly whirlies and bottles of panda pops (to be topped up with the skimmings from top of each bottle in the parents booze cabinet or just gin) There would need to be some sort of dark alley way for clandestine smoking of green fags/silk cut lights and illicit snogging. And you put perfectly into words my thoughts re 4x4 in the city. Makes me to see how they takle speed bumps like they were put there just for them to practice ollies on.

moley I would hate to see one of your more in depth posts if that was a quickie Back is feeling a bit better actually, hopefully this improvement with continue! Fanx for asking, my lovely. Your commune sounds enticing, can I apply to join as we are only planning one PFB and I like the idea of your twos being quasi siblings to mine.

Oh and vey glad the hot doc was reassuring re the bleeding, thats pretty much what my lovely young lady GP said (i had a bit of a lesbo cougar crush/wanted to befriend her on mine) and it never occurred again. So fingers crossed it will be the same for you.

I vote yes to the youth club, complete with tuck shop, Fruit Salads, black jacks, bottles of Panda cola, those sweets that makes your mouth go pop, Duke of Edinburgh award, discos, Impulse and snogging in the corner with Scottish doctors boys from our Chemistry group. You can call me Elaine. Sharon, Tracey, Vicky and many other early 80s names are up for grabs.

Very glad you're ok, Starry and that the luvverly doc was reassuring. And all without him having to peer up your fanjo, always a good thing.

Where is Alps anyway? She usually posts first thing, in between seeing to Bear, going for a hack and having conference calls to Kuala Lumpur. Or something

I am definitely ov-ing. And MrA is back tomorrow morning. My choices are as follows:

a) wait for him, though he will be jetlagged to fuck and I risk missing the window. Pros - any resulting child with be his.
b) shag the electrician in the office next to ours. A lovely man, 40-ish, intelligent, steady, nice, but a bit..erm... large.
c) Shag Dodgy Lee, his assistant. 31, father of four, bald, somewhat lacking in the brain department. Pros - has proven sperm success
d) Shag Young Lee, the electrcian's apprentice. Cons - 19. Pros - tall, dark, CUTE, could probably go like a train, sperm count probably dead good.
e) Shag the surveyor I have a meeting with this afternoon. 55ish, drives an Audi. Has wealth going for him, but little else.

What do you all suggest?

aries Tsk! Obviously young Lee, can't believe you even had to ask!

Would these come in handy for youth club?

But he's so shy Bitey. I terrify him if I even look in his direction so how to get his kecks off is beyond my ken. Should have remembered "cripplingly shy" in the cons list.

In other news, I just coughed so hard I was nearly sick What man wouldn't want to impregnate me?

Get him drunk. Them young 'uns don't get brewer's droop you know. Or so I have heard. Ahem.

Then it will have to be tonight! Yes. And I will have to dispose of his no doubt pert and pretty girlfriend somehow. No matter...

I'm going for Young Lee too Rie and also a quick go on MrA when he gets back for good measure. From your description of Young Lee, it sounds like he would love to be taught the ways of the world by an older woman and it will be a great story to share with his friends. Am impressed with your almost vom-cough.

Congrats to Kat for another win whilst I was away. Am quite delighted to have created a thread with 3 wins and I'm also wondering if I've restarted the 'thread starter has to win' tradition. Rie pliz to start the next one to test that theory out.

Am loving the youth club idea, can we please have a table tennis table as well? Pleeeeeeeeease? TGB used to DJ at his youth club and when the rocker kids asked for Metallica or such like, he would play the track long enough for them to start a bit of a mosh and then replace it with 'Dizzy' whilst they were on the dance floor. He is pure evil.

So we were at a wedding on Friday and I managed to be the last person on the dancefloor and stay up until 2am In other news, we told TGB's parents and brother plus my Mom about our BOC and they were all vey plizzed for us. In fact, I think my mother has probably already started a bottom drawer for us in the 24 hours she has known.

We are in a new office today, having been 'moved' over the weekend. It's a big, airy open plan type affair and everyone is being very quiet at the moment. I am having to tilt my screen so noone can see my MNing. Not sure how long I'll be able to get away with that for.

Am too scared to test the theory Trumpkin. I have tried it four times you see. Three BESH threads and one Frolicker one. All ended in abject failure.

Maybe I will summon the courage and will to do the BESH-club but not because I expect or want a win out of it. It might happen then mightn't it? But I can't think that can I?

Young Lee for sure rierie Open the Yoof club early, hence he will actually be a little older than everyone else and therefore be full of spunk confidence, just channel a horny but shy 16 year old girl and you'll be reet.

Last contact from pone in FB, she was in the middle of the English Channel :o

Truff - you need one of those privacy screens to cover your screen! (Dunno what they're called). I have one "due to the bright computer light straining my eyes". BOLLOX! It is so that I can surf whatever I want to all day long!

Rie - you have to start the next thread. Not only will you def win a baybee but you will enable a further two women to also win one! Go for a combination of Mr A and young Lee.

You know, I reckon half us laydees shag at the wrong time of the month which is why we are / were not getting pg. This month DH and I did the do a whole week earlier than I am allegedly supposed to ovulate and look, we got a win. If I recall, the same thing happened to Truff. Is that right, Truff??

So I was annoyed because we started the shagging a day early than we were supposed to and then TGB was 'too tired' to do it the next day, so my plan was foiled. As it turns out, I ovulated earlier than usual and the 'just because we fancied it' shag was the only one that fell in the 3 days leading up to ovulation. I only got a 'good' on fertility friend, which I was ridiculously upset about. Turns out, all my mizzy faces were in vain as the random approach got us a win. It's a funny ole game.

I know Rie I've tried it before but because it worked this time I am pretending it's a failsafe andignoring the other times innit?

I think laGaGA said something to me about already having the swimmers in place for when you ovulate. Can't remember the scientific basis but it made sense at the time. Just been looking at fertility friend and we were most odd the month we got the win, three days before ovulation, four days after and then seven, eight and nine days after . I had been very annoyed with the FDH after he went on strike for the whole time I thought we should we should be doing it. It is a funny ole game.

rie when you say the electrician is a bit large, are you refering to his girth, or his girth. If it is the latter, how do you know?

Because the egg only hangs about for between 12-36 hours but sperm last for up to 5-7 days. So you want the sperm all ready and waiting in your tubes when the egg is released. So ideal time to shag is the week BEFORE ov, not after.

So for you truffs, that first one 3 days before is the one that counted. All the ones after OV the egg would have already fallen out if it hadnt fertilised. There is also a theory of 'implantation sex' that your body wants to know that the bloke is still about to 'look after' his progeny, so you are more likely to implant if there are more white goods in the womb about a week after OV (the time it takes for the fertilised egg to travel down the fallopian tubes to the womble. But I am not sure there is any scientific evidence to back this up (worked for me and for you by the sounds of it!)

any questions?

sorry said truffs then when I meant bitey my bad!!!

I KNOW ALL THIS Fucking fucking fuck. Last month we did it four times before ov from day 8 and we still didn't win. And this time he's at fucking Heathrow and not here shagging me.

I will do the thread starter, but I warn you, it may not be funny.

He's large in the stomach area bitey. A shame actually, because I have seen pix of him just a few years ago and he, while "cuddly", is pretty attractive. It is solely down to over eating. He eats crap.

A strange thing happened to me this afternoon. You know I've had this cough, right? And I have coughed and coughed and coughed. This afternoon shortly after I last posted I was knackered so went to have a little nap (one of the perks of working for yourself in the off season, that as well as spending A LOT of time on MN and FB). And I was asleep for four hours. Four bloody hours. They drifted by and I was asleep, only stirring when the doorbell went twice. The first time I ignored it because I looked out of the window and it was a young offender selling dusters. The second time I ignored it because I guessed it was him trying again. And I missed three reasonably important phone calls. I know I didn't sleep much and had to get up early, but that's a bit excessive. Maybe I do have consumption after all Or whooping cough.

aries I think you should go with Young Lee too. Better quality of white goods than the older ones, perhaps! Hope Mr A is back in time to catch your egg though!

I am sure my win was also down to pre-ov fest bitey Didn't do it between then and this weekend due to him being abroad. There's no point post ov and if you leave it till you think you are ovulating you might be too late. Official advice is stuff timing and do it 3 times a week all month long. Then you can't miss the right time. It's hard to keep up that level of effort though when real life is involved too.

owl I'm from Cambridge and whenever I go back there I always seem to have forgotten how infuriating the cyclists and the tourists with backpacks are.

Am now starting consumer research analysing all different brands of pregnancy test. I can categorically say FR did not work six days early.

PS BiteMe I forgot to say I don't know about his willy. I imagine it's fairly substantial.