Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings

[galwaygal]

This is a continuation of the "More ongoing and continuing conceptions and follicling ahead of Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings"

I thought I would keep the title short as there are so many long ones out there.

I thought I would start the new thread so that you don't forget me

Hi Muchlove oh yes!!!! Tee Hee.No it wasn't an euphamism !!!! But could see how it could be.

We swi this am,cd12 here will perform ovulation test later.

Hope you managed to give your hubby some "lovin"!!!!Well done on your effort this month.Good going

Gum when you look at it like that the whole process has very good odds. you got to be in it to win it!!!! 97% chance i ll have a few on that lottery.

Hi to everyone else.Have a good day.Off to the gym a bit of swimming, a bit of hydro therapy pool!!!!

Hi diege8,jolls,italian and Hippy*

Thanks Gum have seen a lot of people, all suggestion restricting my food and I have decided would rather lose weight and get fit and put up with fat pot belly than have to restrict my diet any further!

Once I am at my correct weight I will review it!

I found it got worse when I started eating my healthily! So have decided to take one step at a time and first step is weight-loss!

Hope all is well with you, as well as can be expected and love and hugs to you all.

Hi all
hope everyone doing ok?

can't believe the bistro was closed on Friday - I was STARVING!!!

BB glad dildocam went ok - no I wasn't there :).

Sorry for quick post but should be shaking a leg elsewhere really. CD20 here, don't feel remotely pregnant, all I can hope for is a decent length cycle like last month's 27 days (after 2 22 day ones).

Will pop back when I have more time xx

Ugh, just had big row with DH who is "Not Keen" to TTC. Ended up sitting in the car sobbing.
Basically the Clearblue Monitor showed that this is the final day today of five days this month that it's indicating I'm fertile. BuggER!!! I think it was me panicking about time that made me approach DH in the wrong way (i.e. whining and pleading) I was too wound up about it to use subtler tactics. Am gonna have a "talk" when DS goes to bed (any minute now he's going up to bed) Wish me luck. I feel so feeble and weepy, and that really isn't gonna do me any favours...

Arh...Porth good lick with having a talk with your dh XXX

Oh "freudian" slip !!! That was suppose to say good "luck" though maybe what i say was a better option!!!!

((( Porth ))) :(

Ooooooh PORTH have been in that place - not with hubby not wanting to concieve but more being too tired....I know it's very emotional honey I believe in one night I was a sex siren....then left frustrated...then crying into my pillow....followed by slapping yes slapping (very dramatically)my hubby round the face.... it was like an episode of Dynasty....hmm you may not remember that ..... so I know how you feel (very much so) and I am sorry you're so upset...... I can't even give you a happy ending to that night as I cried on and off all night then looked like I had been in a fight the next day (hate crying) I didn't speak to him for aweek then starved him of sex for a month......so don't take any leafs out of my book as Im probably a deranged drama queen.......

I guess 'to talk' is all you got right now and I hope you both can come to an agreement where you both feel understood......flipping ttc is so mind-messing x

Scarlett (muchlove) O Hara huffs off to her innersanctum to fret into a hankerchief

xx

muchlove sadly we all remember Dynasty, that's why we're all on this old birds sophisticated and worldly-wise thread...

Yeah I'm 44. Of course I remember Dynasty!!
Ugh, mascara down my face right now. Marathon talk. 8pm til just now...
So depressing. Why didn't I play it another way; just not even mention AF; just stay chirpy and happy and jump him. No, I had to have the serious TTC talk which of course sent him into a panic and will now not come near me.
Oh well I can't force him; will just have to do all the stuff we've just agreed to for this month (things to improve our relationship which he thinks will make him feel happier about TTC- bloody hell I feel like I'm on probation or something..)
Then hope it's all happy days next month (that is, if AF doesn't disappear again)
Why oh why did I leave it so late. what a plonker.
He kind of gets a bit depressed sometimes and then of course everything is BLack, Black, Black and he feels negative about everything. BAD time to bring up having another child. But what can I do? His depression coincided with my most fertile days according to the Clearblue Monitor.
AggHH! It also focused my mind sort of. Number One- I thought I had the menopause so that made me truly realise I DEFINITELY want more kids. Number Two- DH is not keen, another reason I am frantically sure now that I want it! Having the prospect of it nearly snatched from me is truly focusing my mind. Will you all please give me a pep talk next month if I become all dithery again?- Remind me that it's the right thing to do and I just have to be brave about the risks(risks of illness, miscarriage, probs with the birth and risk of causing too much stress on an already dodgy marriage)
Thank you for the hugs.
I think I'll end up really hating him if he refuses me this chance.
Ugh, hate relying on him and his transistory moods (three months ago he'd agreed to it, or so I thought. Just over a year ago I was pregnant-lost it at two months- and he seemed happy about it). Anyone know a good sperm donor?

Oh Porth, I really feel for you. I know exactly how you are feeling.It is awful.

I found the only way around it is to not mention it at all.At least that is what worked for me. Although if I was ever acting like a sex kitten he'd get all weird and suspicious. FGS it's a fine line...

But I did not mention when I had AF, when I was ovulating.I kept all the ttc stuff out of his sight (opk's, thermometer etc).That seemed to keep him calm!

At the moment, I have told him that I am wanting to ttc, and as long as he does nothing about contraception, he is taking the risk. TBH I think he likes sex too much to abstain, and really won't do anything about contraception because that will mean that I probably won't go near him.

Yes, it sounds incredibly selfish of me, but right now, that's all I can do to stay afloat.

If you feel you really want another baby, then try not to think about risks. We deal with risk every day, but we go on living, don't we? I mean, just getting in your car is risky, but we do it all the time. I know it isn't the same, but I'm a firm believer in following your heart and seeing where it takes you...

I'm sorry you are going through this Porth, I'm sending a big hug (I don't care if it is unmumsnet, sometimes hugs are necessary!)

AFM, I'm pretty sure I ovulated! Woo hoo, that's exciting, because I had no idea what would happen after the mc. I could be wrong, but I did feel O pain yesterday morning (and manage SWI) and had a positive OPK. But DH went away yesterday morning, so no more SWI for a while.At least we did get one shag in. I'm not hoping for pregnancy this month, I just want things to get back on track so I can ttc next month.

I hope everyone else is doing ok.

I'm taking DS to the beach.It's the first thing he says when he wakes up!

Porth good luck for next month. Maybe you will manage to smooth things over sufficiently. It is terribly stressful this trying to conceive. I am not sure if you know my situation. I have had treatment with donor eggs (unsuccessful) and am now awaiting my final go with donor eggs in next few months. I remember being very angry with DH for not wanting to go down the donor route a few years back and then so relieved when he said yes (so sad when it failed) really miserable and crying A LOT and then so happy when he said yes we could have one more go! I guess what I am saying is that I know a tiny bit of how you feel and I am sure a lot of us do on here. Do you know why you hubby is not keen on more? Mine wanted another (we have one daughter aged 6) but he was scared how we would cope as I was so busy and money was tight! I have managed to cut back on a lot of what I was doing (I am now on one committee instead of three!) and our church commitments have been cut back a bit too. I also managed to get a few more hours at work which might elevate some of his stress about money! I am not suggesting these would be things for you to do but just that they were things that worried my hubby and I think that maybe he is a bit happier in himself now that I have got rid of some of the 'baggage' that was a pain in our marriage, like all my extra activities!

Anyway, good luck.

Love to the rest of you, it is quiet on here this weekend, you must all be shagging with intent!

Thank you Gum
I can't believe I'm still sat here staring at Mumsnet. I should be asleep; have to be up at 6:30, but , well, probably don't need to explain myself, you obviously know how crappy I'm feeling.
I know, know, know I shouldn't have mentioned it, should have hid TTC stuff, kept it all chilled out and light hearted. Am kicking myself for going about it the wrong way.. He was happy to have sex BEFORE we had the big TTC talk, even though he knew perfectly well we weren't using any protection. Why oh why did I have to mention it..
Just hope he has a short memory and maybe I'll perhaps lie and say I'm not sure I want to TTC after all. That should calm him down!
The daft thing is that i KNOW that he'd enjoy another kid too- DS gives him SO much joy.

That should be alleviate not elevate stress!

Porth can I ask if you just have the one DS and how old he is?

You know it is funny but men do have short memories.

By next month he may be totally over it!

Good luck for the next time. Also, I would say that there is nothing wrong with getting a shag in there tomorrow. Maybe a bit of make up sex! I wish you all the best. Please don't beat yourself up, it has happened. Try and relax and be nice to yourself. If you are nicer to yourself and show how lovely you can be I am sure your DH will fancy a tumble!

Good luck.

Cross posted with you last nite Italian and then went off to bed, so didn't see that you'd posted. Thanks4 yr reassuring words.
I know men have short memories; so hoping he'll forget all his objections and give it a go next month!
Have tried tried tried to remind him how great it was having DS (age 5), but I think most of the prob is is that DH is in a bleak mood (he gets them time to time) so absolutely nothing is good, all is grim, hence he remembers the last 5 years as being "Hell" he says.
Not true, even as recently as two weeks ago he was singing and dancing round the kitchen and giving me a squeeze...
It's depression basically but of course he won't do anything about getting help with it.
So last nite he told me what was wrong with our relationship and our life (his reasons for not wanting TTC are it'd put too much stress on our already crap relationship to have another kid- he only calls it crap when he's in this mood...), so I DEMANDED to know what he needs to change so he's happy with our relationship/life together.
He said feeble things like tidy up more often, for me to get more work, hang pictures on the walls that we haven't got round to doing. For THIS i am putting off TTC at age 44!!!
Anyway of course I agreed to all of it and made some demands myself like he tries to improve his mood/deal with his depression or at least do something towards dealing with it (even if it's take up a hobby, go for a run) and that he agrees to work on our relationship instead of just complaining about it (he refused to do couples counselling in the past)
He makes it sound like we are crap together but its the gloom talking , seriously for three months everything's been fine with us (apart from my AF disappearing) then his gloom descends.
And last time we discussed TTC the only concern he voiced was having a kid with severe disabilities. Amd we addressed that concern by looking at the stats together and looking at the testing avaialable. I had amnio with DS age 38.
Ugh, what a nite, my eyes look like crap.

Morning PORTH sorry your eyes are all puffy today (hate hate hate that).....I am feeling for you ....but I got a feeling it is all to do with his depression that he has gone all wonky on you. You could suggest he takes a good OMEGA 3 plus as this has been shown to help the effects of mild depression, also another good one for the boys is MACA...it's suppose to give energy and keep him in the mood for 'love'.
I guess it's not a very good time of the year either so dark and dreary in the mornings so that doesn't help. It is very difficult dealing with depression (or your partners) I do know this.
But still you want another child and that is completely normal and natural. AND it's bloody hard enough trying to achieve that goal at this age - I am 44 on Saturday let alone DHs scuppering our chances aswell. I really hope you came to a common ground - my final cry for help/ultimatum to my DH was that all I ask of him is that he gives it 100% every month. There won't be many more years at this (or months even) and if he loved me (always a good one) and wants our marriage to work and our son to be happy then he has to oblige.Well FFS it's not like we are asking for some of their fecking Bone Marrow is it !!! Oh yeah I threatened hubby with IVF and having to do his business in a pot and yes I used the W word at him.
Surely a better prospect is some nice cosy nights with the missus having fun instead of a cold harsh clinic ?????? Short of all that you could always find someone of the same description ...height...eye colour.... hair colour... ... oh dear I really have strayed into Dynasty Territory now haven't I.....

xx

How are the rest of 'Da Gang' ????
GUM how amazing is that to be able to get up and go to the beach I am soooooo [envious].....it was like 'ARMEGEDDON' this morning where I live .... raining....bleak...dark......'TELL ME WHY I DON'T LIKE MONDAYS.........

7dpo today and have been taking Progesterone supplements in the form of suppositories (not nice) but hey might aswell use em up they were left over from last PG/LOSS. I know that PROG is the first hormone that breaks down for us 40+ ers and there is no harm in taking the supps as a boost, but I will only take untill 9/10dpo then test and if not PG will stop so I get AF on time. Trouble is they give all the symptoms of PGncy (huge boobs) DH is happy...(unfortunately for me they are really tender and sore).....they also build a nice (fluffy) lining for any embryo trying to embed.....also my skin is looking clear and bright ???? Whereas usually at this point I have started getting the odd spot this will all change if not PGnant tho when I stop taking them and the hormones along with the lining of the Blessed Womb breaks down ....and I get all and turn into the Bitch from Hell..........

xx

Morning all XXXX

How are you Porth ? It's so very difficult isn 't it? Men just don t seem to get it do they? As i mentioned before my Dh was very much like this pre Georgie.Hope you manage to come to a peaceful conclusion the 2 of you XXX

Muchlove oh, fx....mmmm....could be good.

Gum you ovulated yeh!!!! All sound's good.

Italian hi,how are you?

Where's Hippy? Hope you re ok?

Hi Jolls hope you re swi.

I had a nice quiet weekend.Saw "The king's speech" really good film.Pleanty of swi but i m worried as not ovulated yet.I had a load of ewcm 2-3 days ago ,before i started ovulation testing i ve always ovulated early at cd10.Then post Georgie i ovulated later at cd13/14.Today is cd 14 and up to yesterday lines still fain on ovulation tests.I m wondering if i ll ovulate later this month due to cp last month,thus giving me a longer cycle last month.

Please,please let me ovulate this month.It's not normal for me not to ovulate [though, i do know its quite normal to miss the odd month] but, please don t let it be this month whem i m extra fertile.

Finding i m going through the "acceptance" stage of grieving at the moment and its so hard to accept i m never going to see Georgie again.In this life anyway.I miss her every minute of every day.

Been swimming this a.m. which was very hard as the last time i want to the gym in the morning before work was when i was pg with Georgie.I was dreading it , i ve been back to the gym before but not in the morning.Luckily, i didn t see any of my "gym friends" but Ant did. a guy who said to him "well i guess your a dad now" so Ant had to explain everything to this guy.

Morning . You'll all be pleased to hear that the renovation work for the bistro room in the snug is well on way - I'm thinking lots of fresh, citrusy colours with some cosy sofas in the corner for us to 'chillax' (as dd2 would say) after our indulgences.
Louise, if you're using e-bay opk cheapies I wouldn't rely on them to much to discount ovulation taking place. I use them, and even when I have been pregnant have rarely got a strong line. In fact, when pregnant with dd3 didn't get even a faint line and that was with testing twice a day. EWM is a better predicter I find. Good for you getting to the gym too - hope you and dh are ok after him seeing gym buddy x
muchlove you're sounding chipper! Prog supplements sound potentially mind-screwing! When is it you would test for pregnancy? Do you get them prescribed?
Porth Your poor thing FWIW I'm thinking the only thing that may yield results may well be to be seen to be stepping back a little from ttc (ie. downplay your keeness, total silence re: af/ov/EWM etc etc), even if it sets you back a month or two. THis is a lot easier said than done as you know. Been through a little of what you have, with dh (milder) and very dificult not to blurt everything out. THinking of you x
GUm that sounds positive about ovulation, and also that dh is getting back in the saddle so to speak. I loved the picci of your beach btw - very that you can wake up and head off to it!
Well gearing up for swi here (cd 10?); no ewm and strangely for me, feeling a bit 'can I really be bothered'? this month. I am really enjoying being back at the gym, and have lost a few pounds already, so am thinking this will be put on hold if I do get pregnant (due to inevitable hyperemesis). As Hippy says though, once EWM strikes, the world changes!
LOve to all. I will really try and keep up now - work can wait

Thanks Diege .Not cheapy opk tests i mm using but expensive first response tests.Mmmm.............upset now as just done todays test and is still faint.Do u think i ll ovulate later with the cp? Or maybe i ve ovulated already.

Good on you at the gym XX

Hi Louise . My hunch is that you have already ovulated and that you missed the surge with your tests. Having said that, with the rate you're going at it I'd say you've pretty much covered all eventualities (oh and keep going with that just in case!).
Well, I was going to go again to the gym in my lunchbreak today, but having done a step class, followed by legs, bums, tuns straight after yesterday, it hurts even to breathe so think I'll take it easy today

Yes thats what i thought Diege but that would mean i 'd ovulated on cd8/9 or 10.....We did have sex on cd8,9 and 10 phewee!!!!! But does seem very early?

Still we re carry on bd every 2 days for now.

Well done you on 2 classes.1 is enough without doing 2!!!!

Early-ish yes, but not too early iyswim? I think my ovulation day has varied over the last 6 mths from day 9 to day 16 - not sure if this is an issue or not? (have become rather more obsessed with the second half of the cycle and my self-diagnised LP defect )
Just finished marking thank god - it's a thankless task. Think I've ruined a few undergranduates' lives in the process, but hey ho!

hello everyone. porth so sorry about your dh. My dh is very similar, and my reaction sounds the same to yours too.

We are just Not Talking about ttc at the moment. I am not sure what else we can say. i would just like one month where I think we have done the deed enough though. Every month we manage it once in the fertile time which is not enough to get pg (well it might be, but doesn't up the odds enough for me), but still makes me think there is a chance. i can't go through that again at the moment so am taking a step back.

Louise that's an impressive swi record! I would still carry on if I were you!

diege I have diagnosed a LP defect too. My last af was only 2 days long, and I don't think there is enough womb lining anyway. I am going to take pg from next month (not this month though as I'm having dildo cam and I want to know what the situation is without enhancements iysim).

Went running the last 2 days - seriously cannot move today!