Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings

[galwaygal]

This is a continuation of the "More ongoing and continuing conceptions and follicling ahead of Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings"

I thought I would keep the title short as there are so many long ones out there.

I thought I would start the new thread so that you don't forget me

Hiya Porth Good news.... Get to it then!!!! Muchas swi!!!! XX

Morning all! Welcome back Porth. Glad AF found you!

Well, I am so glad I went to see that Doctor yesterday. I wonder if the loss of my bub was a way of getting me to that dr because she's the BEST!(and I wouldn't have met her otherwise) She was so caring and compassionate and we talked for ages. She also really understood my desire to have another baby. She said to see her as soon as I fell pregnant because she said I would probably be anxious and would need lots of reassurance and she would keep an eye on things with weekly ultrasound. I just really liked her and felt so comfortable with her.

She also said that she had ordered the path tests to report on chromosome issues and the sex of the baby, so she was very surprised to see the limited report, but, apparently, it happened because it was over the christmas/new year break, and the sample was probably left too long. How bloody incompetent. No point in making a fuss though.

My DH seems to be losing his resistance, which is good. He made a passing comment about me "seducing him despite him telling me he didn't want to ttc", my reply was that "I didn't notice any objection, and you know I want to ttc, so I won't be backing off". He just laughed and that was the end of the conversation. I think maybe we will be ttc after all, because he's not the kind of man who will reach for a condom at the necessary point in time.

Oh yeah - and the doc also said it is fine(medically) to start ttc right away, but she prefers her patients wait because of the emotional stuff. I told her I don't have the luxury of time, and she agreed. So I'll be in the vest and shorts stage for as long as it takes! My temperatures are low, so I haven't Oed yet, and who knows when it might happen?

Hippy, your DH sounds a bit like mine when it comes to DIY. We've been in our house for 10 years and still have unpainted door frames, very few light fittings, and doors missing. We've gotten so used to it now, it would seem strange if we did finish the house!

The sun is shining so I'll be going for a walk on the beach.Thankfully, we are nowhere near the floods in Queensland. It has been really awful for them and lives have been lost, people are missing, it is terrible.

How's the weather there? Has the snow settled?

Bugger!!!Just posted and lost!!!!!

Gum Your consultant sound's lovely.It makes a big difference to have supportive medical staff on your side.My consultant is lovely she told me to contact our EPU at 6 weeks for a scan at 7 weeks then book straight in to see her.

Good that your DH is coming round too!!!

What is it with this thread and crap Dh's????

My Dh is crap at diy and quite lazy at times also!!!! I painted every room in our house last year!!! It drives me crazy as my dad is excellant at diy but lives 150 miles away!!!

No snow thank god.Had enough of crap weather.Feel really sorry for people in Australia must be heartbreaking to loose everything but there again as my brother says "it's only stuff.It's people that matter" and after Georgie i m inclined to agree with him!!!

Off to counselling.Had a "surprise" shag last night even like the old days!!!! Spontaneous, bloody hell i nearly passed out with the shock!!!!

Oh Gum go for it!!!! SWI with abandonment!!!!!

What did he do lou? sneak up behind you???

gum you sound a lot better, hope you continue to improve and your Dh continues to keep supplying the good!!

I am feeling very annoyed with my horrid self of a few weeks ago. Remember i was on here raving and ranting about a girl at work (aged 32) who just popped out for her 12 week scan and popped back again and I was all like... of course it's all gone well for her....her pregnancy will go so well etc.

Well she just found out that her baby has trisomy 16 mosaicism (basically full trisomy 16 is not compatible with life and caused the most chromosonal miscarriages but mosaicism of it just means it is present in some of the cells).

Her baby could have serious birth defects or hopefully more simple defects that can be dealt with after birth.

She was talking to me today and I feel so sorry for her, she is mega stressed and wont know more for a few weeks, she could still MC and she may be offered a termination if the defects are too serious. I feel like a right proper bitch for being so fucking judgmental and assuming that just cos she is young she'll have it easy. I can't describe the guilt I'm feeling right now.

This has taught me not to feel that way about anyone's pregnancy. Pregnancy is a long journey and to feel jealous when someone has a successful 12 week scan is stupid.

If strangers had seen louise when she was 40 weeks pregnant they might be thinking, oh it's so easy for her. But of course we know that it wasn't she had to suffer 3 losses to get to that point and of course she went on to experience far worse. And yet if you didn't know her you wouldn't know all that additional info. Sorry i'm rambling on I just feel like i don't want to ever judge a pregnant woman again and think that they are having it so lucky. Does that make sense??

PLUS - My DS1 is having a bit of argy bargy with another boy at school at the moment and the other mother accosted me in the foyer of school and tried to have a row with me yesterday. I said about 3 times that i was not prepared to have a slanging match in front of my children. DS1 said i was very dignified (unlike the other mother). Bloody chavs!!!! Meeting with head teacher at 3.15pm today.

ps. Looks like AF is finally kicking in today - that gives me a wopping 13 days LP. Amazing for me.

Sorry for the me me me post.

Arhhh ...thats where we ve been going wrong!!!! You mean "from behind" is no good!!!!!!

Know what you mean about not judging without the facts but surely it's ok when we know the facts!!!!!

Like my "ex" friend pregnant first 2 weeks of ttc,problem free pregnancy, delivered day after due!!!

OR another friend has got pg though on the pill .Has just bought her plans foreward by 6 months.

Surely i can be pissed off with these "perfect" pregnancies and i know they will be fine, believe me , i know.

Good about longer lp phase.

I m not good enough or "unbitter" yet [don t think thats a proper word!!!] to not judge!!!!!

lou you are in a very different place to me right now and I am not suggesting that you have to feel the same as me. Honestly, lovie you have every right to feel resentful when people appear to have an easy time.

I am just annoyed with myself for being jealous when her 12 week scan went so well and now being a 'good' friend when I realise she is going through all this. I honestly am only annoyed at myself not anyone else. Still mates with me????

I am actually quite relieved about not being preggers this month cos I have lost 7 pounds (yes I know it's odd but that's what the scales say). Just shows how much junk I ate before. Anyway another 4 weeks of not being preggers means I get to lose more weight.

porth welcome back to you and your periods .

lou Am worried that i have offended you - please ease my mind .

OMG Hippy you could never annoy me.Of course i m still your mate.

You would have to try very hard to offend me,especially ,as i ve come to realise most of "life" is trival shite!!!

Don t beat yourself up too much seriously, it's not worth it!!!

You've lost 7lbs!!! Yeh well done.I ve failed again at going to the gym tonight but am going to have sex instead.I did walk back from shopping though , thats a mile.Better than nothing.

Right, i m off to "beautify" myself for sex,well have a shower anyhow!!!!

lou sex? again?!?

hippy you're a wise not old bird x

welcome back porth, great news.

very up and down here... coming up to 3 years since my dear dad and I missed him today. DS and I were in the park and there were a pair of robins and a blackbird - dad and I used to talk about the birds in his garden all the time. So a bit tearful. Also having vivid dreams. So am obviously pg........ oh hang on I was the same last month .

tarra for now x

Ahhh! DH getting cold feet (AGAIN) Wants to know ALL the risks; is very scared we'll have kid with massive disabilities. I wish he would'nt quiz me about the risks because then it means I end up thinking about the risks and feeling frightened. Damn him! I really, really want another child, but how do I get over the fear that something will go wrong? How do you lot deal with it? And how do you deal with reluctant DH's?
How do you weigh up the risks versus the benefits?
I'm a terrible ditherer, and I just can't afford to be at my age. Help!

porth I'm a ditherer by nature, I like you want another child and am concerned by a few things. One is that I hopefully can/do fall pregnant, then don't miscarry again, so need to get past the 12 week stage then it's the risks of baby having disabilities..........breathe Curly breathe...saying it out loud whilst typing has panicked (sp) me. But am 43 turning 44 in May and have just got to go for it and cross the bridge as it comes up.....we don't have time on our side, sad but true. Also wasted a couple of years convincing DH to have another but mustn't hold on to that as can't change it. Sorry if I've not been much help.

Curly NO, you have helped! Just want someone to talk to in a similar position. Felt pretty ashamed that I'm a ditherer when others seem so determined and sure that they want to conceive. I'm just so crap at making decisions as I can always see both sides of the situation (i.e. Outcome- wonderful baby, or Outcome_ huge health problems, destroys our marriage, etc., etc. ) It's a terrible affliction always thinking of the worst outcome; MUST be more optimistic.
Anyway I'm so sorry that I've now planted worries in your head- I'm gonna get myself thrown off this thread if I don't watch out!
Just wanted tips on how to deal with these worries. And I also am having hard time convincing DH to go ahead and worst of all Clearblue is telling me that today is the day and DH says he'll "Think about it" Ahh!!! He better think about it today as I'm jumping on him tomorrow. (clearblue gives you six days in which you're potentially fertile I think and today is the third day)
Also I'm not at home tonight so can't jump him even if I wanted to. Feeling so glum.
Have booked telephone consultation with GP on Monday and am gonna get referred to Fertility clinic.
I have wasted these past 5 years either dithering or with my own health issues that I needed to deal with or getting our marriage onto a more stable footing (seems alright at the mo, fingers crossed)
But, like you say, can't dwell on that.

Just seduce him porth - can't imagine him turning down some action. Don't worry you're not planting anything more in my head that's not already there. Please correct me if I'm wrong but from what I'm reading on your post you are happy to have a child with disabilities but your DH isn't?? (non judgemental question)

Would hate to end up with him saying I tricked him into it; could be really bad for our relationship, but you're right, if he doesn't turn down the action then he's basically saying yes to TTC.
No!! I'm also scared of having a kid with disabilities. I guess not as scared as him though because I knwo whatever comes along you just deal with it and get on with it and the reality is never as bad as the fear of it (I've found)
I have experience of families caring for children with disabilities (through work). I was 39 with DS and had an amnio. I would test with this baby (if I ever get pregnant) But I can't really tell how I'd feel or what I'd do if the tests came back with a bad outcome. DH thinks he'd know what he'd do (i.e. not want to proceed with the pregnancy) I'm sure that decision is a hundred times easier for him than it would be for me. I kind of think I wouldn't want to proceed, but who knows how I'll feel when really confronted with it..

Oh Porth what a kerfuffle!!!!!

I know orginally 3 years ago when we started ttc my Dh was quite reluctent about the big changes and how it affected our lifestyles.I have found most [general sterotyping here!!] men can be quite selfish[basing this on my brother,dad,dh and male friends] and don t want any change.The major impact upon Ant has been holding Georgie when she was born.It really convinced him he wanted another child.Don t know if any of this would affect your DH but thats our experiences.

Hi to all hope everyone is well?

Might have a day off swi today.Ovulation tests indicate not ovulating yet [only faint lh surge] so can have today off!!!!We ll see might be in the mood anyhow.

hi all.

porth my dh feels similarly to you about the risk of having a baby with disabilities. I didn't have any tests with my last baby (born when I was nearly 38), and wouldn't if I got pg again. Oh well, i'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

cd2 for me today and day 1 of dildocam. Can't wait.

I have definitely decided not to try this month as it would be bad for work and for my vietnam holiday. (don't care much about the first tbh, but wouldn't want to ruin the holiday or be worried about the risk of mc due to food poisoning or something). Not sure what I'll do at ov time though - can't see myself either avoiding sex or producing a condom! and it would be sods law that this month I'd get pg. Oh well!

jolls are you up for testing soon? Anyone else?

and anyone who temps - my thermometer has suddenly converted itself to fahrenheit - any ideas how I can convert it back?

curly and porth i think we are all very similar. I'm 44 and also feel that I dithered too long about having a third. But as you say, too late to worry about that.

I am slowly getting used to the idea that it may not happen again for me and I know that i'll be ok. this is the first month that i didn't mind not being pregnant and getting my AF and I think that's cos I lost some weight and want to focus on that for a while and also the same day as AF arrived was when i found out about the girl at work who is having all these genetic issues with her baby and I felt hugely relieved that I wasn't having to make all those difficult decisions.

i don't have the reluctant DH though. strangely after dithering to begin with my DH is very comitted to the whole thing and keeps saying it will happen when i finally stop expecting it to -....so that's when I'm about 50 then!

I think being 44 is quite crap as we are close to the door being shut in our faces but it is, for a short time, still slightly ajar and thus we still have hope. Maybe it will be easier to move on and cope when we get that little bit older. Having said all that, I would, of course, be delighted if we all got preggers with sticky, HEALTHY beans .

lou phew. (Hippy wipes her brow). Just felt like I'd made you mad there for a second. Pleased to hear we're still pals . I seriously do think that you are in a very different situation to me and would never presume to tell you how to feel.

Big wave to italian gum muchlove and my beach buddy jolls.

Also, hello to diege - is the chef working tonight?

Where is everyone in their cycle - any lurkers about to test??

tank Haven't heard from you for a while. Assuming all is going along normally with your pregnancy and hope to hear from you soon. X

sorry if I missed your name off - I don't mean to, honest!

I hadn't refreshed my page for a while so that's why i skipped the whole porth jumping on her hubby bit out of the last post.

I agree - make a move and if he agrees then he is agreeing to TTC as he knows your situation.

We've always said that we'd be ok with a downs baby but i am realising that there are worst cases than just downs - big decisions may have to be made but i kind of see it as a long journey and the BFP is only the first step.

BB So sorry i missed you off my waves - how did i do that .

The only thing I would say is it does seem a shame that you are not TTC the same month as dildo cam. They may be able to tell you exactly when you are about to ovulate and it could be your best chance of conceiving - but i do understand you not wanting to be preggers in Vietnam. It is a bit of an 'oh bugger' situation isn't it!

back from dildo cam. it was ok!

I am going to temp and do the cbfm thing too this month, so I can see how they both correlate to actual ovulation. I am quite excited really (better bloody ovulate this month now!). I think I need to get a life.

all my tests have come back normal so far - they are going to redo the progesterone test (ker-ching!) because of the thin lining I have already on day 2 of my cycle.

Were you there Jolls?

I felt really down about not being pregnant this month hippy - I think this is becuase I can see it not happening at all now. First I'll be delaying for Vietnam, then there'll be something else, and before I know it, I'll be 50 . Feel ok now though.

It'll happen to us soon I bet. In the meantime on 7lb loss. I've managed 1 1lb. and that was a struggle.

Did you see Tank (or someone else) posted a thread about her being pg? it got pulled pretty quickly by MNHQ.

Hippy so sorry to hear about your colleague, I am sure you can be a support to her. It is frightening when things change suddenly.

Beatie glad all is Ok with the tests so far.

Not much to add to you all, nothing happening here. I am losing wieght but tummy very swollen due to IBS and just waiting as per usual.

Hope you are all OK and have a great weekend.

Love and hugs to all

Hello! Have been reading but noit having the time to post - work has really stepping up a pace since the xmas hols, and I am still answering e-mails this evening on my day off .
The bistro is undergoing refurbishment this Friday, but will return with a new look, offering the usual array of fusion-inspired cuisine for the discerning 40 plus palate
Love to all!

Oh good.A new look for the new year!!!! Think it's called for!!!!! Look foreward to the new bistro next week!!!

Been to the pub for a couple of vino's!!! Now to swi tonight or not mmm....we ll see.Just need to unblock the toilet first.Oh, what a glamourous life i lead!!!!

OH DIEGE is that anotherway of saying 'your busy so u can't be bothered to open up' ?????

Er LOU is that a codeword for something to do with SWIing or do u really mean u have got to unblock your toilet ????

Glad the 'dildocam' was ok BB keep us posted with progress reports.......

Hey HIPPY and hello to PORTH don't worry too much about DH he will come around to your way of thinking.... my DH seems to have rumbled me [shocked].... he said that I am nice to him for about 3-4 days of the month which is usually about OV/SWI time my god I must try harder at other times.....

Love to JOLLS- IG and GUM and GG (if you still browse) CURLY and anyone else I missed oh yeah SPOTTYSOX erm erm .......sorry Ive had 2 glasses of wine in quick succession and it's gone to my head

Oh yeah and I am about 4DPO though OV/surge happened so quick I don't even know if it was a proper one.... I had OV pains but didn't catch it on the CBface digital , but I have had a temp rise only by a few degrees but a rise nonetheless.....managed day before, day of and day after OV so we will see.... oh yeah and I decided to use some of my leftover PROG suppositories to see if it helps with the spotting that I have been getting midcycle (though I have read that Vitex can cause that) ..... so the wait begins.......

Ok off to try and not fall asleep tonight and be like LOU by proving to the 'old man' I am not just using him for his donation and can SWOI aswell..... (must try harder)

XXX

So much chat while I sleep!

The thing with your DH, Porth is exactly where I am at at the moment. Last night my DH and I had a "talk" because I made a move and he doesn't want to ttc. We talked for a long time about it, and he seems to accept my desire to keep trying despite the miscarriage.I think he's really worried it will happen again and finds my grief so overwhelming, but I can't hide it from him. However, ttc seems to me the silver lining on the clouds, so to speak. I need it to keep myself buoyant, otherwise I might just go under!

Sorry about all the cliched euphemisms!

Anyway, in the end, I told him I want to ttc, and if he has sex with me he's taking a risk that it will happen. Well, he didn't seem to take a lot of convincing once we got started...I think his sex-drive and my determination will mean that we are ttc. But who knows, he could as easily hold back I suppose. He told me he feels paralysed at the moment and unable to move on. I think it is because I'm so hell bent on getting up-duffed and he's ambivalent.

We've also talked about testing and what we'd do if we had a baby with issues. When we discuss it we both say we'd terminate if we had a bad trisomy, but the sad reality is, when you are pregnant the decision is so much harder. With Charlie's pregnancy we were told we had a high chance of trisomy 13 or 18. Despite doing the research and knowing the baby would probably not live, I had pretty well decided I'd carry the baby to term anyway, just to have as much time as possible. That's not to say I'd do it again...it just depends on so many things.Fortunately we had a very good anomaly scan which suggested he'd be fine, and he was.

I recently read some stats on women in their 40's and chances of downs, and although the stats sound high, if you turn them around, you have a 97% chance of a baby who is fine. I think that is a great chance for a 45 year old. If you were told you had a 97% chance of winning the lottery, you'd buy a ticket wouldn't you? Well,, I'm buying a ticket, I want that baby!

I have more I wanted to say, but have my LO hassling me to dress him so we can go to the farmer's market!

Hippy, that's fantastic about the 7 pounds.You champion! I'd love to shift some of my weight.I've lost a little bit since the mc, but would like to drop more.I wonder if the fact that I'm still breastfeeding Charlie means I'm hanging on to it? I am eating well, but not starving myself. Also exercising more than usual...oh well, as long as I'm healthy.

Nice to hear from you Italian, I was just wondering how your IBS is going. Sorry to hear it's not sorted out. Have you seen a naturopath?

Must run - see you later...