Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings

[galwaygal]

This is a continuation of the "More ongoing and continuing conceptions and follicling ahead of Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings"

I thought I would keep the title short as there are so many long ones out there.

I thought I would start the new thread so that you don't forget me

PPS he got a much smaller tip than normal!

thefatladyscreams Thank you for your kind words about my words, but I guess Louise can also use a punch bag in her spare time to get out some aggression too!

Gum Thinking of you, sweetie. We are all here for you. I agree with Alba just wait until you are a bit further recovered from this horrible experience before you make any big decisions. It is always horrible.

My MMC was a long time ago and I was not very far gone. I did bleed a lot and it took me by surprise how much there was. I have no idea if this will be the case for you but just wanted to warn you. I very stupidly tried to soldier on doing the ironing etc. Just take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

Louise Regarding your friend, is she an ex-friend because of something she did or is it because her having a baby you don?t want to be around her? Sorry if I missed something. Feel sure it?s gut-wrenching to get this information by text but what else could your friend do? If you have any reasons to have fallen out that I don?t know then excuse me butting in, but I think it is not that she doesn?t care but she probably felt for you to hear it from someone else would be worse. If she is a real friend then I feel sure she is not bragging, she recognised how hard it was for you to read it. Maybe she worried you would have bumped into each other (or does she not live nearby?). If she?s a good friend you will want to see her one day, and if not, then you probably won't. Either way maybe easier for to get DH to text a word ?congratulations? or ignore it. You could explain to her by email that being around people with new babies is too painful for you but my guess is that she may not understand so avoidance is better! I know people should understand but they don?t always. Anyway, I wanted to respond because I don?t think she is bragging and she is not meaning to be hurtful. I agree with curly don?t hold on to the anger as it will not help you. One day you will have your new little one and your friend?s child may be a friend for him or her, please try and think of it this way if it helps.

Well ladies the diet is a struggle, my sis left a slab of chocolate the size of a coffee table, my father in law left cheesy footballs and my hubby has bought the cheese budget for a small Asian nation and put it in our fridge. We have one more big celebration with relies on New Year?s Eve and then the big weigh in at RC on Tuesday!

*Hamster is so cute, he had a currant today and he loved it! I am sad! with a capital 'S'.

Watching The Family Stone and staying up late!

Love to all.

Just wanted to say thanks for all your lovely words of concern. I'm really struggling. I'm bleeding, but not much, and no cramping. I also still have pregnancy taste in my mouth, which is so bloody cruel, so I'm going in for d&C today.I think it's called erpc in UK. Anyway, hoping by doing that I can avoid pain and loads of blood, and waiting for ages.

I'm feeling so lost. My DH just isn't feeling like I am. He wasn't as excited as me about the bub, and feels it isn't really like a baby because it is so early on. I know we won't be trying again, as he doesn't want to, and right now I don't feel up to it either. I feel so lucky to have my healthy kids and really should just get on with enjoying them all. It's so sad to have it end like this though.

I feel like I shouldn't be so sad.That my grief isn't justified, but I can't control how I'm feeling. I wish I could have known if it was a boy or girl. Don't really know how it would help, but somehow, makes the baby more like a baby IYKWIM.

I've been told the procedure will be over and done with quickly and hopefully will be home tonight all going well. I don't much like general anesthetics, I usually wake up crying and vommitting. I hope that doesn't happen today.

Thanks again for all your support. You are an amazing bunch of women.

gum if you read this pre-surgery, just to say I hate hospitals and procedures etc, but both my ERPCs have been absolutely fine. Really quick recovery and nothing to fear/be concerned about. It IS a really quick procedure and the best way to move things on physically. FWIW I did cry both times in recovery, but no nausea. In fact the first one removed all the pregnancy nausea I was still getting almost instantly :(

Of course your grief is justified and real. Everyone feels things personally. Am sorry you think DH reacting differently; they are wired back to front to us for sure... You are indeed blessed with your lovely healthy children but that doesn't mean you won't or shouldn't grieve for this lost one.

Much love from us all x

Hi Gum, I hope today goes as well as it can.
As you know, I had a mmc last Feb, and also have other children. I know how you are feeling - I wasn't expecting to feel the level of grief I did, I hadn't really understood until then why people grieve when they have lost a baby in such early pregnancy. But of course, (as I know now) you aren't just grieving the loss of the foetus, but also the baby/child that it would become. i don't think having other children limits that grief, although I did (and do) appreciate how lucky i was. My dh is in a similar place to yours tbh, and it is making ttc very difficult. please look after yourself. xx

Oh I just wanted to ask you temping ladies a question too if I may?

I had a slight temp rise today, and only a high on the cbfm yesterday. I also poas (a normal opk) yesterday and the line was still fainter than the control line, although quite dark. Today I have got a peak (and a little ovulation symbol) on the cbfm. I am wondering if I have missed the boat on swi? What prevails - the temp rise, or the monitor/opk? I am of course kicking myself that I didn't swi last night and hoping I still get a chance.

gum BB and Jolls have said it all. I agree 100% with them. It was such a sad day for me - I could still cry now just thinking about it - but it was a very quick procedure and easy to recover from physically. If you want to cry in the hospital - do it. As BB said you've lost all the hopes and dreams of the future with this little one not just a little foetus.

8 weeks seems to be a very common stage for the baby to stop at - both my little one and alba's reached that stage (and I think TFLS as well.) I know that doesn't make any difference to you but wanted you to know that many of us completely understand how you feel today, my love.

spilt i know you only popped on to say hello to louise but just wanted to give you a wave. Now scurry off you young thing!!! Take care though and do feel free to admire our tree (we have lit candles for all our lost babies) I will add one for your little Bobbie if you like, sweetie.

Oh Gum I am so sorry to read your news Give yourself and dh time, no big decisions yet. On a more practical note you might want to mention the post-op nausea to the anaesthtist before the d&c as they can add anti-emetics to the fluids which should help. As Hippy says 8 weeks is indeed a common time for baby to stop developing, usually due to chromosome issues (sorry if that sounds insensitive); it happened to me too at 10 weeks (baby died at 8 weeks), also had erpc, and the recovery was fine physically apart from extreme tiredness.Emotional recovery less easy. PLease take it easy and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this horrible, horrible time .
Louise also sorry you got upset by the text. I must say that I agree with Italian in that (from what you've told us) I can't see that she was deliberatley trying to wind you up - maybe she thought you would be more upset not to have been contacted, and hear it from someone else? Just don't want you to feel worse than you already do if the intention was genuine well-meant xx
Beattie Hmmm not sure about the temp rise business...They do say the opk line has to be as dark as the control, but never had that myself (always slightly lighter). Was the temp rise as 'obvious' as usual? Did you swi the day before which should have you covered, just in case?
Italian not sad at all about the raisen . I love the way they turn it round in their little hands (paws?). Try a rose hip too - their all time treat apparently!

Well I have decided to join a gym . What has clinched it is that it's a chain so I can go to any branch - there's one in my local town, and also one next to work, so I'm looking at it as fate! Today is the start of getting back on the slimming world wagon - I felt so ill after my takeaway and choc last night...
Hippy, so is it all go for you now on the swi front? IIRC you are now in pants and vest stage? I am happily now moving into slanket phase - 3 high temps so ovulated on day 13 - early-ish for me. Let's hope there's something in the post-mc fertility thing for me this month!

Thanks all.

Gum physically i found the ERCP absolutely fine , much better than medical management.Again, my first MC was A MMC diagnosed at 12 weeks, baby had died at 8 weeks.Take care,enjoy your children, you will get through itIt just takes time XXX

Italian thanks as always .Your words are lovely the reason i m pissed off with my "ex" friend is basically, i feel , we can t have a relationship with any understanding when she hasn t a clue what i ve been through with my obstertric[sp] history when shes had it so easy.That may sound horrible but thats the way i feel.Yes, we live quite close but i can avoid her I knew her baby was due and assumed it would come with no problems whatsoever[which, of course',is what happened]but i didn t need to be told.Iyswim.

With regards to the MIL i ve put her out of my thoughts let her do what ever she wants to.Thats also how i m dealing with my "ex" friend i have other friends and i feel if i have to loose a couple of friends to protect myself so be it? What could we possibly have to talk about now? Her cooing over her new baby whilst i talk about my dead daughter.No, i don t think so.Let her get on with her "perfect" little family [they even said they wanted a girl and lo and behold they got what they wanted!!] and i ll get on with my shite exsistance of what used to be a life!!!

If i sound bitter and pissed off its because i am!!! I m sick of seeing everyone else getting/having what should rightfully be mine.

Diege well done on joining a gym.I ve lasped again and only went once this week!!

TFLS maybe i do the rounds of "knocking" people out "ex" friend first then the MIL from hell!!!!

louise I know it's totally shite that she had it so easy but i hope that in time you will be able to be friends again. Maybe once your wishes have been fulfilled.

I understand what you're saying but you can still be friends with people who haven't experienced what you've been through. I have many friends who've been through a divorce and now have to share their children with someone they dislike enormously and i have not been through that experience. they might be thinking that i don't understand how shite their life is cos I have such a happy marriage (which on the whole I do). But i can still support them. Does that make sense?? But, i do agree that for now it is too emotionally hard for you and her to be close, she's had it so easy and you've had it so fucking hard - it's so unfair.

I have to say though that she isn't doing it on purpose to hurt you. I was her 11 and 8 years ago, i wanted a baby - got pregnant - had a baby - no problems, no worries - i probably pissed a few people off as well, but in her defence, it's just how the cards were dealt.

Stick with people who have a vague incling of what you've been through for now and maybe one day, when Georgie's sibling is here safely you'll feel able to mix with the other mums more.

Not as wise words as italian's i'm afraid -but just my thoughts on the subject. Tell me to feck off if you like (but i'd rather you didn't cos I'm paraoid ).

Gum I agree with everything OctaviaOstrichJollster said, men do think differently to us. My DH never really understood how I felt and he let me down a bit at the time by not taking the whole things seriously enough for me (I have since forgiven him of course!).

I found the bleeding so difficult I did have a D and C at hospital. I didn't want to say that because it might have been totally different for you. But for me the bleeding did not remove all the 'tissue' as they called it and so I would have had (I guess) a risk of infection if it had not been removed.
I personally found it good to give mine a name (non-gender specific, I called him or her, Sammi) and I wrote in the hospital's miscarriage book. On the anniversary I visited the hospital and added to the comments I had written in the book. I found it helped. Others plant a tree or something (not in the garden in case you move). Please be extra kind to yourself and do whatever feels helpful to you.

Gum Big hugs for the procedure, echo others' words, it is quite straight forward.

Hippy I think your words are just as wise as mine. I know I have not experienced anything like Louise but I have a situation with a friend I'll share for comparison, it is NOT the same but it is my situation. We are God parents to a young boy and his parents are God parents to our DD (aged 6). The Godmother is gorgeous looking and the Godfather is very handsome, he earns a good salary so she does not work and they have just remodelled their house. Since we met them they have gone on to have two more babies in the time I have struggled to not get pregnant again. Whenever we see them I am nervous about how jealous I will be but I want to continue to be friends because of the relationship we have with each other?s kids. Whenever we meet we have fun and I always come away feeling glad that we met up. But it is sometimes hard and I do often feel jealous. As far as I am aware she has never had any problems with pregnancy, fertility, miscarriage or anything. But that is her situation, not mine and I have learnt over the last 5 years just to accept it.
Louise your situation is so raw that I think you must just do whatever makes you feel better in any way. You may not always feel this way. I am not saying this to 'protect' your friend but to just say that one day you may want this girl?s friendship again, and so keep the door slightly ajar if you can bear to. It is not her fault she has had an easy time anymore than it is your fault you have had such a shite time. Thinking of you.

I know you re all right but, we have to agree to dis-agree on this situation.What you all say is correct if you re in a rationale frame of mind which i am not at present.I appreciate all your advice and understand your perspectives but i need to protect myself and try to blank her out of my mind until i m ready.I can t help feeling jealous at the moment.

Gum hope you re ? mm....what am i hoping? Hope you re being looked after.I won t say anything else as i know its a totally shite time XXX

louise - I totally agree, Louise do what is right for you.

Gum hope you are recovering now, as Louise says it is hard to know what to wish for.

louise protect yourself as much as you need,lovie. We are always here. XXX

gum thinking of you.

diege I think you asked me where i was at with my cycle. I am SWI at the moment but expect to ovulate today or maybe even yesterday. One more for luck today i think.

So you and i are pretty close and will be testing or getting AF at about the same time.

love to all

Louise I can understand where you're coming from I think. I agree, do what you need at the moment - any true friend will understand.

(fwiw I was her too - the last year has opened up a whole new world to me that I was happily unaware of before.)

Anyway, just poas (I thought you'd all like to know this!) - the line as dark as it was yesterday - would it be like this after ov? (I am new to peeing on opks!). may try to dtd again, but dh is out anyway this evening, so may not manage it.

Thanks all.

BB i too use ovulation sticks would presume once you ve ovulated LH surge has been and done so would have thought line sholdn t still be that dark.Oh well, you re just have to swi again for luck!!! XXX

I ll wish you all a lovely new year.Off to folks house soon and they ve no internet access at the moment.We ll be back sunday or Monday will catch up then.

Have a safe and good one,whatever you re doing.Here's to a happy,sticky [beans] 2011 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Louise - I guess you'll be so glad to see the end of 2010 - although it will always be Georgie's year - bless her

BB if the line is still dark then i'd assume you caught the surge on the way in yesterday and on the way out today - so you have not ov'd yet. Get that lazy man of yours to do the deed immediately - but be nice about it

gum have thought about you a lot today. The only vaguely positive thing to have come out of my losses was that i started to see my children through new eyes.

When things have never gone wrong you assume they will always go right but once I'd lost a couple of pregnancies I started to marvel at the fact that I'd mananged to create my boys and carry them and deliver them safely into the world. I hope you see what i mean by that - I just found it made me even more pleased that i had them. Give that Charlie of yours a big squeeze and come back on here as soon as you're able to let us know you're ok.

Much love to all.
XXX

louise and gum thinking of you both xxx

hope everyone is well - we really need a 'happiness' injection on this thread

Yes, Frustrated second that. Some happiness would be great.

Hippy, I think you are right. I now see every baby born safely as an amazing miracle.

I'm fine. The procedure was incredibly easy, and what I found amazing was that the whole time I was in the hospital, after the procedure I felt emotionally okay. As soon as I got into our car to come home, I felt sad again. There's just so many triggers I guess.I kind of wish I could go away for a while.

My DH really doesn't understand, and although he's trying to help me, I can tell he thinks my crying is over the top. He said yesterday that he knows the only thing that will make me feel better is to try again, but he can't go there. He's done with it. he says he really doesn't want another.He even said although he is sad, he is somewhat relieved.

So that makes me feel worse. Not only have I lost our baby, but I've lost my last chance to have another.

I'm going to throw myself into the kids I have and have resolve∂ to lose 10 pounds of unwelcome fat!

The doctor who did the procedure was wonderful. She does alot of obstetrics in our town, and she was so lovely, if I was pregnant, she'd be my choice. Anyway, she gave me the option to send the tissue off for testing, and I think it may help if I know if there was a chromo issue, and if they can tell me the sex of the baby. I'm going to buy a nice piece of jewellery to remember the baby by.And I'll plant a tree in the garden.

So sorry this post is all about me. I promise next time I will be less about me.